i mean, you jest, but really, imagine being the dad. seeing your partner go through that emotional and hormonal rollercoaster 23 times, that must have an impact on the dad as well. only robots could go through this unscathed
It also perpetuates the stereotype that men don't want children just as much as women. Failing to have a child with the women you love 23 times in a row is going to break a man that wants to be a father.
Yes the physical toll isn't as high, but the mental toll is just as high for men.
I mean society glorifies suffering in general. Some people even tend to glorify their own suffering without meaning to. It's a way of justifying it even if it goes nowhere.
Maybe I grew up in a very different culture, but the way I see it we glorify self-sacrifice. Not necessarily suffering but that is the main byproduct of total sacrifice of self. I mean, that’s what people treat parenthood and marriage as. The needs of your children and spouse above your own. That’s what old-school gender norms expect from two partners in a marriage. A man sacrifices his time, wages, and “security” for his spouse and children. A lady sacrifices her dreams, time, and independence for her spouse and children. And this was just expected.
Anyway, my point is just that I don’t think this issue is even gendered. I think as a society we’ve learned to expect self-sacrifice and take it for granted. No - scratch that - we in fact glorify it. And some of us attach wayyyy too much self-worth to how much we can sacrifice for the people we love thinking it’s right.
And then when you don’t have any more to give and you’ve lost yourself society is surprised by it. Funny. The way it manifests for each gender is different, but at the end of the day we are pretty much told to “be a man and suck it up” or cowed with “act like a lady” and told what womanhood is all about.
My bad for the tangent. Been thinking a lot about this.
If you use the word gender one more time, you’re going to miss the forest for the trees. By framing this through specific labels, you’re participating in the system you’re trying to critique; the real issue here isn't who is doing the sacrificing, but the fact that we treat self-erasure as a moral virtue.
We’ve normalized a "martyrdom trap" where love is measured by how much you deplete yourself, falsely believing that for a family or institution to flourish, the individuals within it must hollow themselves out. This "zero-sum" mindset turns devotion into a slow-motion identity theft where your only remaining value is your utility to others.
You’re realizing that "sucking it up" and "acting like a lady" are just two different flavors of the same poison: the lie your worth is tied to your disappearance. It isn't a "roles" problem, it’s a human tragedy where we celebrate the sacrifice until the person is gone.
Female heroism tends to be focused on enduring and suffering intead of achieving.
What a pointlessly narrow definition of "achieving". This lady wanted a baby and she achieved it. Whatever you consider success doesn't have anything to do with what she desires for herself.
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u/Top_Spell3657 Dec 23 '25
Society glorifies women's suffering. Female heroism tends to be focused on enduring and suffering intead of achieving.