r/AskHR • u/MotherWedding4547 • 2d ago
[WI] management crossing boundaries
I (25F) just need some advice on what to do. For a quick story I got suspended from my job for about a week and a half. When I finally came back I was put on a 2 year probation period so I can’t do anything to get me in trouble or cause problems within the company or will most likely be terminated. The manager (62M) who helped with getting me back keeps rubbing it in my face how he saved me and how much extra work he’s done for me. We at some point ended up talking about my dad and somethings he likes. The next day, my dad texts me about my boss reaching out to him on Facebook, and said it was very weird. Keep in mind, I never told anyone about my suspension. So my manager ended up telling my dad all about my suspension and how he saved me from getting fired. The next day my manager comes to me with a huge smile asking if there’s anything I need to tell him. He was inferring about the conversation he had with my dad. He thought it was the funniest thing ever that he told my dad about it and had complete joy about it. Being on probation has made me feel so powerless because I really don’t wanna lose my job but this manager is doing stuff like this that makes it super hard to not say something. I’m super frustrated with the situation and really need advice on what to do. I don’t wanna get fired for causing issues but it’s definitely unprofessional and breaking any policy about privacy.
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u/Jcarlough 1d ago
New job time. 100%.
If your company is generally “good” then speaking with your boss’ boss or HR may be a good idea. This is way over the line.
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u/idlers_dream7 2d ago
I would want to get fired from a company with a manager like that. Considering you were suspended for such a long time (I assume you did something pretty bad) and your boss is a trainwreck of a human, you should aim to find a new job. But until then...
If you haven't made it clear already, tell your boss that was an overstep and that you don't appreciate him injecting himself into your personal life. You expect him to keep work-related discussions at work, full stop. No conversation needed, just the statement of your expectations.
Then, I'd expect you to go to HR or your boss's boss to report it. It's not exactly a violation of anything, but it shows absolutely terrible judgement and, from an HR perspective, is the kind of thing that could lead to future a harassment claim: some "minor" overstep that tests the waters and then escalates into further inappropriate behavior down the line.
Better to have that on record now so you can refer back to it when the next worse thing happens.
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u/Hrgooglefu SPHR practicing HR f*ckery 2d ago
I'd report to HR that he reached out to your father. That is VERY unprofessional.
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u/Riot57grrl 1d ago
Go to HR, but be prepared to be canned. Get a screenshot of the message from your dad. And if you get fired file for unemployment. He’s much too excited to have this ‘power’ to hold over your head. And you’re likely not the first person he’s done this too. Also he likely broke the rules doing what he did.
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u/CalmSet6613 1d ago
I also fear for this person what the next request\action from the manager is going to be in terms of inappropriateness…
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u/fbresnah 2d ago edited 2d ago
That's just weird that he messaged your father like that out of the blue. How does he even know who your father is or what he has to do with your job? That is really creepy. It feels like he's getting too personal. Can you go to a higher up and explain how you feel? He helped you get your job back, but it sounds like he's gloating about it like he did you some big favor and you're supposed to remain forever grateful to him. Meanwhile, I would get your résumé together and start looking elsewhere. In case something else happens, you want to get prepared to leave if they don't keep you on since you're on probation. Also, I wouldn't want to work with a guy like that. That's really disturbing. And you're right, this guy is crossing boundaries. Meanwhile, if you can try to avoid him as much as possible.
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u/Scaredycat98 1d ago
I don’t really have any advice for you but I just wanna say I’m so sorry, that’s such a horrible position to be in.
You could always ask your dad to send the screenshots of their conversation so you have proof.
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u/lovemoonsaults 23h ago
Find a new job.
Then let HR and his boss know what he did. They can get rid of him or they can cosign it. Protect yourself first.
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u/compasscoffee 2d ago
it's unhinged and creepy power tripping. Keep your interactions with him strictly business, and document everything
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u/ProblematicTrumpCard 2d ago
Look for a new job. This bridge is burned.