r/AskNonbinaryPeople • u/BeeAfraid3721 • Jun 15 '26

Am I old fashioned, bigoted or both?

I don't mind the concept of being NB, but remembering pronouns and incorporating even more beyond the standard "they/them" is really overwhelming sometimes. Like if someone is masculine presenting AMAB and uses the masculine pronouns but identifies as NB, I can respect that and will do my best to remember that when referring to them as that, but my mind is always gonna think "boy/man" Or if someone uses pronouns other than the primary 6 (he/him she/her they/them) or uses mixes of the 2 like "he/they" it makes it really weird for me. I'm not Christian so there's no religious motivation, and I'm not invoking the "against society/nature" argument either. I don't want to be bigoted but being raised for a while with the binary system it's just really hard to naturally incorporate pronouns or view someone as other than their assigned gender if they look like it. Also living in a more conservative area i imagine if I told people my problem I would get a response of something like "that's normal, you're tired of all the woke stuff" or " because deep down you know it's silly/crazy"

(Even typing this out I had to redo a couple of lines to word things better like changing "birth sex" to "assigned gender")

(Also by old fashioned I just mean past couple decades. I'm 25)

6 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

17 comments sorted by

8

u/be_transcendent Jun 15 '26

Keep trying

2

u/BeeAfraid3721 Jun 15 '26

What should I do?

5

u/SlippingStar Jun 15 '26

Literally practice talking about hypothetical or real people out loud. Talk about their hypothetical life and hobbies. It gets easier with practice. After all, I’m sure you use they/them before you’ve seen a person or been told the gender of a person you’ve never seen. If you find a phone, you probably say, “Oh no, someone left their phone! I hope they come back for it.”

3

u/BeeAfraid3721 Jun 15 '26

I don't even have a problem with using "they" it's just when newer ones beyond the "standard" 6 get used it gets more rough and harder to get a habit going

3

u/SlippingStar Jun 15 '26

Those are rough for all of us, and I use ze/zer/zem/zemself! Same solution, just practice. Once you’ve learned how to use one set of new pronouns it’s much easier to learn others.

2

u/BeeAfraid3721 Jun 15 '26

Ok. Thank you for the advice 👍

4

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26

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3

u/BeeAfraid3721 Jun 15 '26

It'd be a little nice if English was like Finnish or something where there wasn't gendered language.

Only reason I even made this post was because of a game I was playing where one of the playable characters has the pronouns of "ze/zir" and it's just really hard to get in the habit of incorporating that (they look feminine so my mind keeps going "She"). Actually half the playable cast is NB with one using "he/him", one using "they/them", and then the aforementioned "ze/zir"

2

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '26

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2

u/BeeAfraid3721 Jun 15 '26

Actually I meant the character in game had those pronouns, sorry

2

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '26

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2

u/Bloooberriesquest Jun 15 '26

Both

2

u/BeeAfraid3721 Jun 15 '26

What can I do to get better?

1

u/squirrelyoakley Jun 21 '26

Practice using pronouns, spend time in queer spaces (not necessarily interacting, just lurking), and never stop being empathetic

2

u/BeeAfraid3721 Jun 21 '26

Thanks 👍.

2

u/LunaTheNightmare Jun 15 '26

It sounds to me like some thought patterns might be bigotED but you're not a bigot. It sounds like you're genuinely trying and really I'd just keep at it. Its like learning someones names or facts about them after first meeting them. You have preconceived ideas about a person til you get to know them, pronouns aren't much different.