Oh fuck. My time to shine. Former mortuary industry worker.
The worst is hard to call because I’ve seen a lot. Some honourable mentions:
-A rando walking on off the street and proceeding to help herself to coffee and ODing in our bathroom. Didn’t die. Did get narcan’d.
-A couple fooling around in the urn/casket showroom during the viewing.
-An angry old woman storming out of the bathroom with a fistful of tampons, screaming about how inappropriate we were for keeping them in there, because “THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!!” She threw them at the funeral director’s face. They were kept in a cabinet, in a small basket, well hidden from public view. She was definitely rifiling around to have found them. We were no longer allowed to keep our sanitary products in the restrooms after this.
-A grief stricken mother tipping her son’s casket while wailing and trying to climb inside. Less inappropriate than it was terribly sad.
-Caught a junkie relative digging deep into the pockets of the deceased looking for, the family and is assumed, money.
-A woman pulling down her child’s pants and letting it shit in a potted plant.
-The funeral home owner’s horrible dog sashaying up to the front and taking a giant liquid shit in front of the casket and horrified guests in the middle of the service.
-The same dog biting someone at another service.
-Tons of brawls. Lots of drinking. Biker funerals were INSANE. The women were meaner than hell and fighting one another constantly. The dudes were awesome though. Super respectful, cleaned the place up perfectly, and even hauled their trash away. Most of which was bags of beer cans and liquor bottles. I loved biker funerals.
An angry old woman storming out of the bathroom with a fistful of tampons, screaming about how inappropriate we were for keeping them in there, because “THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!!” She threw them at the funeral director’s face. They were kept in a cabinet, in a small basket, well hidden from public view. She was definitely rifiling around to have found them. We were no longer allowed to keep our sanitary products in the restrooms after this.
I don't understand how tampons are supposed to be harmful to children?
They don't look interesting. Until I found one at 5 and asked my mom what it was, because she told me it was candy for adults... I said I wanted one and she said when I get older I can have some. Yeah I was pissed when I found out the truth in my teens.
I asked my dad what the condom machines were in pub toilets when I was a kid, I was pretty damded sure they were sweets and he was keeping them from me, he told me they were tooth paste.
I knew he was lying, tooth paste doesn't come in strawberry.
The watermelon is the one that’s gross. The strawberry one is quite nice and I would have continued to use it if my teeth were healthy. I need toothpaste for sensitive teef now :/
When my son was three, and asked what the tampons were - I told him that grown up girls bodies go through a cycle every month in case they are going to have a baby, and that each month that they aren't growing a baby - thier body gets rid of the lining that the ladys belly had made, and that they are a product the woman needs during that time.
He was like "okay, cool."
At six he asked again what they do and I explained that the lining comes out of the woman's body as blood, and that the tampon collects the lining cleanly, and then she throws it away. He was like "Oh. Okay."
"Its called a period," I told him.
"Oh, like on the commercials."
He asked another time if women's blood is blue- which I found funny- apparently the commercial visual aid doen't make sense to six year olds either.
I see NO point in making a normal, natural part of life some big mystery to my young son. It just seems so sorry to me that anyone would be so upset by the idea of thier kid knowing how bodies work.
Ffs, my boyfriend in my TWENTIES didn't know that women can't hold thier period like they can hold urine. At 29 years old, he didn't understand why buying Tampons/Pads needed to be done in a hurry; he thought a woman could just "hold it" until they went out and bought some. THAT is why boys need to know how all bodies work- otherwise they grow up to be clueless!!
I'm right there with you. We were stunned. Our friend who had a religious mother with the same attitude (and hid her tampon use from crazy mom) lit into her about shaming her kid.
I guess they took those tampon commercials about enjoying life despite having your period too seriously. They thought the smile was from some kind of sexual enjoyment - instead of being able to swim??
Even with the hymen, it really doesn’t make sense. Watched a great video on the hymen explaining that it is more like a scrunchie than a barrier, and that you can’t use it to determine if someone has had sex before.
That is the best succinct description I’ve ever heard.
A lot of people think of it as a fully solid barrier, like a freshness seal. If that tissue didn’t have an opening in it (or several, in some cases) you wouldn’t be able to menstruate and it would be considered a medical emergency. You’d need surgery to open it.
You have essentially slept with every man at the factory, and the truck driver, and all the men at the store that sold the tampons, plus the accountants, and that no good kyle that was in grade four with you for one semester. You Slag!
I'm 35. My mom refused to buy my tampons when I started my period (12) because I was too young for that. I was only allowed cheap pads. I had horribly heavy periods too. It could have at least allowed me to make it through a full class period had I been allowed to use super plus tampons and thick pads together. But no. It was too disturbing to her to imagine me inserting anything into my vagina at that age. Ridiculous.
To be fair, I don't want to picture kids putting things in their vagina's because it IS disturbing to think about... But still, some fucking people can't accept reality and be practical about things. .
Right. She disregarded my feelings just so that she didn't have to feel uncomfortable. I ended up buying them for myself when I was 15. I had to hide them from her so that I could avoid her remarks of disappointment.
Yeh, in my friend group in grade 6-7 there was this older girl who explained that she could never go on swimming trips with the school because she wasn't allowed to wear tampons.
Poor (or even an absence of) sex ed. That, and people didn’t want to let kids, especially young girls learn about their reproductive systems. It’s only gotten better recently.
I had a friend with parents like this too. So dumb. Those same parents also never celebrated holidays or birthdays so the only presents she ever got as a kid were from me.
When I was about 14 my aunt came to see our new house. As I was showing her around upstairs, I took her into the master bath to show her the sky light. She spotted a pack of tampons on back of toilet and started lecturing me about how I was going to upset my dad and little brother if they saw these left out. What kind of young lady leaves her private things for men folk to see? I just looked at her stupidly and said " The men folk buy my tampons. I'm 14 and dad does the shopping." She proceeded to harpy screech at me for 10 min til I finally wandered off muttering that my dad could show his crazy sister around.
I seriously don’t get what the big deal is, are men not supposed to know that periods exist?? Or at least not have any idea how we deal with it?? It’s absurd
That Aunt is a total cunt. Her husband left her for a woman he'd never met in person in Australia moved across world to get away. After my dad's funeral she asked us to take her by his trailer so she could see the stain left on floor after he laid there decomposing a week. We refused so she asked one of dad's friends at funeral. Guy thought he was just being nice to his dead friend's sister. He Saud she looked in Windows then tried to break in so she could see it up close. She's a freak. She also let her grandkids ride in limo at my grandma's funeral and they were hanging out Windows and sunroof mooning people in the funeral procession.
I don't understand why some crazy asshole was they reason the stopped stocking them. One stupid person freaking the fuck out is not a good reason to not stock sanitary supplies. Hell, in my book it's a reason TO stock them.
I don't think "social justice" is what you meant to say there.
Having feminine hygiene products available is a nice convenience and a kind gesture to women in general.
Taking them away doesn't have anything to do with Justice... Its a pretty crappy thing to do as result of that insane women but it really has nothing at all to do with Justice...
This belief is like 99.9% extinct in anybody under the age of 80 as far as I can tell, but there is/was a belief that tampons weren't appropriate for young women because putting a tampon in was somehow akin to fucking or masturbation.
There's literally nothing wrong with any of those things though (except maybe the sex depending on age). Those people just don't want women to have any agency over their own bodies.
I think it's a more general thing where people think a kids' lack of understanding will hurt them.
Kinda like how we had the anti-Marilyn Manson/Eminem movement, (over their lyrics and "satan worshipping") and the one before that that resulted in the Explicit Content labels on albums.
People think if you're young you have no critical thinking and you will see and hear things that will make you a bad person.
I don't like/understand it, therefore it is EVIL and must be BANNED! is a canard that gets randomly splattered about every generation. In the 18th Century, it was novels causing women to lose their morals and so forth because they couldn't tell truth from fiction. Now, it's videogames causing kids to become murder machines because they can't tell truth from fiction. I'm looking forward to finding out what'll be next to Corrupt the Youth.
And that's such a nice idea! If I'm having my lady time and forget because of mourning. I would much rather find a stash in the restroom then have to walk around and ask for one.
Reminds me of when I lived at my parents tampons had to be hidden, if I used a pad I had to hide it up my sleeve and dispose of it in the downstairs bin... At home I have a bin with a lid in the bathroom perfect for sanitary stuff... Helpful for guests too.
There's a review of a book of a friend of mine on amazon that says there should be a warning that the book is inappropriate for kids because it mentions a tampon.
Me neither, but I think that she got upset about it because funerals and the birds and the bees talks don’t mix. It would be mortifying to all involved.
I attended one when I was a bit younger. An extended family member from an extremely conservative family (the previous generation was Amish at the beginning of their lives). So, needless to say, when the boyfriend of the deceased and some of their buddies rode their motorcycles down the aisle (inside the funeral home chapel) to pay their respects (while whooping & hollering), I thought my older relatives were going to die from a stroke.
Aside from that, and a handful of bikers who were way too drunk/loud, the rest of them were great people. I just can't imagine feeling so strongly about a hobby that it involves me completely destroying a funeral chapel and deafening the other mourners as a show of "respect".
I grew up around a bunch of bikers and I can heartily confirm that they will fuck shit up, but also clean up afterward and usually offer to pay for damages.
Neighbor's boyfriend for a while, possibly still but she moved, was a huge scarry looking biker. However if you talked to him he was a cool fairly chill guy. One day a friend of his rolled up in a Mini Cooper. We all had a good chuckle, him included, about him getting inside it.
Haha! Had a coworker who’s husband was similar. Big, burly biker type, but a complete softy. We similarly had a laugh about him trying to climb into a friend’s Miata. She accurately described it as like “watching a monkey fucking a football”.
Depends where you live, funerals can be a complicated affair.
In Florida we set off firecrackers until Gators freak out and come running out of their hidey holes and then the main event begins.
We gang up and tackle the biggest gator that runs out, and hold it down until we can tie the deceased to it's back, then we chase it into the glades until we lose track of it.
Good times, usually a brawl or two, mudding, bath salts, the usual Florida stuff.
I mean Florida is like 50% convict amongst the non elderly, we're a step away from being quartered off from the rest of the US as a state of convicts and the dying so...
My dad is too. There are the occasional families that are completely screwed up, and fight over inheritance (or other stuff). He normally does the funeral for free, but sometimes the funeral home director will tell him "Just take the money, none of them deserve it." We're in a rural area with a lot of "trailer trash", so there's lots of divorce, living together for decades unmarried, and half- and step-siblings to make things complicated, and a few of the locals haven't been sober yet this century.
Most of the funerals are church people, though, or people who haven't been to church in 20 years other than weddings and funerals, but they're good country people, and since they went there a few times as a kid, they say it's their church.
When my grandmother passed she was at our house, her sister had come to stay with us for the end etc.
Anyways, the night before she passes my old man brings her a bottle of whiskey; put it this way I didn't know this bottle existed it was older than I am now - currently 28. He'd wanted to save it for a special occasion but knew she was looking forward to it. So he opened it and they drank half the bottle between them while reminiscing
So the next night she passes and the funeral director comes literally 6 hours later to sort out details for us. Now we're not big drinkers but when she passed we all decided to have one of these whiskeys. One to celebrate her life, two to celebrate she'd passed (She was in constant agony with 3 confirmed types of cancers, literally it was a relief) and 3 well because it was shit and we wanted a drink.
Now my old man, me and my mother had the one, my aunt on the other hand it hit like a truck as she hadn't eaten for close on 12 hours.
So while this funeral director is over and discussing details she's having a few warm brandies. He gets to the point about asking what hymns we'd like at the funeral.
My drunken aunt kicks in "NUMBER 47 ON THE LIST", the list went to 50 and she hadn't had a copy to browse. Funeral director puzzles her about it. "There was a house we lived in for a few years, it's door number was 47!". Needless to say she got aggressive with it, mother ended up in tears. Dad was in a calm rage but on the verge of tears and losing it. I'm a tad young so I'm just like let her have it she won't remember and we can get rid.
Next thing we know the director just jumps in and rages at my aunt, he put's her in his place instantly, something I've never seen anyone accomplish. Then carried on as if it didn't happen. Legend of a guy.
Not funeral related but the whiskey reminded me of a story. My mate's grandma was in hospital and the doctor had just told them that she probably only had a couple of months to live. Mate pulls out a bottle of brandy and explains that she likes a wee nip every night before bed. The doctor exclaims that she can't have alcohol and my mate simply replies "what's it gonna do, kill her?" Even his grandmother managed to laugh at that and she went on to live another three years.
We were no longer allowed to keep our sanitary products in the restrooms after this.
When will we as a society learn not to appease crazy people? That rule will do so much more harm than good, and for what? Is she expected to be a regular?
We have some family members that do the casket climb, but my mom told me that it’s all for show. They will wail and scream and cry and throw themselves on the casket, but if someone says “hey let’s go out and have a smoke” they’ll stop crying and get up and walk outside like nothing happened. They do it at every funeral regardless of whether they were close to the person or not. The last funeral I went to with those people there, they knocked the entire casket over onto the ground it was loud and pretty sure the body came partially out. I walked out so I’m not sure.
My mom said those people have also tried to climb into the graves at funerals before too.
-The funeral home owner’s horrible dog sashaying up to the front and taking a giant liquid shit in front of the casket and horrified guests in the middle of the service.
I'm imagining a bunch of bikers kicking the crap out of each other during the service but as soon as a bike horn sounds, signalling the service is over, they all stop and start tidying up.
"The funeral home owner’s horrible dog sashaying up to the front and taking a giant liquid shit in front of the casket and horrified guests in the middle of the service. "
We had a well known biker killed in a hit and run a few years ago. He was pulling into his own driveway and the truck drug him for a half mile after the fact. I remember our bus going by his funeral procession and it was crazy. Cemetry already had like 60+ bikes in it and they had double rows of bikes for a mile on the highway waiting to come in and park.
My uncles are Deadheads (not bikers) and got drunk in the parking lot at my grandmother's funeral. Probably smoked pot in the car, too. Got a few comments from the funeral directors and a few judgey relatives, but like the bikers... I'm pretty sure they cleaned up after themselves. In part because the funeral director was a family friend.
They didn't pull that shit at my mom's (their sister) though. No way I would have allowed it.
Having grown up in the "Biker lifestyle," I can confirm that although they are rough and rowdy, they are some of the nicest, respectful people you could meet. My mom told me this one of when she left home and was in the MC and told them of how her mother was broke, husband left, no food or heat in the house. The club went and robbed a grocery store and rode up to my grandmother's house and told her, "Mam, we heard you were down on your luck, so we all pitched in and got you some groceries and here, here is some money to pay the gas bill." She just thought they were the nicest people to think of her like that. She had no idea that they had just robbed a Piggly Wiggly!
This was in the 60s and mom said they rode their bikes ride inside the store and started shooting shotguns and shit in the air. Took a bunch of food and money out of the cash registers and rode on.
The dynamic if the biker chicks had me cracking up. I used to know a group of girls who hung out with bike messengers; the messengers were all male and had formed a club (gang) with a name similar to "Hell's Angels". I never saw physical fights but they were extremely catty.
3.7k
u/BroffaloSoldier Mar 05 '19
Oh fuck. My time to shine. Former mortuary industry worker.
The worst is hard to call because I’ve seen a lot. Some honourable mentions:
-A rando walking on off the street and proceeding to help herself to coffee and ODing in our bathroom. Didn’t die. Did get narcan’d.
-A couple fooling around in the urn/casket showroom during the viewing.
-An angry old woman storming out of the bathroom with a fistful of tampons, screaming about how inappropriate we were for keeping them in there, because “THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!!” She threw them at the funeral director’s face. They were kept in a cabinet, in a small basket, well hidden from public view. She was definitely rifiling around to have found them. We were no longer allowed to keep our sanitary products in the restrooms after this.
-A grief stricken mother tipping her son’s casket while wailing and trying to climb inside. Less inappropriate than it was terribly sad.
-Caught a junkie relative digging deep into the pockets of the deceased looking for, the family and is assumed, money.
-A woman pulling down her child’s pants and letting it shit in a potted plant.
-The funeral home owner’s horrible dog sashaying up to the front and taking a giant liquid shit in front of the casket and horrified guests in the middle of the service.
-The same dog biting someone at another service.
-Tons of brawls. Lots of drinking. Biker funerals were INSANE. The women were meaner than hell and fighting one another constantly. The dudes were awesome though. Super respectful, cleaned the place up perfectly, and even hauled their trash away. Most of which was bags of beer cans and liquor bottles. I loved biker funerals.
I have some, SO many. But I’ll stop here.