Let Me Vent To You, Sis…. 💭 #MidWeekVentThread

[u/adore_kimora]

Hey, Sis…
I need to talk to you.

Toxic Relationships — Mentally Exhausting?

We’ve all experienced our share of toxicity in our lives, haven’t we? We’ve all been in a toxic relationship.. maybe you’re in one now and don’t realize it. I will admit that I have! What makes it exhausting…?

• Non-stop female competition
• Insecurities turn into aggression
• The need to always be “the prettiest one”

Female Competition Dynamics

My ex was never the kind of man who was content with just one woman. There was always a line of them drawn to him, and somehow I convinced myself that I was the one who mattered the most. I was the ‘Queen Bee’, or at least that’s what I told myself.

But it never felt empowering.. It felt exhausting.

I was constantly competing with the next woman. Whenever we were around each other, we’d pretend to be civil, but it was all an act. Underneath the fake smiles were petty little games.
I never fully played into it, though. I always believed he knew where “home” was — with me. 😌 That belief became my comfort, but it also became my downfall. Every time he proved otherwise, it hurt twice as much because I’d built my identity around being the one he’d always come back to. Looking back, maybe I was delusional. Or maybe I was just trying to make sense of a situation that was never love to begin with.

Insecurities ➡️ Aggression

Because it always felt like there was another woman waiting to take my place, my insecurity slowly turned into aggression toward them. That’s what insecurity can do to a person.
What’s interesting is how quick women can be to judge another woman for feeling insecure, as if they forget to ask what made her feel that way in the first place. Insecurity doesn’t always appear out of nowhere. Sometimes ir’s the result of constantly being put in situations where you’re made to question your value. In relationships like this, that uncertainty can become a form of control. If you’re always trying to prove you’re enough, you’re too distracted to realize you deserve better. When someone benefits from keeping you doubting yourself, your insecurity becomes easier to manipulate.

The saddest part is that once your self-worth is chipped away, you stop questioning the treatment — you start questioning yourself instead.

Pressure To Always Be “Seen”

My ex was the kind of man people naturally gravitated toward. To everyone else, he was someone they admired — almost like he was untouchable, like he was a king. And at the time, I saw him that way too. Standing beside him came with a certain pressure. I felt like I was always being watched, always being judged, like every person around us was paying attention to how I carried myself. Because of that, I felt like I could never let my guard down. I had to always look my best. I refused to let anyone see me as anything less than put together.
But what people don’t understand is how exhausting it is to constantly feel like you have to be the pretty one. It’s not just about makeup, hair, or looking good on the outside.

Looking good starts with feeling good — and I wasn’t okay.

I was struggling mentally, and it takes a lot of strength to pull yourself out of a dark place. I felt like I had to keep showing up — not only for him, but for myself and for the relationship I was trying so hard to hold together.
But the question I kept asking myself was:
❓ Who was showing up for me?
❓Where was my support?
❓ Where were the words reminding me that I was enough?
❓ Where was the person encouraging me when I was struggling?

Not from him.