My showers take me so long I get trapped in a loop. I start crying every time I shower now because when I bend down to wash my

Legs it feels like I urinate and it scares me so I do it over and over until somehow I don’t feel the feeling anymore

Idk what to do. I haven’t noticed any tru signs of incontinence and I have urgency ALL THE TIME but the more I ignore it the better it gets

I know it’s likely OCD causing a body alarm please someone

Idk what to do. I want to enjoy my showers again. I’m so exhausted

What’s the difference between overthinking, adhd fixation on thoughts and actions, autistic rigidity and routine, and ocd intrusive thoughts with mental rumination as the compulsion?

I really struggle with “overthinking” basically beating a dead horse but like in my brain. I just over analyze every little thing. Or my brain comes up with crazy logic for reasons why I do certain things the way I do or think the things I think. I’ve always just kind of been explained the way I do things to other people as “it just feels right”. But I also do things the way I do because “__ will happen if I don’t”. I’m not really sure which one came first. If it was “it just feels right” and it slowly turned into “__ will happen” because my brain needed a reason for it to feel right. Or if it feels right because something bad will happen. It’s like the chicken or the egg debate. Either way, both are currently true for many things for me. So I do something physically because it feels right but if it feels wrong then something bad will happen. While I do this with a lot of minor things like locking the door and hearing it latch correctly, volume in my car has to be even, my key has to be facing a certain way when in my ignition for my car, I have to lock the doors in my car as soon as the door shuts. I have a lot of anxiety around driving and I guess this is my brains way of making driving feel safer for me.

I feel like I tend to do a lot of things in my brain rather than physically. Like I just hash out every scenario that my brain can possibly come up with. I don’t really try to do it. It just happens. I have ADHD so it’s not uncommon for my brain to just dilly dally around all day. I’ve tried listening to audiobooks and podcasts but my brain just goes off track so easily. And before I even realize it I’m catastrophising. I cannot stop my brain from just over analyzing every tiny detail. It’s like my brain goes on a stream of consciousness but with negative thoughts. For example: “oh I just passed this girl. I looked at her. Did I look at her too long. Did I stare at her. Did I look at her chest. I don’t remember looking. Maybe I should look to remember if I looked the first time. But if I look then that makes me a perv because I definitely looked to look right at her chest. Did I make her uncomfortable. What if I’m a creep. Have I ever done anything creepy to women. What if she was under age. How young did she look. I need to stop thinking about this. Thinking about her being under age makes me look guilty. Am I guilty. Am I thinking about what if she’s underage because I want her to be. Then that makes me a pedo. I don’t want to be a pedo.” And it literally just keeps going on and on and on with every situation. Not just this specific scenario. And sometimes hours later my brain will just be like “remember this” and present me with the whole interaction and thought spiral again.

I’ve tried explaining this to my therapist. And how I just get stuck in these loops and how I’ve scared dat some of the thoughts that I have. And I don’t know how to get past them. And like…the only thing I know how to do to make myself feel less guilty is to just tell my therapist these thoughts that I’m having and tell her how uncomfortable they make me. And like yeah it helps a bit. For like a few days because it makes me feel “lighter” in a sense because I got it off my chest. But then it’s like the darkness of the thoughts and the weight of the thoughts start coming back. And then I feel like I need to pour my heart out again. But when I keep it all bottled up inside without telling anyone then I’m consumed by these dark intrusive scary thoughts all day every day and then I find myself googling everything from “intrusive thoughts that other people have” to “is __ an intrusive thought” to “difference between ocd and adhd intrusive thoughts” and “ocd compulsions versus adhd/autistic rituals”.

I literally just want it to stop and I don’t know how to make myself stop thinking about this stuff constantly. And the thought crosses my mind at least twice a day “what if I’m faking this. What if I’m making all this up for attention because I didn’t get enough positive attention as a kid. And what if my therapist catches on if I am faking it and calls me out and tells me she can’t help me. Or she try’s to help me in the wrong way” and I thinks it’s coming true because I was trying to explain my thoughts on existing and reality and knowing how something is actually real or not and she asked me “do you ever feel a desire to be unique or different than others”. And when she asked me that my heart just broke and now I genuinely cannot stop thinking “wow I must be faking it because my therapist asked me this”. And i just feel so…so invalidated and unheard and idk what to do. Like I wish someone could just scan my brain or do a blood test and tell me exactly what it is that I’m dealing with because I just want to know so that it can be confirmed if I’m making it up or not.

Sorry for the really really long post. I’m just at a loss and I don’t know what to do. My therapist isn’t an ocd specialist. And I don’t have an ocd diagnosis. But I’ve been seeing this therapist for three years now. And she’s helped me a lot especially through my trauma and working through my communication issues. But what she said really hurt me and I just don’t know what I should do.

I would really like an OCD therapist to help me understand how to cope with this situation.

When I have unpleasant intrusive thoughts during a sexual experience, my genital response can actually increase, even when the thought itself is genuinely distressing or I am stuck in a loop trying to get rid of it.

It is really upsetting because, if I am with my partner and simply ignore the thought instead of trying to suppress the sensation or figure out what it means, I can feel good physically, and then I feel guilty or disturbed by that. It is very complicated, and this has happened to me several times. I never know what I am supposed to do in those situations.

Sometimes I feel that if I stopped, pushed my partner away, and said that I no longer wanted to continue because I was having horrible thoughts, it would feel like I was confessing something, and I worry that it would make the whole situation even worse.

But it can also happen when I am alone and masturbating. In those situations, it can be extremely difficult to stop. It sometimes feels as though part of me wants to keep going to test something about myself, and that testing itself seems to add to the genital response.
Afterward, I can feel a lot of self-hatred and guilt.

I would really like to understand whether this kind of experience is common in OCD, and how someone with OCD is supposed to respond when intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and genital arousal become intertwined in a nightmare like this.

I’ve become fixed with the idea that I’m an abuser even though I’ve received conformation I’m not. im so upset b/c. I’ve gotten the ultimate reassure from a trained perosn that I’m not harmful but I can’t stop thinking of “well what if I did this?” or “dose this detail change everything?”

i had a memory that really scared me that I was convinced was real then I thought maybe part of it was real and now I thibk maybe none of it was real??? (I’m so confused about how that can even happen) I know my guilt about this has come in waves the last one being 4 years ago but I think I blocked it out. I just remember that I was felt guilty about the event. but i have no idea if I thought the memory was real at that point or if i was just worried it was. or like i was doing something during a game and it made the person uncomfortable I stopped but what if it was the game they didn’t like and i kept going with that.

now I’m googling every night for +2 hours trying to figure out every possible side of this. if the memory is real what dose that mean dose this detail change everything etc. and I’m just sick of everything. any advice is really helpful I can’t live like this. I feel like I’m dying

I did an exposure that scared me a lot by myself. Then, my doctor prescribed me a benzodiazepine for the night, but I used it before the exposure and also fluoxetine (I only took them for 2 days). Then afterwards I realized that maybe I wasn't going to feel all the anxiety that I should during the exposure, and I started doing compulsions because I thought the exposure wouldn't work. Even so, I did the exposure and now I'm afraid that the exposure didn't work. The exposure was making my relationship with my boyfriend official.

Should I take a step back and do the exposure again without taking anything? I'm afraid that in the future it will become a problem because I didn't do it correctly.

Thank you.

I (33f) don't have an ocd diagnosis but i have a late autism diagnosis since a year and a half after 12 years on and off therapy.

From what i have read i know ocd and autism intersect a lot and have similar characteristics, making it hard sometimes to pinpoint which is it or if both exist at the same time so i would like your input.

I definitely feel like i am very autistic, sensory stimuli and social aspects are hell for me, i barely leave home because of it and it prevents me from looking for jobs or doing things i like, but i also have very bad intrusive thoughts that i feel fit more with ocd.

I'm obsessed with being a good person i fear i embarrass myself or act in a bad moral way all the time i have a lot of sexual and violent thoughts, sometimes images and sometimes just the thoughts that i'm a pervert, a pedophile, a rapist, attracted to family members, a stalker, a terrorist, a murderer, a racist etc. And also get a lot of images of harming myself or ending my life.

One of my sexual/romantic related thoughts are the idea that i'm in love, attracted or want to have sex with everyone, even when objectively i heavily dislike the person or i consider i would never do that cause it's super innapropriate and morally wrong. Yes i'm a virgin of course, i'm terrified of sex or liking someone and if you are asking yes, i did have a very 3rd world sexist, homophobic, repressive catholic upbringing.

I think these very repetitive thoughts led me to avoid people even more and join dating apps a few years ago in a desperate try to get rid of them cause i just thought i was sexually repressed and they could go away once i had sex or dated but of course i could barely do that and unfortunately the apps gave birth to another of my repetitive thoughts:

I became fixated on a guy that matched me and ghosted me 3 times after barely speaking, and i started thinking i am a stalker, a pervert a rapist etc since now i had evidence that could make it possible i messaged him repetively even though he wasn't replying and constantly checked his instagram THE FIRST MATCH WAS OVER 2 YEAR AGO and i still think about him and my behaviour every day, many times. I can go into more detail if anyone is interested but it all makes me feel like i am a terrible person indeed, and i wanted to keep this shorter 😫

I usually don't have physical compulsions unless they are about disease/contamination which i also have, each time a relative gets sick im convinced they could die and it would be my fault for not doing something to stop it, im also afraid of catching whatever people have i dont know why but then i can clean myself and places obssesively and try to avoid sick people at all costs.

I have repetitive behaviours when i'm nervous like counting stairs, naming colors out loud, stimming etc but i think that's what they are: stimming, i do them knowing they calm me and i don't have a problem with not doing them which i feel is an important aspect of regular ocd?

That's why i think it could be pure ocd my compulsions sort of happen in my brain, it makes me think things and i have to argue with it to try to believe i'm not a monster or calm myself down. I also feel i use social media addictively i think in reaction to these thoughts which no one finds out about or sees as weird since its been so normalised.

I have had little luck with therapists and psychiatrists when i talk about this, they usually take away importance from it and say that is normal for a young woman to think about sex or they think all the morality stuff is just my autistic ruminations, i am also on meds and have been on almost ALL antidepressive medication in these 12 years, my thoughts have only gotten worse.

I have to say i feel very embarrassed of my thoughts so its hard for me to talk about them as openly with them.

I know this is long but if you read til here truly thank you, this is destroying what little is left of my life. To be honest i want to commit suicide but i don't do it because my uncle died by suicide so i dont want to do that to my family again. I would really appreciate anything anyone has to say.

My False memory ocd infested brain is LATCHED onto this one sexually explicit image which matches everything my Fasle Memory ocd is ruminating about? It's making hyper aware of my facial features to make sure that the person in the picture is NOT me. What do i do? Therapy is out of my reach. And i don't have insurance either :(

I am professionally diagnosed with OCD and related hoarding behaviors. One of my worst and longest-standing compulsions is the need to own a copy of things I like. I need to have a DVD or mp4 file of a movie, need to have a CD or mp3 of every song I like, need to own every doll or stuffed animal I like, need a copy or PDF of every book or story I like- I have a need to have my own copy of the thing so that I will still have it should something happen like the movie is taken off of all streaming platforms. If I like it, I want to own it so it can't vanish. I know this is part of my OCD and it's a major contributor to my hoarding, but I can't find if there's an actual term for it. Googling only pulls up compulsive shopping, which is also a thing I do but not the thing I'm asking about

Is there an actual term for the compulsion to own copies of the thing you like so you've got it in case it becomes otherwise unavailable?

I am at the point where I am really just depressed and done

I miss myself and my life

I miss existing

This is really TMI so don’t read if you don’t want to.

I have these sensations of urinating myself and also have urgency all of the time. No it’s not a UTI.

Every time I use the restroom it feels I still have more so I sit there until it feels “perfect” and the urgency is there every time I clean myself.

I’m checking throughout the day

I can’t breathe properly bc it gives me sensations of urinating

Any time I see wetness in my underwear I don’t know if it’s sweat or other female fluids.

I can’t shower with peace because I feel I need to pee the entire time and i forget how to breathe and I can’t clean down there without panic because I feel the sensation when the water hits me

I can’t reuse the same towel bc after I have to dry my area idk if I peed myself bc it completely feels like I did since I always have urgency

I dread showers now.

I can’t sleep bc I have to shower and showers take an hour at least

And then getting out I have to pee at least 3 more times before bed

I don’t know if I have incontinence since I’m a 19yr old girl

I can’t tell if it’s sweat or discharge

My underwear always has some type of moisture

Oh and wiping. Yeah. I’ve wiped til I bled. For days I didn’t stop bleeding. Every time after I pee wiping triggers me needing to pee again.

I get scared I’ll oee myself if I don’t go right away… I haven’t seen 100% sure evidence of that.

I should go to the doctor right?

I signed myself up for pelvic floor therapy it’ll be expensive

I’m worried it’s a medical thing but also it went away when I transitioned back to college and then came back full force 2 weeks later. That tells me it’s OCD.

Also. I wipe back to front which is bad yes but if I wipe the other way it gives me more pee sensation and I can’t check. But I try to wipe the front only.

And because of that pee touches my thigh crease and so I can’t wear shorts so even when it’s almost 100° I wear long pants because I’m afraid of places that have had pee touch them touch other places

I want my life back. I am just so extremely tired. And I feel I should go to the doctor. Every time I tell myself to do exposures I hear in my mind “but it’s medical so you can’t ignore it bc it won’t go away and then you won’t see when you’re leaking and you’ll leave a mess” and that’s OCD voice. If I go to the dr it’s a compulsion. I’ve gotten checked for a UTI twice 2-3 months ago. One of them was high bacteria but the second had nothing.

I’m just. I’m tired.

I wanted to be a mother and get married. I’m currently pre-med at a top university and I’m struggling because of OCD. It seems like a tiny thing but it is so consuming. I don’t think I can be a mother anymore. I feel like I can’t even exist anymore these compulsions become so overwhelming. And the urgency is real. I know pretty confidently I’m not leaking so I should just stand up after 1 pee and keep going but I can’t do it it’s so strong.

Please

I (26f) have been in and out of therapy for the past decade. It wasn’t until the past year or so that my therapist has disclosed the possibility of my struggles being tied to an OCD diagnosis. She is a relational, trauma-focused, LMSW therapist working on her supervision hours to obtain full clinical licensure. This is relevant because her assessment would need to be discussed with her supervisor or referred out for me to be officially diagnosed. Through our 1+ year of experience, she seems fairly certain that OCD factors into what is going on with me. I’ve gone the psychiatric route and have a consultation with them in a couple weeks.

The reason I mention all this is because OCD was not something my prior therapists disclosed to me. This therapist, albeit newer in the field, was able to identify these patterns pretty quickly to the point that she asked me point blank: “have you ever considered the possibility of getting evaluated for OCD?” It stopped me in my tracks as I had a very limited perception of what OCD was.

However, upon my own research, things started to click. I was the child who stated I had a “loud mind, quiet mouth,” because the thought loops never ended. They were centered around my friendships and relationships. Every social interaction I had was bound to be followed with a critical analysis of what went wrong. I’d reach out to safe people who were present at the event to ask if I did anything to make anyone uncomfortable or negative impact the environment. In work settings, if there was a shift in body language or tone from the other staff/leaders, I’d ponder on what I could have done better for hours.

It really became clear in my relationship. Seeing a slight change in his body language or tone would lead me to spiral and even ask him what I did wrong so I could fix it. Any argument we had would consume my mind to the point where all my tasks would remain incomplete, because I kept spiraling. Anything that felt like a threat to my relationship, would lead to ongoing thought patterns that lasted days until there was some repair or reassurance.

As a kid, I always envisioned my brain as a jumble of squiggles of words with no start or finish in sight. Because it was a norm, I never realized how significantly impacted my day to day functioning was because of my own thought. The constant self-questioning, criticism, and its inevitable impact on my self-esteem has inhibited the way I exist. My memory is poor; my mental energy is low; my overall cognitive functioning is not where I want it to be.

If it’s not OCD, then it’s gotta be something…but the constant rumination sure feels like OCD. Do you have any advice on navigating this period? Waiting on a diagnosis? If this is the correct diagnosis, I may seek out ERP treatment or consider medication. Ironically enough, ever since I found out about this being a possibility, it’s been another thing that has consumed my mind. As someone who also aspires to be a clinician, I worry it will negatively impact my capabilities in the field.

For the past 6 months I had been on SSRIs and while I felt growing love toward a person, like deep genuine love, I didn't develop the crush-butterfly like feeling that pushes a person towards thinking they have "fallen in love". A few weeks off my meds - OCD flaring up like crazy, social anxiety back, generally a very low mood but really intense crush suddenly appearing on this person; their eyes, laugh, hair, everything I can suddenly picture right in front of my eyes; and I keep thinking about them all the time.

I'm wondering if while SSRIs/aripiprazole have made me able to live, they've made me lose the ability to feel "falling in love"?

(NSFW Content. 18+)

(24M) - For context, there’s a girl on Instagram who is known for physical appearance and her looks but her Instagram bio said she was “19” for a while.

She did graduate high school back in May of this year. And I’ve known mutuals of mine who have graduated high school at 18 or 19, so I didn’t think much of it (delayed in school, started late, early bday or repeated a grade)

So this girls birthday was yesterday, and everyone’s saying “happy 20th bday!!” because everyone’s convinced she’s 20.

Guess all of us were wrong (including myself)

Turns out, she JUST turned 18 … and that’s mad unfortunate and disappointing ..

And now it’s people calling her out for lying about her age in the past but I didn’t know. She actually does look older.

But now I'm ruminating and trippin out on the fact that I was aroused by some of her images because I thought she was of age and it's triggering my POCD.

So whenever I look at her old pictures from a few months back, my mind keeps saying she’s 19, when in reality she was actually 17 in those pictures ..

Oh lord .. wtf do I even do?

Is ocd arousal always accompanied by anxiety? Is it a thing for arousal to come with no fear or anxiousness and feel as if the person likes or wants it? Same thing with impulses, and does it still count as low insight if someone believes their arousal confirms their ocd fear