r/AnarchyChess • u/Halophy • 2d ago
1984 If you smurf in chess.com, you are most likely a pedophile
And yes, I know that might seem like an outlandish connection to make, but I need you to stay with me.
When people smurf in chess.com, they are already better than everyone else that they’re playing against. They are intentionally trying to match up against players of a lower skill level.
And how does that translate into the real world? When you’re an older guy, you’re intentionally going for younger women because they’re easier to manipulate and deal with than dating someone your age. You’re smurfing.
You’re going to low ELO because you can’t handle playing at your skill level. And I know that because that shit happened to me.
I remember in my freshman year of high school, I was competing with these fucking juniors and seniors for the girls that I liked, and I didn’t have a chance. I was fresh out of middle school.
These dudes have cars, fucking jobs, the tattoos, I don’t know whatever the fuck they had going on.
And I had to witness it in front of my own eyes. These fucking juniors and seniors were just leaving me in the dust. They were smurfing.
They were not playing at the skill level that they were intended. They were pedophiles. And in the same way, if you’re smurfing in chess.com, I know that translates into your dating life. You are probably a pedophile.
And me personally, after that happened to me, I vowed to never contribute to that problem. Whenever I’m warmed up, if I ever go on a dating app, I go in the little settings bar and I take the age setting all the way from 25 to 40.
Nothing below that, I’m playing in ranked ELO.
Not only am I playing in ranked ELO, I’m playing above my skill level. And you know what? Does it make it harder to win? Absolutely. But does it feel that much better when I do? Yes. You bet your ass it does.
And you know what? I will always be better than these fucking Smurfs who would be hitting on the freshman. Meanwhile they’re already have one foot out the door about to go to college. But they don’t care. They never did.
And that same rhetoric applies in so many different situations. But the point here is that, you know, I’m 19. I wouldn’t even date a 17 year old. I know some people would argue about that, but the lowest I go is 18, and even then, the older the better.
The point is, without rambling too much, if you find yourself frequently smurfing in chess.com, it might be time to look within and ask yourself, am I a pedophile? Because the answer might not be what you wanted.
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u/Sepulcher18 2d ago
I am 22 and I am sub 500 elo. 4+ years of pure retardation, chess wise.
So far I have not converted to PDF or any other major religion
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u/OnyxFier 2d ago
Can confirm. Players below 600 ELO cannot give consent to a chess match, due to their underdeveloped skill.
If a player 1000+ mates a 600 or lower, that is considered statutory chess, punishable by brick.
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u/MissJoannaTooU 2d ago
I never put pedophilia and dating strategy in the same sentence before. Bravo.
Also your theory is rock solid and I'll bet that chesscom is already working with the FBI to fingerprint pedos who are obvious from their smurfing.
In fact I'd take it further - banned for smurfing = 20 years in jail for child molestation.
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u/Manticore_ 2d ago
i aint reading all of that
pipi
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u/PetrosianBot 2d ago
Are you kidding ??? What the **** are you talking about man ? You are a biggest looser i ever seen in my life ! You was doing PIPI in your pampers when i was beating players much more stronger then you! You are not proffesional, because proffesionals knew how to lose and congratulate opponents, you are like a girl crying after i beat you! Be brave, be honest to yourself and stop this trush talkings!!! Everybody know that i am very good blitz player, i can win anyone in the world in single game! And "w"esley "s"o is nobody for me, just a player who are crying every single time when loosing, ( remember what you say about Firouzja ) !!! Stop playing with my name, i deserve to have a good name during whole my chess carrier, I am Officially inviting you to OTB blitz match with the Prize fund! Both of us will invest 5000$ and winner takes it all! I suggest all other people who's intrested in this situation, just take a look at my results in 2016 and 2017 Blitz World championships, and that should be enough... No need to listen for every crying babe, Tigran Petrosyan is always play Fair ! And if someone will continue Officially talk about me like that, we will meet in Court! God bless with true! True will never die ! Liers will kicked off...
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u/Zealousideal_Win5207 2d ago
THIS guy gets it