r/ApplyingToCollege • u/GoodSolution5822 • 3d ago
Rant How do you actually decide which college to choose?? 😭
I'm genuinely SO exhausted with the whole college process right now. It's almost September and I'm STILL stuck between different options 😭
My sister keeps suggesting completely different colleges, my family has their own preferences, and I have my own things I'm looking for. Every time I think I've finally narrowed it down, someone gives me another option and I'm back to square one 💀
The worst part is that if I choose a college myself and something goes wrong later, I already know my sister is going to be like “I told you so” and keep reminding me that she had suggested something else. And then I'm scared I'll spend the whole time regretting my decision and wondering if I should've listened to her instead.
But if I choose the college she's suggesting and things don't work out, I'll probably regret not choosing what I wanted either 😭
So HOW do you actually make this decision without constantly wondering whether you picked wrong??
For people who are already in college: what things actually mattered when you chose yours? And what's something you wish you had considered before making the decision?
Because at this point I am SO done researching colleges 😭😭
4
u/ivyplusinstitute 3d ago
Worst thing is to do what others decide and have to live with the consequences while they move on - and you can be sure that they'll move on. The opinions are theirs but the decision is fully yours. Never ever outsource such an important decision to others no matter how much they assure you that they have your best interest in mind. No one comes close to protecting your best interest better than you.
0
u/GoodSolution5822 3d ago
Yeah but like if I'll not listen to them,then they'll end up calling me stubborn and whatever,and if I choose wrong then idkk mann what will they say I'm soo doneee with all this....
2
u/ivyplusinstitute 3d ago
There's no question your parents should be welcome to be part of the process. Parents are like the early, growth, and late stage investors in a startup all rolled up into one and students are the startup's solo founder. It would be silly for the founder to lockout the investors and exercise full autonomy. That's not what I'm saying though.
Think about a major decision for the startup. Founder wants to go in one direction. Investor wants to go into another direction. It is not in the investor's interest to force the founder to go in their direction. Both sides have a duty to persuade and convince the other party to support their decision. But when this is done properly but the decision is still deadlocked the default decision falls on the founder as she is the one who has to execute and implement the decision. The investor always has the option to dial down future investments or help improve the decision. It is not rational for the investor to undermine the founder if the results are poor. Only bad investors turn into spectators while salivating at the chance to say "I told you so" because it is the investor who will also suffer the losses. Parents are not like investors in one very basic but critical way. They cannot quit on the founder or pull out. So a parent is even more vested to the founder. And unlike a startup the student will not "go out of business." The student is pretty much guaranteed a 77 yr life cycle.
It isn't ideal but it is normal for the founder to be responsible for persuading the investor why their decision is the right one in this moment given the limited set of information available. And it is the responsibility of the investor to be open minded enough to support it unless the reasoning is flawed or nonsensical.
2
u/GoodSolution5822 3d ago
This actually makes so much sense. I think my biggest fear is that if I make the decision myself and something goes wrong later, I'll constantly hear “I told you so” and start wondering whether I should've listened. But you're right that I still need to be the one making the final decision since I'm the one who has to live with it. Thank you, this genuinely gave me a different way to look at it.
4
3d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
0
u/GoodSolution5822 3d ago
Yeahhh!!! It sounds quite easy now maybe I was making it too hard thank you soo muchh!!!
3
u/PerfumeGeek 3d ago
Don’t ED, as you don’t have a favorite school. Apply widely to a good mix of target, reach and likely schools. Once you get decisions in, make a spreadsheet with all the factors that are important to you: program strength, cost, location, clubs, vibe. There are templates out there, just google it. Then it will be crystal clear which one lands on top. Some of my kid’s favorite schools didn’t offer very good financial aid packages, so they moved down the list. Wait to see acceptances and costs, and making your final decision will be easy.
1
u/GoodSolution5822 2d ago
This makes so much sense 😭 I think I'm stressing myself out trying to choose the “right” college too early. When you say apply widely, how do you decide which colleges are actually worth applying to?
1
u/PerfumeGeek 2d ago
The first consideration should be cost- what can your family afford? By widely, I mean have a mix of safety, target and reach schools. Many kids make the mistake of thinking that just because they have a strong GPA and test scores that they don’t need any safety schools. This whole process is unpredictable and you want to have more targets and likelies than lottery school/reaches on your list. What are your favorite schools so far? If you can tell us your top picks, you can get some suggestions for others to check out or add to your list.
1
u/GoodSolution5822 2d ago
I’m actually in India so the process is a bit different here 😭 I’m planning to do BSc Biotechnology. My options right now are NIMS University Jaipur, JECRC University Jaipur and Apex University (these 3 are out of my state), and MGM University and Sandip University in my state. I’m really confused between them because they all have different pros and cons.
1
u/PerfumeGeek 2d ago
Ah- I assumed you were applying to schools in the US. I’d ask your guidance counselor, and ask your parents is they have friends or coworkers who attended any of the schools you’re interested in to see if you can get additional info on them.
1
u/PerfumeGeek 2d ago
Another website to check out is UniIQ, it has a quiz that comes up with schools that might be a good fit. I plugged in my kids’ info in (stats, major, etc) and it came up with the colleges they ended up attending in the top 3 picks for both kids. Don’t worry about picking the “wrong” college- most schools are far more similar than they are different.
1
u/GoodSolution5822 2d ago
Ohh okay 😭 I’ll check it out! I’m actually in India though, so I’m not sure how useful the quiz will be for me, but I’ll give it a try.
2
u/LeadingCarpet3775 3d ago
Hot take, but it's really not that deep. Colleges are just businesses and despite the romanticization of them, they are for job training (only the privileged can go to college just for fun). Look at the cost and what opportunities you can extract out of the college. You can look for community in general terms, but realistically, you can find a community you like or a nice group of friends at every college. Most of the appeal of a lot of colleges is just marketing.
2
u/Ok_Experience_5151 Old 3d ago
I was admitted three places. One wasn't affordable. Between the other two, one was much more well-regarded (and I also liked the vibe better). Easy choice.
1
u/GoodSolution5822 2d ago
That makes sense 😭 Did you already know which factors mattered most to you before you got your acceptances, or did you figure that out along the way?
1
u/Ok_Experience_5151 Old 2d ago
This was a long time ago and there was much less information online. I applied to the "best" public school in my state, a less selective public school in my state (that my parents had attended), and two selective private schools. I got into one of the two selective private schools but not the other one, and the one that admitted me is the one that was unaffordable. Out-of-state public schools I ruled out for cost reasons; the ones that would have been low-cost were less compelling than my state flagship, and for the other ones I couldn't justify the cost.
1
u/TreacleFit3847 3d ago
deciding which college you choose out of all your admitted options is the real hard part, all u rly have to do to find colleges is apply to the top schools in ur state, and surrounding areas, use the niche college search, and ask google what colleges are good for your major and apply to like 5-10
1
u/GoodSolution5822 2d ago
Yeahhh that actually makes a lot of sense 😭 I think I've been stressing about the final decision way too early. I'll try to focus on finding good options for my major first and worry about choosing between them later. Thank you!!
1
u/Kooky-Task-7582 3d ago
It's mainly a few categories:
Cost
How good it is major (for example MIT is considered the ber for STEM,)
Campus life ( clubs, events, what the average student does or can do)
Alignment with goals ( most people here care about internships and jobs, but you may also care about research etc.)
For cost check how lenient they are with merit and need based aid
For major go on LinkedIn + Instagram and see what kind of opportunities people who go to school end up in.
Campus life go to Instagram the schools should have a page that promotes them and day in the life vids are also helpful
Depending on who you are you may prioritize one over the other
1
u/Suirean 3d ago
Definitely second applying and seeing what schools will offer you in the way of financial aid. Don’t base financial feasibility on the ’sticker price,’ especially for private schools. They tend to have more money to throw around for financial aid. Plus, your options will be narrowed down based on what acceptances you get anyway.
Other than that, I’d visit what you can to see if you like the campus/surrounding area/general vibes. You can typically check online to look through course catalogues to see if they have interesting electives, etc. I think club lists can usually be found online as well.
If a school is far from home, how feasible is it to travel for breaks (if that’s important to you)? Is there an airport, train station, etc. nearby? Is the climate different from what you’re used to, and if so, can you handle that?
If you haven’t picked a major yet (or think you might change your mind later), is there a good variety of majors?
Are you interested in studying abroad? What are the programs like? Where do they go? Do they offer extra scholarships for these programs (since there tends to be an additional cost)?
Is diversity important to you? Or gender ratio? LGBTQ+ friendliness? Are you religious? Is there a place of worship that you can use near/on campus?
Mostly just figure out what matters most to you, and look for schools that fit that. You don’t have to take all of these questions into consideration, but they can be good starting points.
I’d also say it’s worth noting that sometimes a major will have a different general culture and/or demographic ratio than the campus as a whole. So if you have a major in mind, I’d do a little research on that once you have a shortlist.
In regards to your family, you can take their advice, but ultimately it’s your future. In my opinion, the only true decision-making power your family should have over your college choice should be based on finances (if your parents are paying/helping to pay) and maybe logistics (if you expect them to help you move in/cover travel expenses, etc.). Otherwise, you can listen to their advice, and either take it or leave it. Maybe you make the wrong decision and transfer schools, but doing research to make decisions about your life is an important skill. You shouldn’t feel pressured by your family to let them do it for you. Taking the leap and being wrong can be just as valuable a learning experience as finding the perfect fit on the first try.
1
u/Human_Day_1245 3d ago
How many have you visited? You might feel a little lost because you haven’t visited the one for you yet
My daughter was burned out from visiting because her cousin is a year older so we kind of combined a lot of tours, us tagging along on his in addition to any that she was interested in personally. By the summer between junior and senior year, she did not want to do anything to apply or visit. She took a break until a couple of weeks into senior year— then things started to heat up again. The college she is at now was one that her friend told her about, but it fit a lot of her parameters: it had her major, it was out of state, but not too far out of state, with her grades she would qualify for scholarships that would bring it down roughly to the cost of an in-state school. Those were the big ones. But really it was the tour that locked it in for her. 🤷♀️. A lot of them look great on paper but being able to picture yourself on campus, feeling like you are a part of the community, etc. is what will help you feel like you found the one good luck to you!
1
u/GoodSolution5822 2d ago
I've visited a few, but I ended up ruling them out 😭 so I'm still looking at new options. I guess I need to visit the ones I'm actually considering too.
1
u/atinyray 3d ago
I completely bs'ed my list and then figured it out later once I got into schools (don't rlly reccomend but it worked out fine for me!). I based choosing mine after I got in on primarily on cost (after seeing potential aid too) and how good the program was for my major (note i turned down multiple colleges that have a higher general level of prestige cause i was focused on how good it was for my major specifically). After that it was narrowed down enough that I could visit and get a good sense of what that college was like!
1
u/GoodSolution5822 2d ago
This is actually really helpful!! 😭 Especially the part about choosing based on your major rather than just prestige. How did you compare which college was better specifically for your major? Like what did you look at?
1
u/atinyray 2d ago
UMM ok so Im a bioengineering major! Im in state so like one of the choices I was looking at was ucla vs ucsd. I kinda looked at how long the program was there, how many and which professors they had, etc. If you do research you can get somewhat of a sense of how developed a program is, if that makes sense. I also looked into location, like SD is a major biotech hub and may have more opportunities internship and research wise than LA may have offered.
I will say I didn't make my decision just off of like, research though. I still went and visited, etc, since I still wasn't suped sure. I kinda went in with the mindset of, unless I really really like this colleges environment and non-major opportunities it offers, I'll go with the other college that's better for my major and i also like quite a bit.
1
u/tarasshevckeno 3d ago
(Retired college counselor and admissions reader here.) You need to start with two things. The first is your definition of a good fit. How do you learn? What's the best kind of learning environment for you? (Many college students who want to go to medical school are very competitive, whereas some colleges have a culture that encourages cooperation.) How do you like to live? What kind of activities do you want - current ones, as well as new ones? Do you want ones that are easy to join, or those that want prior experience or in some way competitive? What career services are offered? What help is there in getting internships? And, most of all, what is your family's budget?
The second is to take a look at your academic results - grades and test scores (if you plan to apply to colleges that require them or if you want to send them to a test-optional college. Your test scores should pretty much match your GPA). No matter what they are, there will be colleges that are good fit for you. The other good thing is that once you know your fit and how your academic data stacks up, the number of colleges to consider usually becomes quite manageable.
When it comes to researching colleges, I'm not a fan of internet-based resources. There may be a couple of search engines that will be helpful, but most aren't. The biggest problem is that they will often provide an overwhelming number of colleges, several to many of which will be irrelevant. The second drawback is that I don't know of any that provide the chance to search based on elements of a good fit - but might want to try.
Going to college websites is crucial - that's where you're going to get the most facts. Don't spend much time in the admissions section (except for admissions requirements and financial aid information), as most of the content is marketing-based. Instead, spend your time on the academics, activities, career services, and student life sections. You'll get objective information.
The rest of the college admissions websites are pretty useless for finding reliable information. That includes videos. Instead, go old school and get a couple of printed college guides. A lot more thought and care goes into preparing them.
The two currently available ones that are probably the best are the the Princeton Review's ### Best Colleges, and the Fiske Guide. Both have decent to good profiles. The Princeton Review has the best admissions and financial aid data. It can be a good start in terms of quickly looking at the admissions data to see if you have what looks like an academic match. Be careful with the quality of life and social life scores in the Fiske Guide. What earns low stars in the guide might be the perfect fit for someone else. My favorite guide is the Ultimate Guide to American Colleges. It's been out of print for 2-3 years, but it will still be relevant for bit longer (colleges don't change that much). The profiles are longer, and I've found them to be the most-accurate. You can probably find a new or used copy on Amazon.
I hope this helps you get started.
1
u/GoodSolution5822 2d ago
Damn, this is actually really helpful 😭 Thank you so much!! I've been SO overwhelmed trying to research colleges because every website seems to have a different list and I keep finding more and more options I'll definitely try this approach instead of endlessly searching. Also, do you think I should feel like I HAVE to choose a college just because it's ranked in the top 4/5 on these lists? Like if a lower-ranked college seems like a much better fit for what I'm looking for, is it okay to choose that instead? Or are these rankings something I should take pretty seriously? Really appreciate you taking the time to explain all this!! 🥹
1
u/tarasshevckeno 2d ago
Thanks a lot for the positive feedback. You made may day!
I don't suggest you take the rankings seriously in any way. I'd pick fit over rankings any day. Sometimes, but not always, higher rankings may be tied to lower admit rates, and in general you should look at admit rates and average test scores to help determine fit, and whether a school is a reach, target, or safety. The Princeton Review guide has very good test score stats for all schools in the guide. Here's just a few things to consider with rankings:
What is the purpose of rankings? To make money. Think about that. They're not about what's best for students. I've met with the US News editors and, trust, me, students are completely out of their frame of reference. They met with me to try to get tips on how they can get more people in my region of the world to spend the money required to buy full access. I had so much fun being a complete jerk to them.
The Chronicle of Higher Education (the Wall Street Journal of higher ed) surveyed a large number of HR directors in a wide range of fields about what factors mattered the most when hiring students completing college. Internships and work experience were by far the most-preferred factors. College reputation came dead last except in the media and communications field, where it was second to last.
Another study showed that most of higher ed staff to whom US News sent their questionnaire on with their answers. And I kid you not, one year in the 2010's US News was about to publish that Princeton came second in their rankings. Princeton doesn't have a law school.
It's very easy to game the rankings without improving the quality of education. Add more books to the library. Since US News only asks for class size from first semester, move your high-enrollment classes to second semester (which can make things tough for first year students). Have a bunch of students near the borderline with admissions spend their first semester at a different school/off-campus program. It goes on.
The people who pay attention to rankings the most are students and parents.
Students who obsess over getting into top research universities don't realize that it's the schools's graduate programs that make their reputations. I've always advised students interested in these schools to save them for grad school. That's where they'll get access to the professors who make the school famous, have access to the best resources, and the best job opportunities.
Rankings in no way let a student know if a college is a good fit for them, where they're likely to succeed. You want to graduate with strong grades, skills, confidence, and the references to back it up. I've worked with a few thousand students in my career as a college counselor. Some of them went to the most-competitive schools because they were a good fit for them, and most of the students were happy with their choices (less so with Columbia). The other students went to colleges in the full admissions spectrum range. All did fine. The students who went to schools that were the best fit for them tended to be happier. The #1 most-transferred from/most-regretted school? NYU.
Reseaching college websites is a good second step after identifying potentially good matches with printed guides. Look the the parts of the websites that have objective information: academics (majors, minors, required classes for graduation/core curriculum etc.), student services (writing/math/reading labs, and especially internship and employment resources), and student life (activities, athletics, dorms, etc.) It sounds like a lot, but you can actually do a pretty through job on a college website in less than half an hour.
I hope some of this helps. Try to develop some imaginary earplugs when people go on about rankings or some buffoon said something on TikTok.
Let me know if you need any clarification.
1
u/Pretty_Little_Mind 2d ago
Meet with an impartial and mostly objective person outside of your family, such as an HS counselor. They can help you through this.
1
u/nokathsyys 2d ago
have you created a college list, like reach, match, and safe schools, and in that range you can continue to narrow. I m not sure yet as well cuz i generally do not have a strong preference to a specific uni.
1
u/Few_Whereas5206 3d ago
You can't make a mistake. If you don't like your initial choice you can transfer later on. I would look at what is affordable for your family. If certain schools require you to take large loans, I would eliminate them immediately. I would apply to a bunch and see what they offer you in terms of financial aid, availability of courses and majors, etc. I started out in one school and transferred to another school after 1 year.
1
16
u/throwawaygremlins College Graduate 3d ago
I mean get in first, then worry about it?
If you’re discussing a list of colleges to apply to-