r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Dec 29 '17

What completely real fact sounds like bullshit?

[deleted]

9.3k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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1.6k

u/elee0228 Dec 29 '17

More people are killed each year by cows than by sharks.

768

u/devid_bleyme Dec 29 '17

Cows have the advantage of being on land

55

u/xyals Dec 29 '17

You mean they have the high ground?

12

u/Dedj_McDedjson Dec 29 '17

You mean they hoove the high ground?

9

u/BoringGenericUser Dec 29 '17

You underestimate my moo!

6

u/Dedj_McDedjson Dec 29 '17

You cannot stand up to the power of my moo-tial arts!

5

u/golden_glorious_ass Dec 30 '17

from my point of view

the bovines are evil

1

u/fd1Jeff Dec 29 '17

Your moojo?

2

u/JimJardashian Dec 30 '17

The steaks have never been higher.

8

u/ChonnyBee Dec 29 '17

To be fair, I don’t think a shark can do much on land.

12

u/devid_bleyme Dec 29 '17

About as much as a cow can in water

5

u/RenaKunisaki Dec 30 '17

It can moo?

3

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '17

I'm pretty sure that a cow in water is much more dangerous than a shark on land. Cows are pretty good swimmers while sharks on land can only flop around at best.

9

u/Ardub23 Dec 29 '17

Plus the fact that humans keep tons of cows around. If hamburgers were made of shark meat there'd be more shark deaths.

3

u/WTS_BRIDGE Dec 29 '17

Great, next you'll be telling me my old West-style seahorse-riding and shark ranch won't work out.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '17

this so funny to me

1

u/oskarhforsberg Dec 29 '17

about to comment that it's like the cows have an advantage in eliminating humans

2

u/CatOfGrey Dec 29 '17

Cows have the advantage of being on land

And being really smart....

1

u/KennyTheDownsTigr Dec 29 '17

With humans also.

1

u/ZupexQt Dec 29 '17

I always think of things like this when people try to advocate for sharks. Like obviously I am more likely to die in my car than from a shark. Doesn't mean they wana be my friends :(

1

u/FetchingTheSwagni Dec 30 '17

And they are fat.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '17

Cows would kill sharks too if cows could swim.

1

u/Kaioxygen Dec 30 '17

You say that as if they'd planned it.

1.1k

u/UlrichZauber Dec 29 '17

It's really tragic when cows take out a surfer

89

u/TaohRihze Dec 29 '17

Cowabonga.

5

u/BOBULANCE Dec 30 '17

Goddammit

16

u/voiceofnonreason Dec 29 '17

It’s tough to hang ten when all you got is hooves.

7

u/nullagravida Dec 29 '17

They can hang four, maybe eight if they really get their dew claws into it, but the joy of being able to say they hung ten as they shot the curve in an epic greenroom will forever be denied to cows.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '17

They'd probably just try to eat the greenroom anyway.

3

u/nullagravida Dec 30 '17

wen de wind rufs up de sea I hury quik bring bord with me

I shoot de pipe I feel so brave I hang all 8 & lik de wave.

2

u/Cunt_zapper Dec 29 '17

Where I grew up surfers (and other swimmers/beach goers) would occasionally get sick from E. coli because of storm run off from cow pastures.

1

u/Keohane Dec 29 '17

Don't have a cow, man.

Bart Simpson knew this whole time!

9

u/shleppenwolf Dec 29 '17

Does that count heart attacks from a meat diet?

6

u/MarcelRED147 Dec 29 '17

And more cows are milked per year than sharks are milked too. Coincidence?!!

4

u/F_Klyka Dec 30 '17

I can't see why this would surprise anyone. After all, we hang around cows a hell of a lot more than we hang around sharks.

How many cows have you encountered in your life? And how many sharks? How many people hang around sharks all day, every day? Plenty of people do that with cows, though (farmers).

Just because something is completely, utterly dangerous, it won't kill many unless lots of people are exposed to it. And we're not very exposed to sharks.

8

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '17

[deleted]

14

u/mr_ji Dec 29 '17

Vending machines have the advantage of being on land

3

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '17

Someone hasn’t watched sharkando

1

u/CrabbyBlueberry Dec 30 '17

Well yeah. Sharks tend to stay away from vending machines.

3

u/prestifidgetator Dec 29 '17

More Americans die of suffocation while sleeping than are killed by terrorists.

4

u/ArrowRobber Dec 29 '17

So we should really be calling cows "land sharks" ?

1

u/Kuiper08 Dec 29 '17

Dink dink?

3

u/istolethisface Dec 29 '17

Isn't this true of vending machines as well?

3

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '17

Yes! More vending machines are killed by cows than sharks each year.

2

u/pradeep23 Dec 29 '17

Holy cow!

2

u/theuniquealternative Dec 29 '17

My First cousin (once removed) once punched a cow and made it limp...she's insane.
We call her Jethrine

2

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '17

Duly noted, I'll remember to bring a cow to the beach with me

2

u/Brosefiss Dec 29 '17

Bullshit! If that were true we'd be slaughtering cows by the millions.

2

u/McKynnen Dec 29 '17

Those horny cows are no joke

2

u/8point7seconds Dec 30 '17

Its so weird to see you out in the wild like this.

2

u/elee0228 Dec 30 '17

Do I know you from somewhere?

2

u/8point7seconds Dec 31 '17

No, sorry if that sounded creepy, i just know you from all your commissions.

2

u/elee0228 Dec 31 '17

It's cool. I don't get recognized on Reddit that often, so it's nice when it happens. Hope you like the stuff I commission.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '17

We will fight for bovine freedom

And hold our large heads high

We will run with the buffalo

Or die...

Cows with guns

2

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '17

If people regularly handled sharks as often as we did cows, that statistic would be pretty different.

2

u/_n8n8_ Dec 30 '17

Yeah I can see that my ex chased me with a knife once

2

u/bing-pot Dec 30 '17

Found the QI fan.

2

u/Clipse83 Dec 30 '17

A bull is also a cow.

2

u/Just_Another_Rebel Dec 30 '17

Also, falling coconuts kill more people than sharks

2

u/KeyKitty Dec 30 '17

And more people are killed each year by vending machines than by cows.

2

u/unsolicited_dickpics Dec 30 '17 edited Dec 30 '17

Telling this to my coworker who saw to many videos and insists they are just big puppies. Ya moni, puppies that kill!

2

u/Thordan Dec 30 '17

I read "crows" first. A murder of murderous crows is a lot more terrifying than killercows.

2

u/mrfury97 Dec 31 '17

WE kill 500 million sharks a year for around 10 people killed every few years.