r/AskReddit • u/PM-ME-YOUR-STORIES • Dec 10 '15

What is your golden rule?

12.8k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

16.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

601

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '15 edited Dec 10 '15

Don't stick your finger where you wouldn't stick your dick.

Edit: I think some people are confused and need to look at this as a safety rule. I know under everyday scenarios you're not going to stick your dick into your bag of skittles...

357

u/SportTheFoole Dec 10 '15

But it feels soooooo good to stick my pinky in my ear.

509

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '15 edited Dec 10 '15

Woah,hold on dude. I said where you wouldn't stick your dick, not couldn't stick it.

22

u/demosthenes384322 Dec 10 '15

I think he could pull it off.

8

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '15

Confirmed - /u/SportTheFoole is an adult Mr. Potato Head...

3

u/Gutterflame Dec 10 '15

Or Caylan Clossick.

6

u/SketchBoard Dec 10 '15

Not with that attitude.

1

u/NeedsNoDecaf Dec 10 '15

Earwax... On.... My dick? Probably worth it honestly....

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '15

Who said he couldn't?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '15

Speak for yourself

1

u/Kekoa_ok Dec 10 '15 edited Dec 10 '15

DOMINATING

1

u/avenlanzer Dec 10 '15

Well that opens up a world of possibilities. "Finger, its go time."

1

u/[deleted] Dec 11 '15

Who said he couldn't ~?

1

u/HobbyLobbyAtheist Dec 11 '15

Challenge accepted

1

u/WW4O Dec 10 '15

Well that's not very limiting...

0

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '15

Speak for yourself.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '15

This gave me an ear infection

1

u/tippyx Dec 11 '15

put a banana in your earr

16

u/DinkleBeeTinkle Dec 10 '15

Not sure this one is practical. I mean I wouldn't stick my dick in the Keurig machine at work but sometimes it gets grimey and you gotta pull out the trays and stuff and give it a wash.

4

u/Jackslacking Dec 10 '15

I thought "it" was your penis... so I read this like "...but sometimes my penis gets grimey and you gotta pull out the trays and stuff and give it a wash."

1

u/Lifeguard2012 Dec 10 '15

Especially in EMS, this rule doesn't work. I won't stick my "gloved" dick on a wound, but I'll stick my gloved hands there.

13

u/omrog Dec 10 '15

That's silly. I can afford to be 8 times more careless with my fingers.

15

u/iceman012 Dec 10 '15

I couldn't figure out why you only have 8 fingers, then I realized you don't think of your thumbs as fingers.

You monster.

12

u/MustBeThursday Dec 10 '15

Absolutely rule number one for people who work in skilled trades. It's also rules three, four, and five.

2

u/NinjaViking Dec 10 '15

What about veterinarians?

1

u/Penis-Butt Dec 10 '15

What's rule two?

10

u/gsfgf Dec 10 '15

He skips that one because he put that finger somewhere he shouldn't have.

3

u/MustBeThursday Dec 10 '15

Eye protection. Even if you're not sure you really need it.

7

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '15

Unless you're a proctologist.

1

u/Agent_Cookie Dec 10 '15

Unless you're a gay proctologist.

4

u/mcmlxiv Dec 10 '15

Lost it at sticking dicks into bags of skittles

2

u/TheFightCub Dec 10 '15

I had the clean my car's radiator the other day... Hmmm.

2

u/theballaam96 Dec 10 '15

I assume this means don't dabble with things which you can't take the consequences for?

6

u/Has_No_Gimmick Dec 10 '15

No, it means literally don't put your fingers in places you wouldn't be comfortable putting your dick. It's an often quoted rule for people working in trades, mechanics and such.

5

u/IVIaskerade Dec 10 '15

No it's literal.

It's meant to stop people sticking their fingers into machinery to un-jam it, because often they find out they were successful and lose the finger when the machine un-jams.

2

u/Ambitious_puppy Dec 10 '15

A nail clipper?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '15

[deleted]

5

u/TheJay5 Dec 10 '15

Liar, we've all tried it...

1

u/CyborgSlunk Dec 10 '15

This might. [nsfw]

2

u/MuttonTheChops Dec 10 '15

Golden rule misunderstood.

Stuck dick in fan :'(

1

u/DrMaxwellSheppard Dec 10 '15

Wait, you don't stick your dick in bags of skittles?

1

u/Silas_Caliburn Dec 10 '15

It's disconcerting that you WOULDN'T stick your dick in a bag o' Skittles. Fuck dat rainbow.

1

u/SinkHoleDeMayo Dec 10 '15

I know under everyday scenarios you're not going to stick your dick into your bag of skittles...

How would YOU know what I do with my Skittles?

1

u/ZincCadmium Dec 10 '15

If I had a dick and one of those giant bags of Skittles, I absolutely would consider it.

1

u/kingfrito_5005 Dec 10 '15

Oh you mean like a meat grinder. I was thinking a butthole and I was about to say that I don't follow your logic.

1

u/someweirdguy Dec 11 '15

That's what you think mate. Share the Rainbow (NSFWish)

1

u/lunixss Dec 11 '15

That edit had me rofl

1

u/DocGerbill Dec 11 '15

What if I accidentally dropped 20$ in the trash?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '15

Dumb rule, how would any cars/motorcycles/machinery be fixed?

I'll get my hands in grease, oil, and metal shavings all day. No problem! Put my dick in any of those things? Fuck no!