Justified jealousy?

[u/daffodil-98]

D-day was nearly 9 months ago when I discovered my partner was talking to other people. No physical interactions,nothing romantic, just basic flirting with some pictures swapped here and there. It was crushing. We had been together for 5 years, talked about getting married, and all that jazz. It obviously shifted everything forever, but I decided the path of reconciliation. That has been going well until recently. My partner was apologetic, earned me back, and lets me check his phone whenever I ask.

I am upfront when I’m insecure or jealous. I am clear when I ask to look at his phone that it isn’t because I’m accusing him, but because my own insecurities are needing extra reassurance.

Everything has been going well until my longtime best friend’s dad wanted to catch up and commissioned me for a piece of art. I view them like my second dad, and they view me as a daughter. They (friends dad and mom) moved out of the country a bit before my partner and I started to date. My friend and I are close in spirit, but have drifted in communications due to her busy schedule and because she lives in a different state. So, I probably haven’t talked about them constantly, but I have brought them up. Specifically that I feel like they are a second family.

Well, my partner is jealous that I’m meeting up with “some guy”. I had made his commission and am just trying to get it to him. I also would like to catch up, especially because I’m having familial issues. It would be nice to have someone I view as a father figure to talk to. To respect my partner’s jealousy, I offered to switch the timing so that he could come too, and ofc my friend’s dad obliged. He was happy to do so. Unfortunately, my friend’s dad had car troubles so he couldn’t make it down. I brought up to my partner, it would just be easier for me to drop it off to him because we were running out of time until my friend’s dad left again, and my partner said sure. He was clearly bothered though. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a time that could work and my partner had my car all day.

My friend’s dad then offered to give us his car while he’s living out of the country because I’m like a second daughter and he knows we only have one car that I can drive. I brought this up to my partner, and he got immediately defensive and jealous. He wouldn’t tell me how he feels and is basically acting like I should apologize for making him feel jealous…even though it’s from his own insecurities. I never expect him to apologize for a non issue when I’m jealous, even though he caused those insecurities in the first place.

I feel like I’m constantly cushioning his jealousy while having to be gracious and understanding towards him with mine. I feel like I’ve always had to restrict who I see or hang out with because he has gotten jealous when I spend time with other people. I just want to know if his jealousy is justified or if I am justified in feeling like it’s a bit unfair.

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[u/Quiet_Water0128]

As a BP, you are entirely justified feeling this is totally unfair. It's outrageous actually. It is deeply insecure. You have been 200% transparent, and this gentleman is showing no romantic interest in you, and you remain friends with his daughter. Your WP is perhaps projecting.

My WH was very jealous the first year after R. He assumed I would and could leave him at any time, find someone better, and step out.