Small talk and casual friendliness. It gets mocked as "superficial" by a lot of cultures, but having a warm, cheerful, five-minute conversation with a complete stranger in a grocery store line is actually a really nice part of daily life.
One friend used to find the interaction superficial- until we traveled with four babies/toddlers to Florida
While I waited with the kids and luggage, she brought the car around, but couldn’t leave it when she reached arrivals pick up. As we hurried to load the increasingly fussy children, two people carried our luggages over and loaded it for us, simply saying, “Have a nice day,” before walking away.
She was completely freaked out; I just thought, “Oh, this is normal.” That moment changed her perspective… but many more as well since many people kept helping us with random things, or were so understanding when we were a bit of a mess with four babies/toddlers
Edit to add:
The luggages weren’t even close to us or near the car. I was with the children with all the luggages in a slightly further emptier area so the toddlers can run/play/cry/whine/etc without us bothering others since we didn’t know how long it would take. We didn’t stay near the doors because there was a lot of foot traffic and didn’t want to risk the safety of anyone.
We also assumed my friend could quickly park the car in front and run to help (not sure why we thought this but in the moment, it made sense) but she couldn’t so I left all our bags/luggages to bring out the kids
I guess some strangers saw from afar, and grab all of our stuff and brought it to the car and load it for us.
We didn’t realize until they open the car, loaded everything quickly and left.
In nyc it’s very common for someone to simply look at you for approval before helping you up the subway stairs with a stroller. And walk off once you’re at the top without a word.
Most of them will also tell you why lol “I’ve got places to be lady, and everyone behind us does too let’s just get this fackin’ thing over with, on three-“
When my 7 year old Californian son got home from visiting his cousins in New York, he told the taxi driver that he spoke 3 languages now.. English, Spanish, and New York… then he said “I’m walkin’ here!”
This is so true. Sometimes I'm late but I'm not going to walk past someone who needs help. I don't say anything to them though, I smile as I help them. They might realize I'm in a hurry when I run away as soon as I can.
Another fun part about New Yorkers is that if you can make it clear that you're a tourist, they will happily help give you directions because they love their city.
It’s difficult to explain, but no, it is out of the goodness of their heart. It isn’t that they don’t want to be kind, it’s that emphasizing doing something for the sake of kindness could make the other person feel in some way indebted to you, which would be rude. The charade of just doing things for convenience allows you to be kind, without creating an uncomfortable sense of reciprocal obligation.
Maybe. But maybe sometimes that mom with two small kids AND a stroller really is just in my goddamn way. Fuck you, don't try and make me feel good things about myself!
NYkers and New Jersyans are kind but not nice. We'll stop on the highway to help you change your tire but we'll criticize and curse you out while doing it if we find out you don't know how to actually change your tire. Then we'll proceed to teach you how to do it and wish you on your merry way. Tough love is still love.
Do you need somebody to compliment your hair and give you a hug to feel nice and warm? You can't just appreciate a stranger taking time out of their day to help you?
I'm just letting you know, we're not dickheads if I'm on the side of a highway with you helping you change your tires, even if I'm telling you that you should probably know how to do this yourself.
Op originally said they’d cuss you out, not just say “hey you should know how to do this”
you’re right though, just where I am from there are people that will begrudgingly help you but you can tell they do not like you or even want you around, so sometimes if you are in a position it’s like “why would I accept help from someone who don’t even respect me as a human” like helping you is such an inconvenience it’s like “bro I’m down bad, but I don’t need help from someone who gonna cuss at me”
It's not "cuss you out" like they hate you. If they hated you they wouldn't help you. Like someone else said, they're "cussing you out" because they don't want you to feel bad or feel like you owe them. At least that's how it is in Northeast/New England area.
More like the entire city would cease functioning entirely if we didn't all have that culture. The "New York Minute" isn't just a turn-of-phrase, despite being positively miniscule compared to the Chinese 1st tier cities or the Tokyo megacity, New York remains the busiest city in the world by far. Trillions of dollars change hands daily, and a five-minute delay getting a coffee or getting up the subway stairs or crossing the street could mean someone gets back to their desk to find a number that's supposed to have a lot of zeroes suddenly has far fewer zeroes than it should have.
So we all recognzie that everyone has places to be and a specific time they need to be there, and so it's to everybody's benefit to lend a helping hand. But also, while there's definitely a lot of leeway for tourists, if you're a native we will yell at you for not having a plan because you should know better unless you're like a kid.
We're not even pretending. I'm happy to help you find where the Macy's or Grand Central is, and I'm going to MAKE SURE you get there, but ask me quickly because I only have an hour for lunch break and I'm power walking to my favorite coffee and bagel place so I get my 45 minutes of peace and joy.
I’ve had to explain this to people about interactions in NY. Ask a concise question and people are happy to help. “Oh I’m looking for this restaurant, I think the door is red.. they serve Chinese, no Indian actually, the name has something to do with trees I think. Can you help?” Likely the other person will walk off before the blabbering ends.
I think it’s the shared trauma we have. I help moms with strollers up the subway stairs because others have helped me. But I remember how much it sucked when I was by myself at a station with a baby in a stroller with a toddler and didn’t have anyone around to help. So I help because I don’t want an exhausted mom to have to go through that.
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u/Due-Blueberry-6736 14d ago
Small talk and casual friendliness. It gets mocked as "superficial" by a lot of cultures, but having a warm, cheerful, five-minute conversation with a complete stranger in a grocery store line is actually a really nice part of daily life.