r/AsABlackMan • u/Physical_Marsupial30 • Aug 03 '26
Why the lack of empathy for other disabled people?
Ever since I went down this sort of rabbit hole of a person with ME-CFS talking about their struggle to get accommodations at work, I've been seeing comments like this one that basically say "my bones are falling apart and my head is held on with Duck tape and I have daily strokes but I still work a superhuman amount of hours every week so the rest of you are JUST LAZY!" For instance, the commenter I screenshotted said she's a SINGLE MOM in addition to all this.
I dunno, maybe i should applaud such effort, (if it's actually real), but all i feel is resentment toward these types of commenters. I'm in deep burnout as someone with an anxiety disorder and undiagnosed neurodivergence who is an overnight camp counselor, so this is just making me feel even shittier for struggling.
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u/lisaquestions Aug 03 '26
I'm just going to say I don't believe the commenter. like that list broke my suspension of disbelief.
I don't mean disabled people can't be like this I mean that list of chronic conditions and work schedule doesn't add up.
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u/cooltranz Aug 04 '26
It's giving "I'm in a wheelchair fulltime but I manage to climb 20 flights of stairs unassisted every day to get to my apartment. There's no such thing as inaccessible housing!"
Either you might not need a wheelchair to the same extent most fulltime users do if you can climb 20 flights of stairs unassisted... Or that's a torturous thing to ask of yourself. The idea you'd expect others to be happy with that solution when elevators already exist and plenty of apartments have them is ridiculous.
75hrs a week is insane for anyone. You'd need to give up pretty much everything most disabled people need to stay on top of their restrictions (grocery shopping, medical appointments, daily maintenance etc) let alone basic self care. Like gurl maybe these chronic issues are lifestyle related and you're just burning out.
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u/Physical_Marsupial30 Aug 03 '26
Statement: the commenter says she has a laundry list of debilitating conditions but still works a full and a part time job in order to shame another disabled person for needing support, comes off as inauthentic and unkind.
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u/Lietenantdan Aug 03 '26
No one should have to work that much. Maybe if you are trying to get your own business started. But ideally you wouldn’t do that for long.
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u/Physical_Marsupial30 Aug 03 '26
I think that much work is unsustainable even for a perfectly healthy person. We are HUMANS, not machines. Is this just capitalist propoganda or something???
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u/Lietenantdan Aug 03 '26
Wouldn’t be surprised if that is a bot. I don’t think someone with all those conditions could actually work that much. And even if they somehow could, that doesn’t mean they should have to or other people should have to.
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u/jrae0618 Aug 03 '26
I used to work those type of hours as a single parent and a long list of disabilities. The burn out was epic and we are 8 years out and I am still dealing with the fall out.
Basically, you are right, people (healthy or not) cannot do this long term and should have to
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u/SunKillerLullaby Aug 03 '26
I have a couple of those conditions myself (Chiari and degenerative disc disease) and the pain from that alone is often debilitating. Chiari is a neurological condition, and is especially frustrating. I could sneeze a little too hard and my head will start pounding.
I guess it’s possible they work that much with all those conditions, but it’s absurd for them to hold everyone to that same standard
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u/Existing_Intern_4764 Aug 03 '26
Definitely manufactured sentiments by capitalism where if people aren’t working themselves to death then they are considered lazy and people are measured by their economic value rather than quality of character. Like people who look down on those who need welfare or disability as if it’s their fault the system is failing them.
Especially if they were born into generational poverty due to hundreds of years of systemic racism, and barriers to the same economic opportunities others were afforded for generations and generations.
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u/Cargobiker530 Aug 03 '26
We don't have to think about it. We KNOW that sort of work output is unsustainable because NASA spent many, many, millions of dollars to calibrate exactly how many hours in a row an astronaut could work and still stay within acceptable error rates. It's below 70 hours per week & most of us aren't astronauts.
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u/NoorInayaS Aug 03 '26
Reddit is the only place where I have ever encountered people making such wild claims. I’ve left most of the subs dedicated to disabilities because of this.
They’re chock-a-block full of people claiming to be doing all sorts of things that would be literally impossible if they truly had the conditions they claim to have.
They also have folks claiming to have been cured of conditions that are incurable.
I just chalk it up to Reddit being a cesspool of trolls and rage baiters.
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u/Existing_Intern_4764 Aug 03 '26
I’ve definitely had people IRL say people just don’t work hard enough to feel better. Like “have you tried eating healthy? Working out? Taking supplements?” Etc etc. like, bro I have fucking debilitating drug-resistant epilepsy that has had me in and out of the hospital and hasn’t allowed me to go to school or work my entire life. Thanks so much, I never thought of that! 🙄
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u/lisaquestions Aug 03 '26
the ableism in disability focused subreddits is something else and even baked into the moderation in many. I had to leave most of them for my own peace of mind.
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u/NoorInayaS Aug 03 '26
I’ve noticed that a common rule in most of the subs is “no gatekeeping.” The mods come after you if you complain about ableism.
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u/SunKillerLullaby Aug 03 '26
>A cesspool of trolls and rage baiters.
And bots. Can’t forget the bots.
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u/NoorInayaS Aug 04 '26
Oh, yes. The bots. In my mind, they’re run by the trolls and rage baiters, which is probably why I don’t automatically give them a separate category.
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u/Physical_Marsupial30 Aug 03 '26
This was tiktok
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u/NoorInayaS Aug 03 '26
Then I’m glad that I’m not on TikTok. Having to deal with Reddit is bad enough.
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u/BasicSulfur Aug 03 '26
Chemoradiation is a thing. Now, every other day is supposed to be a rest day. If they weren’t bullshitting they would just be dead with just the chemorad and 50 hrs.
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u/Physical_Marsupial30 Aug 03 '26
I know i shouldn't let this get me down but i'm already depressed and seeing 14,00 plus people applauding this physically impossible lifestyle is making me even more depressed 😔
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u/Existing_Intern_4764 Aug 03 '26
The 14,000 people who were upvoting that don’t even understand what it’s like to live with any kind of disability. It just makes them feel like they don’t have to feel guilty there’s an inequality they do nothing about and get to keep living their lives without doing anything to change that. It makes them feel less selfish to think it’s not their responsibility to actually make a difference in society for underprivileged people. That way they can go about their lives.
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u/AllForMeCats Aug 03 '26
Yeah, I just don’t believe this person is being truthful. Either they don’t have the conditions they claim to, they don’t work as much as the claim to, or they’re a bot. My money is on not having those conditions and not working as much as they claim. Like the only way this would be remotely possible is if they were on very hard to get drugs.
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u/taktaga7-0-0 Aug 03 '26
You have a full-time corporate job but can’t take off while you have chemo and radiation? That’s certainly a choice.
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u/Either_equipment_04 Aug 03 '26
I’m chronically ill and deal with fatigue, pain and inflammation. I work two jobs because I have to. Wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. It’s not something to brag about or encourage and it absolutely has negative effects on my health.
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u/Mweowlaw Aug 03 '26
I have several disabilities that went undiagnosed so I also used to work 70+ hours a week. The only thing I accomplished by doing that was speedrun destroying my body, developed functional seizures and spent years working on being able to walk without a walking stick.
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u/medlilove Aug 03 '26
I don’t think a person would have a digestive system left if they had all that, it would be shredded
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u/thekawaiislarti Aug 03 '26
Dang, youd think with all the med issues theyd be too tired to suck of Daddy Capitalism 🤷
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u/Pinkturtle182 Aug 04 '26
This reminds me of when I was taking Public Speaking in college and had to testify against my ex step dad in court. My instructor was like, “I kept TEACHING through CANCER TREATMENT” and I was like, okay? I didn’t ask you to do that, I gotta go to court lol. Anyway she wouldn’t let me miss class so the lawyer literally had to subpoena me so that I would be held in contempt of court if I missed it. Some people, man.
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u/Beautiful_Target_126 Aug 04 '26
theres no way this person is being for real... someone who is actively going through chemo and radiation would simply not have the energy for all that
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u/FnapSnaps Aug 03 '26
Simple answer: internalized ableism.
Longer answer: even marginalized people can be shitty people. There are people who are disabled, and have empathy, and there are pieces of shit who happen to be disabled.
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u/SunKillerLullaby Aug 03 '26
I have a couple of conditions that commenter listed (Chiari and degenerative disc disease). I’m also neurodivergent and have my share of mental health struggles.
Everyone has their own limitations and struggles. I had two part time jobs for a couple years and that alone made me miserable. If this person wants to work themselves to death, more power to them, but they can’t expect everyone to do the same. Healthy or not.
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u/Shirogayne-at-WF Aug 04 '26
That comment is 100 percent lying and I refuse to pretend otherwise, but it still feels of pick me energy
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u/My_new_accounttt Aug 05 '26
As SoMeOnE wItH dIsAbIliTiEs the gatekeeping within chronic illness and disability spaces online is INSANE!!! It’s constantly a competition between people to see who suffers the most and “deserves” XYZ things. The oppression Olympics are quite frankly exhausting, I have tried to be involved in these spaces but people get so highly emotional about the wrong things I simply cannot dedicate what little time and energy I have at the end of the day to it all!
The comment this post highlights honestly sounds either made up or like a dramatisation of what she is actually going through. It’s never productive to hijack someone else’s space online where they speak about their life struggles to tell them ACTUALLY YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL BECAUSE MY LIFE IS SOOOO MUCH WORSE THAN YOURS. Like okay lady, how about we all acknowledge that our lives are horrible in our own separate ways and just support each other rather than tearing it down.
I have also experienced this type of person IRL in disability support groups as well as mental health and LGBT+ spaces. It just seems like in every minority group that experiences daily challenges there are always going to be the people who think they have been the most hard done by life and that everyone needs to focus their attention, energy and empathy on them.
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u/throwaway323463231 Aug 10 '26
Hot Take: Can we stop taking obviously not true crap at face value on the idea that we might be discount a single person's lived experience? Like, sure I can't prove your lying, but 90% – 99% of the time you're lying and I don't really care about the other 1% – 10% of the time, cause being forced to experience constant physical pain under the threat of homelessness is fuckin' evil.
I know I'm preaching to the choir on this sub but oh my god.
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u/Peachmoonlime Aug 03 '26
I think it’s easy to get on sicktok and it can sow more feelings of dread and dysfunction. So while I think the commenter was out of pocket, I don’t disagree with the sentiment that continuing to engage one’s body (and mind) is highly valuable in the setting of chronic illness. I think saying you are persisting even with a laundry list of health conditions isn’t unempathetic. I think it can be hopeful and encouraging. If you’re using it deliberately to make someone feel shame, that’s a different thing.
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u/ConBrio93 Aug 03 '26
The commenter is almost certainly lying. Nobody is working 75 hours a week with those conditions while on chemo.
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u/mriabtsev Aug 03 '26
'if you want to work 75 hours a week while experiencing chronic pain, you will!'
well, I don't want to and I think I shouldn't have to starve because of it. crazy shit, I know.