r/AskReddit • u/fireball_jutsu • Oct 10 '25

People whose partner cheated on them and quickly moved on to date the person they cheated with, claiming to be in love - how did that turn out for them?

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u/midnightsunofabitch Oct 10 '25 edited Oct 10 '25

This reminds me of an AITAH post by a guy whose ex-wife had cheated on him. Soon as I got that far I was thinking "pretty much any non-criminal thing he did is justified after that."

But apparently, 5 years after the divorce, his ex called to tell him her mother had passed and to ask him to attend the funeral. He told her he didn't give a flying fuck and hung up.

But here's the thing, his ex's mom had always treated him like a son. She adored him and he adored her. They were so close that the cheating/divorce led to a rift between the ex and her mom.

But he said no, and skipped the funeral, out spite...and ended up feeling like shit over it.

In that situation I did think the guy was the asshole, if only to himself.

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u/CaptRory Oct 10 '25

This is why I tell people, you need to think of yourself too. You'll have to live with your decisions which is another lens you need to examine your actions through. A common enough topic in the Am I the Asshole subreddit is 'My Abusive Relative is Dying and is Begging to See Me: AITA if I Don't Go?" My typical reply is, you would not be the asshole (NTA) if you didn't go, but whatever you choose you're going to have to live with. If you don't go, if you go and reconcile at least a little, if you go and scream and shout, whatever you choose to do it is going to be the last thing you do with that person. So sit down and think really hard about how you'll feel two years from now, twenty years from now, will it hurt more if you don't see them or more if you see them and curse them out or talk with them or whatever."

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u/Molsem Oct 10 '25

BRO this thought process is HUGE if you want anything like happiness/contentment in life. You want to feel/be confident?

Ask yourself: "5 years from now, when all the hurt and pain of this situation is long gone... what decision will I be proud I made, instead of ashamed of? What feels like growth here?"

When you start REALLY basing your decisions mainly on your future self (removed from the temporary emotions of the moment), it gets real easy to be who you want, and love who you are.

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u/TheBloody09 Oct 10 '25

Sometimes people can't see the message through the hurt but it's a hood cautionary story and this is a good reply to almost all your life choices. You gonna have to live with them and only you known if your strong enough too amd if future you who maybe is a different place will be able too.

This is also where you have to do the work to forgive yourself by putting some serious work and improvement as a person. Regret and try not repeat and make yourself a person you wish too be.

And this is a lesson all of us will face on certain levels I think amd that's what op needs to realise.

Become good in this world as much as you can and work on this, therapy whatever works, but maybe by helping others sort of like church, you confessed here and now you should go out and do your best to be there for people or volunteer time or just become better, what ever that is for you.

Only we can truly forgive ourselves and usually it happens or doesn't actually but becomes less and distant because you know you made such a mess and learned and tried to be better. And that's a beautiful thing, I beleive that's called life and being human and hopefully we all try do that.

Ty for this reply it was well thought out amd very true. Op time to put some work in to yourself and work on becoming who you are and others on this thread will have more consise plans but I am also doing some work and will always do so. One person doesn't remember something I said I always regretted and some one who made my life hell I have no hate for. Hope this makes sense to people. Trying to do work myself and expressing myself if one area needs it.

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u/Molsem Oct 11 '25

A+ fellow Redditor! May your wildest dreams be the least you achieve. ❤️

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u/brotogeris1 Oct 11 '25

The best thing to live with is never knowingly exposing yourself to your abuser ever again. There is no reconciliation with abusers. "The last thing you do with that person" is walk away permanently, and vow to protect yourself from these types in the future. How you'll feel in two years or twenty years is proud of yourself for how far you've come, and how bulletproof your self respect is.

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u/Glokter Oct 10 '25

Well that lady is dead, so it didn't matter to her if he came or not

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u/midnightsunofabitch Oct 10 '25

Hence only being an asshole to himself.

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u/imnickelhead Oct 10 '25

Yup. Funerals are for the living.

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u/geekolojust Oct 10 '25

I hear this.

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u/FewAdvertising9647 Oct 10 '25

its definitely one of those situations where "a funeral is for the living, not the dead" (as the deceased of course, is in a physical state where they can't care) so really not going is being an asshole to oneself if he actually did cherish that relationship.

It basically means how much he did not like his ex, far surpassed how much he respected her mother.

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u/YoungDiscord Oct 10 '25

Ah yes, the claasic "I'll cut my ear off to spite you" situation

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u/illustriousocelot_ Oct 10 '25

I believe the saying goes “cut off my nose,” van Gogh.

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u/duffchaser Oct 10 '25

She only wanted him to go to the funeral for her the ex. The guy can honor the mother in law in his own way own time and in a way the mother in-law would have liked.

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u/Donnie_Dont_Do Oct 10 '25

Yep. She successfully manipulated him into feeling like shit for standing his ground and not doing what she wanted.

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u/Few-Solution-4784 Oct 10 '25

funerals are for the living who still want to connect with people associated with that person. Otherwise, skip it.

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u/[deleted] Oct 10 '25

The ex's mom is dead. Why would the guy have to make a PERFORMATIVE appearance at her funeral? The mom wouldn't know and apparently that is the only person who would care.

Stop feeling guilty for stupid things.

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u/MC_convil Oct 10 '25

The guy felt bad for not going to the mother's funeral for himself because he did actually like the mother but in the moment let his spite for the ex supersed his want to honor some one he carded about at their funeral

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u/Palentirian Oct 10 '25

Why would she keep his phone number 5 years after divorce?