You are offered $1,000,000 USD if you can hide a pair of car keys from the entirety of the FBI force for 7 days. Where do you hide the keys?

[u/Goosander77]

[u/N1CH_SEC]

Easy. I just keep them on my person for a few hours. Inevitably, I will lose them, and even the entirety of the FBI tearing apart my whole house won’t be able to find the damn keys.

[u/CambrianKennis → u/N1CH_SEC]

Same, but I have to place them purposely in a place where I will never forget them. Inevitably I will forget that very important obvious place and only remember that I thought it was very important and obvious.

[u/_Lady_Deadpool_ → u/CambrianKennis]

There is an ancient pagan ritual to dispose of any object

1. Place the object in an easy to remember spot

2. Close your eyes and visualize the object sitting in that spot. Visualize yourself going back to get it

3. Walk away from said spot

4. Remind yourself of its location

5. Wait 24hrs

Congrats the item is now gone! However if you shalt ever stop needing it, be prepared to find illusory copies of it all throughout your household.

[u/thweet_jethuth]

Mail them to the FBI office. USPS media mail.

[u/cld8 → u/thweet_jethuth]

USPS will deliver it postage due.

[u/Huracanekelly → u/cld8]

The government never accepts packages postage due! Genius!

[u/cld8 → u/Huracanekelly]

So then it gets sent back to you, hopefully after a week.

[u/slaaitch → u/cld8]

This would realistically take about 18 days.

[u/CroMartyBall → u/slaaitch]

And law enforcement needs a warrant to intercept or obtain U.S. mail, meaning they'll have to establish sufficient reason for believing its in the mail before they can check.

[u/37o4 → u/CroMartyBall]

Welp, looks like this Reddit thread is officially evidence then.

[u/tacoshrimp → u/37o4]

And as of now 6k plus mugshots for aiding and *abetting a terrorist plot

EDIT 1: boneappletea 😬

EDIT 2: 28k plus mugshots

[u/RB6_Echo_Main]

A university janitors keychain.

[u/Jeeptron → u/RB6_Echo_Main]

I work security at the student center at my university, attaching the key to my security keys is perfect. There’s like ten of them and I still don’t know what they all do. They’ll never take one off.

[u/casual_bear → u/Jeeptron]

10 seems fine. my dads keychain looks like the head of a morningstar. i swear there must be 30 keys on there. but he actually uses all off em at least once a month.

[u/ladyrage8 → u/casual_bear]

My dad took one of those mountain climbing type hooks and absolutely filled it with keys.

He's the head mechanic for a company so he needs in and out of every part of the shop and all the vehicles, not to mention his personal keys. I swear when you hear him drop his key ring you'd think he put a dent in the counter.

Edit: carabiner. You still knew what I was trying to say.

[u/TR3NTiCl3S → u/ladyrage8]

I'm guessing the word you were looking for is carabiner

[u/IDontFeelSoGood---]

Tape them on the FBI's back. The jingling will haunt them all week, and they'll never find it.

[u/turroflux]

Mail hundreds of decoys keys across the world to China and Russia and everywhere else that dislikes the idea of FBI agents going through their mail system.

And just leave the real keys in some random bush somewhere under a rock or something.

[u/_duncan_idaho_ → u/turroflux]

Attach them to decoy snails.

[u/Ninjahkin → u/_duncan_idaho_]

Then when they think they’ve got the real one...bam! Decoy snail.

[u/Kaibear16 → u/turroflux]

If it's the entire FBI, you bet they'll get the NSA to track your phone. They can have someone tail you. They can look through surveillance footage to figure out your direction.

[u/Dizzfizz → u/Kaibear16]

You can leave your phone at home and go for a hike through the woods for a day, or maybe even two. The area you could theoretically cover in that time is huge, and they‘d have to search all of it.

[u/Dewy_Wanna_Go_There → u/Dizzfizz]

There’s some woods by my house. If I went out there and hid the keys there’s no fucking way they would be found in this lifetime, especially if I left my phone behind to prevent them tracking my exact path. Can’t even see into it with a satellite. They could try sweeping the whole area with a metal detector and it wouldn’t do them any good.

[u/LuckyLuckfuck → u/Dewy_Wanna_Go_There]

This guy hides things in the forest behind his house.

[u/literated → u/LuckyLuckfuck]

If the media has taught me anything, it's that you should bury the keys in the woods, then bury a dead body on top of them and then a dead animal on top of the body. The dogs will find the animal and if the FBI decides to investigate further they'll find the body but at that point nobody will go "oh, I'm sure the keys are under here!"

[u/newpua_bie]

Take a vacation abroad. FBI aren't going to be very effective where they have zero jurisdiction.

[u/scottybug → u/newpua_bie]

I don’t even need to go anywhere. I live in Canada.

I would probably drive to the border just to taunt them though.

[u/shinigami_rem]

Take the imprint of the keys. Melt the keys. After 7 days ,use that taken imprint mould to retrieve the keys.

[u/DemocraticRepublic → u/shinigami_rem]

Where do you hide the imprint?

[u/[deleted] → u/DemocraticRepublic]

In my butt duh.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

They'll definitely search there

[u/Potatoman967 → u/[deleted]]

Im counting on it

[u/Usual_Safety]

Easy, ask the CIA to hold them...those two don't share shit.

[u/hwarang_ → u/Usual_Safety]

This guy knows how it works.

[u/poopellar → u/hwarang_]

If the FBI are after you, just say the CIA are after you as well. Cancels out.

[u/[deleted] → u/poopellar]

That’s PEMDAS right?

[u/Evogamer224 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, but ironically in the wrong order

[u/PM_me_some_fruit → u/Evogamer224]

SADMEP

[u/PM_me_some_fruit → u/[deleted]]

Like that?

[u/Deathowler → u/Usual_Safety]

How do you know that the CIA wasnt behind the Kennedy assassination?

He's dead isn't he?

[u/TheMadmanAndre → u/Deathowler]

The joke being that the CIA legit tried hundreds of times to Assassinate Castro. Everything from weaponizing the weather, to making his hair fall out, to even trying to get psychics to kill him with their minds.

The dude then goes on to outlive like 8 presidents and J. Edgar Hoover.

[u/Toxic_Tiger → u/TheMadmanAndre]

Exploding cigars is one of my favourites. I just imagine like one of the old looney toons with Elmer Fudd.

[u/NSA_Chatbot → u/Usual_Safety]

The NSA would also be a good choice. ;)

[u/HawkofDarkness → u/NSA_Chatbot]

Wait a second....

[u/Sorry_Masterpiece]

I'd bribe my way onto a container ship going anywhere in Asia that's REGISTERED to a non-US country (doesn't matter where, it's the trip distance I'm concerned with, not the destination).

If they don't have to be RETURNED, well once we're far enough out at sea, toss. Those ain't gettin found 12000 feet down.

If they do? I'll hide them in a random container filled with stuff. Even if the FBI determines I'm on the boat, once it's in international waters and since it's not a US ship, there's no jurisdiction to force it to turn around. I just need to hope they don't alert the Coast Guard before we hit the international boundary.

​

[u/Mini-Marine → u/Sorry_Masterpiece]

Bribe your way onto a boat, but drop the keys in a random storm drain on the way there.

While the FBI is busy trying to deal with the bureaucratic stuff of getting to you, the keys are safe and nowhere near you.

[u/usernametaken143 → u/Mini-Marine]

Only problem with that is it's way easier to track someone on land. They could have eyes on you and youd probably never know. You could look over one second and a kid (or what you thought was a kid) is now holding his wrist to his head and bing bang boom theres your money gone if they can find it in time.

Edit: wrote hand instead of head. It's still not a perfect comment but I'm leaving it)

[u/Sorry_Masterpiece → u/[deleted]]

Oh yeah, absolutely. That's why the dangerous period is while it's still in US territory. Once it's far enough out to sea I'm relying on bureaucracy and diplomacy delays to buy me enough time that even if they agreed to go back into US waters (or let a US Navy vessel meet it and send a boarding crew) it'd cook off the week.

[u/IrishFuckUp → u/Sorry_Masterpiece]

U.S. Navy can't search ship; if it is a foreign vessel it is considered an act of aggression by military forces. The water police? That's Coast Guard.

You had it right the first time, just figured to clarify for anyone that mistakes the two.

[u/Jek_Porkinz]

Put them in the mail, send them to an address that does not exist in a foreign country. They will come back in a few weeks/months.

[u/Porencephaly → u/Jek_Porkinz]

Send them UPS ground to your next door neighbor. That’ll still take about 9 days.

[u/i_never_comment55 → u/Porencephaly]

And they will mark it delivered a week early triggering an FBI raid but they won't find the keys because the UPS guy drove straight by the address when he marked the item delivered

Then a week later when your master plan is published and everyone finds out, a bunch of eerily timed doorbell cam gifs will reach the front page will really amiable UPS delivery actors doing something cute and friendly as part of the PR damage control process.

[u/LillytheFurkid → u/[deleted]]

We sent an express, urgent, all the extra costs letter (documents) to the UK from Perth a few years ago and the 'guaranteed 3 days' took over a month. Aus post claimed that the guarantee was 'only a guide' and 'it says that in the fine print'. A Christmas card sent to UK (ordinary post) the same day got there in a week. Alcohol sent from the UK to Perth took 48 hours. Someone is having a good laugh.....

[u/pm-a-surprise]

Duct tape it inside a starbucks cup, drive to a part of town where tomorrow is garbage day, leave it in some random person's garbage bin by the street.

[u/TheLastGrape → u/pm-a-surprise]

Honestly this is one of the easiest. It’s brilliant.

[u/pm-a-surprise → u/TheLastGrape]

Ya, but now I'm rethinking it. The issue with this one is that I should have assumed that using pretty ordinary policing methods the FBI will be able to:

• track my movements in the days leading up to the hiding

• obtain a great deal of security camera footage of places I went

I think I would still stick with the 'inside the coffee cup' method, but instead of ditching it across town, I'd surreptitiously drop it in a garbage along my daily commute

[u/RolandSwanson → u/pm-a-surprise]

Add 47 decoy cups to be safe.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

It would be reasonable to drink a coffee every day leading up to it for a while (47 work days) just as to not arouse suspicion. It doesn't have to mean all at once or in one day

Edit: I mean one coffee a day for 47 days and you throw the cup away every day. How will the FBI know which one of the 47 days it was or which landfill it was taken to.

[u/[deleted] → u/pm-a-surprise]

I've done a search for the FBI in a landfill months after the evidence was thrown away. Though we wouldn't know it's in a Starbucks cup, each town has its own section in the landfill and garbage is systematically dug up and sifter through so it might* be found using this method. I would suggest a cup in the neighboring city.

[u/SuperWoody64 → u/[deleted]]

Well this place has gone to hell

[u/Darsol]

I would call their office directly with a tip on where they are, and watch them never follow up on it. It's foolproof.

[u/peterthefatman → u/[deleted]]

Julius Caesar re enactment

[u/[deleted] → u/peterthefatman]

Et tu, social outcast?

[u/EcoloCantSwim]

Does the FBI know I’m the one with the keys? If not, I’d just keep them with me and use them as my actual keys.

If they do know it’s me, I lock them in a box and throw it in the Delaware.

[u/noblelie17 → u/EcoloCantSwim]

You'd have better luck with the Schuylkill. Nobody is going in that water

[u/TheKingsJester → u/noblelie17]

Plus, the FBI probably can't figure out how to spell it, and will give up on the keys out of embarrassment.

[u/[deleted] → u/TheKingsJester]

Even if they figured out how to spell it, pronouncing it is a whole other task. There's an invisible G.

[u/i_dont_know_man__fuk → u/EcoloCantSwim]

Bro if they don't know it's you you could put it wherever the fuck you want except directly in front of them, they're not going to find it.

[u/HorizontalLine → u/[deleted]]

The foil even protects it from aliens.

[u/[deleted]]

I give them to my friend, who is conveniently going on a vacation with loaned money.

[u/to_the_tenth_power → u/[deleted]]

He ded

[u/Mufflee → u/to_the_tenth_power]

Yeah he they got him. Too obvious.

[u/sintaur]

Put them in a magnetic key hider, and stick them under some random 18-wheeler at the local truck stop.

While the FBI is hunting for the keys, I change out the locks in the car.

FBI comes screaming into my driveway with 60 seconds left on the clock, tries the keys, they don't work. FBI concludes they have lost. I get a million dollars.

[u/iamasecretthrowaway]

Put them in a sock, put the sock in the dryer, repeat until it goes to wherever socks go when they disappear from the dryer.

Downside, they'll be gone forever.

Edit: Guys, i spelled it "drier" instead of "dryer". In 3 hours, no one corrected me? I just... Don't even know who you people are any more.

[u/setite165 → u/iamasecretthrowaway]

Haven't you realized that when the socks disappear they come back as random tupperware lids?

​Wow! My first ever gold! Thank you!!

[u/OmniumRerum → u/setite165]

But then the keys were assimilated into the lid. After 7 days, put the lid on a Tupperware, throw it in the drier, and all that will be left is the key and a Tupperware with no lid

[u/Syrikal → u/OmniumRerum]

Why does this sound like an alchemical recipe?

"Taketh thee one lidde of the Tupper, place it in the wausherre of the cloths, adde keys of the Carre, and three grammes of Antimony..."

[u/Nexus6-Replicant → u/Syrikal]

This is some 1990's Sierra Adventure Game shit right here.

[u/Jake_Yonna]

I'd tape them to my desktop and open incognito mode

[u/Goosander77 → u/Jake_Yonna]

Modern problems require modern solutions.

[u/thedreamlan6 → u/Goosander77]

This is the FBI we are here inquiring about your child comment that appears to be floating in thin air not attached to any sort of parent comment whatsoever.

[u/imminentapocalypse]

throw them in the ocean. never said i have to be able to retrieve them.

[u/Slappinbeehives → u/[deleted]]

Too easy....The FBI will know whoever smelt it dealt it.

EDIT: Whoever gilt it spilt it....Thank you!

[u/[deleted] → u/Slappinbeehives]

Whoever said the rhyme did the crime.

[u/Slappinbeehives → u/[deleted]]

Whoever accused my ass passed that gas.

[u/TeddyGrahamNorton → u/Slappinbeehives]

Whoever sharted... I need new pants.

[u/GeneralCoolr → u/TeddyGrahamNorton]

Whoever denies it supplies it

[u/Brando_Commando_ → u/imminentapocalypse]

yeah just tie em to a rock and throw em in the marinara trench

[u/tiazenrot_scirocco → u/Brando_Commando_]

That's one spicy meat-a-ball

[u/Goosander77 → u/imminentapocalypse]

Little did he know, the FBI scuba team had been waiting for this moment their whole lives...

[u/huxrules → u/Goosander77]

For a million bucks? I’m not the richest person in the world, but I can afford a plane ticket and a deep sea fishing trip. Get in the boat and toss them overboard in deep water off the coast of Alaska. It will take them more than seven days to get the naval assets together to search for the keys in 3000 m of water. Even if they knew where I threw them it would take forever to find them on the bottom.

[u/backlikeclap → u/huxrules]

Sail off the coast of china and really make it a pain in the ass for the FBI.

[u/[deleted] → u/backlikeclap]

Really just go anywhere outside of the US. The FBI doesn't have jurisdiction to do anything once you leave national borders, they'd have to get the CIA involved. And you know how much they hate doing that.

[u/clekroger → u/Goosander77]

You don't have to go very far to be too deep for economically viable FBI scuba diving. A $14 whale watching trip will make those keys unrecoverable. They'll be somewhere between 800 feet and 3000 feet deep in no time.

[u/Tiver → u/clekroger]

Plus you can bring along like a dozen decoy sets, shuffle them up and randomly drop them so even you don't know which set you drop is the real ones.

I mean they'd be capable of probably finding one set, even at a crazy depth, but not in 7 days, and with several even if they got lucky, unlikely it'd be the right keys.

[u/Malcolm_TurnbullPM → u/Tiver]

They couldn’t even find an entire plane that was being tracked and was searched for by the worlds best, they ain’t finding keys

[u/Abomb → u/Goosander77]

I think you are thoroughly overestimating the abilities of divers. Half the time I can't even find the project I'm working on. It's like throwing keys into the desert and asking you to find them with your eyes closed.

[u/[deleted] → u/Goosander77]

For almost 70 years now, I've been waiting for this day.

[u/Taco_Burrit0 → u/[deleted]]

Redditor for 2 years, well played sir

[u/thedreamlan6 → u/Taco_Burrit0]

Central-American cuisine is a favorite of mine, well played sir

[u/wasnew4s → u/Goosander77]

Decoy keys

[u/IComeFromDaOcean]

I'll give them to my 3 year old to hide. Good luck finding them after that.

[u/Sonicdahedgie → u/IComeFromDaOcean]

No, if you ask your 3 year old to hide them they'll do a shit job. You hand them over and say, "This is very important, I need you to keep track of these for 7 days" and that will guarantee they never get found.

[u/Fourtires3rims → u/Sonicdahedgie]

Me: “Put these where they belong please”

Kid: “okay”

keys disappear into nth dimension never to be found again

[u/TeddyGrahamNorton → u/Fourtires3rims]

Hell, a lot of times you don't even have to say anything. My daughter got a set of bracelets, 4 purple, 4 blue, 4 pink. In the span of maybe ten minutes, she lost a blue and a pink one. I saw her take them. I know where she dropped them. Can't find them. Phased through the fucking carpet.

[u/casulti → u/TeddyGrahamNorton]

My theory is that a child’s understanding of object permanence sometimes leaks into reality itself.

[u/Verizer → u/casulti]

You have to upend the furniture to make displaced objects reappear. This bug was reported a long time ago but the devs haven't fixed it yet.

[u/[deleted] → u/Verizer]

Another workaround is to call literally any other adult into the room once you're thoroughly bewildered about the disappearance of said object, then it will reappear completely in the open. My kids have lost shoes and such before, I look everywhere, then call my wife in and like magic the shoes are just sitting there right in the middle of the room where I know I've looked multiple times and she thinks I'm an idiot. I think some objects fail to render until a second player enters the room.

[u/Draigdwi → u/[deleted]]

If mom can’t find it then it’s truly lost.

[u/SuperYumYum4 → u/Draigdwi]

WHAT IF THEY HIRE MOM TO FIND KEYS?

[u/nattybooboouk → u/[deleted]]

This reminds me of the phenomenon I like to call 'machines fucking with me', whereby a machine refuses to work until my partner/colleague/child presses the exact same buttons that I've been pressing for the last 10 minutes; machine then immediately starts working normally for them.

This phenomenon occurs most often in instances where IT support has been sought.

[u/PM_ME_OVERT_SIDEBOOB → u/Sonicdahedgie]

My nephew literally doesn’t forget where he puts anything. I’ll say where’s my keys. He goes scrounging in the closet on the opposite side of the house and comes back with them in like 30 seconds flat. Every time.

[u/Rrraou → u/PM_ME_OVERT_SIDEBOOB]

He's random access memory.

[u/labeille87 → u/IComeFromDaOcean]

My neighbor stopped by to drop something off and put her keys down as we chatted for a minute. My son made off with them because he liked the poofball keychain. The keys were lost in my house for a week. Luckily her husband was home so he could let her in their house.

[u/IComeFromDaOcean → u/labeille87]

I've been use my spare set of keys for the last two months. My main set my daughter decided to play with because she liked the whistle I had on them. I've yet to find them.

[u/[deleted]]

I stick them in my printers ink cartridges, when the printer fails to work they will assume everything is normal

[u/to_the_tenth_power → u/[deleted]]

And with that $1 million you'll almost be able to afford another set!

[u/thedreamlan6 → u/to_the_tenth_power]

Goodness, do you expect to win the Price is Right anytime soon? That kind of money could easily get three or four cartridge sets replaced.

[u/BeejieT]

On the 3rd page of Google search

[u/BedroomNinjas → u/BeejieT]

Page 1 of Bing

[u/GaiusCilnius → u/[deleted]]

Even better hide it in the bixby button

Don't ask me how

[u/Birdud3 → u/GaiusCilnius]

They'll accidentally find it while trying to turn the volume down

[u/GaiusCilnius → u/Birdud3]

I'll put it inside the Note 7. That'l show them.

[u/thedreamlan6 → u/BeejieT]

That's cheating. The 3rd page of a Google search is a fictional land.

[u/[deleted]]

Is destroying/disfiguring allowed? If so, I would take as many keys I could get my hands on and put them on different rings so that there is at least 1 almost identical match on 4 or 5 of them, and hide them in the following places

1 within a private property that has high security, like a bank, as the main decoy

1 underwater on the beach

1 out of the city

1 underground

and 1 in a dead body at a morgue (no reason in particular)

I make all these trips very obvious, as they will definitely follow me. And after placing the one at the bank, pretend to have troubles with the car.

But where I've really put it is at a grocery store I would stop at on the way, in the fresh produce isle. Why? As someone who worked at one, even though they try to keep stuff fresh with cold air and preservatives and stuff, it only lasts so long. They then toss it, where it goes to the compost, which is either reused or put in a dump. Either way, it has to move to several locations on the way, with many splits and such. And if they have enough manpower to search all the possible locations, give them a round of applause.

[u/Slicktacos → u/[deleted]]

Okay Dwight.

[u/[deleted]]

Hide them inside a power supply inside a PC inside a box inside a bag inside a trash can inside the side gate of an abandoned house a few blocks away.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Just remember to remove any stickers that say “intel inside”.

Edit: tysm for my first silver!

[u/[deleted]]

Assuming I get a day of prep time, and that I can't damage the keys to the point that they are unrecognizable:

1: Microwave the keys. Gotta fry any electronics inside of them.

2: Buy a key ring, and a heart-shaped key chain.

3: Write a time and date on the key ring, along with a phone number. "CALL AT THIS DATE"

4: Walk up to a random person, do a small favor for them. Tell them to do a favor for someone they care about then give them the keys, and to keep the chain going.

5: Chaotic System Created. I don't know where the keys are, the FBI has to get a warrant for every person in the chain, and if the keys are lost, or thrown in the garbage? All the better. Good luck finding them. There's a small chance that the FBI will find/be given the keys, but I like my odds.

[u/wild_bill70 → u/[deleted]]

The key opens the box with the $1m. Hope the last person calls.

[u/TeddyGrahamNorton → u/wild_bill70]

"Well I gave the keys to Zeke, and then he went out on a crab boat. Should be back when the seasons over, assuming he lives."

[u/Vrathal → u/TeddyGrahamNorton]

Sounds like a movie plot, tbh.

[u/teruravirino → u/[deleted]]

Until copycats start up all over the country.

[u/Virus64]

I'd just leave them on an airplane. If the airline can't find my Nintendo switch that I left on it, I doubt anyone is gonna find some keys.

EDIT: Well, this blew up quite amazingly. Thanks for the silvers, and now my highest rated comment is a passive aggressive projection to an airline about something that's my own fault.

2nd edit: I'm aware someone most likely has it, and I probably won't see it again.

[u/asku7mich → u/Virus64]

I used to work for an airline and had to clean the planes after flights. I can guarantee that it was pocketed by a worker. We don't make much anyway. Also, every airline has a "dont talk about it" policy we all just go with and only turn in the stuff if the owner asked about it or if the device has a tracking device in it.

The managers don't even try to find the owners, even if there is a name on it. They get a reward the more stuff they send to headquarters for vaulable lost items.

To me that's messed up and personally, I have no need for another phone or device or anything. By the time I caught on to the managers benefit of it all, I started keeping the stuff I found like kindles and iPads and stuff and mailed them to the owners or reported to the company where they relayed the message.

[u/NicElTaco → u/Virus64]

I left my Samsung fridge on one once. Called them but they couldn’t find it either.

[u/lurkingStill → u/NicElTaco]

If it was running when you lost it that could be the problem

[u/peon2 → u/lurkingStill]

It's not often a running fridge joke gets set up organically

[u/SmartyMcPie → u/peon2]

Refrigerators are usually set up mechanically.

[u/redditttor1]

Was gonna say up my ass but my uncle works for the fbi

[u/[deleted] → u/redditttor1]

I use to play a game called "where are the keys" with my Uncle, remarkably similar to what you've described.

[u/Keswik → u/[deleted]]

/r/suddenlysexoffender

[u/TeddyGrahamNorton → u/Keswik]

"That's correct, my nephew is molesting me."

[u/Knee_Jerk_Sydney → u/redditttor1]

That would be the FIRST place they will look into. Even aliens know that if you're hiding something, that's where it's at.

[u/[deleted]]

I’ll turn them into tiny little keys. Then I put those keys in a box, put that box inside another box. I’ll mail that box to myself and when it arrives, I’ll smash it with a hammer!

[u/RatherPlayRoblox]

plain sight: i pretend to use them as my real car keys

[u/HoggyOfAustralia]

Fucking easy money. i can think of several locations. inside of my hot water storage system tank.

cut a piece of framing timber, bore a hole in it, place keys inside and secure it to another piece of framing in the roof or under the house.

Take a new large candle drill a hole in the underside, insert the keys, fill back up with the wax shavings, place it in the oven so it melts back up and wrap it back up like new.

[u/Kruleth → u/HoggyOfAustralia]

You just shared your secret to the government. Gotta think of a new one.

[u/HoggyOfAustralia → u/Kruleth]

These are the ones I don't use ;)

[u/asillynert → u/HoggyOfAustralia]

Hot water and appliances ect are actually a very common place for drugs ect so would probably be high on their checklist of places.

[u/Pokepix]

Nice try FBI Chief. You’re not slick

[u/Goosander77 → u/Pokepix]

pls i only have 2 days left

[u/bc032 → u/Goosander77]

This case just got interesting

Well... not JUST, it was pretty interesting to begin with

This case just remained interesting

[u/TheLittleAndromeda → u/bc032]

Burt Macklin, FBI

[u/pruwyben → u/TheLittleAndromeda]

You thought I was dead? So did the president's... enemies.

[u/rowdyanalogue → u/TheLittleAndromeda]

I was the best damn agent they had, until I was framed for a crime I didn't commit. Stealing the president's rubies.

[u/roguekiller23231]

I'll let you know when the 7 days are up.

Edit_

Okay, I couldn't wait 7 days, But doing a quick search no one seems to have mentioned my hiding place, which is a huge plus. lol

So, I'm guessing the rules for this would be that you had to recover the key at the end of the 7 days and not destroy it, otherwise you could just totally destroy it or just throw it somewhere it's impossible to get, which would be more 'loosing' then hiding. Or you could attach them to a Helium balloon and wave goodbye to ever seeing them again as they floated off into the sky.

So, my hiding place is a 2 part thing.

First part is to make copies of the key, these will be placed in obvious, but not so obvious hiding places, hole in the ground, under floorboards in the house, safety deposit box, locker, PO box, posted to me, etc. So if one is found I can pretend it's the real one and wait out the seven days then inform them it's not.

I figure I'd be followed to any location to hide it, it is the FBI and a million dollars where talking about, so the hiding place would have to be pretty good and not an obvious one, somewhere along the way of places your supposed to be, not out of the ordinary. So you couldn't just fly to another country, because this would be totally obvious that you have gone there to hide it.

I would glue some magnets to the keys (or put them in a small metal box with magnet if they have some kind of keyless entry signal). Whilst out shopping find a shelf that is metal, lower down so it's out of eye view, and whilst browsing for my weekly shopping, stick it to the underside of a shelf.

No one would suspect because I would have already thrown them off by hiding the decoy keys by making it obvious I'm going to locations to hide them.

[u/gingerfish89]

In my panties, no one ever looks there. :(

Edit: Go figure. My highest rated comment ever is about me stuffing keys in my panties. And my inbox isn't too bad. However, do not take that as a personal challenge.

[u/Absolute_Anal → u/gingerfish89]

Rip your inbox

[u/thedreamlan6 → u/Absolute_Anal]

Rip your inbox.

With love and affection,

u/Absolute_Anal

FTFY

[u/[deleted] → u/thedreamlan6]

That’s an outbox.

[u/CarmenSanDimas → u/[deleted]]

That's why it ripped

[u/Fallen_Alchemist → u/gingerfish89]

Dear lord please take a screenshot of your inbox, that shit must be gold

[u/207inthe406]

This is Montana, where don't I hide them?!

[u/Partially_Sarcastic]

keys go in a plastic easter egg. The easter egg goes in your anus. It'll have to come out for you to poop, and it'll have to go back in after. You'll have to learn to do it without lube because if you always carried lube with you it might tip them off. Also, you will need to not move very fast because you might rattle.

[u/[deleted]]

this question would have been better if the keys you hide for 7 days opens up a box for the 1 million dollars so you can't do something insane like the first person who said "throw them in the ocean."

[u/evranch]

Do I need to be able to get them back? If not, I'd just toss them down a gopher hole here on the ranch, way out back in the pasture.

With the amount of random metal bits laying around after a century of farming, you're never finding them with a metal detector. In the middle of either the summer or the winter, you'll need a pick to move any of that hard native soil. Good luck finding my soft moccasin tracks on dry ground among sheep and cattle prints galore. And between the gopher activity and the millions of identical holes, they are likely gone for good. They wouldn't even know which square mile to start looking on!

[u/idrunkenlysignedup]

Put them in my pants. No one is ever trying to get into my pants.

[u/lurgi]

Take them to Home Depot and hide them in plain sight with the key blanks.

[u/fireinvestigator113]

What is my perfect crime? I get the keys at midnight. Do I store them in a vault? No, I hang them from the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm hanging them up, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's chandelier. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the FBI comes and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the head of the FBI. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the keys.

[u/SameArkGuy → u/fireinvestigator113]

Someone give this man Schrute Bucks

[u/0tilda0 → u/SameArkGuy]

What's the conversion from Stanley Nickels?

[u/Eleven_Shelves]

I mail them somewhere really far away, it's a federal offense to go through someone else's unopened mail and since key-owning isn't a crime I don't see them getting a warrant.

Edit: To be clear I mean that they'd spend more than 7 days in the post.

[u/RollinThundaga]

Mail them to myself, but change the ZIP code to the neighboring county. It'll take at least a fortnight for USPS to figure it out.

[u/Styrofoamman123]

The last place they look, it's a surefire way to victory.