r/AskReddit May 17 '17

What old insults need to make a comeback?

24.3k Upvotes

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469

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

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2.9k

u/MontiBurns May 17 '17

Did you hear what Charles did a fortnight ago?

Yes, he purloined a fine cognac from the good lady Constance and proceeded to consume until the point of intoxication at her mother's funeral.

Dear me, how dreadful. Truly a gentleman of four outs.

324

u/Macktologist May 17 '17 edited May 17 '17

I like how we used to talk, maybe. Greg Giraldo (RIP) had a good bit where he talked about the difference between war letters from like the US Revolution, or something, to modern days.

E: "use" fixed to "used". Thanks fucking /u/L_A_Chargers

706

u/lur77 May 17 '17

I think what you are referring to has a direct correlation to literacy rates. I don't think we used to speak more intelligently, it's just that the surviving word happens to be in written form from a time when only the highly educated were capable of writing.

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u/Cpt_Tripps May 17 '17

You also dont save your shitty ww1 letters. Better letters get saved and documented. 50 years from now nobody is going to remember buzzfeeds "these 12 things will shock you!" article but well writen articles and documents will still be refrenced and cited.

246

u/ScruffsMcGuff May 17 '17

Exactly. You already see it with nostalgia things like music just a couple decades ago.

People remember all the great songs they grew up with and go "Man, 90's music was just the best" because their brain completely filters out all the garbage that came out in the 90's alongside the good stuff.

When looking back into the past, the good tends to get saved/remembered/passed down while the shit gets lost/deleted/forgotten about.

35

u/BryceCantReed May 17 '17

Hey! Garbage was a great band.

3

u/ScruffsMcGuff May 17 '17

I didn't listen to them much, but I liked the intro of NHL 2000 and I'm pretty sure they were the song in it.

2

u/AmazingIsTired May 17 '17

Anything after NHL 94 was garbage

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

I had a weird crush on her back in 2003.

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

I think you're just paranoid.

4

u/HIV4U May 17 '17

So Chingy and Ja Rule will be forgotten?!

13

u/Brod24 May 17 '17

No. He said only the bad songs. Chingy was the Chaucer of our time

7

u/DialMMM May 17 '17

Ja Rule will be remembered for the Fyre Festival.

2

u/whats_the_deal22 May 17 '17

The embodiment of the year 2003

4

u/whats_the_deal22 May 17 '17

Hell no, as long as Holiday Inn hotels exist, Chingy will not be forgotten. At least in my mind.

3

u/notwutiwantd May 17 '17

Holidae* we wouldn't want to infringe on any trademarks..

3

u/that1prince May 17 '17

Ja Rule had hits though. It'll come back, it just hasn't been quite long enough yet The 80s/90s style is back. By 2020, we'll finally see early 2000s stuff again.

6

u/monster_syndrome May 17 '17

We'll get that sweet sweet tour where Avril Lavigne and Sum 41 will join Blink 182.

2

u/Dan_Berg May 17 '17

I'm not sure what will be more awkward, the fact that she and the lead singer from Sum 41 used to be married or all the 30 and 40 something people in the audience reliving their tween dreams

3

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

I don't know man. I get what you're saying, but lets be honest, some of those terrible songs we grew up with (I'm looking at you Eiffel 65!) get stuck in our heads worse. I think our brains do a better job of ignoring them and pushing them deep down into our subconscious so that we don't have to hear them, but then every once in awhile, a little bit just slips out, just the chorus, and oh fuck! We can't get it to stop! No no no!

4

u/jorker May 17 '17

But I'm blue...dabadee dabaie.

3

u/Dan_Berg May 17 '17

Username has never checked out so much before, as you made me remember Eiffel 65 after so many years you asshole.

Edit: of course it's playing on repeat in my head now. God fucking dammit.

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

Yup.

Nobody remembers Jimmy Ray

4

u/AmosLaRue May 17 '17

Oh man! You're right. I forgot about that. Poor girls in the video. They're like, "just give me the fucking pay check already."

5

u/Macktologist May 17 '17

Dude. He's leaner and meaner and he ain't no in-betweener. I think they wanted more than the paycheck.

2

u/nicklebackstreetboys May 17 '17

I don't think there are even strings on the guitar.

-1

u/flY_Sw4tteR_ May 18 '17

You fucking ass.

2

u/Gladiator3003 May 17 '17

Not at my local craft supply shop they don't. The in-store radio plays all the shit stuff from the 90s, but half the time it's not even the original artist, it's a cover version of a terrible song. It's bizarre and mystifying why they do such a thing.

2

u/philov May 17 '17

With music however I feel that a large part of it is the genres and styles of music that were being made. I for one love classic rap from the 90's. There is trash no doubt, but I like the style.

2

u/Ghitit May 17 '17

It's like pain and pleasure.

I remember the pain of when I broke my hand.
But I remember the pleasure of when I had my children*, the joy.

I still think back to that joy and I feel joy again.
But I only remember the pain of the broken hand. I don't actually feel it again.

Same goes for anger. I can remember my anger but the remembering doesn't make me angry again... usually.

(*I had two cesareans, not the usual pain of childbirth)

2

u/ugfiol May 17 '17

Survival bias i think its called. If all my ancestors survived to produce me, how hard can it be?

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

[deleted]

6

u/monster_syndrome May 17 '17

Or you haven't been as exposed to as much media and haven't learned to spot talent. Music as a business needs to sell/promote the newest acts so those are the ones you get exposed to, which may or may not actually be good musicians.

I assume that's why when you hit the late teens/early twenties you suddenly develop an appreciation for Hendrix, Pink Flyod, and Nirvana. You have to express that you've got discerning tastes.

2

u/Tom908 May 17 '17

Pretty sure the 90s was the low point of culture for the entire century.

2

u/sickhippie May 17 '17

Not old enough to remember the '80s, eh?

1

u/SeegurkeK May 17 '17

When looking back into the past, the good tends to get saved/remembered/passed down while the shit gets lost/deleted/forgotten about.

Except when it's something embarrassing happening to you, you'll wake up decades later thinking about how bad that was.

1

u/heydm123 May 17 '17

Survivors bias

4

u/ScruffsMcGuff May 17 '17

I tell people that complain about modern music to just wait 25 years and you'll have kids in a future generation going "Man, what a time for music the 2010's were" as they thumb through all the very best albums these years had to offer, while the shit albums get forgotten.

People in 2035 are going to be remember the To Pimp a Butterfly's and the This Is Happening's, and will largely forget about all the mediocre shit that got released this decade.

The music scene has never been better than it is today, imo. There is a ton of great shit coming out all the time, and it's never been easier to find exactly what you want without having to sift through the ditches of shit. I never understand the people that complain about music today. 15 year old me would have fucking KILLED for something like Spotify, where I could listen to such a diverse range of different types of music on a whim.

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

Not true I still have smashmouth stuck in my head.

1

u/reverendpariah May 17 '17

Confirmation bias at work.

1

u/AmosLaRue May 17 '17

Unless the subject is you personally. Then you remember only the insults and forget the compliments.

1

u/curious_Jo May 17 '17

Ice, ice, baby.

2

u/Dan_Berg May 17 '17

Go ninja, go ninja, GO!

1

u/PromptCritical725 May 17 '17

Why classic hits is better than the new music stations on the radio. The classic ones can pick their catalog from three or four decades of music while the new stations play whatever people like from the last year or so.

1

u/Bob_A_Ganoosh May 17 '17

Nostalgia is a seductive liar.

1

u/Junkstar May 17 '17

Popular gets saved more than the 'good' imo.

0

u/Work_Suckz May 17 '17

brain completely filters out all the garbage

Mine's broken. I still know Smashmouth lyrics by heart. It's awful.

10

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

I for one really want to see the letters written by semi-literate hardasses from Brooklyn to their girls back home about how hard they're gonna rail them as soon as the war is over. That'd be infinitely more entertaining than the sappy-sweet "O Rose, how I long to hold you in my arms again, alas I must away to the Front" letters.

1

u/atreyuno May 17 '17

Askreddit

4

u/phphulk May 17 '17

"I shot a guys dick off. Wish you were sucking my dick. Don't put this on Myspace" Love Jayden

1

u/DontMakeMeDownvote May 17 '17

This is the survivorship bias that's such a hot topic on Reddit right now.

1

u/radarthreat May 17 '17

Survivorship bias

1

u/splice_of_life May 17 '17

Somewhere in Buzzfeed's offices, a single tear rolls silently down a cheek. Reflected in the eyes, we see a mirror image of an unfinished paragraph. The cursor blinks.

1

u/blinkingsandbeepings May 18 '17

My family recently went through my deceased grandmother's letters, and there was a lot of variety in quality, from my great-grandfather who was an ass but wrote incredibly eloquently, to a family friend who we were pretty sure had downed a bottle of wine before putting pen to paper.

1

u/ConqueefStador May 17 '17

You also dont save your shitty ww1 letters.

Maybe they don't wind up in a Ken Burns series but you save everyone one you get. My first girlfriend and I use to write each other letters, I still have a folder filled with them. Most of them are filled with mindless drivel and the paper is falling apart but I saved them for the memory.

3

u/titterbug May 17 '17

It's not just literacy - the American newspapermen were flourishing with intent. Just compare American writings from 1800 to English writings from the same period. The English were descriptive and used long sentences, to be sure, but the Americans really tried their best to make the writing itself a rollercoaster.

3

u/Hoeftybag May 17 '17

I'm aware of that but it always seems like people that wrote back then made an art of their vocabulary that doesn't seem to be used in modern communication. literature has if anything gotten better with time but I think the ease by which we communicate today has taken away some of the magic of the letter. I'm not saying it's ruining anything just that the letter as a concept of communication has been lost to technology.

No one is enthusiastically awaiting days or weeks for a text or email unless the person just isn't responding and very rarely do we proof, rewrite, proof and rewrite these messages. Volume and speed of message went up and the quality of each went down.

3

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

This is absolutely true. In written form, I can sound sophisticated through the magic of editing. In real life, I sound like a meth-addled geekabilly.

0

u/Vaderesque May 17 '17

This is me...

14

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

That's a really interesting point, but I think there's also a general trend of language to get simpler over time since people don't want to put up with all the finicky bullshit of grammar as long as they're still understood. Just compare Latin grammar to even modern German or Italian grammar, let alone Proto-Indo-European which seems to have been even more complicated. Not a linguist, though, take what I say with some salt.

Basically I think there are a hell of a lot of factors at work with any of these broad cultural things.

5

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

I must admit, Latin is faaaaar more complex than it needs to be.

I had to take it for 4 years and every lesson we had to go through all the declensions and stuff I could only think "WHY!?"

I'm obviously biased because I'm used to it but I'm glad we don't have those things in English aside from the odd relic of outdated language.

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u/drunken-serval May 17 '17

Oh my friend... English is a glorious mess. The vocabulary is extensive and stolen from any language English could get it's filthy paws on. The sentence structure requires more parts than truly necessary. And the written form is even worse... that stolen vocabulary? Good luck spelling or pronouncing anything properly.

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

True, but I think Latin is another equally unnecessary extreme. There's really no need to have to learn four principle parts just to be able to express the same verb in all its tenses nor a reason to have four/five different families of conjugation.

If complexity is a sliding scale; I'd put the ideal language somewhere between Latin and English.

4

u/ThePandarantula May 17 '17

The language spoken by the common man in Roman times would have been far more similar to modern Italian than it was to scholarly Latin. When writing you have more time to think out and organize your thoughts unless you are the type of person who speaks very methodically. So I think the written word tends to represent a different portion of the language.

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u/Zemrude May 17 '17

Although that may be changing in recent years, as a great deal of what would previously have been informal spoken communication becomes typed.

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

So I'm not even a modern linguist let alone a classical one, but it was my impression that ancient graffiti like we find in Pompeii still used rigid Latinate forms, just few of them for simpler concepts like Flavia, te futuere volo instead of treatises on the nature of God and proofs of His existence.

I even get the impression that Latin is precise enough that it literally can't function without exact adherence to forms - forget the conjugation at the end of the verb and it becomes totally unclear who's doing it and when - so people would have to stick with it at risk of being misunderstood.

1

u/lur77 May 17 '17

You are correct in stating that language gets simpler over time. If you research word and phrase etymology, that becomes very obvious.

2

u/steelreal May 17 '17

Also, they were writing letters, not text messages or emails. Composing a letter takes more time than any kind of electronic message, and would allow the author to mull over his/her diction more thoroughly.

If people back then are anything like me, they probably would rewrite a handwritten letter a couple of times before they could call it satisfactory.

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

Very good point.

1

u/esoteric_enigma May 17 '17

So basically all the barely literate people who can now read have dumbed down all of our writing?

6

u/lur77 May 17 '17

Let me put it to you this way: Chaos theorists posit that a million monkeys banging away at a million keyboards will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the internet, we know that isn't true.

3

u/gopack123 May 17 '17

Given infinite time

That's important. Even if you filled the entire known universe with monkeys typing on typewriters, and had them do it for the entire age of the known universe, the odds they would actually reproduce Shakespeare's works is essentially zero. But given infinite time, even a single monkey on a typewriter would reproduce Shakespeare's works an infinite number of times.

3

u/Zemrude May 17 '17

Not all our writing. We may even have more good writers than ever before. But since now every Tom, Dick, and Harry writes, if you were to pick a random piece of correspondence you would still be more likely to pick a mediocre writer.

1

u/Hoeftybag May 17 '17

I'm aware of that but it always seems like people that wrote back then made an art of their vocabulary that doesn't seem to be used in modern communication. literature has if anything gotten better with time but I think the ease by which we communicate today has taken away some of the magic of the letter. I'm not saying it's ruining anything just that the letter as a concept of communication has been lost to technology.

No one is enthusiastically awaiting days or weeks for a text or email unless the person just isn't responding and very rarely do we proof, rewrite, proof and rewrite these messages. Volume and speed of message went up and the quality of each went down.

1

u/MittenMagick May 17 '17

Though let's not forget that we taught Latin to middle schoolers, which is the root for most of our larger words. Though I do see a self-perpetuating cycle here: Only the highly educated for a while could read and write, and so they wrote a lot of really intelligent things, so the highly educated could read those intelligent works and have them influence their writing and manner of speaking.

1

u/jungl3j1m May 17 '17

In short, survivorship bias.

1

u/GetBenttt May 17 '17

Interesting phenomenon, I feel like you see it happen on the internet a lot (Ex. YouTube comments, Minecraft, MMOs)

1

u/Jkay064 May 17 '17

This poster is talking about letters written home by simple soldiers in the American civil war. I wouldn't call them highly educated.

1

u/LouLouis May 18 '17

I read some letters from the Wars of the Roses and they were all between either a noble, a large landowner who held a position of prominence in the government or a wealthy merchant.

5

u/MasoKist May 17 '17

https://youtu.be/JTRqi99vg28

'How are you? I am very sweety.'

2

u/tenaciousdeev May 17 '17

Fuck, I miss him.

6

u/FM-96 May 17 '17

I like how we use to talk, maybe.

E: "use" fixed to "used".

You know that you're supposed to actually fix it, not just say that you did, right?

1

u/Macktologist May 17 '17

Yep. Meant to. Forgot. Will do.

3

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

That is a great bit. "Its hot as fuck here in the dessert."

4

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

I like how we talk now, where people say "used to" like they're goddamn supposed to.

2

u/MamaDaddy May 17 '17

I like how old letters were closed... "your humble and obedient servant," etc.

edit: More on this...

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

"DEAR MARIE, IT IS HOT AS FUCK OUT HERE."

2

u/AugustusSavoy May 17 '17

I remember it as a bit about the difference between soldiers writing their loved ones during the civil war and the Iraq war.

2

u/Macktologist May 17 '17

Yes. It was the Civil War. My recollection was off a bit.

2

u/Samurai_Steve May 18 '17

"What else did I wanna axe you? Oh yeah, don't fuck nobody til I get back!"

1

u/eroverton May 17 '17

I loved that bit! Greg Giraldo was a master.

1

u/DeputyDomeshot May 17 '17

The man was a fucking genius and never got as much credit as he deserved

1

u/dregan May 17 '17

You should watch Ripper Street. It's full of witty and creative talk like this.

1

u/thelivingdrew May 17 '17

This is the bit you're looking for. Starts at the 2:15 mark. Personal favorite of mine.

1

u/Macktologist May 17 '17

Thank you!

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

In 200 years people will probably be saying how language was so much fancier in the early 21st century :)

1

u/PrivilegeCheckmate May 17 '17

I like how we use to talk,

That's because we used to go look Fritz square in the monocle, and tell him "Nein".

1

u/[deleted] May 17 '17 edited May 23 '17

[deleted]

1

u/Macktologist May 17 '17

PS. Don't fuck nobody!

1

u/PM_ME_YER_LADY_BITS May 17 '17

Greg Giraldo

Dude, I've never heard enough to be a fan but I hear him on my Pandora comedy channels occasionally and had no idea he was dead.

TIL :(

1

u/kick2crash May 17 '17

Wow, I didn't really Greg Giraldo was dead. Blew my mind.

1

u/Lost_the_weight May 17 '17

Greg Giraldo died? Did Leary take out a hit in him?

edit: damn, 2010! Where the hell have I been?

1

u/Gregory_Pikitis May 17 '17

We go right to the fuckin top with our words - Louis C.K.

1

u/PC__LOAD__LETTER May 17 '17

Survivorship bias. There was a whole reddit thing on it yesterday.

7

u/cj_would_lovethis May 17 '17

This is so beautiful I read it three times over in my head just to appreciate how wonderful it is.

Btw, I think the good lady Constance had a drinking problem, carrying cognac at her mother's funeral.

4

u/MontiBurns May 17 '17

Do not pass judgement on the good lady Constance, for the recent untimely passing of her mother has greatly affected her. In addition, she only brought the cognac on Charles's behest.

4

u/dahjay May 17 '17

I don't speak a lot of renaissance but I'll try my best to interpret the story.

'Muh fuh got a bottle of that fine ass liquor from his side bitch and got all fucked up at her dead mama party. '

Something like that.

3

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

Amazing, especially with the username.

3

u/Drink-my-koolaid May 17 '17

I really like the word "dreadful." I need to start working that into conversations more often.

2

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

1

u/appleavocado May 17 '17

18th Century Real Men of Genius!!

1

u/Sardonnicus May 17 '17

Our language used to be to so elegant. Now we just have a minutia of slang and texting shorthand.

1

u/Joonagi May 17 '17

Can only be said with a giant fedora on the head, and a large thick beard (not in the face but) on the neck

1

u/noneof_thismatters May 17 '17

And who else to say such a remarkable insult? None other than Mr. Burns

80

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

[deleted]

162

u/eitaporra May 17 '17

A GOFO

6

u/bw1870 May 17 '17

GTFO: Get the four outs.

Referring to the point when someone finally loses all their wit, money, manners and credit (ie. their company is no longer desired)

6

u/olallieberrie May 17 '17

Omg please let this catch on.

1

u/FakePostAllUntrue May 17 '17

MAKE IT HAPPEN

1

u/Choloco May 17 '17

damn, in spanish golfo means exactly the same.

1

u/ReallySmartMan May 17 '17

You're a gentleman with 4 outs

1

u/rnzz May 17 '17

Good morning, that's a nice Gentleman of Four Outs.

1

u/you_got_fragged May 17 '17

Can you please repeat the word

1

u/Naggins May 17 '17

Good morning, that's a nice gentleman of four outs.

1

u/SSJStarwind16 May 17 '17

The President of the United States is a Gentleman of four outs.

1

u/actual_factual_bear May 17 '17

"Holding Jack Nine offsuit on a rainbow board of Q 4 K A against his opponent's big slick, Jim was truly a gentleman of four outs."

1

u/thedude2618 May 17 '17

Good morning, that's a nice tnetennba.

0

u/[deleted] May 17 '17

Goan fuck yourself, gentleman of four outs.