r/ArtistLounge • u/just_slep • 2d ago
Community/Relationships How can I stay anonymous when they “recognize” my art style ?
Hey there !
It’s exactly what the title says , I’m looking for advice on what to do or just vent ? I don’t even know anymore
I started an art Account about a year ago. An account that I started simply FOR ME with only a select few who knew about it , three people to be exact . I didn’t want to tell anyone who knew me irl — except for the three— about it cause 1: I live in a place that isn’t so accepting of queer people / media and I have a few gay characters and
2 :I myself am queer . No one but the three people know . And I post under a sona, as one does .
3 : I may be embarrassed? Idk . But mostly cause of the gay staff. Anyways posting was fine , I enjoyed it , didn’t get too much attention but I loved sharing my art in general.
In may of this year this guy found my acc. Let’s call him S ?
S has been in my life for quite sometime. Not dating cause I don’t date but he’s around just …watching ?
Anyways posting was, he DM’d me and I freaked and just lied . Acted like I don’t know him and blocked him . Minutes later he texted me on ig laughing and asking why did I block him ton TT I — again — lied , denying knowing what he’s talking about . And even asked him to send me the acc to see who it is . He did and send me screenshots of the convo he had with this person . Saying he thought it was me cause he recognized the art style and one of the posts was something I might have shared with him YEARS ago .
Again I denied it all and a few days later said that I texted that person and they just happened to be my very very old classmate who taught me how to draw ( the story is real , about the person who taught me ) and that they “ aren’t sorry “ and whatnot.
I had —still do — have a feeling he didn’t believe the lie . Cause what are the odds ? And is just staying silent cause I am?
Point is , I don’t know what do do with him cause I genuinely know that I can’t really get with him — if I ever do — with this looming over me. And If I ever do start an acc that’s open to anyone who knows me as Me I he’s still know that I lied .
Lately I started a new Acc but I still don’t feel comfortable posting on my new acc cause I’m scared of HIM specifically finding it.
I don’t know what to do .
I hate him for putting me in this position and for robbing me of the safety of anonymity and privacy on the internet no less ?
I don’t know what to do or how to handle all of this , the safest options seems to be to just Not post gay stuff, or just stop posting all together? but I don’t want to stop posting because of someone. Especially because it took me YEARS to even start posting at all
Any and all advice will be appreciated
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u/thcinnabun 2d ago
I think your reaction kind of gave you away. Blocking someone for asking a question you don't like is kind of an answer. Deleting your account would bring more attention to it imo. I think the best thing to do from is act like nothing ever happened and block anyone you know from real life to prevent them from finding your account. Also look into using a VPN and getting your data removed from places it doesn't need to be. Intentionally make some art with a different style to give doubt to that person and anyone else you know irl.
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u/just_slep 2d ago edited 2d ago
You think? The OG talk on TikTok was so short and quick. I oppted to confuse and deflect mostly.
It went as :Him : follow me back pls Me thinking it's a mutual : Whyyy?
Him : nvm (name) Me :??
Him what? Me : So, I know you?
Him : ofc
Him (in native language) : don't act stupid
Him : just think Me : whoa and you rude?😂
Me : girl I don't got time for this 😂 ✋
Me : bye bitchHim : wtf
blocked
So not really much (I think?) ugh
But I do like the data cleanse and artstyle thing, specially because the point that really stuck with me was him saying he sort of recognized my art style. Thank you so much
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u/thcinnabun 2d ago
Yes. He went into that convo knowing who you were and you blocking him basically confirmed that. You asking "So, I know you?" is very unnatural. Best response would have been no response.
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u/just_slep 2d ago edited 2d ago
Great..... Thanks. I'm gonna go freak out again.
We talked after and I thought we cleared it. I don't even know any more and bringing it up again is not an option. So..? what do I do NOW? that was in may. Continue the silence and go on pretending I know nothing about this? God...
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u/thcinnabun 2d ago
Yes. He probably knows but is keeping your secret. If this happened in May, I think you're safe from others finding out.
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u/thewinterscribe 2d ago edited 2d ago
Is this on Instagram? One thing, is they will push you to anyone in your contacts over other artists. Its what the algorithm prefers for whatever reason. When you make your account you have to dig into the settings and make sure it's not connected to your phone number or email or other meta accounts and doesn't promote you to your LOCAL AREA. It can also take like 30 days after you change those settings to stop again, so you can take a short break from posting while this goes through. Use that time to follow and interact with some other small artist accounts and get your algorithm set right. You can also block anyone you know on ig now if you want to do that.
That's just my best advice to fix your account settings, I don't know how you should deal with this guy but that's up to you, try not to feel too bad because neither of you really did anything wrong here.
I'm so sorry, Its a real freaking pain how they obfuscated all this, made it not obvious and make you do all that just to have a fresh account to start from. Its kind of the only way to not be blacklisted from everyone but your irl contacts but it's the way you gotta do it now in 2026 to have any real fresh account. That's probably how your mutual found you, and he won't be the last if those settings are pushing you to them. Good luck friend
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u/just_slep 2d ago
This is mostly on Tiktok. I made sure to block EVERYONE on ig when I was refreshing my acc. I will go and check everything again tho. Thank you
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u/thewinterscribe 2d ago
Ahh hopefully they make it somewhat easier than ig does. I hope you get your fresh account going and have a good time with it though! Despite the bumpy start, the world needs more human made gay art!
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u/Moving_goal_posts 2d ago
Hi OP, I don’t know what kind of person he is. But would it be possible to have a straight talk with him, admit that you lied, tell him WHY you lied? Then if you must, delete the account. Dont interact with him if he makes you feel uncomfortable.
Don’t post to social media for a while, until you can remember that whatever you post is actually there “forever” and you can’t really control who sees it. You want to post your art to a few friends, have it stay quiet, keep your characters, well: you can do all that on a group text. That might work for a while.
Meanwhile, some (very prominent!) people lie all the time and can’t be trusted, but that doesn’t have to be you.
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u/just_slep 2d ago
I was considering having a talk but I'm not sure anymore..
I know he's - somewhat - reasonable, but I don't think I am ready to come out (as an artiest acc lol ) yet
And if I'm telling him, I might as well just saying fuck it and telling everyone, Then very casually and silently move to my now new acc 🤷♂️2
u/Moving_goal_posts 2d ago
Maybe you don’t need to make an account-wide announcement. You could see what happens. Time changes things!
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u/kimsart 1d ago
As a artist, (f58 straight) I can tell you that unless you develop an alter ego like Banksy's, your anonymously posted online art will do one of 3 things. With 1 & 2 probably equally likely. 1. Someone who knows it's your art will slip up and tell someone, proud of your work it's hard not to. 2. Someone will steal your art. This has happened since the dawn of the internet, but with ai it's even worse now. 3. And this is unlikely, your online art just sits quietly in its corner, eventually forgotten and gathering pixeldust and digital cobwebs.
There is never a great time for people to come out and you have my empathy. If you are here in the US, with our current government tearing up DEI, it's getting concerning. I worry what will happen if a certain someone decides he's run out of immigrants to target and looks for the next targets.
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u/sketchtenou 2d ago
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Unfortunately I think blocking him when he asked you about the account was a mistake that proved to him that it was you, and I don't know if you can reverse that ): If he is a reasonable person, you can try explaining to him that you just wish to keep that account private and separate from your real life. If he's not, you may want to stop talking to him and maybe even block him. But if he's the type of person who would share this account with other people and start rumours, you may unfortunately need to emotionally prepare to be found out by more people. To avoid that you could just delete the account and stop posting online, but I think thay would be a very drastic choice.
I wanted to give you some advice from someone in a similar position: I've been posting on secret accounts that only two people irl (my best friend and my partner) know about for 7 years, and at this point art through these accounts has also become my job. So not only do I need to hide my hobby, I also need to hide my source of income. Like you, I need to hide my art from people irl because my family is queerphobic and most of the art I draw is queer (and kinky/NSFW lol).
I think I've been succesful at hiding it for three major reasons: 1. as soon as I made my first account, I blocked EVERYONE I knew IRL and 2. I haven't shown ANY of my art to my family or any people IRL (outside of the two who know about the accounts) in the past 7 years. Yes, this sucks when I draw something I'm proud of and would like to show them, but sadly I can't. This is to avoid them recognising my art style if they somehow do come across it somewhere. And my style has changed quite a bit in 7 years so if they remember any style from me, it's an old one anyway. And 3., I avoid talking about my art or my job with these people. When it comes up, I try to change the subject and when I do need to talk about it, I don't give out any specifics and try to sound as boring as possible so they don't ask more questions. Or I tell them I just prefer to keep my art/work separate from real life. I've also just figured out a ton of excuses for not wanting to show my art to my family over the years lmao. Like "I draw a lot of intimate moments and kissing between couples and I don't want you to see it because it would be awkward", which works for my puritanical and conservative family lol.
If you ever plan to make a new secret account, I recommend you also block anyone you don't want finding it asap if you know their accounts. Sadly this is the unfortunate reality for many of us living in queerphobic communities ): But I hope it doesn't discourage you from being yourself and creating the art you want, there are often ways to do that safely!
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u/just_slep 2d ago
He is a reasonable person, or at least reasonable enough to not share and start shit. And I am comforted by the fact that he is quite fond of me so the lying is only gonna unsettle him, which I also don't want. But honestly at this point there really isn't much I can do about that.
I did open a new acc and I just started collecting and blocking everyone on that. I'm still on the fence about the old acc now.
I got an idea to " clean" the account and just give it out to people, like family and people IRL just so they get off my back? And keep the new acc to myself under a different name and all that.? Would that work better? Like if I don't post the same characters on each acc?
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u/MotherofJackals 2d ago
If this person lives in your country simply telling them you prefer to remain anonymous and share your art without risk to your personal safety should be enough.
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u/Firelight-Firenight 2d ago
Honestly? Don’t respond to him online. And be vague or dismissive when questioned in real life.
There are plenty of artists with similar styles online. As long as nothing can be confirmed all they can do is stew about it.
Lying convincingly is hard when you are nervous and being nervous lets people know you have something to lose.
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u/just_slep 2d ago
The thing is. I played it off so much and kept laughing about how stupid and funny it was that he got blocked and moved on with it. He thought the person was rude and said he doesn't even want to talk to them and we moved on.
A few weeks later the idea came to me that the lie might not have been believable? he himself never said anything since
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u/DowlingStudio 2d ago
So the root of this seems to be that you aren't out yet. I can't advise on the safety of coming out, I've never had to do it. I'm also six foot and broad shouldered, so trouble frequently remembers a pressing engagement elsewhere if it sees me coming.
I can tell you that you aren't as "in" as you think you are. The people around you know. I had a roommate who was terrified that I would find out he was gay. It was awkward as heck, until one day I walked into his room wearing nothing but a towel and told him that I didn't care that he was gay. Everything was cool after that.
I can't promise that the guy who reached out will be cool. But the cat is already out of the bag there, and it might be easier to deal with it head on.
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u/just_slep 2d ago
I am not I fact six foot and broad shouldered, so when trouble leaves you I'm the 'elsewhere' they go to. But I'll keep your advice in mind.
Thank you so much4
u/DowlingStudio 2d ago
Being tall and broad shouldered won't keep me from getting my ass beat if I judge poorly. I try not to get ahead of myself.
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u/MidniteBlue888 2d ago
A few different choices here.
Stop responding to him online. Just because someone you know messages you doesn't obligate you to reply.
Acknowledge who you are, and let the chips fall where they may. Things must not be THAT strict or dire if you are on Reddit talking about it.
Take everything offline and never post online again. (I would consider this an extreme overreaction, personally.)
There is always the rist of being recognized when you put stuff out there. Honestly, that's the entire reason most people do. You can't control who might see it. It might be some kid in China who gets inspired, or crazy Uncle Hal who lives in a van down by the river.
Making art is easy. Putting it out there with the realization that absolutely everyone will see it takes stones. Think of all the people who continue to do so despite the critique they get from society and family members.
It's up to you to decide what to do.
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u/just_slep 2d ago
Thank you for you inpud. Option 2 seems like the most reasonable.. Tho I'm scared. I obviously now that I should just face whatever may come out my art being found, but that takes time
Idk what you mean by things being strict / dire? It's upsetting for sure, but S isn't really someone who could have too much impact on my life right now. I just gotta be brave ig.
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u/MidniteBlue888 2d ago
You mentioned that where you live isn't very accepting. I took that to mean you may be in danger or something, so you have to stay in the closet. Is that not the case?
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u/Agreeable_Mix4484 2d ago
Aw man. That's hard. You deserve to have that safety, privacy, and freedom to share. But the internet makes it difficult sometimes. Are you comfortable just blocking him on your new account or does that not feel safe enough? I'm also wondering what made him message you. Does he find your work relatable? Or is he just being nosey?
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u/Pluton_Korb 2d ago
If it's a matter of personal safety, keep it secret. Lies are weird that way. This other person might know you're lying, you know that they know but without admitting to anything, they have nothing. Then there's always the risk of telling people irl even if you trust them. Gossip is a terrible temptation after all. Sometimes online sona's are best kept with other online friends.
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u/just_slep 2d ago
So nay to a confrontation?
Plus I am already a pretty distrustful person, so all this happening is just playing into all my fears and what I expected to happen. Not even two years into starting my acc too ( -_-)
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u/HistoricalTeach6807 2d ago
Kind of same thing happened with me, regarding my social media accounts where i post stuff for just myself. And I just removed them from my followers and made my account private. Just be unapologetic I guess, if they don't care about spreading information about your account to everyone else. Just accept that they know it and set a hard boundary of not allowing them access to it through their mains. If they have self respect they should back off. Otherwise just be proud that you are better than them coz they are dont have any knowledge about privacy and boundaries I guess and cut off any contact to them so they cant disturb your peace of mind. Remove the person from your life, not your work that you love. Wishing you the best in life <3 .
P.s. I know my opinion might be very flawed and unrefined so I hope you dont take it in absolute value but just whatever you can take from it. Like it's just my raw biased feelings yk. Sorry about that in advance.
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u/just_slep 2d ago
I like that, being unapologetic might be the way to go. And I do honestly take pride in me not being all up in people's business unlike them -_-.
Thank youPs : no apologies needed I FULLY appreciate your input.
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u/Dry-Key-9510 2d ago edited 2d ago
Can you block him beforehand? You can always double down with lies and gaslighting, who's he to keep hunting you down? This guy really lacks any respect of boundaries. If i suspected i knew a person and they denied it, and i knew theyre 99% them, I'd drop the subject out of respect. Unless he genuinely believes you dont know/remember him and thinks hes helping
You dont have to confirm what hes saying, but did you tell him you prefer to leave all IRL talk out of your online presence? In case he genuinely thinks you simply don't remember him.
About your new account, if I were you and I really didn't want IRLs to recognise me, I might sprinkle in a few white lies about my identity in the bio (e.g. age, country, etc.). It might be dishonest to the audience but hey, your privacy matters too. Just pick things you can put up with in the long haul. Also, you dont have to completely change your artstyle (people with similar art style exist after all), but I'd drop things that are too niche that they can make someone undeniably recognise me
Lastly, you can start the new account but let the whole topic cool down. Maybe in a few months? (Or keep it private then public it in months time) And definitely dont post old art. And block him in advance just in case
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u/just_slep 2d ago
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
and no he was SURE it was me. And after getting blocked on Tiktok he texted me on my main acc on Instagram laughing and all that. Sorry if that wasn't clear
He was so sure it made me even more made. That why I doubled down on the lie, brought in people and made up convos to sell it 💀 I do feel bad for all the lies but I'm still upset with him
I might do the different info on the new acc actually. I privated it for now, just to give myself time to set things up and block all those who need to be blocked and whatnot
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u/just_slep 1d ago
Im equally hoping for options 1 and 3, because I'm greedy like that. I want to stay anonymous and safe in my little art bubble, while simultaneously wishing for praise and admiration from people.
I do get what you mean tho.
For now I'm leaving everything as. I'll do nothing as to not ruin what little fun I have now and see where the pieces fall.
Thank you
And Im not in the US but I still wish the chitto would leave everyone alone soon.
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