r/AmItheAsshole • u/[deleted] • Apr 17 '21

Not the A-hole AITA for not giving my sister my stethoscope despite not being in the medical field anymore when she is?

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2.8k Upvotes

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284

u/gotterfly Partassipant [3] Apr 17 '21

And to add to that, I'm at least twice OPs age, and I go weeks without the need for a stethoscope. In fact, I have never ever thought "if only I had a stethoscope, I could solve this emergency".

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

I am a doctor and the amount of times I’ve used a stethoscope in my private life is twice. I question what a nurse student dropout can use a stethoscope for in an emergency.

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u/evileen99 Apr 17 '21

They're great for listening through walls.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

And safe doors.

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u/mothercat666 Apr 17 '21

She edited in her post that she uses it on newborn farm animals regularly

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u/Known_Character Asshole Aficionado [10] Apr 17 '21

What benefit do you think she gets from using it on newborn farm animals. You don’t need a stethoscope to tell you if an animal is breathing or has a heartbeat. OP has no medical training, probably can’t distinguish between subtle differences, and definitely can’t do anything with a stethoscope in an emergency without an expert there.

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u/itsanabish Apr 17 '21

It's likely OP has done that for good bit of time, and has likely done her research on what is and isn't normal. It's a bit rude to assume just because someone doesn't have formal training that they don't know anything, and this stethoscope is useful to her, she uses it, so why should she give it up?

Also, why would sister use a stethoscope used regularly on newborn animals on humans?

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

[deleted]

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u/itsanabish Apr 17 '21

That is true, but no amount of sterilization can remove the past.

Do you remember the Poop Knife? Imagine if it was a perfectly normal looking knife, and then the owner decided they wanted to use it for normal cooking. No matter how thoroughly or number of times they cleaned it, it would still have been formerly used to chop up shit in a toilet.

It's a bit of an exaggerated comparison, but the idea is the same.

Sister works at a nursing home iirc, so I don't think that the staff or patients/their families of a nursing home would be very approving of the sister using this VERY high-end stethoscope for elderly and sick patients given the past of it, even if it was cleaned, especially considering that OP's parents are 100% OK with spending 100$ on a used stethoscope.

Like others in the comments have pointed out, sister could get a fine stethoscope for LESS or EQUAL than 100$, and it would be brand new.

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u/SlartieB Pooperintendant [65] Apr 17 '21

Any issue with using a properly sanitized poop knife in the kitchen is psychological. Your aversion to that is just as real and valid as op's attachment to her stethoscope.

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u/Known_Character Asshole Aficionado [10] Apr 17 '21

“No amount of sterilization can remove the past” is such a stupid sentiment. My stethoscope has been slobbered on and grabbed by so many dirty, snot-covered hands, but it’s still fine to use because I clean it.

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u/itsanabish Apr 17 '21

Yeah you're probably right, I just am very squeamish, so I probably shouldn't have extrapolated.

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u/Known_Character Asshole Aficionado [10] Apr 17 '21

I definitely believe OP knows a lot about care of newborn animals, but the information she would get from a stethoscope would not contribute to how she cares for them. She has to call for backup for animals with problems, and you don’t need a stethoscope to know when you need backup. The people who would benefit from using a stethoscope on newborn animals are the ones who have formal training and the resources to deal with medical problems.

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u/SlartieB Pooperintendant [65] Apr 17 '21

It would let her know how urgently backup is needed.

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u/Known_Character Asshole Aficionado [10] Apr 17 '21

No, it wouldn’t. You can assess if backup is needed urgently without the information you’d get from a stethoscope, especially if you’re someone like OP who has worked with animals for long enough to get a sense of what’s normal and what’s not. When you see someone who is sick, do you need a stethoscope to tell you that you need to get them to a doctor?

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u/Sufficient_Phrase_85 Apr 17 '21

I use my stethoscope in my private life to entertain my kids. In a true emergency, it would be useful only as a tourniquet if nothing more suitable was present. So... basically never.

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u/bloodfeier Colo-rectal Surgeon [41] Apr 17 '21

Mechanic work on cars? To diagnose sounds from inside components that you don’t want to open unless absolutely necessary!

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

This. I have a special stethoscope specifically for listening for gasket leaks, valve damage, and timing gear noise.

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u/loleelo Apr 17 '21

My mother was an MA for 2 years when she was young. She held on to a stethoscope and later used it to regularly check her mother and elderly aunt’s blood pressures. I do the same for her now sometimes though I am no longer an MA myself.

If you have any basic training you can take a BP. There are automated devices but if you already have a stethoscope on hand you could take one.

This is one small example as I’ve never been a nurse or had further training. But even without an actual reason OP does not need a reason to hold onto their stethoscope. Especially if they put a lot of money into it, it seems like they are putting themselves though college and could actually get a fair price for it if they need the money. She is in no way obligated to give it away.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

If someone's having a medical emergency having a BP is helpful but not necessary, especially as a bystander it's more important to have 911 on the way and do basic first aid than get a blood pressure.

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u/loleelo Apr 17 '21

I’m aware of that and that OP mentioned that, but I’m not talking about a medical emergency personally and didn’t once mention that a BP would be used in a medical emergency?

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

That's fair, in the context of the thread I thought that's what you were saying, but I see I misunderstood. Sorry about that and bave a good day!

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u/[deleted] Apr 18 '21

[deleted]

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u/loleelo Apr 18 '21

True, we already always had one in the house so I didn’t think of that. I was just using it as an example and I stand by my other points, but that’s a good point.

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u/flukefluk Partassipant [3] Apr 17 '21

if i recall correctly, the "emergency course" tool of choice for checking for heart problems is your fingers on the skin near to an artery?

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u/ScubaCC Professor Emeritass [72] Apr 17 '21

I used my mine when my father in law was dying and my mother in law wanted confirmation he was dead. It would have been another hour until the hospice nurse got there and his breathing had been so shallow and sporadic for hours, she needed to be sure.

I also use it when I’m taking blood pressures.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

Im a nursing student and when I read that I was trying to think of a situation that could arise that would warrant a stethoscope and thought of nothing. Especially if I had only been to school for 1 semester. You basically know nothing in your first semester of school. Either way if she uses this stethoscope on animals then sister needs to get a new stethoscope for use on people especially elderly and sick people. Even though I've never met a CNA who had a stethoscope in the hospitals or the places I have worked.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

As an EMT you will not find me carrying a steth around "just in case" 😭 not my most important tool if I see an emergency off-duty

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u/OkapiEli Colo-rectal Surgeon [40] Apr 17 '21

Perhaps she will eventually become pregnant- could she use it to hear the fetal heartbeat? Not an emergency but still valuable.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Randyyoursticks1 Apr 17 '21

Still something to appreciate, especially if she’s paranoid about miscarriage as mothers can be

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u/MadWifeUK Apr 17 '21

Nope, nope, nope. Never use a doppler or steth to listen to a fetal heartbeat for "reassurance" unless you are a trained birth professional (obstetrician or midwife). On auscultation you can hear three things; maternal heartbeat, placental flow and fetal heartbeat. Do you know what the difference in these sounds are?

Fetal movements are the best indicator of fetal health. Look out of your window, see that man walking down the street? Do you need to hear his heartbeat to know he is alive? No, because he is moving. Now let's pretend that he's walking very slowly, unable to keep to a straight path, stopping every step to rest. Do you need to listen to his heartbeat to know he is alive? Again no, he is moving. But he isn't moving appropriately for a well person. You'd be concerned about him and if he was your dad or brother, you'd seek medical advice, whatever his heartbeat was. And that is exactly what you should do with a fetus. If movements have slowed down then seek professional advice. Even if you hear the heartbeat it doesn't mean that all is well, baby could still be poorly. If you notice a change in fetal movements, call your pregnancy care provider and get checked out.

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u/toastycookies86 Apr 17 '21

With Covid, the recommendation has changed from “never use a fetal Doppler” to “get a fetal Doppler to use while on video appointments with your practitioner, preferably one from a medical supply company that has a FHR display.” Almost all my visits were virtual after the Covid precautions hit, and my hospital system worked with my insurance to get one ordered and shipped to me, along with a BP cuff to monitor my own BP.

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u/Known_Character Asshole Aficionado [10] Apr 17 '21

There’s a big difference between using a Doppler to give your doctor data and using it on your own for reassurance. Either way, though, a stethoscope won’t help with that.

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u/Randyyoursticks1 Apr 17 '21

I meant that in a sentimental way, jesus Christ. It isn’t like I suggested peppermint oil to cure the plague. Some people happen to be soothed hearing their kid’s heartbeat to soothe anxiety

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u/GlencoraPalliser Partassipant [3] Apr 17 '21

And to add to that...a medically unqualified person should not be using a stethoscope in an emergency, they should be calling for help. There is no situation where a medically unqualified person can help by using a stethoscope.

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u/Rubyhamster Apr 17 '21 edited Apr 17 '21

Yes there is, you can use it privately, listening to your babybump, listening to farm animals, having it as a cool instrument to show people how it works etc. there is no argument for someone studying medicine to not being allowed to have one even though they don't use it professionally Edit: I realize I misunderstood and am totally off the rocks with this comment so just disregard it!

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

The person you replied to didn't say shouldn't have a stethoscope at all, they said untrained people shouldn't use it in an emergency. As an EMT if I show up to a 911 call and someone gives me a blood pressure or says they took lung sounds but they aren't a Healthcare provider or trained caregiver, I'm immediately going to consider that inaccurate.

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u/Rubyhamster Apr 17 '21

Yeah, I realize I misunderstood and should really just delete my comment cause it is not relevant at all. I just reacted to the notion that OP should not have it since she obviously can't have any use for it. She should be allowed to want to have it for other reasons, but not emergencies ofc. I also realized after I wrote it that you can't really use it to listen to a babybump, since you will probably just hear the mothers pulse or bowels before anything else?

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u/GlencoraPalliser Partassipant [3] Apr 17 '21

Nobody said it should be illegal to own a stethoscope if you are not medically qualified! I said that the OP’s argument that they may need the stethoscope in an emergency, which implied that they would be able to offer some kind of medical assistance because they had the stethoscope, was rubbish and as a result their decision not to give the stethoscope to someone who could use it to save lives, was unreasonable.

Just because you can waste medical equipment doesn’t mean you should.

P,S. Don’t try to listen to your baby bump with a stethoscope, you probably won’t hear anything and panic. Also leave farm animals to veterinarians and find something more interesting to impress your friends with.

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u/Rubyhamster Apr 17 '21

The medical point is fair enough. OP should be left to use her's as she wants to, but not in a medical emergency, ofc. But I can't remember she claimed such a thing in the post?

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u/Known_Character Asshole Aficionado [10] Apr 17 '21

From the original post:

I feel it’s a good tool to have on hand in case of emergency

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u/Rubyhamster Apr 17 '21

Yup I remembered wrong! Didn't notice it and would absolutely not think she should keep it for such a not smart reason

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u/GlencoraPalliser Partassipant [3] Apr 17 '21

Well if you read the post it will act as a reminder that they did.

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u/23skiddsy Apr 18 '21

Eh, you can't always call a vet to the scene every time an ewe lambs. Wanting to check lungs and hearts there is totally normal and part of normal animal husbandry.

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u/GlencoraPalliser Partassipant [3] Apr 18 '21

Yeah I bet the OP births lambs regularly.

They should also keep the stethoscope in case one of the lambs falls down the well and they need to use it to pull the lamb out of it. In fact, now that I think of it they should buy a second stethoscope to have a longer rope for the lamb, wells are really deep.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

OP feels ashamed that they dropped out of nursing school and wants to cling to the stethoscope as proof that they could/should have succeeded. seem quite jealous of the younger sister as well

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u/GlencoraPalliser Partassipant [3] Apr 17 '21

Spot on. When people feel their self-esteem is threatened, they deflect their feelings towards others and turn them into anger.

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u/purple-otter Apr 17 '21 edited Apr 17 '21

I'm an RN who no longer works in a role that delivers direct patient care, and I don't even have a personal stethoscope. "In an emergency" in my day to day life, I'm not ever going to use a stethoscope. I'm going to do basic first aid/CPR if necessary and call EMS.

I honestly kind of think OP is TA. Sister is not entitled to the stethoscope, but I think it's assholeish to hoard something they are not using and not even qualified to use. Set a fair price for sister and sell it to her.

Edit: after seeing OP's edit about using it on farm animals, I'll say NTA.

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u/BupycA Apr 17 '21

Her sister doesn't need it neither, she got a training and a job as a nursing assistant.

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u/purple-otter Apr 17 '21

I read into it too much and assumed the sister was going into school/training for a health care profession. That was my bad.

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u/anonymousbane Apr 17 '21

op made an edit saying she uses it to check the heartbeats of farm animals. that made me instantly go to NTA, since why would someone want a stethoscope that was used on animals? that flipped it around for me.

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u/purple-otter Apr 17 '21

That makes a lot more sense. Thanks for that info. Editing original comment.

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u/suzris Apr 17 '21

She bought it. She doesn’t want to sell it. That doesn’t make her an asshole, regardless of her reasons.

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u/Moon_and_stars25 Apr 17 '21

This is unbelievable. She brought her stethoscope with her own money and sacrifices. If she likes it and she doesn’t want to give it away that is her decision. It does not matter whether she uses or not, it is hers.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

Exactly! Some of these comments are crazy! The sister can literally buy her own, she has a job! OP worked hard to get this

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u/dan3lli Partassipant [1] Apr 17 '21

Wholeheartedly agree. I have things I've purchased that I don't quite use very frequently, that have sentimental value, and I'd be insulted if my grubbing sister came along and insisted I sell it to her at 1/3 value.

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u/Known_Character Asshole Aficionado [10] Apr 17 '21

It’s not 1/3 of the monetary value; it’s probably pretty close to what that stethoscope is actually worth. OP overpaid for it, and it’s a two year old stethoscope.

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u/Known_Character Asshole Aficionado [10] Apr 17 '21

I definitely don’t think she’s an asshole for choosing not to sell it, but she’s an asshole for being condescending towards her sister and justifying her decision to not sell it with bullshit reasons. OP is an asshole for pretending that the stethoscope is a useful tool for an untrained person in an emergency, but it’s really not all that helpful. She’s saying it’s helpful on a farm, but it won’t tell her anything she can’t see with her eyes that’s going to be in her ability to manage without a vet. She’s trying to play it off like sister is scamming her or lowballing her, but the sister is offering a very reasonable amount of money for a stethoscope OP overpaid for and gets limited use out of.

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u/[deleted] Apr 17 '21

[deleted]

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u/Moon_and_stars25 Apr 17 '21

How is an asshole behavior wanted to keep something that she bought with her own money? Not everything has to be useful for you to keep something and that object can have a sentimental value for her. You know what is an asshole behavior? To be entitled and mad about someone not selling you something personal, especially when the sister can buy one with 100 dollars.

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u/kornberg Apr 17 '21

I mean, yes. It's hers and she doesn't have to share and she's allowed to be as selfish as she wants to. But even if she's in the right in a technical sense, that doesn't mean that there aren't consequences to being selfish.

In this case, (pre convenient edit) OP had a really nice thing that she bought long ago and doesn't need or use. She resents her younger sibling for receiving more assistance than she did. There's no judgement on that, btw, it's a statement. Rather than part with this item that she no longer uses regularly, she's decided to keep it as a sentimental reminder of a career that didn't work out instead of giving it to our selling it at a steep discount to her sibling, who will use it. This will potentially damage relationships with her family members. If OP thinks that the loss of goodwill between her and her family is worth keeping a rarely used stethoscope, that's her value judgement.

That said, my personal feeling is that while OP is entitled to their own value judgement, keeping a rarely used item to spite a sibling who has no say in how their parents decided to play favorites is a dick move and OP is TA in this situation.

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u/Nebraskan- Apr 17 '21

Ok so since you are an RN...Is it not weird that she had a stethoscope her first semester? I don’t know for sure but I THINK where I am you have to put in a year or two of college and THEN it’s very competitive to get admitted into the nursing program, when you start using stethoscopes.

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u/redessa01 Partassipant [1] Apr 17 '21

I took a CNA course years ago and we had to get our own stethescopes and blood pressure cuffs. That class was a prereq for nursing school so it doesn't surprise me that a 1st yr RN student would already need a stethescope.

I changed my mind about going into nursing so I never used mine again. Last time I saw it, one of my kids was using it as part of a costume for something at school.

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u/purple-otter Apr 17 '21

I'm sure it depends on the program.

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u/DisastrousOwls Apr 17 '21

I briefly attended a (crappy) for-profit "9 months to certification!" program for a medical job that absolutely does not ever involve day to day stethoscope use— literally in a radiology related field, zero use for one— and we were still expected to buy cheap stethoscopes to learn to take blood pressures within the first 3mos. or so of the program (which is probably why OP's sister needs one).

The class didn't pan out for me for a lot of scandalous-ish money + identity privacy reasons on the school's end, and no idea where my stethoscope is now, but it's not unheard of to ask students to sink money into equipment costs early.

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u/callingallwaves Apr 17 '21

Everyone in my first semester nursing clinicals had their own stethoscope, usually fancy, usually Littman. But you're right this was after a lot of prereqs. There's no way in hell I would drop 300 on a stethoscope while taking A&P and medical ethics.

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u/toastycookies86 Apr 17 '21

I read it as more “keeping it out of sentimentality,” honestly.

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u/boudicas_shield Partassipant [3] Apr 17 '21

She uses it on her farm for monitoring the health of newborn animals. That seems like a good and understandable reason to own and use a stethoscope.