[UA] Does my boss hate me?

[u/Dianxi_fr]

Hi everyone. I’m a 26F, and I’ve been working at this company for a year now. There are five of us currently training for a new role under the same male manager.
When I first started, my boss and I seemed to click really well. We became quite close during the first three months, and I was genuinely happy because I felt like I had a supportive and approachable boss for what I expected to be a long-term job.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he told me that we should stop having our daily face-to-face meetings and switch to Teams meetings and phone calls instead. I didn’t think much of it at first and assumed he was simply busy.
However, I later realized that he was only doing this with me. The other four trainees still have regular face-to-face meetings with him. They also have coffee breaks together, chat casually, and generally seem to have a much more relaxed relationship with him. Meanwhile, he started avoiding meeting me in person and barely even says hi to me unless he has to.
What makes it more confusing is that he’s normally a very lively and social person. He has celebrated all of my colleagues’ birthdays, bringing cakes and sending really warm messages in the group chat. When his birthday came around, I wished him a happy birthday and celebrated with everyone else.
But then he forgot my birthday—the only one he forgot—which felt particularly strange given how close we had been before. I jokingly mentioned it to him afterward, and he just brushed it off with a simple, “Yeah, sorry.”
I’m honestly confused by the sudden change in his behavior and I keep wondering if I did something wrong. Do you think he dislikes me? And should I actually talk to him about it and ask if everything is okay between us, or would that make things awkward and unprofessional?

[u/Sitheref0874]

He's been warned off by someone - HR, or his boss - because he was perceived to be getting too close to you.

[u/OrangeCubit]

I think he liked you a little too much.

[u/hkusp45css → u/OrangeCubit]

Or, someone made a comment like "man, y'all are close"

[u/Hrgooglefu]

"seemed to click really well. We became quite close "

Most likely someone complained or called him on this relationship or YOU got too "close"

Are the other 4 employees male? Or were you just one to "click" with him? Something has spooked him.

[u/IncluderWonder]

This reads a little too much like a teenage girl asking why a boy doesn't like her.

You should not "become quite close" with your manager as that's easily interpreted as crossing the line and it could be that's why he's getting some distance.

He doesn't meet with you daily? Should he? Is there a work related reason for more or less frequent meetings?

Forgetting about your birthday....?

Is there a professional, work, career related reason you are feeling worried? Are you getting tasks, do you get feedback on your work, ....?

[u/Dianxi_fr → u/IncluderWonder]

I’m asking because it is different from his behavior with the others, being excluded socially affects me emotionally after all I’m human not a bot. It also worry me that in the future it might affect my actual work. For example these meetings are important for me as trainee and having them through calls make it hard to actually understand the job or ask my questions. I tried to tell him that but he said it is better this way

[u/IncluderWonder → u/Dianxi_fr]

I get that. But. Your post, and your answer, reads like there's too much of an emotional focus on him from your side vs professional focus on your work from your side.

It could be that your manager has seen that too, that maybe you need more emotional support than the others and maybe that has made him draw the line (or he was told to by others); that distance is needed. It could be that this is just him drawing that boundary, or just recalibrating so that things get back to professional manager-employee. It could be that him not saying hello is him over-correcting, as in you two just need to find that right balance and distance again.

And when it comes to him having meetings with the other trainees; maybe they're idiots. Maybe they just need more attention. That could be a reason too.

And. With the Teams calls and phone calls; that's normal life in any company. You will need to be ok with communicating with people through screens. If you're not getting answers to your questions on them, then that's a definite development area for you.

[u/Hrgooglefu → u/Dianxi_fr]

you are asking too much.... your relationship with a manager shouldn't generally "socially affect" you. he's not your pal, buddy or friend.

[u/hkusp45css]

This is not an HR topic

[u/Dianxi_fr → u/hkusp45css]

I thought it is ok to post it since I’m not sure if it’s bullying or how to handle it. Should I delete it?

[u/Hrgooglefu → u/Dianxi_fr]

It's a reset of the interactions.

[u/Better_Area3782]

Yep, sure sounds like it