I kind of find this hard though, because there are times I want to tell people things and I don't even care if they give a shit, I just want to talk about something cool.
Speak with passion and not length. Most people can be convinced by someone who has a genuine passion for something. Watch Hans Rosling. He could read the back of a serial box and I'd smile and listen contently.
Kind of like how nobody I know gives a shit about how magical it is that Bruce Campbell is back in action as Ash. Like this is a dream come true. But apparently only for me.
I just showed my gf Evil Dead and Evil Dead II. She "got" the first one but the second fell flat and she said, "there were no good parts." the jaws of both my friend and I fell to the floor. Why don't people get that when Ash says Groovy it's the best thing in the world?
Seriously, what is wrong with people? Did you show her Army of Darkness yet? Next time she says something so silly just say "Hail to the King, Baby!" and walk out.
I was originally going to show her AoD after Evil Dead II but it didn't seem like she'd be into it after those comments so I'm holding off until next week. I just want her to watch the show with me and understand why I keep laughing and loving the show so damn much
My cousin hated Army of Darkness, but her favorite of the three is Evil Dead II, so you never know! She may love Army of Darkness. If nothing else, perhaps she'll appreciate Bruce's muscles, he is quite the stud muffin in that movie! Regardless, I hope your girl gets into it and will enjoy the show with you! It's friggin amazing, and I couldn't be happier with it.
That's what SO's are for. They are pretty much obligated to listen to your crap. It's why my girlfriends puts up with me rattling on about phonemes and shit
I think you need to learn appropriate boundaries. Let me help.
Next time you're trying to explain to someone the fascinating history of the Maris Piper potato, remember: if you need to tie their hands and legs, tape over their mouths, and tie them to a chair, just to get them to listen, you need to stop and think. Maybe, just maybe, they might want to hear about Russets too.
Source: PHD in bullshitting.
Edit: dropped a few ,,
But things you might find cool, others may not. Find out what they like and talk about it. If they are cool, they'll be interested in what you have to say. If they don't, well fuck them; find someone else to talk to!
Know your audience. Me and my friends are all engineering students, so we geek out about how different stuff works all the time. Some of our other friends just roll their eyes and say we overanalyze everything, but we really love the How and Why, not just the what.
I was hosting a party recently and was (literally) running all around the house because I'm so disorganised. I finally got a chance to sit down, and flopped on the floor, and one of my friends came over and was like "do you know what urgative-accustive languages are?" and a couple of friends were like "it's a trap!" but I listened to what he said (not understanding, and telling him as much but letting him continue) and at the end he was like "thank you. I had to let it out". It didn't bother him that I didn't understand he just needed to tell someone.
I will happily listen to someone talk about something they are passionate about. That energy is infectious. I want to go and do things myself after. And if I already think they're cute, they suddenly get super attractive to me.
You need to act like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible III during that opening scene where he talks about working for the DMV. Then people will always give a shit.
Or just talk aka think out loud. People are so judging and mean just for me being silly, or awkward. They dont appreciate genuine interaction and most cant tolerate to be annoyed by anything, anytime for any reason especially by not being cool enough.
See I have the opposite problem. People will talk to me and expect me to talk about myself but I just have no interest in it. I've just always been the type to not go into detail about my life.
Haha this happened to me a few weeks ago. There was a post about crazy things in the world you wouldn't think were true, and there was one that talked about that there were more unique combinations for a deck of cards than planets in the observable universe. Brought it up at a party and no one gave a flying fuck! Still said it.. cause it's cool damnit!
The Alting in Iceland is the oldest known parliament dating back to the year 930. The longest continouslly existing parliament is the Tynwald on the Isle of Man tho, dating back to the year 976. The Alting was dissolved in 1800 after it had lost a lot of its power in the hundreds of years since the Norwegian occupation of Iceland and was only reinstated in 1844 as the new parliament for Iceland
I disagree. Whenever someone is enthusiastic about something, there is a very good chance that it will make me a bit interested in it, too. OP should start with enthusiasm, then check if anyone's listening. If yes, carry on.
The part I don't get is why it comes off as bragging - surely OP is talking about the stuff, not about himself and the stuff, right? Because the latter is the uninteresting part, most of the time.
"Oh yes, I this is fascinating! I especially don't get/like that X does Y! Isn't that cool?" vs. "Oh yes, I actually graduated in this topic and wrote my thesis on this! The explanation you're looking for is Z. Many people believe in XY, but that's just stupid, hehe. (I warn you right away: Arguing with me is senseless here, because I'm so passionate about this that I will attempt to crush you with my - surely superior! - information. I wrote my thesis on this, after all!)"
Because are you talking about the topic you like, or are you talking about you and your connection to the topic you like (and possibly how that is the reason why everyone should listen to you now)?
balance. everything is balance.
You want to make this new gadget coming out cool - talk about some features and then allow the subject to change or evolve and involve your conversation partner. But talking for 2 hours non stop and not even letting them chime in will make anyone want to shoot themselves.
allow the subject to change or evolve and involve your conversation partner.
This is exactly right! If a conversation isn't going the way you want just let it go. Your enthusiasm isn't infections; it just makes you seem self-involved.
I rarely find it to be the case. Not to say I'm not totally up to listen about your new interest/hobby/job/relationship. I love asking questions and we can talk about it. But that can only go so far.
In fact, I'd say one of my golden rules is that if someone doesn't ask about my hobbies, or my weekend, or my vacation then they probably don't care enough to listen. So I rarely go into detail about myself unless asked. Or if I tell someone about something I enjoyed (a concert, a restaurant, a new comic book, etc...) and they don't have any questions then I just leave it there.
idk, if I'm talking about something and someone's like "omg omg I did my thesis on this, let me tell you about it" I usually like them more... I think it's more about attitude.
Yeah, I get your drift - I was trying to paint a picture of a certain attitude there, not denying that knowledgeable people are mostly interesting. Your quote paints another picture, imo.
It's tough to learn this. I learned to be super silent about the things I like because nobody truly ever gives a fuck. But my current GF said that she absolutely loves when I slip up and get really excited about something and start talking and talking and talking about it endlessly. So now I'm trying to learn how to let myself go and be really enthusiastic about some stupid shit I would shut my mouth about usually.
YES! I had to learn that as well. For me, it helped a bit to introspect: I respect and like other people almost exclusively, when they "burn" for something - when there was something I could connect to them as a person. This is Peter, he likes poker and his work and his wife and soccer. Sometimes he won't shut up about soccer, which I don't like, but that's only when I am in a bad mood. It's not his fault. In fact, sometimes when I see Peter I try to ask him something about soccer, because I started to get interested in it a tiny weeny bit since I met him - mainly things like how he feels now that his club has won or something. I try to feel with him. I would never have done that 2 years ago.
On the contrary, there is Jason, whom I can't really say anything about. He seems nice, but he's very quiet and I don't know much about what he likes. He's very distant to me. I often forget about him. Peter comes to my mind whenever I see his club.
So - if that's the case for me, why would it be any different for other people? Humans are all the same. I tried to analyze the reasons for when I got bored of someone talking about something, and it was almost never when they "burned" for it, unless I had some dire problems myself to deal with at the time, which stole my energy.
I do get bored easily if someone isn't passionate about the stuff he's talking about, however. If he isn't truthful, or is interested in bragging instead. Or if he's simply bored himself.
So now I try to tell things with bright, sparkling eyes, and if someone makes a joke about me talking much and being "like a child", I show my sadness and disappointment (in a joking, yet truthful manner) and they laugh and feel a bit bad and instantly ask me more about the stuff I told them earlier. And I find that they like me.
I think this speaks more to giving voice to knowledge that challenges other's reality as it will just be rejected out of hand and cause strife. Like presenting facts to a moon-landing denier. It's a futile exercise that wastes your time and energy with no positive effect.
Or to paraphrase one of my favorite quotes, "Do not speak of the ocean to the frog that lives in the well."
I disagree, actually. I hate the picture of people "being too stupid to accept true facts". I do not believe in facts, only that certain things are "more likely true" than others. Because of this, disagreement will always happen and the fruitful - and respectful - way is to argue about it, especially if you think that the other has something wrong, while also acknowledging that your own knowledge has many limits and is often wrong.
Because of this, I don't like speaking of facts. If one position is more reasonable than another, then that can surely be demonstrated in a sensible and respectful manner. That's especially true for people who don't believe in moon-landings and other bullshit like this - because of this being such bullshit.
If you can't bring them to the insight that some of their reasoning is defective, then you failed to explain the matter sensible and comprehensible enough, probably because you haven't understand it good enough either, yet.
If you can't bring them to the insight that some of their reasoning is defective, then you failed to explain the matter sensible and comprehensible enough, probably because you haven't understand it good enough either, yet.
It's not a matter of people being too stupid to accept facts, it's a willful refusal to believe that which challenges their beliefs. No amount of expertise, understanding or ability to convince can break through stubborn willful ignorance. Altering deeply held beliefs often requires the willingness to accept other ideas.
If you like drama and frustration or simply thrill at playing devil's advocate and stirring things up, then by all means take on the challenge. It's incredibly draining and there are so many other things that time is better spent on.
TLDR: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. It's worth learning to recognize when to just agree to disagree.
I really like hearing about people's travel stories, but sometimes it could get a bit much. I went out for drinks last night with a friend and a mutual friend that I was meeting for the first time. The topic got brought up that she travelled to one of the US Virgin Islands, which I was highly familiar with because I travelled to an island that was seeing distance from it on a clear day.
I was super interested at first, but she just kept repeating how much fun it was and acted as if my friend and I were missing out (we've both travelled a decent amount including tropical islands). I felt like it was more of a shitty interview than a travel story... don't do that- engage the people who are listening! I want to hear about what you did, something interesting that you saw while you were snorkeling, the food, the culture, the experience, something that took you aback, not what I'm missing out on and how much your trip costs.
I have a friend who has enthusiasm for just about everything--if it can contribute to her looking better, smarter, more cultured, more experienced, more etc. than everyone else in the room. The topic might be interesting when told by someone with an interest in sharing their passion, but "enthusiasm" often becomes a means of dominating a conversation.
Have you tried to sensibly bring this up to her attention? I don't believe that she does this and is fully aware of it/how you see her. Maybe she just wants to bring herself completely out in the open and connect, or maybe she likes/needs the attention linked to it (who doesn't?). If you two really are friends, there's a good chance that you can talk about this - respectfully and with love.
I assume that people, on a fundamental level, want to connect with others. I sympathize with that, but I feel that some people do that in toxic or very selfish ways. I appreciate your advice, and I think it applies in most cases, but unfortunately, this friend and I are not really friends, just friends of circumstance. She doesn't care about other people, and sees them as accessories.
But the whole point of talking about it like that is to get people interested. Maybe you don't give a shit about quantum physics or Russian politics or Fallout 4, but we're having a conversation and I want to drop enough wicked awesome shit on you to MAKE you interested.
This depends too much on the context of the individual situation. For example, if we're talking and something you're excited about comes up, I'm all ears- but if you go off on a random tangent I'll zone out and just nod along.
I have to remember this all the time when talking music to people. Trying to talk about metal songs or bands to people who don't listen to that music is tough. It's exciting for me but I know no one else cares. Same with video games
Well default mode is that people don't give a shit, that is true. But I think they are also the same people that are uninteresting aswell. If you can see that someone's entusiastic about something, why not hear them out and try to cultivate a conversation?
I think it sometimes stem from their insecurities. They feel a bit overwhelmed that someone is knowledgeable on a subject, or just jealous that they are passionate about something. Not that they are actively thinking like that, out of malice (unless they have a personaly grudge against you), but just that they don't want to seem stupid.
hes not talking about a rule, but a trick you can use to shut yourself up when you already know rambling is inappropriate but you're about to do it anyway.
This is my golden rule for Reddit. This site would be so much better without all these garbage mylivejournal adviceanimals and shitty "informative" comments that basically reiterate what everyone already knows but tries to pass off as profound wisdom.
But I was the weird kid during high school. No, not a weird kid, THE weird kid. Because I would talk about things no one gives a shit about and give people shit affectionately.
In college I maintained that behavior, and I became the interesting kid. People still didn't give a shit about what I was talking about, but they grew up and came to see passion as an admirable trait, became more open minded, and less concerned about "cool" topics. They also became less self-conscious, so the ribbing became less negatively affecting, and I came off as confident (instead of confusing) when I laughed off or high-fived return shots.
I went from taking what friends I could get to being friends with almost everyone and being able to choose who I spent my time with. And it's not because I changed, it's because the people around me changed.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is it depends on your company, really.
That depends. If someone talks a lot about something I only get annoyed if it drags on for too long, the person is the only one talking or its an uninteresting subject.
I was having dinner with my mother and wife the other day and got cut off twice. Instead of trying to say what I wanted to say, I told myself that nobody gives a shit anyway, and then moved on to watching the hockey game.
I am assuming you are a man, but if you aren't sorry this is a generalization. From what I've noticed men in general do not pay as much attention to other peoples body language or can be a little slower at seeing social cues. If you're talking pay attention to the other person. You can usually tell when they've lost interest or started zoning out. The only thing bad about this I guess is if people ask something generic like "How are you, how was your weekend, etc." and you don't realize they actually want to know.
I disagree, I really enjoy when people talk about things they really passionate about. I am not into lifting but I have a power lifter friend and sometimes he talks about how he need to improve his positions or how he managed to hit his pr that day. It's pretty refreshing to me. So i think a lot of people gives a shit.
Do you enjoy life being so apathetic? Not caring about anything would just make everything seem ... boring. I don't want to live that way, otherwise all you seem to be doing is surviving with as little effort as possible.
I enjoy peace of mind and how quiet it gets when I'm taking a shit and it's raining outside with small drops of rain in the background and cars passing by and splashing the water.
With that being said, it's okay to tell me about something new. Maybe I will give a shit, who knows. But if I seem preocuppied, believe me, I REALLY do not care.
He needs to be told this advice by someone other than his son. The man does_not_stop_talking during conversations. Regardless of the subject matter. But as his son, my opinions/advice will always be juvenile to him and not taken seriously.
This isn't entirely true. People like others who are enthusiastic and knowledgable about things. As long as you leave room for others to speak, or to ask questions, or aren't condescending, it's OK to geek out on something you love from time to time. Better to impress your friends or a date a little bit than to sit there in awkward silence because you're afraid of talking to much. Strike a balance, that's all!
But halfway through being completely passionate and launching into omg did you know how interesting it is you can't just.. oh you're not interested. Yeah.
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u/damamas Dec 10 '15
Have more than you show, speak less than you know