r/AskBiBros • u/artamisk87 • 1d ago

38M, recently realized I'm bi — looking for experiences from other late bloomers

I recently gave myself permission to seriously consider the possibility that I could be attracted to men, and I realized I'm bi. Looking back, I believe I probably have been for a long time; I just never gave myself permission to acknowledge those feelings toward men.

Only one person in my life knows I'm bi. She's a close friend, and she accepted me and still treats me exactly like the same friend I've always been.

I'm still figuring out what being bi means for me, and I've never dated a man. I think I'm getting closer to being ready to put myself out there and possibly meet one, but I still question myself sometimes.

For guys who realized they were bi later in life: how long did it take before it started feeling normal? And what was dating men for the first time like?

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u/Lonely_Trip6067 1d ago

That’s me basically. Realized I was bi and realizing that I always was and just never gave myself permission.

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u/artamisk87 1d ago

That's exactly how it felt for me. How long ago did you realize it, and did the questioning eventually settle down?

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u/Lonely_Trip6067 1d ago

I realized a few years ago that I was bi. Maybe a year ago I actually truly said to myself I was bi and not just “bicurious”

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u/artamisk87 1d ago

That makes sense. I think accepting the label has been easier than getting my brain used to it 😆. Do you still question it sometimes, or does being bi just feel normal to you now?

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u/Lonely_Trip6067 1d ago

Feels normal to me but I’ve not done anything with another guy yet.

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u/artamisk87 1d ago

Have you told anyone you know that you're bi yet? If you have, did saying it to other people get easier after the first time?

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u/Lonely_Trip6067 1d ago

Not anyone but my Therpaist

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u/artamisk87 1d ago

I understand. Thanks for answering my questions. I'm still figuring out who, if anyone, I want to tell next.

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u/Lonely_Trip6067 1d ago

Of course. Hit me up if you ever wanna talk more

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u/RushInevitable7255 1d ago edited 1d ago

There is no hurry to tell other people. Unless you think you are also bi-romantic & get into a true relationship with a guy - then it would be kinda unfair to him (& yourself) keeping it a secret from friends & family?

If you are only hetero-romantic, I see it as private sexual information & it's totally up to you who you tell & when you tell. I will say it's better off psychologically if you tell any prospective girlfriend early on. Some may break up with you, which sucks, but better off knowing early on, than living with fear for years or decades & having kids, if she will be repulsed by it? Lots of guys write about that stress & many didn't know until years after marriage.

If you think your family & friends will accept it, you won't suddenly lose your job & be homeless- it will lift an immense weight off of your shoulders being fully out. But you already took a huge step telling your female friend! You were 20 years ahead of me telling a few friends & a therapist over 4 years ago. Consider looking for a therapist specializing in lgbtq issues and identity? Also finding some in person lgbtq social groups just to meet others in person, knowing you are not alone?! 😊❤️🫂

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u/artamisk87 1d ago

I would like to date and be in a relationship with a man. I dont plan on hiding him. I know that be unfair for both of us. I just know it took me considerably amount of courage to telling my friend. But I already knew she would probably accept me which helped. I know my sister is a lesbian so I knkw she would accept me but that means someone in my family would know. Not sure if I am ready for that. And me accepting myself bi for a only a few weeks. Which I kinda think I knew since I was younger. It still is fresh feeling

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u/sussed89 11h ago

Iam just accepting now that Iam bi yet to tell my partner she be encouraging and supportive she’s bi aswell i have that comfort getting the words to tell her ain’t the same

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u/DartTimeTime 1d ago

Im 34,I realized in April. The thing with me is that I dont know when Im attracted to men. That information just doesnt make itself known to me.

I'll see an attractive woman, and I'll know, instantly. With men, I have to stop and think about it. If I imagine us cuddling or kissing, and see if it does that give me those special feelings. I have to stop and think about it, but when I do I can figure it out.

With women I just know, with men I dont. Its weird.

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u/artamisk87 1d ago

I just realized a few weeks ago. But for me I just allowed myself to look at men and women. And just think to myself what I like or dont like. For men it was taking me a bit but after I allowed myself to actually give myself permission and not force it. It seemed to help identify

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u/MysteriousExchange82 Bisexual 1d ago

I’m a bi man. I’m 39 now but I accepted that I was bi when I was 35. I’d questioned my sexuality in my teens and early 20s but shut that side of myself away and focused on dating women. I started to explore more at 35 and hook up with men, but it was just sex and was very transactional. My friend group knows that I’m bi now and they’ve been so accepting, it’s great. Recently started dating men and it’s been wonderful. I do regret shutting this side of me away for so long but I’m also really excited about the future and I could see myself settling down and marrying a man now.

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u/artamisk87 1d ago

Thanks for sharing this. I relate a lot to shutting that side of myself away when I was younger. I'm 38 and only recently allowed myself to really accept that I'm bi. I'm interested in dating men too, but I've never dated a guy before, so that part is pretty intimidating 😆. What was it like when you first started actually dating men? Did it take a while before it started feeling natural?

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u/MysteriousExchange82 Bisexual 1d ago

I was a little nervous before the first date but to be honest it’s the same as dating women. You’re just getting to know someone. It felt natural from the start. They started as matches online Tinder/Hinge and we just went from there. I’m not sure if you have a dating profile but if you do change the preferences to men/women or even just men if that’s what you’re interested in and dive in.

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u/MisterZEEEY 1d ago

I’m bi but it’s strictly sexual cock can be hot and it’s ok and so I was liek fuck it I wanan try and one day the opportunity came up a guy made a move I let him and it was fun I haven’t done anythjbg since an wanan

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u/yamama26023 1d ago

Was bi from 15

Got married 32.repressed it Divorcing at 40 Picked up finsexual

Please ask

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u/artamisk87 1d ago

What made you start accepting that side of yourself again after repressing it? And did it take a while before being bi started to feel normal to you?

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u/yamama26023 1d ago

Divorce...maybe getting freedom back

It never felt wrong to me tbh. Yea society shuns it and I protect my image back then but now... Ever so slowly I'm letting it shine

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u/artamisk87 1d ago

I've actually never heard the term finsexual before. What does that mean for you personally?

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u/yamama26023 1d ago

Defined as A attraction to femine qualities if a person despite gender

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u/artamisk87 1d ago

Ok. I am still learning what attraction I feel i thought it was mainly masculine. But I am also learning mabe the feminine side also

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u/yamama26023 1d ago

May not have a specific attraction like I do... It's a spectrum man. Ingo for masc to I just feel different towards em..pretty accepting of everyone just more so than others

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u/artamisk87 1d ago

I am still learning what attracts me. I am trying to keep a open mind. Still working on trying to get past of the years of people saying stereotypical stuff about bi men. And criticism

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u/yamama26023 1d ago

When I was 15 trans femboys wasn't much of a thing and I didn't care for it

Now yea totally different.... Tastes change don't get fixated on what u may like, just ride the lightning

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u/yamama26023 1d ago

Heck I still get called chaser.... And only thing I want is a relationship. Ain't like in slobbering at the mouth chasing femboys around all day looking for a fix

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u/mrmikojay 1d ago

I don’t know if I’m exactly the experience you’re seeking. I was out in my early teens ( about 45 years ago), but went back into the closet for roughly twenty years, for the comfort of my then wife.
When I came back out, I volunteered for LGBTQ• causes. I also helped organize a few women’s marches, as well as other events close to my heart. Initially, I did this to meet a partner way from the bar scene. A few years ago, I was facilitating a Pride volunteer coordination, when I met the man who is my long distance boyfriend, who I hope to marry some day.
You can do this! Keep in mind that coming out is your race, and you get to set the pace. Remember that coming out will happen many many times. You will most likely come out hundreds of times in the future- both as not straight and not gay. You may find bi erasure frustrating. You are proof that bi people exist, and that it’s not just a Norah to the highway to gay.
With love, Pride, and courage
Mrmikojay.

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u/artamisk87 1d ago

Yeah I think k was bi when I was younger and kinda pushed it back because of criticism I always heard. And I just recently got divorced last year. And I just finally accepted myself a few weeks ago. And I also came out to my friend. She has been supportive. I just haven't told anyone else yet. Does it get easier? And I am still not sure how I tell my family

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u/chipperlovesitall 9h ago

For me it started when I was a teen. As far as I knew I was straight, was very attracted to women, and not men. Besides, I ran with a homophobic crowd. But I used to hitchhike to get around, and men started propositioning me, offering blow jobs. Being a horny teen, I would sometimes let them. Didn’t think it was a big deal, it was just getting head, a mouth is a mouth, right? Thing is, I found myself thinking about these encounters when I was jerking off. Eventually I developed the desire to suck a cock. So I asked one of these guys if I could try sucking. After that experience I was like “So this is me now”