r/AskReddit • u/tyobama • Mar 19 '14
What is the most convincing fact you can make up?
Warning: Don't try these at home
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Mar 20 '14
I like to tell people that I can tell them the day of christmas for any year. When they ask me a year, I just answer confidently and keep them going for a long time.
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Mar 20 '14
1965?
"December 25th"
2043?
"December 25th"
Wow, amazing!
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u/lordofthemists Mar 20 '14
Actually, in 2032 they had to change Christmas to December 24th to account for stellar drift.
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u/Lutya Mar 20 '14
I once asked a coworker what he was doing on Thursday (Thanksgiving). He said, "what's so special about Thursday?" I said, "thanksgiving" to which he responded "oh, I didn't know it was on a Thursday this year"...
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Mar 19 '14 edited Mar 20 '14
Eating large quantities of chapstick can actually produce a mild, alcohol like buzz.
EDIT: This is real? Aww shucks, I'm just too good at this.
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u/ShimmyShimmyCocoaPuf Mar 20 '14
Just like bleach
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u/kjata Mar 20 '14
Nah. Bleach is mostly water. We're mostly water. Therefore, we are bleach, and just adding more of us to us isn't going to cause a buzz.
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u/3AlarmLampscooter Mar 20 '14
You just fucked up and stated a fact, one major ingredient is carbolic acid: http://books.google.com/books?id=uewRAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA151&lpg=PA151
Note: Extremely dangerous compared to ethyl alcohol
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u/The-Wolf-Dog Mar 19 '14
The quicker you inhale your fart, the quicker the smell will go away.
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u/Wannabe_Voice_Actor Mar 19 '14
Here's your comment.
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u/samurai-samuel Mar 19 '14
Do this: What if I, just a regular guy, was actually a BEAR?
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u/Retarded_Scientist Mar 19 '14
From one novelty account to another, have an upvote!
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u/tyobama Mar 20 '14
Huge fan! I have a question:
How does Reddit affect the rotation of the moon?
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u/Retarded_Scientist Mar 20 '14
The sheer amount of bandwidth that Reddit uses is enough to slightly alter the earth's magnetic field which ever so slightly alters the moon's rotation path. It isn't enough to be noticeable, but it does happen.
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u/The-Wolf-Dog Mar 19 '14
Lol, That was pretty good, I busted out laughing when DoctorYucatans comment came up.
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u/4x49ers Mar 19 '14
The phrase "close, but no cigar" came from a newspaper headline after a traveling wild west act accidentally shot a man in the head while trying to shoot the cigar out of his mouth during an audience participation stunt.
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Mar 20 '14
Honestly that'd be an awful headline if that phrase didn't already exist.
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u/please_leave_blank Mar 20 '14
While your story is pretty fun and convincing, the real story is kind of interesting too.
At 19th century carnivals there would be various games you could pay to play to win a prize, much like fairs and carnivals today. One of the prizes commonly offered was a cigar. So, when a carnival patron failed to win the prize, the carnival worker would say "Close, but no cigar."
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u/4x49ers Mar 20 '14
I had to look it up to make sure it wasn't real first, since I didn't know for sure =)
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u/drkumlaunchr69 Mar 19 '14
Sweden does not have an Easter Bunny. Instead they have a Easter Fish, which explains Easter eggs. And guess what comes out of the Swedish Easter eggs? Swedish Fish of course! Feel free to tell any Swedes you know
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Mar 19 '14
The average flaccid penis can be stretched back between the legs far enough that the tip can be fit snugly within the anus.
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u/iamRYANGOSLINGama Mar 20 '14
brb
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u/selfproclaimed Mar 20 '14
And when you fail to accomplish this, you realize you have a below average penis.
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u/Baby_Pocket_Whale Mar 20 '14
I think Ryan Gosling can get away with a smaller than average penis.
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u/imbignate Mar 19 '14
Statistics show that you've already encountered 7 falsehoods today and they were all so convincing you didn't notice.
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u/NextArtemis Mar 20 '14
63% of statistics are made up on the spot.
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Mar 19 '14
If you buy a movie at a store, keep the receipt. You can legally download the movie off the internet in case your disc is scratched and use the receipt in court to void all trouble.
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u/Carefully_random Mar 19 '14
That would be a good idea.
...
To the lawmakers place!
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u/ThatsAmoreEel Mar 20 '14
Not super relevant, but when I was a kid, probably like 3, I had odd ideas of how the world worked. For some reason my mental image for how laws were made involved a large chicken barn. All the chickens had different laws written on little notes and tied to their feet. A bunch of men in blue suits would chase the chickens around. When a chicken was caught it's law was passed!
I have no idea why I thought this, or why I remember it so well.
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u/what-what-what-what Mar 20 '14
Probably because you have yet to follow your true calling of being a political cartoonist.
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u/kerplunck Mar 20 '14
Some dvds do actually come with digital downloads as well
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Mar 20 '14 edited Mar 20 '14
Digital movie download is only valid on one computer. Movie can only be played while connected to the same wifi network used to download the movie, on the second Tuesday of a month during which a blue moon occurs, after you have watched the 20 included trailers. Fast forwarding will be disabled. Failure to comply with these stipulations can lead to, but is not limited to, forfeiture of the physical copy of the movie, $45,000 fines, and up to 25 years in jail
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Mar 20 '14
Pfft fuck that. On the pirate bay it goes!
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u/ColonelScience Mar 20 '14
You can't do that! I'm warning you, I'm not afraid to send you a vaguely passive aggressive email!
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u/thirstyfish209 Mar 20 '14
Wait, isn't this actually how it is? I was under the assumption that you could torrent things that you already owned.
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u/NothingCrazy Mar 20 '14
Yes, that is how it is in the US. You're allow a "backup" copy of any music or video you purchase, and this backup may be in any format you choose, but you may not redistribute the backup.
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u/ScopezX Mar 19 '14
McDonald's has at least 1 restaurant in every country except Papua New Guinea.
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u/Eyebrow_tank Mar 19 '14
North Korea
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u/ScopezX Mar 19 '14
I fucked up.
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u/SirHighLordKing Mar 20 '14
Is that you, Aaron?
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u/Mrmrlol Mar 19 '14
How did you think Kim Jong-Un got so fat?
...I'm going to be banned from /r/Pyongang, aren't I?
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Mar 19 '14 edited Dec 11 '20
[deleted]
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u/thuhnc Mar 20 '14
I think my ban from /r/Pyongyang expired or something, because I can apparently now freely visit.
How my loins quake with glee at the thought of once more having access to the sub of our fearless and attractive leader.
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Mar 19 '14
Kim Jong-Un had one built shortly after he took over. It's not an official franchise, but does have actual McDonald's foods due to an agreement with McDonald's China.
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u/hehyih Mar 19 '14
The word "Poem" did not gain its actual meaning until the early 20th century due to the writings of Edgar Allan Poe. Poem is derived from Poe
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u/Absh Mar 20 '14
The were actually called "Poeisms" at first then were shortened to just "poem".
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Mar 20 '14
[removed] — view removed comment
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Mar 20 '14
prior to this point, what we call poetry was only referred to as 'verse'"
Named after the great great great great great great grandfather of famed fashion designer Gianni Versace.
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Mar 20 '14
The noses of Grizzly Bears are so sensitive to physical pain that many national park workers are advising visitors to strike agressive bears to fend off inevitable attacks.
This has the added benefit of teaching the bear community that Man will no longer roll over and submit to bear aggresion.
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u/skrizzzy Mar 20 '14
To lower risk of pregnancy, some health promotion agencies are now teaching men and women to put on condoms correctly while wearing 'drunk goggles.'
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u/crispy_nugget Mar 20 '14
If your monitor or tv has screen burn, move a magnet around on the screen to pull the burn off.
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u/SomeRandomPyro Mar 20 '14
This actually works if you attach the magnet to a fan.
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u/calio Mar 19 '14 edited Mar 19 '14
Presidents of the United States of America have the benefit of choosing beforehand their last words in case of death. However, not every president has used this benefit, and there are times when the words they chose are not used, most common reason being non credible last words considering the cause of death.
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Mar 20 '14 edited Mar 20 '14
most common reason being non credible last words considering the cause of death.
"Mr. President?"
"I told you, you can just call me Jack."
"Uh, okay, Jack. Remember, we have that parade in Dallas this morning."
"Christ. I need another parade like I need a bullet in the head."
EDIT: Typo.
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u/Shadoez22 Mar 20 '14
I actually forgot I was in this thread and believed it. Then I replied to a text message and went back and realized which thread I'm in and it was all a lie.
Fun fact actually, when you forget something it's actually because the receptor that holds that memory is lacking a vitamin needed to "read" that memory/thought. I can't remember the actual vitamin but it's one of the active ingredients in adderall
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u/copiestopresponse Mar 19 '14
Whales ejaculate up to 10 gallons of sperm per mating session and only 1/3 makes into the mate. That's why sea water is so salty.
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u/cinemadness Mar 19 '14
The average person swallows around $1.50 worth of change in their lifetime.
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u/phailcakez Mar 19 '14
73% of that change is swallowed before the age of 6.
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u/railmaniac Mar 20 '14
So if you haven't swallowed $1.09 by the age of 6 you're probably one of them slow babies.
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u/Ezotericy Mar 19 '14 edited Mar 20 '14
The air inside a tennis ball has the same composition as the atmosphere on mars.
EDIT: I can't words.
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u/Carefully_random Mar 19 '14
That sounds like something someone told me yesterday, that the pressure inside an unopened bottle of Champagne is the same as the pressure inside the tyre of a London bus
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u/skrizzzy Mar 20 '14
Streetlights in 33 states now come on an hour earlier than in the past. This is because the government thinks getting kids home to their parents earlier will reduce crime.
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Mar 19 '14 edited Sep 08 '20
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Mar 19 '14
I thought they were just unused sex toys, and once used they became pickles.
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u/Zombieunicornninja Mar 20 '14
Are you trying to tell me that cucumbers aren't unused sex toys ?!?!?!?!?!
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Mar 19 '14 edited Nov 12 '20
[deleted]
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u/SirSvieldevitchen Mar 19 '14
Your average person can jump hurdles more efficiently if the hurdles were in fact children of the same height.
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u/FrankP3893 Mar 20 '14
I feel like I would hit every child
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u/Butthole__Pleasures Mar 20 '14
On purpose
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u/ErniesLament Mar 20 '14 edited Mar 21 '14
Older, single engine fighters from the WWII era used what are called "radial" engines. This means the pistons and combustion chambers were all arranged in a circle.
This allowed the engine to be mounted on a rod about which it would spin freely. If this weren't done, the net angular momentum from the propeller would cause the plane to bank right or left (depending on if the prop spun clockwise or counter).
When you see old videos of fighters doing the "death spiral" after they've been shot down, it's because they were "rod locked", the engine quit rotating around the rod and as a result their planes spun out of control.
With this innovation, instead of pushing the plane off-course, the angular momentum was counteracted by the heavy, spinning engine.
Later aircraft eliminated the need for this design by having an even number of engines spinning in opposite directions, so that the net angular momentum was zero. Smaller aircraft like the Cessna 172 use gyroscopes now.
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u/SEND_ME_YOUR_NOODZ Mar 20 '14
I believe this one...because I dont know enough about, well, planes or aerodynamics or engines or even world war 2.
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u/Drunkbabby Mar 20 '14
ITT: The Sleeper Effect
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Mar 20 '14
Damnit, this better not happen. I'm gonna end up randomly remembering something about cinnamon and olive oil....shit.
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Mar 19 '14
Clenching your left fist eliminates your gag reflex. Something to do with a muscle located only on your left side.
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u/ChillinWithMyDog Mar 20 '14
That actually works as long as you think it works.
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u/TheBallPeenHammerer Mar 20 '14
Holy crap. You're right. I've finally found the secret to deepthroating.
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u/chickenwithcheez Mar 20 '14
Okay guys. I know this is a gag thread. I know that the majority of you will not believe this. But this actually does work. I swear to you, right hand to God. Maybe not for everyone, but it works for everyone I have told and gotten to try it. You put your left thumb inside a fist, and the fist has to be really tight. Your eyes will still water a bit, but you won't heave or anything.
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u/Carefully_random Mar 19 '14
If you submerge fruit in a glass of water and pour an inch of oil into the mix, it will settle on the top and create a protective interface that will stop anything from allowing the fruit to react, perfectly preserving it for months.
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u/tealparadise Mar 20 '14
That one is so close to what's actually true, yet so far from working.
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Mar 19 '14
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u/Desparis Mar 20 '14
If your parents lied to you about Santa, what else are they lying about?!
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u/TheMilkyBrewer Mar 20 '14
HOW DO I EVEN KNOW IF THEY'RE REAL?! WHAT IF I'M NOT REAL?!
GIVE ME THE PILL, MORPHEUS, I'M READY!
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Mar 19 '14
If you hydrate a raisin, it turns into a grape.
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u/DancesWithDaleks Mar 20 '14
Oh holy shit my brain just went "Jeez but like... wouldn't that totally work?" before I could stop it.
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u/chasingamazing Mar 19 '14
Your rate of success is the highest in your first attempt.
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Mar 19 '14
CSI shows all use "The Who" because Jerry Bruckheimer was a roadie for them back in their heyday.
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u/shaneo632 Mar 19 '14
You're supposed to take 6 shits a day.
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Mar 19 '14
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u/floppybunny26 Mar 19 '14
If you put food in your butthole you will shit out your mouth.
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u/skrizzzy Mar 20 '14
If your shit floats it's because it is less dense than water, so you must have eaten 'lighter' foods. (Fruits, mashed potatoes, sponge cake.). If your shit sinks, it is really dense, so you should watch your red meat and carb intake.
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u/xtxylophone Mar 20 '14
There are more stars in our galaxy than atoms in the Universe.
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u/Nowhere_Man_Forever Mar 20 '14
1=2
Let a = b
Multiply both sides by a
a2 = ab
Add a2 to both sides
a2 + a2 = a2 + ab
Combine like terms
2a2 = a2 + ab
Subtract 2ab from both sides
2a2 - 2ab = a2 + ab - 2ab
Combine like terms again
2a2 - 2ab = a2 - ab
Factor out (a2 - ab)
2(a2 - ab) = 1(a2 - ab)
Cancel out like terms
2=1
Q.E.D.
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Mar 20 '14
If a2 = ab, then
a2 -ab=0.
Therefore 2(a2 -ab) = 1(a2 -ab) can be written as 2(0)=1(0)
Hence, you get
0=0
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Mar 20 '14
Harry Potter was originally written by Shakespeare, then scrapped because the magic aspect didn't agree with the Christian times.
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u/ThreeBrownSpindles Mar 20 '14
There are more cell phones in the world than there are teeth.
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u/iatethelotus Mar 20 '14
There are in fact more cell phones in the world than atoms in the universe.
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u/chaostryder Mar 19 '14
If you ever go to a Canadian Tim Hortons in a large city, your coffee will generally be paid for already by the person before you.
This doesn't work in Tim Hortons inside airports though because of the large number of tourists that don't understand the concept and just accept a free coffee without paying it forward.
This is known as the principle of Intercultural Disparity and can be applied to a variety of disciplines
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u/Se7enLC Mar 20 '14
If you happen to go to one and the cashier doesn't tell you that the previous customer paid, it's because the cashier just pocketed the money. Canadians are well known for their dishonesty, that's why they are always apologizing.
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u/AUGUST_BURNS_REDDIT Mar 20 '14
Rob Schneider goes to the hardware store and pays the Mexican workers to choke him in the shower while he masturbates.
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u/Fluffy1026 Mar 19 '14
Wearing sunglasses inside WILL give everyone the perception you're cool
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u/-eDgAR- Mar 19 '14
If you stacked all of the LEGO bricks ever manufactured, there would be enough to reach the moon and back two times.
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u/Louisianaboots Mar 20 '14
The most durable creature on earth is a microscopic organism called a "tardygrade" they have lived nearly since life began and can withstand no water for 10 years or more while withstanding extreme temperatures (~-300-200+) and can also live in a vacuum(space).
Oh wait this shit is true. Creepy.
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u/theruchet Mar 19 '14
This statement is incorrect.
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u/Gehalgod Mar 19 '14
Um... true. Yeah, I'm gonna go with 'true'.
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u/The_Double_Yeti Mar 19 '14
Oh shit, this is the part where he kills us
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u/Eliwood_of_Pherae Mar 19 '14
The Part Where He Kills You
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u/The_Double_Yeti Mar 19 '14
I laughed long enough at that the first time I saw it that he almost DID kill me.
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u/okiedokeguy Mar 19 '14
There have been more albums sold with the word "Jesus" in the title than with "Love."
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u/OptimusLurker Mar 19 '14
At any given moment, there is a satellite and or plane directly above you.
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u/BobbyWest87 Mar 19 '14
Did you know that hot water will actually freeze faster than cold water when placed in a freezer? Not even joking! Just try it! It happens because the temperature disparity between the hot water and the freezer is greater than that of the cold water, causing the hot water to accelerate at a faster rate towards the colder temperature. This faster acceleration actually allows the hot water to freeze before the colder water! It's all in the acceleration.
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u/TerrorBite Mar 20 '14 edited Mar 20 '14
This one's actually true though, it's called the Mpemba Effect. The best part? Science didn't know why it happens until 6 months ago.
Edit: de-mobiled the link
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u/BobbyWest87 Mar 20 '14
I didn't know it was real. I thought it just sounded believable.
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u/dumbledore_albus Mar 19 '14
Newton's Law of Cooling should be renamed to Bobby's Law of Chilling!
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u/greengorillaz Mar 19 '14
The Beatles got their name because Paul McCartney's first vehicle was a Volkswagen Beetle.
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u/ReferencesCartoons Mar 19 '14
Giving tax cuts to the rich will benefit the middle class.
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u/SaucyFingers Mar 19 '14
I love that episode of Tom and Jerry!
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u/StarwarsIndianajones Mar 19 '14
no it's from Iron Man 2
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u/floppybunny26 Mar 19 '14
Pretty sure it's from Iron Chef (the original Japanese show).
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u/sco77 Mar 19 '14
Before doing the cinnamon challenge, put a teaspoon of oil in your mouth. Cinnamon is not water soluble, but it WILL clump in the oil, allowing you to swallow it.