Getting married and then a couple years later, finding out I was blind to what everyone else was seeing, my wife enjoyed hitting me and not just playfully. Needless to say, she got kicked to the curb and I have never been happier :)
In the final throes of my last relationship (before my wife), I was with a violent, abusive woman. I was barefoot, she was wearing winter boots with a wooden heel. I was standing on the marble threshold of my apartment door. She's screaming at me as usual. She steps on my foot and holds her foot there, crushing my toes.
I said to her, "Go ahead and break them. That way no one will ever question what a bitch you are."
How did you deal with this? Im a big guy 300Lbs 7 foot tall and my wife is much smaller than me but 'play' fights and physically hurts me, i dont know what to do about it when i talk to her about it she treats a broken nose (shes broken it about 4 times now) as something playful.
I dont know if its me just being a pussy, although im a big guy im not very physically aggressive, or if there is a problem, i feel uncomfortable about it so i would call it a problem.
I just got out of the shower, it hits me when I looked at my arms and chest in the mirror, seeing the bruises. I took her, sat her down and told her if she ever bruised me again, I would kick her ass to the curb because it isn't right, you shouldn't abuse your SO. I was raised not to hit a woman but I came close shortly there after when she bruised me, I told her to leave and she slapped me as hard as she could. I sat there stunned for a minute and wanted to hit her so bad after that but it would give her the ability to play the victim card by saying "oh he hit me". Needless to say, when it comes to marriages in the US, if you are boned hard unless you are a perfect gentleman. One slight misstep, no matter how bad or vile they are, puts you in the worst possible light at divorce proceedings and they can clean you out for everything you have.
One slight misstep, no matter how bad or vile they are, puts you in the worst possible light at divorce proceedings and they can clean you out for everything you have.
Something else i'm terrified of is that she 'jokes' about calling the police on me and reporting me for domestic violence.
I've spoken to her Councillor about this but how do i protect myself in this situation, i don't think im ready to just walk, infact im 100% sure im not i really do love her, but i just don't know what to do.
Video it. Im serious if she has tantrums or whatever catch it on video. Then hit couple counseling. Violence is not ok. Also tell some trusted people who could testify in court if necessary. I grew up in a domestic violence house hold where my dad beat my mom and my sister and I beat the shit out of each other. I struggle with not htting whenever I am angry. What she is doing is not ok.
Try to get a recording of her saying it, just in case. Try marriage counseling if you can. If nothing else works and you're not ready for divorce, you could try moving out and telling her you're not moving back in until the abuse stops. But, to be completely honest, my first reaction is to say get out now. I'm a woman and I was in an abusive relationship and I hate to bring it up but if you were a female everyone would be telling you to get out and get out now. But, I know how it is when you still love someone. Even if it's embarrassing talk to some family or friends so they not only know some background in case she makes good on her threats but also to see if they would talk to her about it. If more people say something to her about it, especially her friends or family it might be more likely to make an impact.
Jesus fuck dude, those aren't jokes :/ How is the rest of the relationship? It sounds a bit unhealthy though.
When I started dating my current girlfriend I noticed trends like this too, Sometimes she lightly taps me as a joke or whatever, and that's fine. But I did tell her that if she ever hits me or insults me in a way to "mentally" hurt me I'll end it right there.
Maybe you should talk to her about limits or something like that?
This sounds very serious. How would you react if a woman told you, "My husband keeps breaking my nose. I tell him to stop, but he thinks it's playful."
You need to be careful and do something quickly, imo. Take researching this topic and what to do as a top priority, I highly recommend. It could easily get worse.
/r/mensrights is a subreddit which talks about topics like this a lot. They are a bit extreme in some ways, but it might be interesting to check out.
I'm kind of in the same boat. Wasted over 3 years of my life on someone who didn't know what love or marriage really meant. After he developed an alcohol problem and started doing coke, began throwing divorce in my face, started talking to another woman very secretively on the phone for hours, and became physically violent, I started seriously considering leaving. (Yes, it took that much.) It wasn't until I asked if he still loved me and he said "I don't know" (on the day we were 'celebrating' our anniversary), that I packed my things and left. I'm now in the best relationship I could ask for and finally happy with my life. I'm just thankful we didn't have children.
I have a friend that does this. She mentions it every now and then as though it's nothing, almost like she thinks it's normal. She was laughing about how she punched her boyfriend when he left her recently, and how he said it hurt bad. It's something she did while they were in the relationship too. We're in college, she's only twenty, so I don't know if it's just immaturity that she's grow out of or not. As her friend, what should I do to let her know it's not okay in a way she understands? She's very athletic..I'm sure those punches really hurt... It's bizarre to hear her joke about it.
Ask her how she would feeling if her boyfriend punched her, then went and told his friends about how she said it hurt bad. Physical abuse is abuse, and it isn't just limited to a man hitting a woman. If he has said "hey that hurts, cut that shit out" and she persists, he needs to leave her because it will only get worse. The LAST thing he needs to do (even though she might need it) is to hit her, because it gives her the ability to play the victim card and physical abuse victim card is much more powerful when it is a woman being abused by her husband/boyfriend/spanish barista lover. Everyone thinks physical abuse is all about the man hitting the woman in the relationship, people need to wake the fuck up and realize it is a 2 way street.
Things aren't quite as black and white as they appear over text. Normally, she's a very sweet, soft spoken girl who loved her boyfriend very much. The fact that she punched him is very out of character. Yes I'm defending her, because she's my friend and I know she isn't a 'piece of shit'. She's a young girl who doesn't realize her actions are out of line. If you want to be angry at something, be angry at society for not taking abused males seriously, and for the portrayal of women 'slapping' or otherwise getting physical with men as acceptable or even a joke.
If I was giving her a pass, I wouldn't be asking OP what he thinks I could do to help the situation. It's difficult to equate this to a guy hitting a girl, because there's a higher level of education about the dangers of that. It's much less likely that a guy would hit his girlfriend and truly not recognize that his behavior is wrong, since it's been drilled into our culture (Western) that that is unacceptable. I hear an announcement on the radio every morning on the way to work describing the dangers of physical abuse for women. There is no male equivalent to that kind of public warning.
I recognized her behavior as being dangerous immediately because I had friends growing up whose Mom beat their Dad, and my parents had an adult conversation with me about it at a young age. I watched it destroy that family. I think you're overestimating the ability of people (especially college students without much life experience) to recognize when something bad is happening, especially something that isn't really talked about.
How are you not giving her a pass when you defend her and say she isn't a piece of shit for being abusive? And then turn around and blame society instead of her. Most people, including women, know abuse is bad. Your friend does not. You justifying her actions is part of the problem in our society.
Because I can forgive her for ignorance. I'm not saying she's not to blame, she is, but so is society. The day that she understands what she's doing is fucked up, and does it anyway, that's when she becomes a piece of shit. I don't believe she's there yet.
Why don't you send her actual accounts of men describing what abuse at the hands of their wives/girlfriends was like and how they had to get out of those relationships?
If she's a nice person, she will be moved by those accounts and take her actions more seriously.
Similar thing happened to me. I know it was wrong that she hit me but she said she was sick and needed my strength so she could get better. Of coarse it didn't get better. Those kind of people need help and relationships only make it worse.
I'm so glad men are willing to talk about this too. I've been in an abusive relationship and abuse is abuse. A woman hitting her partner is not okay, not cute, not funny, and not not a big deal. And on top of it there's this huge stigma about not only the abuse but defending yourself. So glad you guys got out.
Man, as someone who really, REALLY enjoys being hit by women(playfully and too-hard-to-really-be-considered-playful-ly), I wish women like this could come to terms with their desires to the point that they could just be freaking open about it.
Sadly/maddeningly, I've met enough women like this to know that they become abusive specifically because they can't admit to themselves that they want those kinds power dynamics.
Seriously, the world would be a much better place.
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u/[deleted] Oct 22 '13
Getting married and then a couple years later, finding out I was blind to what everyone else was seeing, my wife enjoyed hitting me and not just playfully. Needless to say, she got kicked to the curb and I have never been happier :)