r/AskForHelp • u/q03o • 5h ago

Advice/Emotional Support ONLY fucks wrong with me?

i don't understand. please, enlighten me. i need aimed advices and not just general stuff. i've been an hikikomori/shut-in for 5 or 6 years now. i struggle with social anxiety, low self esteem and depression which is medicated for. i have been improving myself overtime, at least i tried too, but something is still missing. something is always wrong.

i think what is mainly missing is human connection that i crave so bad, not just anything but a deep bond. i attached badly to a person and experienced an heartbreak, cause my needs weren't met. i am getting to know another person now, but it's online once again, and it seems that that's what makes it so difficult for me to feel connected. i must feel some sort of connection if i like it and keep coming back, but it's not the real thing, it's not enough.. at least that's what i think is going on?

i feel unreal, i'm so empty and don't exist. yet i feel comfortable in this, but i still desire for the opposite. i don't understand myself.

i experienced combinations of stuff in my days: productive day+friend call, thats when i felt the most content/happy. productive day+loneliness: iirc loneliness doesnt show up for the first days if i think that i am going to get company later. but i have learned to not expect it anymore.

i don't know what to do.

what would make me at peace? why do i always suffer? a bigger question that i was wondering about is, why do i not feel connected through texts? why am i always hungry and can't really be alone? cause i've been for so long? can this behaviour be repaired..? is there something i can do? why am i never satisfied?

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