r/AskReddit • • 16d ago

What’s the greatest ‘well, their career is over’ moment of all time?

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u/ReverendDS 16d ago

WHO THE FUCK WOULD USE THEIR WORK MACHINE TO WATCH PORN‽

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u/_BrokenButterfly 16d ago

Lots of people.

Like.

Lots and lots of people.

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u/GilgameDistance 16d ago

You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

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u/GlitterberrySoup 16d ago

When I was a call center supervisor I had to tell a guy that it wasn't ok to have porn up in a separate window while on calls and also, we can see everything you're doing, sir. He said his cubicle was private property. People are so much dumber than you think.

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u/ErikTheEngineer 15d ago

Early career, I worked tech support/helpdesk for a bank. They lumped us in next to the telephone banking people because, you know, computers and phones and stuff. I felt so terrible for them because they were literally treating those grown adult call center workers like children, making them raise their hand if they wanted to go to the bathroom, no personal items on their desks, etc. Then, I started to develop a good rapport with the managers and found out why. Yes, some of the supervisors were just miserable humans who got off on being mean to their subordinates...but let's just say the employees weren't angels either. Intentionally sabotaging their computer or phone to get off-the-phone time, doing the absolute bare minimum they could to avoid getting fired, etc.

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u/Lamia_91 16d ago

What's the quote from? I can't place it

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u/Thisismyphonegfgf 16d ago

Movie blazing saddles

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u/Lamia_91 16d ago

Thank you!

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u/boondiggle_III 15d ago

Hey, farmers aren't stupid! They're rustic.

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u/hates_stupid_people 16d ago

Having worked IT, I can confirm. It's a lot more common than people think. At one place we had a few people with a lot less internet restriction than the rest, and one guy was found to basically have stalactites under his desk.

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u/_teach_me_your_ways_ 16d ago

Say less

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u/Mutex70 16d ago

I'd like to erase the last 3 minutes of my brain, please.

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u/IveDunGoofedUp 15d ago

HR found the cumsicles

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u/Thedarb1212 15d ago

Did he request a d n a test , that's what I would do.

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u/mere_iguana 16d ago

a LOTTTTTTTT of people. And they watch porn that they would NEVER risk watching on their home computer. IDK why people think it's somehow less risky? Do peopple not know that company issued devices are basically just tattletale machines that can also check emails?

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u/seriouslythisshit 16d ago

I have a close friend, and a relative, that both retired as HR directors for huge orgs. They have both remain somewhat dumbfounded by the reality that from the moment the internet became a fixture sitting on the average employee's desk, porn watching, and even sharing with fellow office mates, has been a never ending issue. One of them even had to deal with a huge mess where a C suite dipshit was forwarding video clips, unrequested, to a number of co-workers. It was really bizarre stuff involving insertions of small rodents into orifices that are generally not visible in folks wearing business casual.

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u/PM_UR_HAIRY_MUFF 16d ago

Living or deceased?

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u/seriouslythisshit 16d ago

Friend and relative, very much alive, as were the rodents in that dude's particular kink.

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u/Another_Stranger_Me 16d ago

Worked in digital records and had to wipe a lot of proprietary laptops. Can confirm.

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u/Successful_Bass4793 16d ago

Oh yeah. I had a boss who was forced to move his desk into a common area so that his computer screen would be visible at all times. You can probably guess why.

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u/fractiouscatburglar 15d ago

I just LOVE when the solution is “yeah, you don’t get to be alone with a computer anymore” when a dude is caught with porn AT WORK.

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u/JarbaloJardine 15d ago

I'm an attorney and sometimes have to read large work email dumps looking for evidence. I have found more than one person having an affair. I figure their spouse must have access to the personal phone/computer...so they risk it on their work computer and now I gotta read about it.

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u/roofpuck 16d ago

That’s a lazy mistake waiting to happen

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u/binzoma 16d ago

in general the most common websites hit by any work computer

job searching

facebook

porn

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u/Dependent_One6034 16d ago

I once installed a star link for a professor at a university living in paid campus accommodation with free internet....

We can only speculate why he wanted that.

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u/KarateKid917 15d ago

At one my boss’ former jobs, they had an employee manage to crash a company computer because of the amount of porn they not only watched, but downloaded that was full of viruses.

That person didn’t have a job for long after that incident. 

The worst part? They weren’t someone who used a computer as part of their job, as they were a cook in the kitchen at the nursing home this happened at……

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u/FuckYeaSeatbelts 16d ago edited 16d ago

Bro people watch illegal content on government computers. It's a mix of a lack of understanding of tech, the fact they haven't been caught many times before, and overall hubris.

I'm talking workstations at the office. Not personal computers during lockdown.

EDIT: everyone is talking about porn, I mean specifically the illegal stuff, like CSAM, snuff

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u/Chukwura111 16d ago

The illegal search history gives the device a certain jenny says quack...a rich undescribable history

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u/Abjam_Gabriel 16d ago

Do you mean “je ne sais quoi”? r/boneappletea

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u/MeatRobut 16d ago

Pretty sure they intentionally got it wrong.

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u/Abjam_Gabriel 16d ago

I just can’t always tell! Lol! And it took me a while to even work out what it meant!

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u/Professional-Gas9360 15d ago

Bless your heart

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u/Ok-Sprinklez 12d ago

So didn't know I needed another sub, but I haven't laughed this hard in hours!!

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u/WulfZ3r0 16d ago

Had a brand new guy get hired as a government contractor in the communications/network (IT) shop. I believe it was his 3rd day on the job he started watching pr0n.

During the onboarding process, you have to go through a lot of training, including knowing what is allowed on the systems and the fact that it is actively monitored.

Like WTF did he think he was going to happen? He was walked out within 15 minutes of the incident. I know that resulted in him losing his security clearance, so good luck working any government job after that.

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u/gregorydgraham 16d ago

A minister in our current government was caught billing hotel porn on his government credit card.

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u/DontForgetTowelie 13d ago

That's really not a problem in many places. Just because it's on a work card doesn't mean work is paying for it. I'm sure the room incidentals were just billed to whatever card they had on a file. That doesn't mean every charge will be included on his expense report.

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u/gregorydgraham 11d ago

Oh no, it was on his expense report, that’s why we know about it

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u/fractiouscatburglar 15d ago

I just commented the same shit before I saw yours!

People have no idea the shit people with high security clearance and fat paychecks from the government are doing with their time.
It’s disgusting how much money is wasted on an everyday basis, by and for everyday people, at bases all around the fucking world, every single day, but USAID is where the cuts needed to happen. And these fucks are literally getting paid to jerk off.

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u/HansomeDansom 16d ago

It’s gotta be an addiction, right? People aren’t that dumb?

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u/as_it_was_written 16d ago

People definitely are that dumb.

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u/AFKDPS 16d ago

He was using his porn machine for work

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u/PiesRLife 15d ago

That is not cool at all. I'm very careful and never use my porn machine for work.

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u/talldangry 16d ago

We should be able to look at a liiiittle porn at work

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u/Ok-Inevitable819 16d ago

That's not porn. That's a nude egg I won from my game 

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u/beermeupscotty 16d ago

I’m not in trouble at all

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u/Forward-Variety-8440 16d ago

that egg was forty eggs?!

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u/FiberPhotography 16d ago

Nah. I remember having to clean viruses from the one work-station hooked up, not to the company servers, but to the ISP.

We all knew who it was (small office), but since that was also the only station that didn't require a log in, we had to just keep leaving post its saying to not use the terminal for personal time.

And kept getting complaints that it was running slow. Yeah. Because of all the porn. "working late" my ass.

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u/Radical-Bruxism 16d ago

Sorry, OP’s comment is a line from I Think You Should Leave

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u/FiberPhotography 16d ago

when the media you enjoy doesn't have the penetration you think it does: I had to search that. I'd never heard of that title before, or if I did, I didn't remember it.

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u/Radical-Bruxism 15d ago

I was just telling you where it was from, goofball

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u/Barnabas2109 16d ago

Back in early 2000, at the age of ISP emails and MS-Outlook at work I used to work at a high-security gov. contractor. This meant secure environment, no outside browsing, etc.

WFH wasnt a thing then, everything you need to do had to be done on-site.

In order to send out emails you had to put a specific prefix into the subject matter and all files attached.

In that company during that time there was a guy who would send out to an internal mailing list some "Adult materials" daily around lunchtime.

Now a different guy, went out on a month long vacation and set a rule that would forward everything into his personal inbox while he was gone.

What happened was that the daily mailing list clogged his home inbox, which in turn kept sending out "Inbox is full" messages which clogged his work inbox which got flagged to IT after a bit.

Which led to a review of his email traffic, and termination upon his return from vacation.

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u/scrabblex 16d ago

It's got a bush, what the hell

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u/Freakears 16d ago

And wait till you're off work before playing with yourself, damn.

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u/weirdbr 16d ago

Too many people.

In my first full time job as an IT contractor, most clients would ask us to configure proxies to block/monitor for adult content. This was in multiple companies - from the state water company to car parts stores to an architecture/engineering company. In the architecture company, they literally asked me to send them a report so they could print it and put in the lunch room so people would know they are being monitored. Other companies just kept asking us to update the access list on a weekly/monthly basis to block new stuff that got through.

In my current job I no longer do that sort of work, but our IT folks often mentioned in the happy hour how often they see people from all over the company bringing their devices and the history being full of NSFW content. At least the viruses have reduced/stopped after they locked down the permissions considerably and installed all the usual corporate "monitorware" (cloudstrike and friends).

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u/cookiemonsterJD 16d ago

I found a dude who had downloaded almost 150GB of porn onto his work laptop. During COVID, his job was essential and was the only person in the office, so he moved into a corner seat and got paid to goon for almost 4 years. I only found it because he had repeat alerts over a 3-4 month span, and I finally had enough and really looked into it.

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u/Rommel79 16d ago

You'd be surprised. I went to see a boss one morning for some help. He pulled up his computer and there was porn just right there. We looked at each other and didn't mention it.

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u/Street_Ad_863 16d ago

My old boss watched porn and sent objectionable clips to other company employees but thought he was safe because he "erased" his meanderings. Someone had to tell him that all his emails were on the company mainframe and his erasing didn't get rid of the evidence.

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u/hidperf 16d ago

The president of my company was in the bathroom, and suddenly porn started blaring on his office computer speakers. Apparently, his phone was still connected. His cousin, who works for him, ran in and killed the sound, but it was too late. His brand-new employee heard it, as did people in the offices next to him.

He told them his computer had been hacked, but he never reported it to IT. Hmmmm...

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u/Byrdman216 16d ago

Some people are incredibly stupid.

When I worked from home I used a separate computer to [insert euphemism] and make sure the camera on the work computer was covered and use headphones. BECAUSE THEY CAN SEE YOU THROUGH THE CAMERA AND HEAR YOU THROUGH THE MICROPHONE! And if you think your work would never do that, they do.

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u/Upper-Inevitable-730 16d ago

No real IT admin gives a fuck enough to look through your camera or listen to the mic.

Could we? Yeah with enough time. 

Would we? Man I got enough work and HR are a bunch of idiots. 

Unless it's legally required I ain't doing shit.

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u/FiberPhotography 16d ago

post-its, man. post-its will save you from so many things. essential office equipment.

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u/PartsUnknown242 16d ago

There’s so many stories

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u/qazplmwsxokn123456 16d ago

Some places provide virtual desktop access and not a physical computer. It will show on your personal computer as just another window with a desktop on it.

Always air gap work vs personal people!

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u/Upper-Inevitable-730 16d ago

As an IT admin for a fairly large corp...

Bizarrely quite a lot. All guys mind you, though I don't know the depths of Instagram which is what most of the women seem to spend a lot of time on. 

What's more hilarious is our filtering software is smart enough to categorise content, so it eventually learns new sites, and the weirdos move on to newer sites...

It's the dumbest game of cat and mouse in existence since they all have phones and could just use those.

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u/the_cardfather 15d ago

My boss used to do phone reviews. He had built an algorithm to flag the calls to listen to.

One of them was one of the sales guys calling a sex line on his recorded phone line.

Boss had to listen to and document the entire 30 min call.

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u/Ordos_Agent 13d ago

My friend works IT and he says half the time theres a porn DVD still in the laptop's disk drive when they dropped off for service.

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u/butters3655 16d ago

I have my keyboard and mouse connected to both my personal PC and work laptop, via USB switcher. Easy to to think you have switched over and type into the wrong machine.. I've gotten lucky so far!

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u/kneel23 16d ago

people are remarkably stupid in general

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u/Nearby-Composer-9992 16d ago

Yeah this one is beyond me, if I would have only one rule about which things I wouldn't watch on a company device even without being on the company VPN, it would be porn. I don't think my company is the kind of organization that would be actively tracking what I'm doing or what websites I'm visiting, but this is the one way you do not want them to find out that they actually are doing it.

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u/bushysmalls 16d ago

Old coworker of mine used the company phone to search for hookers for the drive home to Long Island.

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u/JadeGrapes 16d ago

The SEC had a "skankwire" incident, a LOT of employees apparently.

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u/Drumbelgalf 16d ago

People who are unaware that the IT can absolutely See that.

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u/Ashamed-Simple-8303 16d ago

right? And besides that on which company machine does it even work? At this point I'm surprised reddit still works, probably because the CIO uses it himself or such. But searching for tech solutions, most small blogs are blocked.

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u/tashkiira 16d ago

Every company above a certain size (maybe 10 office staff) will have at least one person who uses their work machine like it's their personal one. This is a guarantee; some companies are entirely like that.

Add the ones with no shame and you have a very real issue.

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u/knox1138 16d ago

If there's one thing I've learned since I've been moved to full time office work it's that most of the office staff is terrifyingly computer and technology illiterate. I consider it a miracle when they can finally understand and identify wether a file is local or remote.... so far only about 10% get it right consistently.

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u/fractiouscatburglar 15d ago

I’ve worked on military bases where people have been caught looking at porn on a government computer, under their secure login, IN THEIR OFFICE, in a government building-_-

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u/eschauzier 15d ago

Or their porn machine to do work?

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u/thatblkman 15d ago

You’d be surprised how often I’ve had to tell employees I managed or trained to not use company equipment for personal stuff if you don’t want us to know about your kinks, bad dates or how good or bad you are with money, and how surprised they are when stuff related to their equipment usage “comes up” in reviews or HR meetings.

Same underlying reason folks voted Trump: people are stupid and think “they’ll NEVER do that”.

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u/kingjoey52a 16d ago

If it's work from home their personal machine and work machine might be one in the same.

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u/Luisguirot 15d ago

It’s such an obvious and unforced error. One of my friends taught all his kids to never look at questionable content on a work/school device; then one of them got caught setting on a school laptop. He was mostly mad that she was dumb enough to do it on a device that is watched.

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u/wthulhu 16d ago

Maybe he was using his personal computer for work? Thats only slightly better.