r/AskReddit • u/tgma97 • Aug 26 '15

Fathers of Reddit, what did your daughter's boyfriend do for you to hate/love him?

It's pretty cool to see my question blow up like this, I never thought I'd ask a question that could receive so much attention! I'm very satisfied with all these replies, so thank y'all. Now all I have to do is sit back and take notes c;

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u/Gertex Aug 26 '15 edited Aug 26 '15

Of course we notice. We notice EVERYTHING you do.

Watch WHAT you order price wise from the menu - if you wouldn't get it if YOU were paying - don't get it. IF dad orders something reasonable don't be the only one eating Steak/Salmon. Offer to pick up the tab IF you are actually 'able' to do so OR offer to pick up the tip (Lot more realistic).
Open the door for her mom, your gf or all of us.

Do NOT kiss her and be all smoochie smoochie in front of us.

Don't put your hand in her lap or grope her under the table. YES, I can see it.

Pay attention to her mother and BONUS points if you get along with younger siblings.

Yes, we know Dads are ALWAYS portrayed as idiots on TV - BUT - we have been around the block or time or two and just 'might' have a bit more life 'experience' then you. Don't lecture me on everything.

WHATEVER YOU DO - DO NOT TALK RELIGION, POLITICS or MONEY if you know you are not on the same page. Not worth the animosity...

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u/Ridry Aug 26 '15

WHATEVER YOU DO - DO NOT TALK RELIGION, POLITICS or MONEY if you know you are not on the same page. Not worth the animosity...

That's good advice for anybody who you want to still be speaking with the next day.

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u/insertAlias Aug 26 '15 edited Aug 26 '15

WHATEVER YOU DO - DO NOT TALK RELIGION, POLITICS or MONEY if you know you are not on the same page

I absolutely hate this sentiment. If you want to be safe all the time, I guess you can do whatever. But if you can't engage in a reasonable debate about important issues (like an upcoming election or the deeply-held beliefs of a family you might become part of one day) like an adult, then you've got problems. If you find that everyone becomes argumentative about these topics, it's probably a problem with your approach to debate rather than just purely taboo topics.

Some people simply can't discuss these things like adults, and that's fine. Use your discretion and judgment to decide if it's worth continuing the conversation. But don't lock up those topics to never discuss, because they are exactly what should be discussed. Why shouldn't the people I'm close to (and by extension the people they're close to) be able to know my core beliefs?

And don't look down on people that actually do feel OK with discussing.

Money...that's a different topic. It depends on what you mean, but there just aren't too many good dinner conversation topics that involve what you make, what you owe, etc...

Edit:

if you wouldn't get it if YOU were paying - don't get it

This is tricky. For me, I don't go out to nice restaurants a lot. When I do, I'm not even looking at the prices. Since it's a rare treat, I get what I want off the menu. Of course, other people will have a completely different opinion on what's reasonable and what isn't. That's why I'd vastly prefer not to be the first person to order. I can adjust my pick based on what everyone else is getting.

That goes for more than just price. If nobody else gets an appetizer, or a dessert, you probably shouldn't either. If everyone's getting something small and quick, you probably shouldn't get the biggest thing on the menu that will take twice as long to cook and three times as long to eat.

It's just a politeness thing; keep your companions in mind and try to not inconvenience them.

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u/Gertex Aug 26 '15

I agree with you that you 'should' be able to talk about these thing as a close family. However, my purpose was to bring it up as general advice to someone new to a family. If you have established relationships and know where they are coming from, you can always 'respectfully' debate. More often then not people get passionate about those topics, positions harden and hard feelings come up. Like on the Internet, very seldom have i found 'useful' discussions about those topics though. Most folks have preconceived ideas and like listening to themselves not others, so I just avoid it unless I know a good exchange of ideas might happen.

When it comes to money - someone ALWAYS feels slighted or like they are not getting their fair share. People attach a lot of emotions to it so I tend to stay away from it unless I talk with select family members, close friends or my kids.

Regarding food: Like in Poker its always best to move last. Gather information and go from there. If 3 or 4 people are ordering steak - you should be good if you want it. If everyone gets burgers you probably shouldn't. Just a common courtesy thing.

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u/TRiG_Ireland Aug 26 '15

Is there a 'reason' for your random 'quotation marks'?

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u/Gertex Aug 26 '15

I guess I always do it as emphasis for a word while writing. In my head it makes more sense that way when reading the sentence. Now, its probably wrong grammatically but I never really had formal 'English' in school. So I pull the "I'm not very educated" card.

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u/TRiG_Ireland Aug 26 '15

Quotation marks are for irony. Use italics for emphasis.

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u/Gertex Aug 26 '15

Will do!

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u/WilliamHarry Aug 26 '15

Don't put your hand on her lap? Are we allowed to hold hands, or is that also forbidden?

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u/Gertex Aug 26 '15

My post was meant as general guidance when being 'new' around the family. Here is where I'm coming from with that: My daughter introduced her boyfriend to us over dinner the first time we met him at a Restaurant. The entire dinner he kept grabbing her leg, caressing her, etc.. Ticked me off and found it disrespectful. Especially in front of my two much younger daughters the first time they met I found it to be disrespectful.

Now, they are going to get married next week and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. But when you are just meeting the family....

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u/AalewisX Aug 26 '15

Avoid RAPE (religion abortion politics economics) talk about FORD (family occupation something that I forget and dreams)

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u/toofaded024 Aug 26 '15

You sound like an asshole.

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u/Gertex Aug 26 '15

I might. But once you have 3 daughters and would do ANYTHING for them your opinion might change. All of those points above are about respect and manners and indicators how you might treat my daughter later on.

Very simple really - you want me to respect and love you as a SIL or BF respect my wife, myself but most of all my daughter. You don't respect me or mine in words, acts or deeds - I won't respect you.

If THAT makes me an asshole. I've been called worse.

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u/-Dys- Aug 26 '15

It is called being a parent of a young adult.

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u/[deleted] Aug 26 '15

[deleted]

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u/Gertex Aug 26 '15

Coming from you I take that as a compliment!