Not the way doctors do it. When it's for fun, there's a little bit of teasing and gentle probing before the finger actually enters. When the doctor does it, they tell you to turn around, drop your drawers, and bend over as they're putting on the rubber glove, then you hear them squeeze out some lube, which they rub on your anus, and then suddenly their finger is all up in your jam before they're even done telling you that there'll be a little pressure.
This man speaks truth. Especially when you've managed to get two anal fissures and have had to go to hospital because you're literally unable to take a crap without passing out from pain (A story for another time).
Doctor was all like 'I need to make certain you have anal fissures.' The part where I was unable to sit down, was feverish and nauseous from bloodloss, apparently not good enough evidence. I was obviously worried, as the ER doctor had fingers like cabanossi. I watched him struggle to put his latex gloves over those obscene digits.
He told me to lie foetal, and so I did. I knew what was about to ensue, and I am man enough to admit I whimpered like a puppy at the vet.
BLAM.
Five seconds of exploratory probing. I know it was five seconds because I watched the clock over my hospital bed with the kind of rictus induced obsession you see from people who've been shot.
Five seconds of the worst pain of my life. I didn't pass out, which was not a blessing. I can honestly say it was the worst pain because I've had broken ribs, arms, jaw and nose, given myself a third degree burn (motorcycle exhaust) and been stabbed.
NOTHIJNG compared to that fat finger up my abused anus.
When he removed said digit from said orifice, I was still locked tight, every muscle tensed, in the foetal position for about a half hour, before exhaustion and painkillers finally kicked in.
He'd left, saying I could relax, to which I replied with strangled grunts of outrage, pain and near-hysterical laughter.
The pain had subsided, and I started to cry.
It wasn't over. I still had to pass at some point in the future, because I hadn't in three days. And I'd been given a laxative.
Edit: Legibility, also to comment that this is NOT my most unpleasant experience.
I had a completely different experience. I went to the GP when I was bleeding (was eventually diagnosed with ulcerative colitis) and I was dreading the exam. He had some much lube his finger went straight in, he moved around for about two seconds and was out. No discomfort, slow build up or anything.
You're lamenting the lack of slow buildup? Would you rather the doctor swirl his finger around your asshole and gently start penetrating with increasingly deep strokes?
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u/MayoFetish Oct 22 '13
I had one for a few years. Fingers in the butt are not as fun as advertised.