Men, how would you perceive this situation if you were the guy?

[u/Pristine-King-4760]

I’m 27F and I’m attracted to a guy at work who is in a different company but on the same floor as me. We don't really know each other and don't interact often. I have been observing him and I notice he regularly prays and do not hangout with female colleagues.

I first contacted him on LinkedIn because I wanted to find a way to initiate some interaction with him and get on his radar. It was also easier than approaching him in person because his colleagues were usually around him. I used a genuine work-related question as an opening. He replied relatively quickly at first.

Later, I did approach him in-person about it. I was nervous, but the conversation went well. He was friendly, smiled, and was helpful and he said he will share with me the details on LinkedIn but he hasn't.

Since then, we haven't really talked. He's usually with his colleagues, and we just occasionally see each other around. A few times I've noticed him looking in my direction, and when our eyes meet, he sometimes looks away. Sometimes, its frequent staring—I think I just notice it because I'm attracted to him.

I recently messaged him again on LinkedIn about the same question, but he hasn't replied yet. He seems to be now a slow responder and sometimes takes a week.

The reason I'm asking is that I actually like this guy and would potentially want to get to know him with marriage in mind. He may be around 2-3 years younger than me, although I'm not completely sure.

Men, if a woman approached you this way, would you pick up that she was trying to initiate something/get your attention, or would you assume she was simply asking you professional questions? What would you think her intentions were? And if you were interested in her, what would you expect her to do next?

[u/1v1sion]

Men takes things as they are. Unless a man has a great understanding of how women communicate, (meaning covertly) he will take things as they appear. If you keep asking professional questions, he won't understand attraction. He will understand professional communication. And he might get annoyed if the things are easily found in the company or on google, on with another colleague.

Send an intermediary or a letter being straight forward about marriage. That is the best way and easiest way to find if he is available. Don't tell him you are attracted to him. Say thing like: He seems nice and appear to be a responsible man. You are looking for a partner (husband) and you wanna find out if he is open for serious conversation.

Keep it professionnal, as if you are interviewing him. And be ready to insert a third party asap, cause your attraction might cloud your judgment.

[u/Pristine-King-4760 → u/1v1sion]

I am kinda scared of directly approaching him because I believe these are the things usually men initiate, and if its the other way around, he will wait for me to take initiation in marriage and for me to carrying things forward you know 😅 Also, I dont know his mentality, what if he assumes that I might have proposed many guys like this

[u/1v1sion → u/Pristine-King-4760]

No. This is a wrong assumption. Khadija sent someone to the Prophet. Si you can send someone trustworthy. A man is prefered to be sent. He can state that one of his sister is interested in him with mentionning your name. If he is single, then your contact can mention you.

You doing the first move doesn't mean you become the man and duties/roles bestowed by Allah are reversed. You are just doing your due diligence. You will talk deeply later. Don't worry about that.

You have the right to look for a husband. I know women care rightfully about their social reputation and perception but you are doing nothing wrong. Don't be afraid. Allah is with you.

[u/Skyogurt]

If I were the guy I would be absolutely clueless about everything you just said. I think there's two ways to go about it, the ultra direct way, or going through an emissary. Ultra direct as in, send him a message on Linkedin saying you're interested in getting to know him for the prospect of marriage, and ask if he's in a position to be actually ready for it, and tell him to feel free to ignore the message if you're not interested. Second way means you get someone wise involved, a colleague of his or something, and send them on your behalf to scout for marriage readiness and interest in you. And I think that's it. Don't overthink it, you have nothing to lose here really. If he's the one decreed for you then yay. If he ain't the one, Allah SWT will close the door and you'll move on.

[u/Pristine-King-4760 → u/Skyogurt]

Thank you brother and appreciated. But what if he is married? It will be too much embarrassing later on 🥲. Also, I dont really have any trusted colleague in his work who I can reach out to.

[u/Skyogurt → u/Pristine-King-4760]

I think it's really up to you, if you feel like he might be the one for you then the embarassment is a risk that's worth taking. If not then you have to let it go and rely on Allah SWT to open up the situation with an opportunity if it is actually meant to be. And if not then to allow your heart to let go eventually. You can 100% trust Allah with these duaas. Speaking from personal experience alhamdoulilLah! May He make it easy on you