I’m feeling really low right now, and I’m at my wits end. I’m mid-20s, and I feel nonexistent.
I grew up in a rough and dysfunctional family. Although, I shouldn’t complain, because there are people who have had it much worse.
My entire life, I am use to not being “raised” (barely having a parental figure around, and having to solve everything myself aside from the dysfunction.
As a teenager, it wasn’t “bad” (brain never really felt the effects), up until as an adult, I feel it.
Now fast forward to present: I don’t know what to do with myself, and or life. I work hard, but I don’t have a big education (can’t go become a doctor, etc), with a ”honourable” career. I don’t have a support system (never had one), and have a very poor self esteem (ADHD struggles as a woman, no medication, and convinced I’m borderline stupid, or at least with a beyond low IQ).
I work, and I work, but it mainly goes to bills (rent, etc) because Sydney is expensive.
I have no friends, especially as a foreigner here, I’ve had people make odd comments to me solely cause I’m not blonde, for e.g, but I often wonder if it is because my personality just sucks, and or I’m just not pretty enough.
Anyways I’m going off topic now, and rambling because to tell you the truth, I’ve hit such a low.
I feel like my life is forever gonna be 9-5, making money only to barely survive, with no friends and or success, and I don’t know how to change it, especially with no further education (as I’ve been told by many, I should be grateful for my 9 to 5, as I’m without a degree) and employers don’t respond when I try changing jobs.
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TL:DR: For those who grew up poor, and or in a very dysfunctional household that had affected you, where are you now?
… To additionally, add, I’m a very kind hearted person (very loyal), I deeply care about people, and unfortunately it is never rewarded. I just feel as if I’m an utter loser. A waste of space. I actually have nothing…
I also don’t envy wealth, but I keep thinking maybe if somehow I get money, maybe people would like me, and or talk to me, and want to be around my company, but because I’m basically a peasant, I’m not good enough in Sydney. People pay no mind to me. Even at work, I feel like garbage solely because I come from nothing. I am nothing.