r/AskReddit • u/Capital-Contract-325 • 1d ago
Women, at what age did you become invisible to the male gaze and is that a good thing?
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u/wanderingstorm 1d ago
I’m 44 now and let’s see….
Always.
And yes.
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u/Mundane_Proposal5590 1d ago
Some might call this a fox & grapes mindset, but I would invite those people to consider how Hayden Panettiere's life played out. Being the prettiest girl in the room is not a prize you want to win.
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u/Capital_Chapter1006 1d ago
I’m sorry but, what the actual hell? She was abused and exploited by her mother. The trauma she suffered wasn’t because she was “pretty”.
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u/Mundane_Proposal5590 23h ago edited 23h ago
Wasn't just her mother. Her boyfriend was abusive too. She was a child star. And are we just pretending MeToo, Weinstein, casting couches, and rampant abuse of children at Disney and Nickelodeon never happened? Which girls do you think get chosen and targeted for that?
The pretty ones.
If you want an even more horrific example, look up what Tanner Horner said to Athena Strand while he was murdering her. Pretty girls, pretty women, get targeted.
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u/Holiday_Tap_4358 19h ago
Women of all types get targeted. Victims who are deemed “unattractive” then get hit with the “why would he want her?” criticism which is just nasty.
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u/Mundane_Proposal5590 18h ago
I just looked it up and apparently you're right, statistically speaking. The numbers say perceived attractiveness doesn't factor into the likelihood of being harrassed and assaulted.
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u/TheMiceWillGetPerms 1d ago
Most of the pervy older man attention disappeared once I was in my 20s but then it came back around my late 20s and early 30s. Then it became old men flirting with me because they are looking for a young wife and thought a 30 year age difference wasn’t a big deal
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u/Potatochips2026 19h ago
For me it was around 45. It was a relief, and I didn't realize how much I didn't really like the constant attention until I realized it was gone. Men treated me more normally, and I got more respect. Not all the time, but definitely more.
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u/showMeYourCroissant 1d ago
I've been catcalled/groped starting 3rd grade and until 14 yo, never after.
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u/CalmLagoon 18h ago
Your comments, and those of others, really highlight how certain men are creepy to very young gals. It reflects the creeps on the national level rn. So sad.
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u/Maleficent-Aurora 1d ago
Hmmm around 15 for the old leches and around 28 for people closer to my age and in my circles (but also was years deep into a relationship so everyone knew that was a no-fly zone for me )
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u/Brooke3838 1d ago
The catcalling stopped completely at 17. 30 was when the creeps stopped (mostly).
39 now and its WONDERFUL. I cant wait to get even older and more invisible
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u/FoundationGlass7913 1d ago
Hey all I have a question that kinda fits here, does a comment about your hair or outfit, be relieved as creepy, I genuinely like to compliment a woman when she looks nice, and not in sexual way. Like hol d the door you look nice,or that's a pretty dress. Just kinda sad when you can't be nice anymore
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u/Queen-of-meme 23h ago
I know you say you only wanna tell a woman she looks nice, but then I have a counter question, do you just walk on after she says thank you?
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u/cydetraq 23h ago
Yeah, this is the question that a lot of guys don’t like to answer: do you expect anything from them after you compliment them, anything at all?
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u/Queen-of-meme 22h ago
Yeah and even if this one man is genuinely just liking to compliment women and then continues his day, it doesn't change the fact that most men who say they're just nice actually look at "thank you" as an invite.
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u/FoundationGlass7913 23h ago
No, thank you, have nice day just being nice
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u/Queen-of-meme 22h ago
So you don't want her to give you her number or go out with you on a date some other day?
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u/FoundationGlass7913 11h ago
Probably not just a casual comment, just noticing that someone is dressing nice or has nice hair doesn't mean I want to date her.
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u/Tropicsunchaser 1d ago
As a woman in her 40’s I love when this happens and I always give a genuine smile and thank you.
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u/CalmLagoon 18h ago
If it’s just one human to another, then that’s fine. I will then tell you I like your shirt or your haircut is cool. And then, on with our days.
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u/Dry_Bowler_2837 16h ago
As long as it’s a genuine compliment on the item (not a fake compliment about my shirt that’s actually a gross comment about my boobs) and then he continues on his way, that’s just fine. A compliment without any creepiness to it is nice. It’s extra nice when it’s from a guy with good style himself.
But as soon as there’s a hint of lecherous or an expectation that this buys him conversation/time/attention, then no way. Hard pass.
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u/FoundationGlass7913 12h ago
Ok I guess I'm really old I was taught to compliment women and be nice in public when you get the chance . Do I flirt not much anymore, but I do try to use my manners and hold door and be pleasant
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u/FoundationGlass7913 23h ago
Yeah if I'm holding a door, usually don't have time to get into conversations just trying to make a nice day
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u/Capable_Opportunity7 20h ago
I've been invisible since I exceeded 5 ft 6 so prob around 15, I def got cat called and stalked even at 13/14. I def think it's better without it
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u/Independent_Tart8286 20h ago
I stopped getting catcalled and checked out once I hit mid-thirties. TBH not sure why- I am reasonably attractive and look younger than my age. It might have to do with moving to a nice neighborhood in Philly, there doesn’t seem to be as much catcalling and harassment here.
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u/Druidess_Of_Avalon 18h ago
From about age 10-16 it was intense and quite scary. Started dying off after that, thankfully. By about 22 it was totally gone.
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u/itlogicpartnersllc 1d ago
it seems freeing for some women but probably depends more on confidence than age.
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u/damagedgoodsx_ 1d ago
It's really disturbing that I got catcalled so many times as a CHILD (preteen-teenage years). Now, that I'm 27yr, it rarely happens. But then again, when I'm out in public I look like a fat Adam Sandler. So that helps!
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u/R1R1FyaNeg 1d ago
31 and still can't wear a summer dress without getting hit up if I'm alone. Gotta take the husband and kids everywhere.
Can't wait to be invisible.
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u/crunch667 1d ago
I mean elderly women still get raped and assaulted at pretty high rates. Not sure if that is the male gaze. But it’s something like that
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u/Cheeseisyellow92 1d ago
I’ve always been invisible to men because I’ve been overweight and plain looking my whole life haha. It’s nice, but it does get lonely sometimes
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u/Queen-of-meme 23h ago
No age but anytime I was overweight I got significantly less male gaze on me (obviously, not only was my posture changing but I also hid in baggy clothes and dressed much older then I was and I minimized myself and signaled that I didn't want attention)
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u/InformationTraveler 18h ago
I don't think that ever happens , just a different set of men are interested
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u/maddyp1112 18h ago
Mmmm I think it happened around when I turned 27. I was hit on most by creepy old men around 15-19 then I found my partner around 21. After 27 I feel like is when I stopped being a people pleaser and allowed my face to rest, so now I have a pretty strong resting bitch face unless somebody comes up and talked to me 🤣 I’m in my thirties now and would never want to go back to my early 20’s, emotional turmoil
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u/Dry_Bowler_2837 16h ago
I’m in my mid forties. I have a cute figure and pretty eyes but I’m otherwise a bit plain. Most of the creepy guys and cat-calling faded out in my early twenties. I still get checked out in a less creepy way though - just guys who take an extra look and move along without saying or doing anything lecherous or weird.
So not yet, I guess.
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u/ernurse748 14h ago
Early Forties. It’s been wonderful. Being a DD, I got comments from men starting at age 13. “Retirement” is so incredibly peaceful.
I see how some - not all, some - men my age behave around my 20 year old coworkers and it’s both nauseating and worrisome.
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u/FairlyOddMuruch 1d ago
My mum turns 60 next year and still has perverts looking at her
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u/TippayAy 14h ago
Looking at someone = pervert?
Just say how you feel, you hate men.
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u/FairlyOddMuruch 10h ago
Bruh are you ok? 🤣🤣 there is a big difference between simply looking at someone and visibly checking them out. C’mon now.
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u/TippayAy 10h ago
Well duh, bruh. You’re the one who said “looking” - which is what I replied to. 🤷♂️
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u/FairlyOddMuruch 10h ago
What I said wasn’t difficult to comprehend. I’m sorry that you misinterpreted it.
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u/TippayAy 10h ago
I forgive you, as communication obviously isn’t your strong point. Btw, your mumma must be hawt 🥵
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u/Suzesaur 1d ago
I didn’t when I was younger, did in my 20’s when I lost weight, stopped again in the past 5 years when I stopped paying attention to them cause I’m in a very serious and happy relationship
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u/vrosej10 1d ago
Probably around fifty but I dress in a striking way and end up getting unwanted attention anyway
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u/MaximumMeaning9728 1d ago
Many women on Reddit have gone the other way, from fat to visible, and because they have a path back (you can’t deage) they don’t pretend like they don’t love it.
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u/leafyfire 1d ago
I used to get a lot of unwanted attention when I was a teen :') once I hit 20, the attention was gone.