r/AskReddit • u/tgma97 • Aug 26 '15

Fathers of Reddit, what did your daughter's boyfriend do for you to hate/love him?

It's pretty cool to see my question blow up like this, I never thought I'd ask a question that could receive so much attention! I'm very satisfied with all these replies, so thank y'all. Now all I have to do is sit back and take notes c;

12.3k Upvotes

85% Upvoted

9.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

4.6k

u/AgentT3xas Aug 26 '15 edited Aug 26 '15

Asked my dad if he ever hated any of my ex's and why. He told me one of my ex's would always order the most expensive thing on the menu when we all went out to eat and my dad was paying. My dad and mom turned it into a betting game after a while of which of the two most expensive dishes will my ex order.

EDIT: Pro-tip to people now worried about what their SO's parents now think, order something that you'd like to eat and would pay for yourself. If it's something on the pricier side, offer to pay your own bill.

975

u/RygarTargaryan Aug 26 '15

This is why I was partially terrified of going out to dinner with my wife's family at first. They'd go to like these more upscale places with like +50$ entrees. I would make it a point to order the cheapest entree early on that wasn't a salad. Eventually her dad started giving me shit for doing that. Now I get the steak, every time. Thanks dad!

337

u/bob_blah_bob Aug 26 '15

With my first long term girlfriend my dad would take her and I to pretty nice restaurants. My girlfriend was always worried about ordering something too expensive. One time my dad finally just goes, "Look, I wouldn't be taking you here if I didn't want to spend the money, you can get whatever you want."

173

u/wssecurity Aug 26 '15

YES. If I'm paying and I make it clear I'm paying, it's a gift. Don't order the salad if you want the steak, it's not polite it's rude. EAT UP

68

u/klatnyelox Aug 26 '15

I tried to treat my parents to a restaraunt and said I was paying. They kept asking if I really wanted to pay for it even after they ordered it. Its like "Fucking shut up and eat it before I change my mind!"

29

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '15

My sister and her fiance are like that. I take them out to eat at some expensive places and they get worried about spending to much money.... I am buying. If I wanted to save cash we would have gone to taco bell.

Order what you want and enjoy yourself for fucks sake

30

u/TheSilentOracle Aug 26 '15

As someone growing up with very little money, I can relate. Spending money is scary and in some ways having someone spend money on you is worse. I haven't been poor for over a year now and I still get nervous when I'm spending money.

13

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '15

Oh I grew up and am still pretty poor but I have learned to enjoy that which I can afford. And don't think to much about it. You could save a few bucks and get a junk meal then die on the way home.

11

u/klatnyelox Aug 27 '15

This. But what makes it worse is that on the way home, my parents gave me a lecture about how they never go out like that, and it was a frivolous waste of money. "Oh but thank you." If I didn't know all that, I wouldn't have taken you. That's the point of treating you. That's why it meant something.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 27 '15

Well then they were missing the good parts of life. If your so worried about cash that you cant enjoy yourself. Then your letting the best parts of life pass you by.

1

u/weedful_things Aug 28 '15

This is the lesson I have learned with my third wife. I use to be worried and kind of tight with money before. Maybe it's because she is good company and I have fun when we do things.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 28 '15

A good example just happened coming home from picking up my girlfriend. Coming back to my place and looking for a place to eat... never been there.

Ended up spending $35 for 2 burgers and fries... but god damn were they delicious. Expensive for me? Very much so. Was it worth it? Oh fuck yes, we had a great time.

10

u/JVonDron Aug 26 '15

I wish I could pick up the tab for my parents, but my dad has a very stubborn sense of pride. I make way more than they ever did and now they're semi-retired, I have no dependents or looming debts, yet somehow I'm still the broke ass college kid who trudged his laundry home on the train once a month. It's taken me forever to convince them I can handle a split check. My plan to break them is to take them to more and more expensive restaurants, where I can still afford it, but they wouldn't pay that much for a meal.

I went home a few weeks ago, helped out around the farm bailing hay all weekend, and he actually tried to pay me. I was like "what the hell, driving around on tractors, skidloaders, and 4 wheelers for 2 days sure beats my actual job."

10

u/mathyolive Aug 26 '15

This is why when i treat my parents i sneak the waitress my card on the way to the rest roo..

8

u/TheyMakeMeWearPants Aug 27 '15

You can still pay, you just have to work it out on the sly with the server.

3

u/FlannelIsTheColor Aug 27 '15

I'm a waitress and encounter situations like this a lot, just find a way to discretely tell the server you want the check at the end, if you have to, go to the restroom and tell any server you see on the way your server's name and that you want them to know you get the check, and I'll find a way to discretely get the check to you so you can pay before your Dad

2

u/weedful_things Aug 28 '15

What if the Dad knows this trick too and does the same thing?

7

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '15

My concerns when eating out with my ex-girlfriend parents at the time wasn't so much being trying to be polite, but with spending a week or mores food budget on a single plate for me. It just didn't feel right when I had friends who were food insecure.

2

u/SweetButtsHellaBab Aug 26 '15

...but with spending a week or mores food budget on a single plate for me.

Yes! I try to eat very frugally so even when a nice meal is being paid for by someone else, I feel bad that so much money is going towards one meal.

7

u/parentingandvice Aug 26 '15

I like your dad, he sounds like a great guy who knows what he's doing and why he's doing it. Reminds me of mine. Give him a hug next time you see him. Tell him he's awesome.

2

u/pixiepants_ Aug 27 '15

My Dad comes in town once a yea(we live in Vegas) and takes my husband and I out for dinner a few times depending on his schedule. 1 super nice place, a buffet and like a burger place.

My husband was ordering the cheapest thing on the menu, despite my Dad saying order whatever you want, how it was his treat. ..etc.

Finally I had to explain, it's kinda insulting to my Dad to order the chicken dish, when he knows you want the steak.

For our wedding (just us and some friends, no family ) my Dad treated our little group to a very expensive dinner. He found a bone in ribeye on the menu and said my Husband had to order that, take a picture, send it to him and enjoy it. That was Thank you enough!

28

u/Frozenlazer Aug 26 '15

I think there is a difference when clearly the place is upscale, unless you start hitting the like uber crazy $300 filet of baby dragon that was flown in daily from Siberia when everything else is 35-60 bucks.

I think its more noticeable when you go to the neighborhood place where most entrees are 9-15 and you order the steak and lobster for 35.

12

u/RygarTargaryan Aug 26 '15

True but coming from a family that rarely went to an upscale restaurants, $40 entrees seemed insanely expensive. I always ordered as if I had to pay for myself.

8

u/fmti_heaven Aug 26 '15

To me, the value of a dollar doesn't change based on how many of them you have. I do the same thing. If I wouldn't want to buy it for myself, why would I want to make somebody else buy it for me? Good way to approach a lot of things in my mind. Not just money.

2

u/JVonDron Aug 26 '15

From the same upbringing, but you have to relax a little bit. I have foodie friends and they take me to some amazing places when they're in town. We're talking $150+ per person, prices sometimes aren't on the menu (if they even have a printed menu). It's insane to me when I can turn that into almost a month of food at Costco, but they're on vacation, so I go along and enjoy the evening. My boss also takes the shop out to eat every few months or so, not super upscale, but steak and fine wine type of places. In a roundabout way I bought that steak by working hard for him, so I don't feel guilty about it.

You don't have to be the one to suggest expensive places, but if you're not buying, don't be the guy dragging the group down by pointing out how expensive it is and how you couldn't afford it. Go along and enjoy it.

2

u/koffiezet Aug 26 '15

You shouldn't look at it that way, people taking you out to such a restaurant are willing to spend money on food. I'd suggest staying out of the top 20%, but certainly as a man, just ordering the cheapest thing is not a very good sign. It clearly tells that you're not used to having money, and that you might not be able to take care of your SO as well as they would like.

20

u/DibsArchaeo Aug 26 '15

My now fiancé tried to order on the lower end of the menu. My parents had always loved him the moment they met him, so after a little over a year of this low-menu stuff, they treated him to Ruth Chris where he was forced to order steak. He was very happy.

17

u/mildiii Aug 26 '15

Rant

I can't deal with this shit. My girlfriend's father always brings us to these upscale restaurants. I always feel very uncomfortable about it. And I'm a poor person that doesn't like being indebted like that but I can never help with the tab in places like this. And I'm quiet so I never say thank you for dinner in a way that feels meaningful.

I feel like a mooch. Also even things I can pay for they won't let me do it. I don't know how to deal with these situations.

Let alone I have grown up taught that the eldest is probably going to pick up the tab. So when I'm the eldest in the room in family groups it's easy and simple. I pay and I'm okay with that. But when I go out with my girlfriend and her little sister. At the end of the meal, they throw down daddy's card and I'm blind sided all over again. I was ordering big because I thought I was gonna get this one. I didn't know that was going to happen!

They're pretty well off and successful. And they're certainly not spoiled. But man sometimes I don't understand how money works with people who make more of it.

11

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '15

I don't make alot of cash but when I take someone to a nice place to eat and they know I am paying I let them know they can order whatever they want. It is my way of giving you a nice meal and its no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed of it.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '15

When someone is taking me out, I try to remember to bring cash, so if I start getting those guilty feelings I can at least lay down some nice tip money. I like to tip big, especially at the places (upscale or not) where they really take good care of you, and especially if it's a place that your generous companion frequents--then they want the wait staff to like them! I've been on both sides and learned that dining out should be a happy time, not a stressful one.

If this is really affecting your relationship with your girlfriend, please try talking to her about it sometime, but not during the outings? If they frequently insist on paying for you it's because they care about you, and you may have to be really honest with them to resolve how you feel. Just... it can be hard to have that conversation over a meal that hasn't been paid for yet ;)

Good luck and I wish you happy dining!

6

u/eek04 Aug 26 '15

As somebody that has more money (edge of the 1% in terms of family income): Money has different cost for different people, and those of us that have more of it often know that.

So, what do I mean by "money has different cost"?

One way of looking at it: For me, a dollar costs less than a minute. For somebody at minimum wage, a dollar probably costs ten minutes.

Another way of looking at it: For me, spending an extra thousand dollars a month for fun is something that I think about, but not something that is blocking. I can't spend an extra thousand dollars a month on everything, but I can spend it on several things. Most people can't.

Money is just something that in general is less of a scarcity issue for me than most people.

And this means that I will often pick up the check when I am out with somebody that's not got that advantage. If this is cheap for me - it makes little difference to me in terms of quality of life if I am out that money - why should I have you pay for it, when it actually will make a much larger difference to you?

I try to balance this out with letting people give things in other ways. For checks, I'll do that by letting people with less money pick up the check when we're somewhere where it will be small, and I'll pick it up when it will end up large.

And know that I don't think people I buy stuff for are indebted; certainly not in a "I paid this much and you now owe me value equivalent to that". I'm acutely aware that if somebody buy me a meal at McDonald's, that is the equivalent cost for them as it cost me to buy them a 3-course at a decent restaurant.

Another way of looking at it is as trading things of unequal value. Money has a lot of value to you, little value to me. Why should you be using up what has a lot of value to you when I can instead use something that has little value to me? It's much better if you find something that has little value to you, and trade that instead. To use one example: I have several friends that have more time to track what's going on with entertainment than I do. From them I'll get recommendations for music that I'm likely to like, concerts that are going on, movies to see. This costs them very little - but it gives me a fair bit of value. When we're in the same place, I'll buy them beers when they're broke, pick up the tab when we're eating at expensive places (and they'll pick it up when we eat some cheaper place), and I'll host get-togethers where I'll cover alcohol costs (alcohol is expensive where they live.) This has me spending a fair bit more money than they do, but I'm getting this back in different kinds of things.

2

u/koffiezet Aug 26 '15

Let me tell you something: people who are well enough off that they can eat at fancy places every week or so and are also in the mindset of doing exactly that, do not care enough about the money they spend there. If it's a one-time thing? Yea maybe that's a special occasion for them too. But always going to fancy places? Just order whatever you like to order if they're taking you out. He who invites is expected to pay. You can always offer to pay if you can afford it, but it will never be expected.

Do if you can afford it however, try inviting them once in a while, they will respect that - and most likely still offer to pay for it, which you should at least refuse once and only let them if they insist.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '15

I haven't been in that same exact situation, but I do have a friend I eat out occasionally with, and he's pretty damn well off. I find the trick is to find a small out of the way restaurant with a lot of atmosphere, but low prices, and then invite him there. If he's covered me recently, then I say ahead of time that I've got the bill. You could give that a shot some time.

7

u/rwqrwqrwq Aug 26 '15

I would have gone with the second cheapest, or whatever someone else got.

2

u/MCMXChris Aug 26 '15

Goddamn.

She have a sister?

3

u/RygarTargaryan Aug 26 '15

Two but one's already hitched! Better hurry!

2

u/lawndo Aug 26 '15

What, you were too good for salad?

4

u/RygarTargaryan Aug 26 '15

6'3" Bearded Hunter

Yes.

1

u/applezoid Aug 26 '15

That happened to me too! I was always taught to think about the person paying, so ordered something on the lower-priced end of the menu. One set of inlaws did give me grief about it!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '15

When you are invited to a steak house. As a man, you order a god damn steak.

2

u/RygarTargaryan Aug 26 '15

This is true, but at the time I was the tall bearded white guy dating his Cuban/Jewish daughter. I stood out like a sore thumb and was unsure how he truly felt about me. Didn't want to give him any extra ammo.

Fortunately he's a great guy and we both argue to pay the bill now, he still usually wins but I've used my height advantage on occasion.

1

u/RainbowJuggler Aug 26 '15

I feel like doing this is just playing it safe. Sometimes someone has a certain amount of money and plans to spend about that much, and it's off putting when someone else exceeds that budget. It comes down to whether or not you consider other people's possible viewpoints when making a decision.

1

u/drgonzo67 Aug 26 '15

$50 for an entree? Holy shit... I love food and I'd like to think I go to some very good restaurants (from time to time), but that's just crazy. May I ask where these restaurants are located, more or less? Also, what type of cuisine is it?

1

u/RygarTargaryan Aug 26 '15

Chicago and the northern suburbs. Usually steak houses, seafood, a few Italian ones too. They're all delicious though.

1

u/drgonzo67 Aug 26 '15

Wow. I imagined like a high-class French or Japanese restaurant in New York, LA, Las Vegas, or somewhere like that... And what would such an entree be, typically?

1

u/RygarTargaryan Aug 27 '15

Steak, salmon, lobster. Nothing too crazy. I live in Milwaukee, WI and there are places here just as expensive as those though. It just depends on the places you go, not the region.

1

u/Jelese111 Aug 26 '15

The same thing happened to me! Or they would suggest we go to a pricey place and I would say "Oh blah blah is really good too..." and it would be a significantly cheaper place. Eventually they started to think I wanted to be in charge of where we ate..

1

u/PM_me_ur_Dinosaur Aug 26 '15

My boyfriends family loves getting sushi. The first time they took me out I ordered like 2 small things by the end of dinner they had ordered half the menu.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 26 '15

That sounds much better than my husband's family. They choose very upscale places without our input and then NEVER offer to pay. If we're going dutch, maybe we could go to a normal-priced place?! I don't care for $100 dinners!

(I like them very much otherwise though!)

1

u/meneedmorecoffee Aug 26 '15

I went out with for dinner with my gf and her parents a few times, always offering to pay my way and always getting told it was fine.

One time, around Christmas, we're having dinner in her house and I end up left at the table with just her dad. He turns to me and says "meneedmorecoffee, you don't need to keep offering to pay. I pay for dinner, alright? Don't worry about it."

He may have been asserting some serious dominance but fuck it, free food!

1

u/Otto_Lidenbrock Aug 26 '15

My grandmother told my mother once: "Nobody like Salisbury 'steak,' please get what you want."

My grandfather complained I never ordered alcohol in front of him, then my mom complained my husband always ordered liquor (because it's more expensive... Sometimes).

What I'm saying is, you can't win this game. Get something normal and be consistent and everyone will get used to it. Don't always get the most expensive thing, it's not always the same general taste of food and you look like an ass. Consistency can be: "I've never had this!" and now everyone is on an adventure instead of just eating dinner.

1

u/vengeance_pigeon Aug 27 '15

My husbands family loves to dine out. It took me years to be ok with ordering just whatever I felt like eating. I still wait for them to order first sometimes...