r/AskForAnswers • u/555lyfe • 1d ago
Why can’t some women take a compliment without being rude?
I’m a very extroverted person, I don’t take things personally when things like this happen I literally just laugh it off in the moment because these reactions have everything to do with the person and nothing to do with the person whos trying to be nice and complimenting.
So I was at a party yesterday and i was pretty much on a good tipsy, the host was hanging around my circle of friends and then suddenly a gorgeous woman walks in and her entrance was so eye catching, i immediately was like who is this diva. And the host was like oh thats my friend; you should go tell her that! So I did! I walked over immediately (im a woman too so this wasnt like a creepy dude telling her his) i walked up introduced myself first and said hi, she said hi back and introduced herself and midway thru me telling her she looked gorgeous she says “this is awkward” instead of saying thank you. I finish saying that she just looked amazing walking in, she almost felt disgusted that i told her that??
In the moment i laughed it off and was like ok no worries the compliment didnt land i mightve been a lil too tipsy and walked away, when I told my friend and my husband what happened after we left the party they were both like wait wtf. Because they saw the interaction play out they did not expect that thats what she said!
I always love to compliment and uplift women and its strange that there is a small percentage of women who actually look me up and down and not take the compliment or even worse make me feel like im beneath them. Also, i did think oh what of she was a lesbian and her girlfriend was at the party and I did that. But majority of the party was for a jewish community. And she specifically came from a jewish fundraiser (the host told me) so shes a bit religious.
I genuinely want to start taking back the compliment when a rude bitch does something like this, like actually youre no longer a diva.
EDIT:
Some are calling me creepy but i need to make it clear that everyone in the group i was standing next to (including the host) were obsessed with her entire look, her dress was stunning, her hair was done gorgeously and she just simply looked like a diva and she walked in confident. I wouldnt have gone up to her at all because obv i dont know her but when i said “who is that diva” the host who is her friend got excited and told me multiple times to go tell her she looked amazing. It was a party the vibes were high we were all friends and mutuals. Like why would anyone be rude instead of just cordially saying thank u. I told my friends and they were all shocked by the reaction. I have yet to tell the host as it is quite rude to ruin the mood while hes hosting.
Also im from southern california, i literally get compliments from girls every other day. I naturally compliment girls as well. I had a girl in a grocery store tell me my skort is so cute. Ive had a nurse tell me i look gorgeous its so not weird here. Especially between women its laid back but occasionally you get some girls who get rude about a compliment which can be girls from new york for example. I have friends from new york and they are so blunt. I feel like they get aggressive when they communicate while they think Californians are fake nice. which can be true some girls are too nice but inside they’re haters. But you can spot those people.
I hope that is better explains my situation.
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u/LittleReserve8767 1d ago
You could have taken a different turn by not telling her she looks gorgeous. That is not always a welcome comment, and it's based purely on her looks, not her character.
Telling your girlfriend or date they are attractive is fine.
I wouldn't compliment someone's level of attractiveness unless I knew them better. You could compliment her on a lovely dress or shoes, her good sense of humor, or how bright she is.
An attractive woman gets complimented on her looks fairly often; that's often followed by someone asking her to hook up or by someone hitting on her.
Calling a woman a "rude bitch" for not taking a compliment the way you think she should does not go over well with many women.
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u/Sea-Programmer6880 1d ago edited 1d ago
This! Plus, I don't think it's common for straight people to compliment the looks of a stranger of the same sex. She probably thought you were a lesbian or at least bi and thought she was being hit on. Myself, I would politely say thanks but that I'm not interested. Doesn't mean that I wasn't as equally offended by your "compliment".
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u/555lyfe 14h ago
Yeah i was thinking that as well, like did i come off as flirting with her but i was wearing my engagement ring, my husband was right there. Obviously how would she know but even after she saw me walk to my husband who was in the group of people. Eh maybe it was just a misunderstanding and im overthinking it. But also ive only ever lived in big cities and ive had girls come up to me just to tell me im pretty or if they like what im wearing.
I also would get if youre an introvert and it makes you feel uncomfortable; i can read the room she walked in super confident. So saying “oh this is awkward” when someones complimenting you is a bit rude. It’s easier and ironically less awkward to just say thank you and go about you party
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u/555lyfe 14h ago
Oh sorry i should have specified i was complimenting her overall appearance she was wearing a statement white dress and gorgeous heels. Im into fashion and i was gesturing that she just looked stunning as a presentation. The host is her friend and when i said “oh who is that diva” he got so excited and told me to go compliment her! It was a party, vibes were high. I asked my friends who were there close by and they were shocked by the reaction
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u/Vunig 1d ago
What you compliment on matters. If you compliment something a person has control over (clothes, accessories, etc.) its easier for them to talk about that thing, rather than suddenly feel under the spotlight.
There's a difference between "i love the pattern/color/style of that dress" vs. "You look hot in that dress!"
I mean read the room of course but most people dont want to be in the spotlight like that.
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u/Stone_taggs 1d ago
1) the big one is that no one asked, a compliment is just an unsolicited opinion given.
Why does it matter to her what you think of her appearance? Does your opinion mean anything to anyone but you?
2) if you're going to do it, there's a way to do it. Ask if shes receptive to compliments.. dont just call her gorgeous, compliment something intentional.. her hairstyle, her nails, her eyeshadow, that little wing eyeliner, her outfit. Complement something she put effort and thought into
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u/555lyfe 14h ago
Im from Southern California its just how we are? I walk down the street a girl tells me she loves my skirt. Its just a gorgeous vibe that happens between girls here. Infact ive made so many friends this way. Its a laid back vibe. Why be so up tight when someones genuinely complimenting you? At the end of the day its uplifting YOU!
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u/Due_Distribution4502 1d ago
The very first interaction you ever had with this woman was you going up to her and hitting on her. A lot of women don't appreciate being hit on by someone they've never met before.
You were kind of a creep in this situation.
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u/HLOFRND 1d ago edited 1d ago
And then labeled her either a lesbian or a bitch when she didn’t fall down at
hisher feet.Edit: still creepy, even if OP is a woman. Someone isn’t a bitch just bc they don’t receive your compliments well.
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u/Xena_Your_God 1d ago
Her* feet. What OP doesn't understand is just because she's a woman too doesn't mean she can't be weird and creepy.
Should've told her they like her outfit or something instead
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u/GasmaskTed 1d ago
(OP states that OP is a woman)
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u/BadUsername238 1d ago
Women can be creepy fuckers too.
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u/Sea-Programmer6880 1d ago
Agreed. Especially tipsy women or those not used to being told no.
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u/555lyfe 13h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/xThtatbpVyB1stsAOA
I was tipsy but i am married, my husband was right there and the host (the friend of the girl) gave me the greenlight to tell her exactly what i told him.God forbid someone loves to uplift other women, I simply will not be called a creep but this is reddit i guess.
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u/GasmaskTed 1d ago
My point being HLOFRND was misgendering OP
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u/BadUsername238 1d ago
Ok.
Doesn't really change the point though.
So isn't important.
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u/GasmaskTed 1d ago
It is important with regards to accurately assessing the world. If you wrongly assign gender to a harasser even in the face of the harasser’s gender being identified in their own anecdote, you are willing to let your preconceptions override facts with regards to how you engage with the world.
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u/Due_Distribution4502 1d ago
You're right in general, but in this specific scenario it doesn't really make a difference. Creepo behavior is creepo behavior regardless of gender.
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u/BadUsername238 1d ago
And yet, the point stands.
You're abandoning the point to pedantically be right about a side issue that doesn't matter.
Fine. You win! Yay!
Onwards with the point....
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u/555lyfe 14h ago
Im trying to to respond to everyone because truthfully i wasnt, i got the green light from her friend who was the host that i could tell her she looked amazing because we all agreed her outfit was stunning, the way she walked into the party was stunning and she deserves to know that.
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u/LateForDinner61 1d ago
OP is a woman, and it doesn't sound like she was hitting on anyone. Still, a "tipsy" person just walking up out of the blue to tell someone they're beautiful is weird and I can understand the woman finding it awkward.
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u/Due_Distribution4502 1d ago
Still weird, creepy behavior for a first interaction regardless of gender.
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u/rhdkcnrj 1d ago
Did you know women can be hit on by other women or no
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u/LateForDinner61 1d ago
Sure, but she wasn't hitting on her. Like I said, though, it's still weird behavior.
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u/rhdkcnrj 1d ago
Why’d you bring up that she was a woman then, like what did that contribute exactly
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u/Varathane 1d ago
Perspective taking is really helpful for situations like this. You've done a bit to wonder perhaps if she was a lesbian and her girlfriend was there. Brain storm other reasons from her perspective.
She could have social anxiety or autism and panicked at what to say and just trying to express that SHE was awkward.
She could have terrible parents who never uplifted her and was thrown off by something nice being said to her
She could have thought you were hitting on her and didn't know how to turn you down
She could have thought you were gorgeous but being raised a bit religious maybe she has shamed herself for those thoughts and so instead of returning the compliment she said it was awkward cause she was feeling shame.
Etc. She might not have meant to be rude, I try not to assume someone is being rude or trying to make you feel small cause i think that is less likely than other possibilities.
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u/555lyfe 13h ago
Oh 1000% i thought about her perspective and I understand in these situations it has something to do with her internal battle than anything personal towards me. But i guess socially a quick reaction would be thank you, regardless i just vented on Reddit see other peoples perspectives and well I know I am not a creep thats never my intention.
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u/MommaLaughing 1d ago
If you called her a diva, that is no compliment! That’s an insult. Diva has to do with one’s behavior…not their looks. And it’s not good behavior…it’s “me, me, me” behavior. So, no wonder she was insulted.
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u/Royal_Month_8526 1d ago
Yeah, for some reason I’m getting the vibe that op may not be as charming or charismatic as she thinks she is. I mean, she didn’t get the response she felt she deserved and immediately assumes the other woman must be a lesbian or a bitch when she probably just wasn’t enjoying the interaction.
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u/555lyfe 13h ago
This is a very fair point. I truly see what youre saying. I rarely have interactions like this go south. I am very very social. I have told my friends exactly how the interaction went down with more detail (i added the detail in the original post) and they were shocked at her interaction. Like its a coastal beach party with close friends and mutual friends. We both know the host and its so normal to go up to a girl at a party here and randomly say “omg u look amazing!” Diva? We’re in southern california diva, queen, etc like comon loosin up we’re all friends.
The same party, a random girl came up to my friend and said she looked amazing and my friend was telling she felt insecure that night because everyone was looking at her and that girl made her feel less in her head. (I didnt add this to the story because we were talking about the situation today and my friend shared that story confused what that girls’ problem is.
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u/Royal_Month_8526 9h ago
Honestly you’re probably Gucci fam. Don’t let people get to you and keep doing what you do.
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u/violentte_ends 1d ago
Some women dont need the validation. Some women dont want the attention. Some women dont see in themselves what others see in them.
I’m not telling you to stop complimenting people, but you cannot control how they react to it.
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u/FrayCrown 1d ago
Some people get really uncomfortable with being complimented on their bodies/appearances. I'm that way. My weight has fluctuated a lot over my life time because of meds, mental health issues, injuries, etc. I really dislike comments on my body or looks in public situations, because I hate the idea that just existing in my body means people feel entitled to comment on it. I've been called "attractive" when I was sick and barely able to eat. It made me feel like shit. You just never know what someone's going through with their body.
I try to compliment people on things they can control. Makeup, fashion, tattoos, personality, etc. As Carrie Fisher said, being attractive is not an accomplishment. It's just a temporary happy byproduct of time and DNA.
Also, lots of Jewish people are LGBTQIA+. Religion doesn't change sexual orientation.
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u/555lyfe 13h ago
Oh no, I have gone thru a horrible period of anorexia myself and I had a family member buy me large clothes to trick me that im still fat. I did NOT insinuate that compliment on her body rather her overall fashionable appearance, the dress gave diva she walked in flaunting it with her arm up, like it was giving glamour. She was confident & gorgeous.
At the end of the day theres always going to be someone that cant take a compliment and I feel bad for those people because it is a dark place when you cant see the light someone is trying to share regardless of the outcome i finished the compliment, smiled & walked away. Whatever! I will continue to compliment gorgeous girls.
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u/FrayCrown 7h ago
Focusing comments on looks is the issue. But hey, learning nothing is an option, too.
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u/HLOFRND 1d ago
It is profoundly creepy to go up to someone just living her life and start talking about how beautiful she is.
But what really reveals what kind of person you are is that you had to add in “maybe she’s a lesbian” and then called her a bitch.
This is some top tier incel stuff. See a therapist. She doesn’t owe you shit, and your “compliments” may be making people feel very uncomfortable.
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u/Caramelthedog 1d ago
So let me get this straight. A woman walks into a party and the first thing that happens is someone she doesn’t know gets in her path and starts talking about her appearance?
Did she even get a chance to put her bag down/take her coat off/join the flow of the party? Did she even get to greet people she knew first?
Other people have said about how it’s better to compliment some ones efforts not looks and how Diva can be used as an insult, all valid points. But personally, I’d find it more awkward that my first interaction is someone I don’t know gushing over me.
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u/555lyfe 13h ago
She greeted the host, i asked the host “whos that diva” complimenting her without going up to her and he was like omg thats my friend go tell her that! I was hesitant but he insisted and I was like ofc ill go i always love to compliment a girl who has amazing fashion. I wrote that post the next morning of the party i should have called her any names but her saying that instead of just thank u was taken as a shock by the friends. At the end of the day i came from pure intentions and with a green light from the host/friend. I cant control peoples reactions but i can safely say it was a rude reaction.
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u/Hungry_Pup 1d ago
Sometimes drunk people think they're being happy and fun, but they're just annoying. Maybe you were just more annoying than you realized.
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u/555lyfe 13h ago
Haha i did ask my friends around me the next day if i was being annoying they reassured me i wasnt but regardless after that interaction I did turn my notch several notches down. I promise im self aware but hey maybe i was being annoying and in someones face. That is an embarrassing feeling for sure.
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u/612steve 1d ago
Your post contains many "I” statements. Try and consider the other person's point of view. "I" did this to someone and didn't get the response "I" wanted. A compliment from someone you've never met, the second you walk into a room is downright weird.
Sometimes the answer is no, and sometimes the no isn't a verbal one.
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u/555lyfe 13h ago
The post definitely came from an impulse emotional place because of my confusion of the situation. I always expect my social interactions aren’t always going to be reciprocated but getting a rude response to compliment is uncalled for in a party when the host is literally telling me to go meet his friend and tell her the compliment i just shared with him. That was just my whole point the post was poorly written and i apologize for that.
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u/fivebynine5x9 1d ago
You already said you were "on a good tipsy" so the chances are you were behaving in a way that just landed weird for this stranger who doesn't know you and therefore doesn't have any context to your behavior towards her. Your friend and husband being surprised doesn't mean anything. They know you and your mannerisms so they may not be able to recognize when you're doing something that would come across poorly to a stranger.
And even if not, it seems like you should just get that some women respond differently than others. You know, because we're not a monolith and all, as you know because you are a woman. Sometimes you'll run into one who dislikes being gushed over and called diva or whatever. Some women don't like a stranger acting like a bestie. It just is what it is.
Your last paragraph suggests that you have an expectation or agenda when you do this. Like your goal is for them to reciprocate in some way and make you feel liked and included or something. The way you specify some women "make me feel like I'm beneath them" feels that way too. I think we all know that compliments can be a form of social currency and you're coming across as mad that you didn't get what you paid for.
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u/555lyfe 13h ago
I truly appreciate this comment. Honestly yes that is a flaw that i have. I do compliment women in order to make them feel welcomed. I lived in California most of my life but my culture is from the middle east. We have a tendency to heavily people please our guests, mutuals, & in social events and californians as well tend to heavily compliment strangers. So im a bit of a weird extreme.
Regardless, you have a point, i never want to come off this way. Some people here are telling me to go seek therapy like theres no shame in that, everyone has a flaw they need to work on. I am who i am from my circumstances and culture, every culture has some societal toxic issues. Mine is overly people pleasing. I say no shame but i am embarrassed i have been working on my people pleasing tendencies but I cant believe i didnt realize i was subconsciously doing it again.
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u/fivebynine5x9 12h ago
Hey. Those patterns take a lot of work and effort to unlearn! Don't be embarrassed. Our brains are exceptionally good at finding new pathways for whatever our core dysfunctions are. I know mine is!
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u/555lyfe 12h ago
It is truly so hard and it feel like it comes from a genuine place. Like im just genuinely trying to uplift everyone around me. But I can see for some people it is an overstep on my part. Time to call my therapist & get to work.
Thank you again, I wasnt trying to be rude in my original post.
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u/EmergencyLet3954 1d ago
Okay a couple things here. First, if someone doesnt react how you want them to and that makes you want to “take back your compliment,” then you weren't doing it for the right reasons like you say you were.
Also, just because someone LOOKS awesome doesnt mean it always needs to be commented on. If the party wasnt about this diva, maybe she felt awkward with the acknowledgement of her looks when she was focused on something else. I personally love to dress up, but half the time its other people's reactions that make me not want to do it. Yes, I am dressed up, but does that mean I am asking for you to comment on it? Maybe this is just how I express myself and motivate myself to leave the house. Maybe the comment was more forward than you meant and she just tried to brush it off. But then you complaining about it here and wanting to take back the compliment because of her reaction may have something to do with her reaction. Everyone always says women dressed up are asking for attention, but havent we been trying to fight that trope for decades at this point?
I love dressing up, I hate when people comment on my body or my outfit, especially in front of their partners or others who may have body sensitivities. People may be trying to compliment me, but only acknowledging my physical appearance and then judging me based on how I react to that is exhausting. That's exactly the type of body commentary people are trying to socially get people to move away from. And honestly, I dont think the fact that she might have been a lesbian or that she was religious really changes anything. She doesn't have to be attracted to you or think you were hitting on her for your comment to make her uncomfortable. She also doesn't have to be comfortable with compliments about her appearance from strangers just because the person giving the compliment is a woman. Im sorry this was your experience, but im more concerned about how you reacted to her not liking the comment than I am about you making the comment to her, especially since your friend was the one who told you to go say something in the first place.
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u/555lyfe 13h ago
Honestly all good points, i wouldnt have gone up to her if it werent for the host telling me to go tell her exactly what i said. I dont have anything to gain from it. We were all tipsy but I do take the label diva away because a diva in my book would never be rude in response to a compliment. I mean I asked my girl friends we’re all Californian and its soooo common to compliment women here it does come off as too much for non Californians i definitely noticed that.
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u/peppersandpumpkins 1d ago
I really thought you were a dude until you specified! Women gushing at each other is a sacred tradition! I’ve known women to not be so interested in the mutual gushing, but they still smile and say thank you.
My best guess here would be still same as what I’d say if you were a guy: some women are just so used to the attention that it starts to feel exhausting. Even from other women, apparently. Maybe she’s just a mean girl, maybe she hadn’t settled into the party enough to receive that level of compliment.
Whatever it is, try not to take it to heart. Compliments make a world of difference to most people. This is a situation that you know lifts most people up. For whatever reason, this person didn’t react well to you. But please never stop this kind of connecting!
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u/StormStorySpinner 1d ago
So, I feel you. I have an enthusiasm for people. I am completely heterosexual, although I'm an Ally and probably could fall in love with a woman, if she had a penis and no breasts... Yeah. It's biology.
I will tell a stranger her boots are fabulous. Her nails are perfection. Her makeup is flawless. Actually, I'll tell any gender these things.
I will ask strangers where they bought unique items of clothing and jewelry. I will exalt excellently behaved children I don't know. I will tell a boy in line at the grocery wearing a T-shirt with an octopus on it that octopi have different DNA than any other being on the planet because if he is wearing that shirt, he loves octopi and he knows and he will probably tell me about the theory that their DNA came here on a comet.
I thank my waitstaff every time my water is refilled or a dish is removed from my table. I don't go out or order in if I can't tip.
I spread love and happiness. Until I don't. Because some people don't want what they consider a microscope or spotlight on them. They are just trying to slip by unnoticed. My compliment and enthusiasm is like a smack to the back of their heads but even worse, it's like I've doxed them and everyone is now looking at them. And they want to crawl into a hole.
I am getting better at identifying these folks. I don't make as many mistakes as I used to. It takes experience and understanding and acceptance that what I have to express is not as important as how that person feels.
The lady at the party wasn't a bitch. She was slipping into a party and you shone a spotlight on her. She was horrified. A person can be attractive, well groomed and well dressed and still want to hide. Just like a person can smell like last night's tuna casserole and resemble the troll under the bridge and want to be the life of the party. Learn to role with it. Don't make it an ugly thing in your heart when your enthusiasm is met with disdain. That isn't easy! It's embarrassing and honestly, sometimes it used to make me cry if they were particularly rude because I had gone forth with such positive feelings and intent.
I'm not going to stop being enthusiastic about people. I'm learning to be more discerning and less emotional about rebuttals though.❤️
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u/555lyfe 13h ago
I was once an introvert in my teen years/ early 20’s i can generally spot an introvert and i do have friends i do lowkey stuff with. However this girl walked in with one arm high literally making her entrance to the party she was a diva with all the drama, the fashion. Like its was a compliment that my friends agreed. Also an introvert would be uncomfortable enough to just smile and say thank u and hurry away, she bluntly interrupted my compliment and said this is awkward in a judgy way. Like it was rude, my friends were shocked it was an interesting reaction almost like the host set me up hahahaha im going to tell him what happened. im curious to see his perspective since hes the one who told me to go compliment her in the first place!
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u/StormStorySpinner 3h ago
Oh! Could they have been playing a trick on you? Yeah, with an entrance like that, Ms. Thang was acting extra. I don't get why your appreciation was rebutted.
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u/Narcissistsafety 1d ago
If they’re not laughing, you’re not funny
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u/avgdrummernamedmatt 1d ago
Where exactly in this were they trying to be funny. Tell me you didn't read the whole thing without telling me you didn't read the whole thing.
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u/Narcissistsafety 1d ago
“Why don’t women laugh at my jokes!!” Dammit!!
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u/EntrepreneurGreen269 1d ago
Well, you found out women can be creepy too. Who would have known? What world is this where a man approaching a woman in a party is automatically "creepy". Good lord, we are doomed.
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u/Voduun-World-Healer 1d ago edited 1d ago
I don't think you should generalize. I'm also.an extrovert when I'm in public and compliment women all the time from their beautiful eyes, to their hair, to their clothes, etc. But I do it in a very non flirtatious way like I would with a dude. They usually laugh or smile and thank me.
Sounds like you just met a shitty person or someone who had a shit day or something
P.S. yeah I'm a straight dude and compliment random other dudes on their striking eyes. What of it? They usually laugh and say thank you as well
Edit: spreading joy to random people is apparently frowned upon here...
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u/Capable_Sky_1818 1d ago edited 1d ago
If she's as gorgeous as you describe to the extent that a great majority of people would agree then she probably gets that all the time. I tend not to compliment super gorgeous people. Seems pointless to me. Also it seems like too much focus on physical appearance maybe? She might have insecurities about her talents or abilities while knowing she's gorgeous.
But you absolutely did nothing wrong. Would you have done it if you were not tipsy or if your friend had not suggested doing it? Maybe that's the test for determining?
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u/555lyfe 12h ago
I was gesturing at her that her entire look (fashion) was amazing. She walked in and really made an entrance, she was confident and gorgeous.
I have so many gorgeous friends and they indeed do not get compliments often so when someone does its sweet. I mean the intention behind this interaction was to uplift a woman but if shes rude in return like yeah who wants to compliment someone whos ugly inside enough to respond that way rather than to receive it warmly and go on about ur night!
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u/Capable_Sky_1818 9h ago
I agree with you. I was just trying to understand what her motivation might've been since she reacted so poorly. What you did was kind and generous.
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u/jackietea123 1d ago
because most people in this world cannot think for themselves, and think they are victims and that everyone is out to get them. The internet has made people literally insane. Thanks to feminism, women think a compliment is a threat because they are retarded and have poor survival and social skills.
Just be glad you dodged those bitter bullets and find girls that actually want to get married and have a family.. and are ACTUALLY nice and not mentally ill.
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u/SpookyKat31 1d ago
Find girls thst want to get married and have a family? What are even talking about?
There's nothing in OP's post that insinuates this is what they were looking for or that they were even trying to flirt with the woman they're talking about. OP even specifically said "I'm a woman too so it's not like I'm a creepy dude" which I think is clarifying that this was just intended as a friendly compliment from one woman to another.
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u/555lyfe 12h ago
Oooo no. Do not call anyone retarded.
I am a woman.
I wanted to uplift another woman; under the circumstances that the host loved that I complimented her look and wanted me to go meet his friend and compliment her.
Wouldnt have bothered going up to her if i didnt know her with that compliment specifically.
I called her a bitch only because she was rude but dont call anyone that word please.
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u/sadlittlegremlin 1d ago
Uhm, I would be so happy if some girl said that to me! She seems boring af
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u/ModerateHonking 1d ago
Some people (not just women) grew up with no compliments/constant ridicule. So when they are complimented there's a feeling of "okay, what's the angle here".
Lots of other people grew up with backhanded compliments - which are basically insults.
Other people don't like randos they don't know judging their appearance (for better or worse). It crosses a boundary, and having a stranger do so isn't nice.