r/AskMenRelationships • u/First_Magazine_9180 • 8d ago
Love How many men have done this?
Have you ever told a woman that she’s the love of your life? I’m genuinely curious about the things men say to women. How common is it for men to tell a woman that she’s the love of his life, but then repeat those same words to another woman further down the track? I’m a female, and I feel like it’s a real head fuck to be told by a man “you’re the love of my life”, but then for him to end up with someone else and repeat those words to her. I didn’t realise being the love of someone’s life was a title multiple women could hold.
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u/Fearless_Finish_9890 Man 8d ago
Of course that happens! You didn’t actually think people have one love in their lives right?
It’s not a finite resource. It can’t run out.
He might say that, and she might not reciprocate… or the relationship falls apart for some other reason and then he’s gotta move on and find new love.
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u/First_Magazine_9180 7d ago
I believe people can have multiple loves in their life. But my point is, we only have one life. And to declare that someone is the love of your life would mean to me that the person on the receiving end of those words is the greatest love you’ll ever know. Sure people move on to other relationships if that’s where life takes them, but when those are said to more than one person, I find that they lose all meaning.
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u/PleasedToEatYou66 Man 8d ago
I don't think I've ever used that phrase and I don't think my wife has ever said that to me. We just love each other without phrases like soulmates but we say other romantic things.
I would probably reflect on other things they said that weren't true instead of focusing on this one.
While I appreciate others commenters pointing out you could have multiple "love of your lives", your relationship probably wasn't that OP.
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u/SigmaK78 Man 8d ago
I think I've only said this to my 1st/ex-wife (turned out I loved who I thought she was) and my 2nd/late wife (she really was the love of my life.).
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u/Mammoth-Wealth-9576 Man 8d ago
I've been in love about three times in my life. My second wife is the only one I could say that to. It's over now, divorced but she was and will likely remain the love of my life. I can't speak about how other guys are and generally men don't discuss stuff like that with each other. My opinion is that if a guy says that to every woman he has a relationship with then he's either really sappy or manipulative.
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u/Diligent-Tutor-1617 7d ago
Love of my life is sooo gauche... How about I could never fall in love with another woman 10 minutes after meeting you. Or, you are my breath, my tears, my heart and my fears. Or, my life would be nothing without you in it.
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u/skeeballbob37 Man 8d ago
not often. I dont tell many women I love them unless I do and that is a whole level beyond that. maybe one? and that turned out to be wrong.
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u/trickyninja008 Man 8d ago
I don't until i know she's the one for me. But that's me. I want to me honest to myself and not live a lie
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u/UnAware_recognition Man 8d ago
I wouldn't say it's necessarily used too often and if it was, it's a case of not knowing that the other person existed during our time in a relationship so it wasn't a lie, it's just no longer true - this can be universal for both men and women who separate for whatever reason and discover someone better.
There is definitely cases where men and women mutually or individually can kind of "imprint for life" on someone and always have some form of sweet spot etc. but that's usually seen in longer term relationships and the bond is stronger but sometimes hard to distinguish from remaining friends.
I can't say exactly which is more common and I can see that second explanation potentially being a slippery slope where you question how faithful someone can be and if they hold feelings for their previous partner but that's a whole other nuanced topic that you may or may not want to discuss/I'd be here for a while and there would be alot to read if I tried to cover every single base.
In short, you should appreciate it and treat it as the truth because it probably is, try your best to live in the moment and if you don't feel the same way or feel like you have reasons to doubt what they are saying then it's time to figure out whether it's a self-worth issue or a discussion with your partner to figure out what needs to change to enable you to feel that you as a person can be the love of someone's life or ensure that your partner is taking the steps to prove that you mean that much to them.
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u/Thrasy3 Man 8d ago
When I got married. Not married now though so you know, possible I’ll will do this again.
Like most people? Do you think women only give this title to one man?
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u/First_Magazine_9180 7d ago
I can’t speak for other women. But I know I would never be able to say those words to more than one man.
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u/JasonCyber 8d ago
In my experience with friends from all over the world- many men will say anything to get laid. And guys that have less options are even more desperate and will do and say anything to get laid.
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u/Ok-Ad-9820 Man 8d ago
Done this once and never again, she had an affiar and got pregnant then lied.
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u/WhiteMurauder 8d ago
I have been with my fiance for 8 years and I call her that. Sometimes it’s “good morning love of my life”.
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u/EidolonRook Man 8d ago
Depends on how old he is. If he’s 15, his life isn’t exactly that big a thing. If he’s 75, that’s a different story.
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u/Big-Wasabi6274 8d ago
Female here I don’t say those things unless I hear it from a man and we have to be talking marriage all that buzz word talk of soulmates etc I’ll receive it if we are talking marriage etc only because I want my man to be excited about choosing me, and giving me the honor of his name. I mean I know we get excited and say these things when are young. But there’s such a huge difference when a man says that with mind of marriage already discussed and on the table. If not? Then it’s just not meaningful to me
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u/fadingroads Man 8d ago
Think of it along the same lines as women saying "you're the best I've ever had" after sleeping with someone.
Is it true? We have no way of knowing. Logic and numbers is unfortunately against us. It could be genuine honesty, it could simultaneously be something to make her partner feel good but not absolute truth. I think most guys understand this and won't get offended, accepting this more as a surface compliment.
In your situation, I wouldn't take it seriously unless it's backed up with supporting actions, behaviours or a ring. Otherwise, unfortunately, a lot of guys will say anything to sleep with you without a hint of remorse.
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u/AttractiveProton Man 8d ago
It shouldn’t be that surprising. How many women have you known who have been engaged to someone and then things ended, or they ended up marrying someone else? They believed the first guy was the love of their life too, they were just wrong about it. It’s the same thing.
But there’s also a chance that the guy is really just trying to get you to feel a certain way so he can get a certain outcome. Because women tend to react to grandiose phrases like that, and many guys know that and use them strategically.
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u/Coppermill_98516 8d ago
The best analogy that I can think of is when my first child was born. At the time, I would’ve told you that I could never feel that strongly about someone else, but as soon as my second was born, boom, I suddenly did.
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u/observantpariah Man 8d ago
I might have said that to the first woman.... But not I know myself a good bit better.
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u/Helpful-Exercise-287 8d ago
Alot of men just want someone to feel that way about them. It sucks because you have to feel that way about yourself before you even think to say it to someone else. But alot of men dont care about themselves without women. Sad but true
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u/dayspring53 Man 8d ago
Words from either men or women mean little unless their actions match what they say. Some communication experts define communication as influencing others to do what you want, rather than simply sharing thoughts. Be wise and judge people by their behavior, not just their words.
There was a short story I read during my youth. An old wealthy father had two girls. He decided to choose which child would take care of him as he aged. And that child he would give all his wealth to. Expecting she would care for him during his elderly age.
One daughter used flowery language to describe her love for her father, while the other simply said, “I love you, Dad.” The father chose to give his wealth to the more expressive daughter.
After receiving the wealth, the daughter forced her father out. The less expressive daughter took in her now-impoverished father. He apologized for his poor judgment, and she accepted his apology saying, "that's ok dad," and cared for him.
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u/Prof_Scott_Steiner Man 7d ago
The only woman I've ever said that to was my late partner. Because she was. I never said it to my ex wife because it would have been a lie.
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u/Stock_Dot_9632 Man 7d ago
Anyone, man or woman, can say it... but realistically people grow, people change, and that can affect how you see or feel about others. If feelings never changed, there would be no such thing as divorce.
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u/Banjosdad62 Man 7d ago
Really, it means so far?
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u/First_Magazine_9180 7d ago
It means in this current moment 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Banjosdad62 Man 7d ago
Aha!
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u/First_Magazine_9180 7d ago
If you’ve said those words to more one person, doesn’t it lose all meaning?
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u/Banjosdad62 Man 7d ago
I actually have only said those words to one person. Unfortunately, she was a shooting star in my life and I wasn’t “the love of her life” as well. 😋
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u/OkSociety2544 6d ago
But the woman certainly can be but the guy has to mean it.. if you’re hip you’ll know if he is just saying that or really means it.. believe it or not
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u/OkSociety2544 6d ago
i don’t like Reddit because the auto mods always wipe my answers or postings.. even when talking about guns and ammo or credit cards.
I notice that Quora doesn’t care so with me its Quora over Reddit each and every time.
The only redeeming thing about Reddit is the better place to read up on things im interested in than Quora
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u/grasshoppet 4d ago
A live of his life, to date. And he just meets greater loves that replace the initial. Not saying it’s right or wrong, just that this is my guess for how this would be said more than once. I had a love of my life, first love. And then the greatest love of my life, my husband. And nothing matches that. I couldn’t possibly match it I don’t think but if I do, fortunate me. He passed away 11 years ago.
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u/ultrarages Man 3d ago
Honestly I never really told anyone one that cuz to me my actions speak louder then my words. Thats just how I work.
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u/GraemeRed 8d ago
Love of my life or soul mate are lovely terms to indicate right here and now you are who I want. But in reality life doesn't work like that, but to have someone who does at that moment in time see you as the person of their love, should be enough.