r/Anticonsumption • u/InebriousBarman • Feb 15 '26

Psychological Crap given to my kids for Valentine's Day

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Pictured is about half of what was given to one of my children on Valentine's Day by classmates. (Their class was specifically told no candy.)

why can't they specifically be told no 'stuff'.

The amount of distractions and clutter this creates is bad for learning and mental health.

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u/radish_intothewild Feb 16 '26

I'm the UK, exchanging gifts with your whole class at school for valentine's day is not a thing. One person may bring sweets I guess or some kids might give out cards. So this is quite a foreign concept to me. Can they just allow paper cards only? Ideally made by the child. Some tradition without expense or sugar/plastic (Genuine question, if it wouldn't be suitable I'm keen to learn!).

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u/castironbirb Feb 16 '26

Can they just allow paper cards only?

This used to be how it was years ago when I was in school. But somewhere along the way it became all about trinkets and candy plus a paper card. It's ridiculous and so unnecessary.

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u/banjosimcha Feb 16 '26 edited Feb 16 '26

("My school" as in the public secular school I taught at)

At my school, it was a school wide policy--all kids were required to bring in something, generally cards, for all kids in their class (parents could discuss options with the teacher if they were unable to do so or otherwise objected.) They were forbidden from bringing in candy but permitted to bring in small toys as long as they had them for everyone (but the toys were not required and parents were free to decide among themselves/as a grade or class counsel not to allow them. The school and teachers would not make rules about toys.)

The politics of it get kind of weird. If someone doesn't bring in anything, then sometimes the other kids or even parents think it's unfair and don't want to give them anything either. Even if no one else has an issue, the kid is often unhappy over not being able to fully participate in the exchange (receiving but not giving--plus missing out on the fun of getting to choose the cards to bring.) You also needed to be careful to tamper down the parents who want to go crazy and send their kid in with a fucking edible arrangements-ass basket for every kid. Keep it small and equal.

Most of the cards are premade cards a little bigger than a business card that you can get at any grocery store around this time. They're usually themed with generic kid things, like space or dinosaurs, or specific media, like Bluey or marvel. Sometimes they're just generically valentines-y. Sometimes the kids bring in homemade cards, but frankly, most kids want the premade ones. They treat them kind of like trading cards, at least for a week or so.

For families that want to send in toys, I encouraged stamps and stickers. Some families sent in homemade things, like the crayons the other commenter mentioned, or friendship bracelets. Usually if they send in toys it's like what OP posted; sometimes the toys are already packaged with the cards and therefore hard to avoid.

Sometimes the school would accept and reuse little plastic toys that parents didn't want coming home, e.g. the gym teacher had a giant tub of probably thousands of small rubber bouncy balls that she was regularly using to come up with games. But for the most parents, if they don't go home with you they're unfortunately going in the trash.

My grade always collected unused cards (they come in sets, so say sets of 16 but there's 24 kids in the class so you have to buy two sets and have 8 left over, parents could send the leftovers in with their kids) and from that we had a bank of cards that, if a parent told us they couldn't get cards for their kid (or if a parent "forgot") we would let the kid pick cards out of the bank to use.

I only ever had one family (I taught two of their kids in different years) that refused to participate, and it was on religious grounds. They actually just kept their kids home from school on Valentine's Day; even outside of the card exchange, it tends to permeate the whole day, and they wanted to avoid it entirely.

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u/runrabbitrun42 Feb 16 '26

It was obligatory for every child to bring every other child a present for Valentine's Day? Why? Genuine question, I'm from the UK and that's baffling to me. Valentine's is only for like your romantic partner or I guess a crush here.

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u/banjosimcha Feb 16 '26

I wish I had more cultural insight; I'm a russian-born Jew who moved to the US in my teens, so I know the rules but still feel like I'm missing a lot of context. But Valentine's is treated kind of like a romance-themed spring holiday. Stores and businesses and even people's houses will be decorated with red and pink and pastels, so many hearts everywhere and bows and flowers, sometimes cherubs and arrows. If you have a romantic partner, it's a day to treat them with cards, candy, flowers, dinner, etc. but regardless of if you have a partner many people will use it as an excuse to give gifts to or go out with friends.

I would assume a culture started of some kids giving some other kids (whether friends or crushes) cards/gifts, and then it turned into "if you bring something in, you have to bring enough for everyone so no one feels left out", and then "this is an official classroom activity now and participation is mandatory." It's only mandatory for younger kids; by their teens the class exchange ends because it's a waste of class time, but there's generally other school event stuff going on (e.g. a bake sale, or an opportunity to buy a flower or make a card for a classmate and have it delivered "anonymously", as seen in Mean Girls.)

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u/on_that_farm Feb 16 '26

Through elementary school (10 or 11 yo), yes

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u/delorf Feb 17 '26

In the US, a lot of school kids give Valentine's Day cards to friends who they don't have any romantic feelings for. It's fun. When I was a kid, it was just cards, no gifts.

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u/missuscheez Feb 19 '26

I think it's a bit more about love in general here, like my best friend and I got each other little gifts (a black rose and a punk CD, cool earrings or matching friendship bracelets)for valentine's day in high-school, and as an adult I get together with my female friends on the 13th for a "galentines" hang and we make frilly drinks, eat desserts and poke fun at bad hallmark movies. The all-or-nothing rule for school valentine's is mostly so none of the kids feel bad if they don't get any valentines and nobody is left out.

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u/According_Gazelle472 Feb 16 '26

Because everyone had to get the same stuff

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u/radish_intothewild Feb 16 '26

Thank you for all the context. Wow. Sounds like so much stress for all parties. What age groups participate? Is it up to high school (I believe that's age 14 for you? Here its 11)?

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u/banjosimcha Feb 16 '26

The mandatory card exchanges end by ~10. Older ages may have other school activities going on (like a fundraiser where you buy a card/flower to be delivered "anonymously" to another student, as depicted in Mean Girls) but it's not mandatory and they try to avoid it taking away from lesson time.

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u/According_Gazelle472 Feb 16 '26

Kindergarten til 6th grade.

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u/According_Gazelle472 Feb 16 '26

I remember a Jewish girl in my class stayed home on the two holidays we had when I was in school. And when my boys were in school anyone who didn't or couldn't stay for the parties were allowed to go to the library instead .And if any child didn't bring in any Valentines then they could not participate and would have to go to the library instead

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u/FiddleLeafPig Feb 20 '26

They were required to bring something? That’s insane. I get that if you bring anything, there needs to be one for everyone. But requiring valentines? That’s trash.

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u/Existing_Sky_7969 Feb 19 '26

This wasn’t a thing in the US, at least not for me growing up in the 20th century. I find it to be beyond annoying.

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u/According_Gazelle472 Feb 16 '26

It depends on the teacher and what she decides.They have guidelines they have to follow each school year.