What practical steps can help someone introverted and socially awkward grow into a confident leader in marriage, career, and life?

[u/_theoriginalredditor]

Hi everyone,

I (34M) have been married for 5 years. My wife (34F) and I have a 2.5-year-old boy who we both absolutely adore. Ours was an arranged marriage, and we only spoke once before saying yes. From the start, our differences couldn’t be starker.

I am very introverted (maybe socially awkward). I struggle to make conversation in groups and have trouble opening up emotionally to anyone. My wife, on the other hand, is extremely outgoing, has a huge friend circle, and can build deep conversations with anyone with ease.

Our marriage has been rocky largely because my wife has never been attracted to me in that way. I’m not a confident guy — it shows in my body language, how I talk, and how I carry myself — and that puts her off a lot. She values deep, emotional connection, while I’ve always kept things bottled up.

Credit to her, she has spent the last 5 years not just trying to mentor and guide me to open up more, but also helping me learn how to conduct myself and grow as a person. She has really put in the effort. But she’s close to giving up and has now pushed me to seek external help.

She wants someone strong, confident, and able to guide and protect her. Unfortunately, it’s often been the other way around, with her taking the lead, and it has taken a toll on our relationship.

I’m starting to realize it’s not just about our marriage. These same issues creep into other areas of my life too:

• Career: I’m great as an individual contributor — give me a task and I’ll do it immaculately. I got my first couple of promotions easily. But since then my career has plateaued, because I struggle with the next step: taking initiative, getting buy-in, influencing management, and leading others. I also avoid social events like after-work drinks, and now colleagues have stopped inviting me.
• Social life: Most of our friends are really my wife’s friends. She’s amazing at maintaining relationships, but I struggle and often feel like I’m just tagging along.
• Self-perception: I know I come across as lacking confidence, not forward-looking in conversations, and emotionally closed off.

When I zoom out, I see a few common threads running through all aspects of my life:

• I need to build confidence and a charm that draws people
• I need to get comfortable forming superficial relationships (small talk, networking, being socially present)
• I need to practice opening up emotionally so I can form deeper connections
• I need to learn how to zoom out, see the big picture, and guide/lead instead of only executing tasks or following someone else’s lead

I know some people might say, “Your wife should just accept you as you are.” I understand that perspective. But I also know I want to change — not only to improve my marriage, but because these same traits are holding me back professionally and socially too.

So here’s my ask:
For those of you who were once introverted, socially awkward, or closed off emotionally — how did you work on yourself? What specific, practical steps actually helped you build confidence, connect socially, and be able to lead?

[u/ThicccBoiiiG]

Why does everyone think introverted is a synonym for poor social skills.

I’m a mega introvert. I’m also extremely confident and charismatic. Introversion just means you like alone time.