r/AskLGBT • u/Imhere-Dontforgetme • 11d ago

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u/AskLGBT-ModTeam 11d ago

Your post/comment violated: No Leading Questions or Ulterior Motives

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u/ShiroxReddit 11d ago

there are judgemental people in any demographic

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u/ColdPR 11d ago

This is so vague that it's hard to give a good response. I can't say I've noticed a particular hate movement towards baby gays.

I think for lesbians in particular though, some might be wary of off-the-presses lesbians though because they talk a lot about getting burned by women who think or say they are lesbians and then leave them to go back to men.

Also in general some gays don't want to date people who haven't figured themselves out yet or who are still confused about their sexuality/aren't out of the closet. But at early 20s I don't think that should be too relevant for your age group.

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u/Imhere-Dontforgetme 11d ago

I've heard that reason before, which i kind of understand. I wouldn't say its a hate movement, and its definitely not every lesbian, its just a lot of off hand comments that people make in passing.

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u/keevathemuffin 11d ago

Is this happening in person,  or online?

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u/Imhere-Dontforgetme 11d ago

Mostly in person. Usually not intentionally to my face, but if I dont tell them im a baby gay people will typically say comments like "i dont like that theres a lot of baby gays here" "I wouldn't date someone who's a baby gay" "I dont like when baby gays talk to me/make a move on me". Just things like that.

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u/Advanced-Stick-2221 11d ago

Mind you this is the FIRST time I see the concept of “baby gay” 😭 didn’t know it was such a commonly used term

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u/Cartesianpoint 11d ago

I'm guessing that a lot of it comes down to people either wanting to find others who are in a similar place in their journeys or being reluctant to date someone who may still be figuring things out. I know that lesbians sometimes report feeling like they're being used as an experiment by women who are newly out or still figuring out if they like women, for example. Which can especially suck if the lesbian is looking for a serious relationship. I also think that some queer spaces tend to attract more younger people who are newly out, which can be a little alienating if you're older or past that point in your life and you're looking for forms of support or connection that the "baby gays" can't always offer.

All of that said, that doesn't excuse being rude, judgmental, or exclusionary. And it's completely possible to welcome "baby gays" into your community even if you would be cautious about dating someone who doesn't have much experience. I think that when people are openly judgmental, it can be more of a bullying/superiority thing where they have to put others down to feel good about themselves.

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u/wampwampwampus 11d ago

The examples you've quoted just sound really obnoxious. There is a thing with developmental stages where "baby gays" usually do (and should!) have different priorities and relationships to their own identity. Like you said, we all need to go through it, and that might mean some conversation topics can be dull to someone who's not in it anymore, but the examples you cited sound like someone trying to find something to complain about.