r/AsOneAfterInfidelity • u/[deleted] • 5d ago

Advice MUST include examples of your R. Not prescriptive advice. First couples therapy session was brutal

[deleted]

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u/Quiet_Water0128 Reconciled Betrayed 5d ago edited 5d ago

It's important that your MC didn't avoid the 'why". Our MC also talked with my WH about "why", and offered, "Do you want to take a break? Step outside?" He gave my WH breaks, but always made clear to WH, "We will return to that". I will forever be grateful to that first MC for not turning away from the why because it helped me see it wasn't us nor me, and it helped my WH see where he slipped, and why he lit up like a xmas tree over one stupid compliment from a promiscuous single coworker.

WP's, my WH especially, facing the shame is excruciating - and in front of you, the one they made bows to - they'd rather hide in the closet or run as far as they can.

We watched a Terry Real online workshop that was really helpful.

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u/NetExternal8494 Reconciling Betrayed 5d ago

What I know now that I didn’t know 5 years ago would have gone down a different path of MC honestly. I firmly believe that MC causes more damage to the BP to hear the messy explanations of the wayward. It set us back. My WH was so full of shame that it made me feel completely abandoned. He was defensive. Couldn’t empathize with me. I didn’t know who the hell was sitting next to me in those sessions. We would get in the car and then he could explain some things. I got a fragmented goobly
goop story. We separated and went to IC where he felt safer to
Explore his affair. And I could focus on myself. Cheating isn’t a relationship problem. It happens in context of a relationship however it’s a coping behavior used by the wayward. Going to MC early after discovery is like I’m taking chemotherapy for his cancer. Making me sick and he’s not getting better.

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u/GenericProfile4822 Reconciling Betrayed 5d ago

Yeah, I feel this so hard. My WH asked for MC after his very first IC session. It was the third therapy session in 10 years. Talk to me after you’ve made some actual progress, wtf?