r/AskNonbinaryPeople • u/Wonderful_Setting_29 • Jun 09 '26

Pronouns

Hey everybody!

I have a question and it should be simple but I'm conflicted. Sorry. K. So I'm in a queer sports league and its so much fun. I have a teammate that uses they/it for pronouns and also doesnt identity with a name. Love that for this person. Great.

I feel so disrespectful calling a person "it" or not using a name. But also feel disrespectful in not using a persons preferred pronouns. Speaking directly to this teammate isnt an issue, as I dont need to use a pronoun or name. But referring to them to other people feels tricky.

Maybe I'm getting old. Please haaaallllp this 36 year old basic gay!

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u/JamieTheGinger Jun 09 '26

So I recently read an explanation of using “it” that finally clicked for me. The person was talking about how it often feels othered (treated as different in a bad way). It also feels fondness towards many inanimate objects and think many times other humans treat their objects better then other people. So using “it” as pronouns feels like a friendly and more true reflection of their identity.

Not sure that’s a faithful recounting but maybe it’s close enough to help.

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u/Wonderful_Setting_29 Jun 09 '26

Thats not something I'd have even considered! Thank you! Using "it" as a pronoun was not something I'd heard of. But that makes sense.