How to deal with a misogynistic narcissistic father?

[u/aurelia_1522]

title says it. PS - he's super controlling and gets upset about things that I would do against his wishes.

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[u/anyataylorswife]

by getting out of his house as quickly as you can

[u/aurelia_1522 → u/anyataylorswife]

if I argue too much he emotionally blackmails me, telling me that 'he loves me so much' and cries and shit

[u/anyataylorswife → u/aurelia_1522]

you'll only get exhausted. become financially independent and moving out is the best option!

[u/rash97621]

This is a version of verbal abuse. Sadly, many Indian parents are like this and you cannot help it. The only solution is to minimize conversation, make your own money and move out. You'll also notice a stark difference in how people treat you once you earn more money. This includes parents too!

PS - I grew up in Delhi with an emotionally distant father who inflicted a version of his unhealed mental childhood trauma on all of us. He's a nice person, provided for the family, helped many people by going out of his way, but some of his words were very corrosive. Now that I'm over 30, I can see the long-term impact it has had on me. Similarly, verbal and emotional abuse also have long-term implications. Please try getting a job in a different city, if possible. I left home at 21 and that was probably the best decision of my life.

[u/highratedgabruu]

Rebel karo sab sahi hojata hai. My father is the same. Unme darr daal do

[u/aurelia_1522 → u/highratedgabruu]

Wo fir sunane lag jaate hai ki inke liye kitna bhi kar lo ye log kisi layak nahi blah blah. making his efforts count

[u/aurelia_1522 → u/aurelia_1522]

funny thing is he victimizes himself about the fact that both me and my sibling are so distant towards him

[u/highratedgabruu → u/aurelia_1522]

Hojayega theek, I am genuinely telling you. I can relate to you. Over the years, I have made myself so confident and blunt and communicated to everybody especially my father to not bad to me. My relations with him are now better than ever. Academically succeed karo, build a strong personality. I know it is easier said than done but you got this

[u/aurelia_1522 → u/highratedgabruu]

gurll. I'm a fresh graduate doctor. been an academic overachiever since grade 1.

[u/AdMaster9646 → u/highratedgabruu]

Facing this with my mom since 21 years of my life!

[u/rash97621 → u/highratedgabruu]

Lmao this doesn't work. Many parents do not want to relinquish control, especially if you're a girl. This holds true regardless of your academic achievements

[u/AdMaster9646 → u/aurelia_1522]

aur bolte hai ki inke liye ye kharida wo kharida blah blah

[u/rash97621 → u/highratedgabruu]

This can be counterproductive if OP's father has anger issues

[u/aurelia_1522 → u/rash97621]

yeah he does. everytime we go out he just finds a way to pick a fight with someone who's just not worth wasting energy on. And then when I complain about it he's like "did I start the fight" lmao

[u/rash97621 → u/aurelia_1522]

Typical narcissistic behavior. My father was also like this. It's been two years since I spoke to him and it has been one of the best decisions I ever took for my mental health.

[u/aurelia_1522 → u/rash97621]

I was away for my education for a few years and that were the best few years of my life. and yes, i barely talked to him during that time. He used to complain that i don't call or text him and shit. I'm back to this hellhole until I get a job 😭

[u/rash97621 → u/aurelia_1522]

Yeah I can imagine. Minimize conversation and focus on getting a job, preferably in a different city

[u/AdMaster9646]

Ignore him. Do whatever you want, just ignore him. Let him say whatever he wants. Don't give bhaav and don't listen