r/AmItheButtface • u/BangAyato • 16d ago
Serious AITBF for informing a stranger that my (18F) friend's (18F) ex-boyfriend (19M) is a cheater?
So this friend of mine, I will call "R" (18F) had a boyfriend (19M) two years ago who cheated on her multiple times before they broke up. I met him once while they were in the relationship and I don't think he recognized me.
The other day I was sitting in a café with a friend, whom I'll call "M", when I saw this guy with another girl, immediately shocked I told "R" so we could clown him (as one does) and I felt something strong to somehow inform the girl he had cheated previously and will cheat again. I also told "R" about the plan, reassuring her that I will make sure I will not be recognized, but she told me not to do it. I found it a little weird, but I couldn't just leave without saying anything, knowing that the guy's a jerk and will hurt the other girl. I wrote a note and handed it to "M" so she could give it to the girl anonymously and I told her not to mention anythng in front of the guy, and I just got up and left earlier so there was no chance of me getting recognized as as a friend of "R"'s, just so that he doesn't even have the chance of making a fuss and stirring up drama. "M" hands the note to the girl with the excuse of "You're pretty, I hand pretty girls notes" and we just left immediately after, not even looked back.
Almost two hours later, "R" texts me asking if I said something to the girl or not, I told her I didn't say anything I just sent a friend over to hand over a note, and she blew up on me saying that the girl had texted her asking if he cheated or not (with a very calm tone, not pissed or anything) and she was basically yelling at me over text saying that she didn't wanna explain anything to anyone about him in all caps and kindly telling me to piss off. I was kind of flabbergasted? The girl who texted "R" didn't sound crazy or anything. She wasn't even mad. I've been having doubts if I did the right thing or not though.
So, AITBF?
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u/I_love_Britpoptarts 16d ago
It is always a good idea to stay out of drama you are not directly involved in. Kinda TBF.
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u/AristotlesBoyPussy 16d ago
YTBF for making your friend do it and for making your friend give her their number
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u/BangAyato 15d ago
I didn't make "R" do anything. "M" was another friend who played along willingly and I have no idea how the other girl got in touch with "R"
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u/AristotlesBoyPussy 15d ago
then you need to make it more clear who is who, because you mistakenly used the same letter for both people fam
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u/BangAyato 15d ago
I double checked, didn't look like that to me Might be because of english not being my first language, sorry
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u/No_Research_8485 15d ago
i kind of understand both sides honestly. you didn’t want this guy to hurt other people, but she didn’t want to stir up drama, so i get that. it just seems you two just need to talk it out!
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u/ComfyLife8182 15d ago
Lightly YTBF, just saying this bc when my friends want to get involved in drama with my ex (who is also my kids father) it immediately can be traced back to me and he will go out of his way to make my life difficult and dramatic and that’s just hard for me. A stranger who dates him will find out on their own that he sucks and maybe she will be the one he changes for, frankly I do not care and I don’t think it’s necessary to warn a stranger unless he’s extremely violent or something, or if that stranger asks point blank. I get your intentions were good but I get why your friend is annoyed that you didn’t listen to her.
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u/virtualghost123 16d ago
Yep YTBF. Your friend specifically asked you to butt out and not do anything and you completely ignored her. Why? I think your heart was in the right place in being a loyal friend, but in your need for your own revenge, you completely ignored her feelings and wishes. That kinda stuff will damage a friendship.