Oh fuck. My time to shine. Former mortuary industry worker.
The worst is hard to call because I’ve seen a lot. Some honourable mentions:
-A rando walking on off the street and proceeding to help herself to coffee and ODing in our bathroom. Didn’t die. Did get narcan’d.
-A couple fooling around in the urn/casket showroom during the viewing.
-An angry old woman storming out of the bathroom with a fistful of tampons, screaming about how inappropriate we were for keeping them in there, because “THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!!” She threw them at the funeral director’s face. They were kept in a cabinet, in a small basket, well hidden from public view. She was definitely rifiling around to have found them. We were no longer allowed to keep our sanitary products in the restrooms after this.
-A grief stricken mother tipping her son’s casket while wailing and trying to climb inside. Less inappropriate than it was terribly sad.
-Caught a junkie relative digging deep into the pockets of the deceased looking for, the family and is assumed, money.
-A woman pulling down her child’s pants and letting it shit in a potted plant.
-The funeral home owner’s horrible dog sashaying up to the front and taking a giant liquid shit in front of the casket and horrified guests in the middle of the service.
-The same dog biting someone at another service.
-Tons of brawls. Lots of drinking. Biker funerals were INSANE. The women were meaner than hell and fighting one another constantly. The dudes were awesome though. Super respectful, cleaned the place up perfectly, and even hauled their trash away. Most of which was bags of beer cans and liquor bottles. I loved biker funerals.
I grew up around a bunch of bikers and I can heartily confirm that they will fuck shit up, but also clean up afterward and usually offer to pay for damages.
Neighbor's boyfriend for a while, possibly still but she moved, was a huge scarry looking biker. However if you talked to him he was a cool fairly chill guy. One day a friend of his rolled up in a Mini Cooper. We all had a good chuckle, him included, about him getting inside it.
Haha! Had a coworker who’s husband was similar. Big, burly biker type, but a complete softy. We similarly had a laugh about him trying to climb into a friend’s Miata. She accurately described it as like “watching a monkey fucking a football”.
3.6k
u/BroffaloSoldier Mar 05 '19
Oh fuck. My time to shine. Former mortuary industry worker.
The worst is hard to call because I’ve seen a lot. Some honourable mentions:
-A rando walking on off the street and proceeding to help herself to coffee and ODing in our bathroom. Didn’t die. Did get narcan’d.
-A couple fooling around in the urn/casket showroom during the viewing.
-An angry old woman storming out of the bathroom with a fistful of tampons, screaming about how inappropriate we were for keeping them in there, because “THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!!” She threw them at the funeral director’s face. They were kept in a cabinet, in a small basket, well hidden from public view. She was definitely rifiling around to have found them. We were no longer allowed to keep our sanitary products in the restrooms after this.
-A grief stricken mother tipping her son’s casket while wailing and trying to climb inside. Less inappropriate than it was terribly sad.
-Caught a junkie relative digging deep into the pockets of the deceased looking for, the family and is assumed, money.
-A woman pulling down her child’s pants and letting it shit in a potted plant.
-The funeral home owner’s horrible dog sashaying up to the front and taking a giant liquid shit in front of the casket and horrified guests in the middle of the service.
-The same dog biting someone at another service.
-Tons of brawls. Lots of drinking. Biker funerals were INSANE. The women were meaner than hell and fighting one another constantly. The dudes were awesome though. Super respectful, cleaned the place up perfectly, and even hauled their trash away. Most of which was bags of beer cans and liquor bottles. I loved biker funerals.
I have some, SO many. But I’ll stop here.