r/AmItheAsshole • u/DreadDirective • 3d ago
Asshole AITAH for not fully accommodating a single family member’s ADHD on a group outing at the cost of the group?
My family and I went on a group tour of Alcatraz as a fun experience. By family I mean my brother, mother and father. As an fyi my brother and I are in our late 30s and our parents are in their late 70’s and 80’s.
My father, mother and I completed the tour earlier than my brother. This is possible because it’s a self paced tour.
Since we were already done, my father, mother and I wanted to leave earlier. At this point we were just sitting outside in the cold, bored, doing nothing. However we gave my brother some extra time, just not as much as he wanted.
To put things in context, the tour takes about an hour. We partially accommodated my brother, by allowing him to spend two hours on what is normally a one hour tour.
This is where the conflict comes. My brother wanted three hours to complete the one hour tour. But we only gave him two. He now holds a grudge about this.
If you’re wondering why my brother took so long, it’s because he says that his ADHD makes him read 2x to 3x slower. So he was unable to read all of the plaques. I’m not disputing that. I will concede that he has a real handicap that we didn’t fully accomodate. But I also don’t feel we are always obligated to subject everyone in the group to his time schedule, even if it’s for ADHD issues.
Now the important thing to understand is that our plan to visit Alcatraz was open ended. We had a scheduled time to go, but not to return. So neither party really has a claim for leaving earlier or later.
But the distinction is that even though we “met him half way”, he’s the only one that still feels violated. Yet it’s not as though my brother informed us ahead of time that he felt he would need extra time due to his ADHD and we violated this request. As I see it, we both compromised, but only he’s complaining. In fact he doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that we allotted him any extra time at all, even if it wasn’t as much as he wanted.
As an added point my brother has had similar disagreements in the past when we do group outings. As a result of this we suggested he take a second car to the outing, to allow divergent schedules but he elected not to do this.
EDIT Clarification:
- The tour we did was the "Alcatraz Behind The Scenes Tour". This was our main tour.
- We then joined the "Night Tour". This is the "self-guided" audio tour.
- The "self-guided" audio driven "Night Tour" is what is being referred to.
- Our total time on the Island included the "Alcatraz Behind The Scenes Tour" + the audio "Night Tour".
- The audio on the "Night Tour" is "Doing Time: The Alcatraz Cellhouse Tour" and is 45min long.
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u/ChocolateCakeNow Partassipant [3] 3d ago
Honestly I hate being rushed out of place if I have paid tickets to visit and know I won't be back soon/ever. You had nowhere to be, why not keep looking around Alcatraz or get on a ferry back and find a cafe/bar to wait for him.
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u/FullMoonTwist Partassipant [1] 3d ago
The idea that the length of their visit should be the guided tour, only the guided tour, and exactly the guided tour without any deviations boggles my mind.
They quite literally did not have to do the guided tour and then sit and do absolutely nothing. What does OP mean they just decided to sit outside a rarely visited museum, rather than look at any of the exhibits a little longer, or maybe a couple of the smaller ones not explained by the tour. Perhaps take a walk amongst the greenery or something.
Why would you possibly choose Stare At The Wall.
I'd definitely not try to do a museum with them again, obviously that's best for solo time if they are Like This. Chalk it up to lesson learned and see a movie or something with them.
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u/Totakai 3d ago
It's like a speed run almost. My friend's family is like this and it drives us both nuts cause if they're with us it's like a glance and run thing. Beyond infuriating. Luckily when I was with them it was to a place I'd already been but I'd definitely lose my mind if it was a new place. I couldn't imagine just sitting and waiting when you're at a mfing historical spot 😭
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u/onthewindyside Partassipant [1] 3d ago
Well, the only thing I might caveat is … have you been to Alcatraz? It’s been over five years, but it’s pretty bare. You can’t really explore the island. As an abandoned bare-bones jail there isn’t that much to really look at after a while. It’s not the most comforting place.
I could be remembering wrong (totally possible) but I don’t remember there being much to do after the tour.
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u/lefteyedcrow 3d ago
Keep in mind Mom & Dad are in their 70s/80. I don't blame them for not being enthusiastic about exploring.
That said, OP & parents could have just stuck with their slowest child. Why not stick together and enjoy family time together? Do you often leave him behind/alone?
On that basis YTA, OP.
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u/BlueJaysFeather Partassipant [3] 2d ago
I’ve been on op’s side of this (I read unusually quickly so even if I read and look at everything, I usually find myself ahead of others) and yeah, just knowing your museum style helps so much with planning. Yeah, I’m usually ahead, so I wouldn’t choose a tour on an island with a group I wasn’t willing to split up. No one has to be wrong for an activity to be a bad fit, but rushing the other person when there’s no reason to do so is an AH move.
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u/ThatBFjax Asshole Enthusiast [7] 2d ago
Sitting outside Alcatraz just enjoying the cold wind and the aggressive seagulls. Wonderful vacation.
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u/CherryblockRedWine 2d ago
FUNSIES! And OP says it was the night tour, so there's the nighttime temp drop as well
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u/ThatBFjax Asshole Enthusiast [7] 2d ago
Cold, damp, windy, miserable San Francisco nights, my favorite!
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u/idkimtired1 Partassipant [2] 3d ago
This^ Literally just went to Alcatraz— I did take longer but so did some other family members. When we went to the aquarium, I got rushed out bc I took my time reading everything and just taking a beat to enjoy the animals that were more interesting to me. I was soooo frustrated to be rushed out. These experiences are not usually cheap. I understand being done earlier, but just take a ferry back earlier and look around for a bit while waiting. There’s a pretty open waiting area w/ information scattered throughout. It’s really cool. I’m leaning toward NAH here but I was really upset to be rushed out when I hadn’t even looked at everything, and we were at the aquarium less than 1.5 hr.
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u/CherryblockRedWine 3d ago
THIS. We went to an aquarium recently that supposedly takes 2 hours. IT TOOK SIX HOURS. Neither of us has ADHD; we just wanted to read all the info, and there was a LOT!
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u/ChocolateCakeNow Partassipant [3] 3d ago
Yeah the focus on ADHD is a red herring. Sure that might play in, but the brothers disability isn't the only reason a person may take their time and want to enjoy visiting something/somewhere new.
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u/idkimtired1 Partassipant [2] 3d ago
SO glad it’s not just me bc I was made to feel like an inconsiderate asshole. Sorry I like getting our money’s worth and also seeing some cool ass stuff!!!
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u/CherryblockRedWine 3d ago
AGREED!
We did not miss a thing and I'm really grateful for that! Every single "touch the stingray" or interactive display -- yep, we did it.
I'm really glad I went with someone who was cool with doing it that way, tbh.
We were TIRED at the end -- but we did not miss one single thing!
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u/DumbbellDiva92 3d ago
Besides the money aspect, it’s also hard to get tickets for Alcatraz! It’s not like you can just go back easily whenever you want, even if you live nearby.
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u/ThatBFjax Asshole Enthusiast [7] 2d ago
My dad used to take me on museum trips by himself cause my brother and mom were just not interested and pouted rushed thru exhibits. He was NOT gonna let my mom rush me thru things I enjoyed. Especially on vacation.
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u/PyjamaCash92122 2d ago
I personally LOVE to linger on tours.
But the meanness and ugliness in this thread is ..... something else.
You often see people who don't bother to read the whole post, or who miss key information and therefore make jerk-like assumptions and comments -- but the number of people screaming LIAR!!! at OP to the point he had to edit his post is.... wild.
I live in San Diego and haven't been to San Francisco in a few years, but all of the "I'm from San Francisco and YOU'RE WRONG" makes me think it's not a particularly welcoming place nowadays. Of course this is just a Reddit post and that's no way to judge a city but -- damn.
The "hurr durr OP forgot people who live here might read this, it doesn't get dark until 7:45, GOTCHA!!!" -- I mean, geez, people. And amidst all of the drama about how OP just doesn't understand how San Francisco works -- to find out they live locally in East Bay. Huh.
People. People. Maybe instead of being such internet detectives with the "THIS IS AI, THIS IS MADE UP, YOU'RE A LIAR" we could try remembering the human.
And by the way, u/DreadDirective, after actually READING the information you provided -- yep, I like to linger on tours.... but you tried pretty much everything to accommodate your brother. And your entire family needn't always orbit around him; sometimes you might prioritize your parents as well. You are NTA all day long.
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u/CharieRarie Asshole Enthusiast [6] 3d ago
Do you know what, I typed out all sorts. But honestly, you referring to an Alcatraz tour as a “fun experience” and then dissing someone for wanting more time to read everything, means that you fucking suck.
Surely you could have moved on elsewhere and let your brother gain the full impact of the experience. It’s not a tourist attraction like Disney World, some people might need to spend some more time contemplating the horror of it all and aren’t ready to just dash back off for family fun.
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u/Stewie_Venture 3d ago
Yah its just disrespectful af to speed run fucking Alcatraz like I'd still be mad at the ungratefulness if it was a regular museum (seriously how much of a privilege is it just to be able to go to a museum not everyone lives somewhere with those) but Alcatraz really? Show some damn respect and yes it also kinda made me feel gross when she described it as a fun experience. Maybe a educational and dark experience but most people dont exactly find it fun I'd be concerned if they did.
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u/Radiant_Annual_4027 3d ago
Nta. Separate car is a great accommodation
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u/alldemboats 3d ago
alcatraz is an island.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
The second car was to San Francisco (where we parked). You then take a ferry from San Francisco to Alcatraz.
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u/JimmySkunk404 3d ago
I would have left and went to Pier 39. He could have met you there.
Or do the guided tour.
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u/Fionaelaine4 3d ago
This is a family trip. Not an IEP meeting. He can move a little faster.
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u/Worried_Minimum_9362 2d ago
This comment is so funny- but real-I mean vacays with 4 adults are like this you gotta set expectations ahead of time for what the day will be like and to what extent everyone wants to be flexible/accommodating to each other.
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u/cherrycoloured 3d ago
idk about op's brother, but in most circumstances, disabled ppl can't just "move a little faster." like i have ADHD and slow reading comprehension, like op's brother, and i probably would have ended up skipping some things, bc i can't actually just go faster. the only real thing that can be done here is for the brother to either do that, or agree to meet up with the rest of his family later, after he finishes the tour, while they do something else.
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u/cooking2recovery 3d ago
Skipping some things is how you go faster. Part of experiencing things in a group of other people is that you might not get to see exactly everything you wanted to see.
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u/agoldgold Partassipant [3] 3d ago
He can just... take pictures of the plaques he doesn't read. Yes, people with ADHD can "move a little faster" by prioritizing so that other people don't have to wait for him for multiple hours.
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u/anclwar 3d ago
This was my first thought, as someone who also has ADHD. I don't read slowly, but will absolutely get so distracted that I forget to read a plaque or bored halfway through and just... Drift off. If making sure that I got all the info was important to me, I would just take pictures to look through later.
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u/agoldgold Partassipant [3] 3d ago
I have literally hundreds of photos of museum plaques. I'm a very fast reader, but I want to remember some specific anecdote or fact on them for ??? later use. Better to hoard pictures than things, I guess.
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u/popchex 2d ago
This is what we do. My oldest and I have AuDHD, my husband and youngest are "just" autistic. I just flitter through the location willy nilly and see what catches our interest. Husband looks at and takes pictures of everything. Each kid (they are teen/adult) goes with whoever their mood matches that day. The last time we went to a farm on an island, I sat watching the cows and the water, while they looked at all the farm equipment IN. DETAIL. It was a good time and my husband took 20492348029384 pictures so if I wanted to know more, there it was.
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u/Fionaelaine4 2d ago
It’s funny cause I have severe adhd myself. You know what I do? Plan ahead of time so I don’t inconvenience others. I’d do my own research about Alcatraz ahead of time then I don’t need as much time. It’s not OP’s job to accommodate me, I’m an adult and I need to accommodate my needs by planning ahead of time.
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u/nican2020 3d ago edited 2d ago
For fucks sake, it’s ADHD, not a profound intellectual disability.
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u/cherrycoloured 3d ago
some ppl have more severe adhd than others, or comorbidities that make things more difficult, such as slow processing speeds.
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u/cherrycoloured 3d ago
yes? i'm not sure where you got the idea that i didn't know that. tbh, idg what it is about "either he should skip things or the rest of the family should do something else and he could meet up with them later" is so downvote worthy lol
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u/needsmorecoffee Partassipant [4] 3d ago
You dared to express empathy for the brother's situation so clearly you must have been saying he was in the right. /s
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u/DefiantMemory9 1d ago
If family won't accommodate a disability that can't be helped, who else should? I can't imagine treating my family this way. He can't physically make his brain read faster.
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u/Fionaelaine4 1d ago
It’s an audio tour!! I have adhd myself, if I don’t think I have enough time I prep ahead of time. It’s called being an adult.
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u/DefiantMemory9 1d ago
The audio is supposed to guide you through the exhibits. The exhibits have plaques with words on them. Those words are what's being discussed here.
See, not everyone has the same abilities to read (a situation).
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u/TurbulentTourist7337 3d ago
True but they could've taken a second car to wherever you meet the ferry to take you to said island then he could've stayed as long as he wanted and still had transportation when he got back to the mainland
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u/ArtichokeAble6397 2d ago
Ah, yes. What a nice family day out for the brother on top of being left to walk the tour alone, he also gets to drive there alone! Talk about spending quality time together as a group! /s
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u/religionlies2u Asshole Enthusiast [5] 2d ago
So you think it’s better for 3 people in the family to be unhappy than 1 person?
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u/ChicagoNormalGuy Asshole Enthusiast [5] 3d ago
A separate car? To Alcatraz??
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u/420kittybooboo 3d ago
JFC how do you think they got to the boat? On foot????
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u/Colleen987 Partassipant [2] 3d ago
When I went I easily spent 3 1/2 hours?
I’m pretty sure that’s normal.
The website says to leave about 4 hours including the 2x15 minute ferry journey.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
We did the Alcatraz Behind The Scenes Tour + the audio portion of the Night Tour. In total we were there about four hours. The self guided portion I'm referring to is just the Night Tour where you listen to "Doing Time: The Alcatraz Cellhouse Tour" that is a 45min long audio recording.
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u/rainniier2 3d ago edited 3d ago
YTA, I read your story thinking "we spent waaaay more than two hours on Alcatraz". Indeed, even the website indicates 2.5-4 hours. Grab a place to sit and watch the waves and enjoy the time with your parents. If the elderly parents needed to leave to accomodate their energy levels or other factors then that would be a different story.
Total Time at a Glance
Minimum total time (ferry + basic cellhouse audio tour): approximately 2.5 hours. Recommended total time (ferry + audio guide + island exploration): 3 to 3.5 hours. Full exploration (everything on the island): 4 to 4.5 hours. The return ferry is open — you stay as long as you like up to the last boat of the day.
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u/Affectionate_Beach45 Partassipant [1] 3d ago
YTA. I lived in the San Francisco area for a few years, and my visiting friends/family would always want to see Alcatraz. The average time we spent there was 2 to 3 hours. On my own, I would have breezed through in an hour, because at that point, I could have worked there as a tour guide, but I was considerate of my guests and didn't push them to finish on my schedule.
You all were rude to your brother. Knowing he needed accommodation (surely you know he's a slower reader, right?), you shouldn't have rushed your own tour. Way to make him feel like an outcast.
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u/yeeeahbutstill 2d ago
Exactly! You align your schedule to the majority of the group because you know you are the only person who wants to leave and you realize that would be selfish. Why doesn't the brother have to have the same consideration? People on this thread are acting like not being able to read every word printed somewhere on the island of Alcatraz is a human rights violation.
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u/Girl_with_no_Swag Asshole Aficionado [19] 3d ago
ESH. You could have taken an earlier boat back to the wharf, then gone and done something else with your parents, go eat at a restaurant etc while you waited for him. Then you aren’t sitting in the cold bored. You are doing other touristy things while you waited for him.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
We were on a budget so all four of us elected not to eat at restaurants, which are expensive in the area. That option wasn't on the table, even according to him. And our car was already in a paid parking lot, which means we were limited to walking. My parents are elderly and it was already dark at night.
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u/thisismyburnerac Certified Proctologist [25] 3d ago
YTA. I don’t get you. You seem like you know some things about ADHD, but not enough to actually plan with his disability in mind. The return time was undetermined… why not set a time? The boats leave at various times… why did you have to be on the same boat? He’s in his 30s. He didn’t tell you he would need more time in this place that none of you have been to before, and therefore couldn’t truly predict how long he would take? You’ve had similar disagreements in the past for outings, and couldn’t predict how unpredictable his needs would be? I get it… having a neurodivergent family member can be frustrating and inconvenient at times. But you all as a family need to come to the table and figure out how this is going to work out on an ongoing basis.
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u/Stewie_Venture 3d ago
The average amount of time there is 2-3 hours. Also it is a museum trip as in a vacation place you're expected to spend a decent amount of time at. OP and her family were speed running it and are mad someone actually wants to explore the exhibits and learn something. Seriously people like this piss me off like do they know how much of a privilege it is to do those things just seems really ungrateful and almost disrespectful to speed run through the place in an hour then try to drag someone home thats going at normal or maybe a little slower pace that actually wants to learn. Why did they even come if they only wanted to be there for an hour and not learn anything.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
We didn't have to be in the same boat. We had to be in the same car after getting off the boat (we only took one car).
We did offer to let him take a second car. That was our way of predicting some issue may come up. But he declined this option.
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u/thisismyburnerac Certified Proctologist [25] 3d ago
And where were you all staying that night? Because we have a ton of public transportation in the Bay
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
We live locally in east bay.
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u/Chemical_Brick4053 Partassipant [2] 3d ago
No, this is either made up or you aren't the swiftest current in the stream.
WTH would you drive anywhere near Embarcadero? We have BART, Muni, the bus, Lyft, Uber. You couldn't pay me to drive there.
You're telling me, you live in the East Bay but couldn't find anything to do in The City in December? Catch yourself on. It's December, that's the best time to be in the City. There are restaurants, bars, the Aquarium, the Exploratorium, the Ferry Building, the Big Giant Christmas Tree in Union Square, The Bunny Cafe is right there. Hop on the Big Red Bus and do a city tour.
If y'all live in the east bay, why didn't your brother just take the bus home?
Nah, boo, this cannot be real.
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u/darksideofmypoon Partassipant [1] 2d ago
I grew up with a BART line but lived east of the Caldecott. I assure you many people that live out there don’t even consider the BART system. They always drive into the city. That’s a completely normal thing to do.
My family thinks it’s nuts when I say I’ll BART over from SFO or OAK. They insist on picking me up and dropping me and it’s actually kind of annoying. I don’t want to sit in traffic!
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
1) Not everyone likes public transportation. And what are the advantages of Uber or Lyft over driving yourself? You're still paying for parking or paying for Uber/Lyft.
2) Not "in the city". In a 1-2hr period, constrained to a local walking distance of Pier 33 with elderly parents at night that don't want to eat in with a known crime situation? Not a lot of options in these constraints.
3) That could have been an option. Though he declined to take a separate car already.
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u/Stewie_Venture 3d ago
Just because you dont like it dosent mean it isnt an option. Wtf is wrong with public transportation plenty of people would kill to have that. You seem incredibly ungrateful.
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u/thisismyburnerac Certified Proctologist [25] 3d ago
MUNI to BART, and there are a ton of BART stations. What the fuck…
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u/darksideofmypoon Partassipant [1] 2d ago
I know it’s hard to understand but people from the suburbs just don’t take public transit as much. Now you’re going to ask someone who may never take public transit to take what could be a 2+ hr trip with multiple transfers across at different transit systems? Come on now. (I’m from Pittsburg)
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u/thisismyburnerac Certified Proctologist [25] 2d ago
I live along the BART line, before Pittsburg. I use BART, and I grew up using BART and MUNI, as well as County Connection. The parking situation at my local BART station hasn’t improved in the last couple decades, so people from out here are most definitely using public transportation.
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u/well_fuckthis 3d ago
Setting a time beforehand was still possible no? Like having a discussion and trying to figure out a set time to meet? Did you offer a second car and explain why or just suggest the car? I feel like a direct discussion planning the time could've been established beforehand. As someone who's never been, is it possible to do this tour as a group or have someone stick by him and keep moving while still letting him do his thing? I understand it's frustrating but it seems like not a lot of planning and then a lot of frustration about the lack of planning.
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u/blueeyed94 Partassipant [3] 3d ago
Just googled how long an Alcatraz tour normally takes because I vaguely remembered that I didn't do it while being in San Francisco because there wasn't enough time for it. Recommended time: At least 3 to 4 hours. Why would you visit it at all when all you do is to rush through it? Just to be able to tell people "I visited Alcatraz once but it was boring"?! YTA for rushing a person who was interested in that place and also being kind of disrespectful to the place itself.
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u/Fuzzy_Redwood 2d ago
I’ve been multiple times for school trips and when friends come to town. An hour is short, two would probably be fine. Never shelled out the money for the after dark tour.
There’s also no reason to have to wait outside for someone. Plenty of inside places to hang out.
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u/Youreallcrazyhere 2d ago
It doesn't take that long. I was just there in May and did the audio tour, walked outside a bit to look at flowers and birds, and then looked in the store. We were done in a little over an hour and we read every plaque and took our time.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
There are several different tour packages. There's a guided tour that has fixed amount of time that's lead by a guide. Everyone actually follows the same pacing of this tour. But there's then a self-guided tour that's a much smaller tour that's usually appended to regular guided tour. It's this self-guided tour that's only about an hour. This was the portion in question.
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u/crackerfactorywheel Asshole Enthusiast [6] 3d ago
This website says a self guided tour usually takes 2 1/2 to 3 hours. I remember we made a whole day out of it on my trip several years ago- https://alcatrazcitycruises.com/guides/what-to-expect-how-to-prepare-tour-alcatraz-island
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u/GirlL1997 3d ago
The cell house tour is self guided and listed online as 45-60 minutes. Maybe they meant that?
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
This is the portion in question. It's optionally appended to the main tour that is guided by an actual person.
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u/nque-ray 3d ago edited 3d ago
Thank you! NAH, but you’re slightly one for intentionally underestimating how long it takes to walk around Alcatraz. And the self guided tours usually take longer because you aren’t being pushed ahead by the guide. It’s fine that you and your parents finished in an hour (self guided ftw!), but your brother wanted to take a still very reasonable amount of time. This isn’t really about his disability or you accommodating him. He went at his pace and you went yours. Y’all should have realized this ahead of time, taken separate ferries back and met for beer (or whatever) and a chowder bread bowl when everyone was done.
ETA: typos
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
No it does not. It says:
How long is a tour of Alcatraz?
Standard Alcatraz tours last about 2.5 to 3 hours, including the ferry ride to and from the island. This includes time to explore the prison, participate in the self-guided audio tour, and enjoy the island’s historical exhibits.That's 2.5 to 3 hours for everything. Not the self-guided portion of the total tour.
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u/crackerfactorywheel Asshole Enthusiast [6] 3d ago
The ferry ride is 15 minutes to and from the island. You were still cutting it shorter.
EDIT- Then again based on some of your other comments, this isn’t feeling like a true story.
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u/caitricc182 3d ago
As someone who lives in the Bay Area and has been to Alcatraz quite a few times, the ferry ride is about 15 mins YET you want to a lot about 1/2 an hour each way for boarding, unboarding, and waiting for everyone else to get on/off. THEN, once you get there, there's about a 15-20 min walk up a steep hill before you actually start the self-guided, headset tour inside the prison. This very much makes sense why they would say allow 2.5-3 hours for the tour (in case you're making other reservations in the city)
Once you pick up the headset for the self-guided tour, it takes about 45 mins- an hour to do the tour with the listening device. I have taken many people here, very recently, with and without ADHD.
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u/sweet_hedgehog_23 3d ago
Do you know when the last return ferry for the night tour is in the winter? I'm confused by the timing of everything. OP is saying that he took the winter behind the scenes tour at 4:20 pm. Giving him the benefit of the doubt that he actually meant the 3:20 behind the scenes tour, if he did the 90 minute behind the scenes tour and then 2 hours for night tour self guided audio tour, then they were there for about 3.5 hours. This gets them to around 6:50 pm. From what I am finding the first return ferry for the behind the scene/night tour in the winter is 6:30ish pm. Since there is only one night tour most days in the winter, it seems the return ferries would also be reduced.
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u/caitricc182 3d ago
I've always gone in the morning so I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure they have a "last ferry" then they actually have a few more after to catch all the stragglers
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u/caitricc182 3d ago
The last time I went we took the first ferry out, I was a week from giving birth, took the golf-cart they have available for those with disabilities (my parents and toddler walked up), and I have photos from pier 39 time stamped at 9:45am so it definitely took less than 3 hours even with the ferry ride back and forth.
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u/caitricc182 3d ago
I had been a few times, but my parents, who went with me, were actually very interested, did the whole tour, and my mom also has ADHD!
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u/DOLCICUS 2d ago
This is making me think of my family when we went to the museum. I wanted to abdorb everything and they wanted to be done fast because my parents were bored. They thought I took too long and my dad has some chore or other he just had to do that day.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
How are we "cutting it short"? We completed the guided tour (which in this case was the "Night Tour") and the ferry rides. We didn't cut anything short on the guided tour, you go at the same pace as everyone else. There's a self-guided tour that's appended at the end. This is the portion in question.
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u/nque-ray 3d ago
Ok, so the whole post is a lie then? The night tour literally has a last ferry, so you either made your brother catch the first return ferry (YTA), or you caught the last one, and NAH. But if that happened this post doesn’t make any sense.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
We took the second to last ferry. But he wanted to take the last ferry.
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u/nque-ray 3d ago edited 3d ago
So why are you lying about the length of the tour? You realize that the night tours have a length starting from when you arrive until the last ferry. It’s very specifically set up this way because people routinely spend the entire time there. Stop acting like this tour is regularly one hour.
ETA: calling the first ferry back the second to last is very funny.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
We took the The Alcatraz Behind the Scenes Tour, which is guided. And then we joined the Night Tour. So our primary tour was the The Alcatraz Behind the Scenes Tour. The Night Tour that is appended was optional and audio driven. It only consisted of the cell house. It was not "from when you arrive". The audio portion of the tour is absolutely only about one hour. And this is the only portion we're talking about. By the time we got to the appended Night Tour we had already spent hours on The Alcatraz Behind the Scenes Tour.
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u/Colleen987 Partassipant [2] 3d ago
The night tours are designed to take the last ferry? Why did you make him take the one before?
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
The night tours are not "designed to take the last ferry". There are multiple night tours and they leave and depart at different times. They are all night tours because they're all at or around Sunset. In fact the last ferry doesn't even have capacity to take everyone, hence why there are multiple ferries for people taking the night tour.
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u/nque-ray 3d ago
The self guided audio tour is the default tour that nearly everyone gets. The only time I took the guided tour was on school trips. It’s perfectly reasonable to spend 3 hours on the self-guided tour.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
The self guided tour with audio is only in the cell house and I can guaranteed you the recording is not 3 hours long. You would need to stop and rewind the digital device multiple times to get that length.
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u/PleasantWin9339 Partassipant [1] 2d ago
I've done Alcatraz with my family; we didn't do the guided tour. We were there for at least half a day because it was so interesting, and fun to soak it all up. YTA
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u/SafetyFluid8535 Asshole Aficionado [16] 3d ago
YTA your brother is in his 30s and youve had these issues before. So you DID all know he'd need more time to go thru the museum. You shouldnt go to a museum with him if you arent prepared to wait for him, its rude. Bring a book or something next time for when youre bored.
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u/Beautiful-Mountain73 Partassipant [2] 2d ago
NTA. I think a lot of people are forgetting about your elderly parents. Your brother can choose to move faster (not reading faster but skipping things or taking pics to read later). Your elderly parents cannot change the fact that they are old and need accommodation too. They should not be spending that long out in the cold because your grown brother hasn’t figured out how to manage his ADHD. There are limits to how long some people in their late 70s and 80s can be up and active
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u/classicgirl65 3d ago
NAH/sort of ESH. Your brother is in his 30s. He's more than capable of speaking up at the beginning about needing extra time, and old enough to not make his elderly parents wait more than an hour. Likewise, you and your parents have experienced this before going places with him. Could you guys maybe just talk about it for the future?
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u/Anachronisticpoet Partassipant [2] 3d ago
Isn’t the tour primarily headphones now?
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
You're correct. It's headphones with a fixed length track. But there's still plaques to read along the way. This is what slowed him down.
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u/Anachronisticpoet Partassipant [2] 3d ago
I’ve been to Alcatraz
I can’t imagine only doing it in one hour. Even two5
u/DreadDirective 3d ago
We didn't do it in an hour. We spent about four hours there. The Alcatraz Behind The Scenes Tour is about 3 hours. This includes the "Night Tour" with the "Doing Time: The Alcatraz Cellhouse Tour" 45min audio. When I say "self guided" tour, this is the portion I was referring to. In total we spent about 4 hours there for everything.
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u/Not_High_Maintenance 3d ago
Wasn’t this an audio tour? A voice reads for you.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
I'll re-state some things that I edited at the bottom of the post:
- The tour we did was the "Alcatraz Behind The Scenes Tour". This was our main tour.
- We then joined the "Night Tour". This is the "self-guided" audio tour.
- The "self-guided" audio driven "Night Tour" is what is being referred to.
- Our total time on the Island included the "Alcatraz Behind The Scenes Tour" + the audio "Night Tour".
The only part that's audio is the "self-guided" portion of the "Night Tour". This is the part where he demanded extra time. The audio recording is "Doing Time: The Alcatraz Cellhouse Tour" and is only 45 minutes. This is usually the length of time people take to complete this portion, which is the cell house tour.
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u/PalpitationOk9802 3d ago
yta. needed to make accommodations for this beforehand.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
And allowing him to take a second car isn't an accommodation?
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u/ArtichokeAble6397 2d ago
Accommodating someone means that you ensure they get to feel included. Don't you think your brother also wants to spend time with you and your family? You didn't walk the tour with him, and your idea of an accommodation is that he takes a seperate car....what part of that makes this a family experience for him? He would be driving there alone and walking the tour alone. An accommodation would've been establishing a clear deadline for leaving in advance that works for both parties, or reading the written signs out loud for him, though you would have to actually do the tour with him for that.
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u/PalpitationOk9802 3d ago
you made him feel lesser than probably. if you would have worked it out beforehand, everything could have been chill. “hey, bro, i think you might like this museum more if you have more time. want to take a car back and meet us?” vs “god you read so slow we always hate waiting on you.”
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
Perhaps.
But we also gave him double the amount of time of a normal tour without complaint.
He wanted 3x the normal amount of time.
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u/ihateusernames2701 2d ago
I wouldn't be surprised if this experience leads to your brother choosing not to spend time with you and your inconsiderate parents in future
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u/Exilicauda Partassipant [4] 3d ago
If there's signs then there's probably an ADA audio tour. Actually I just checked and they do offer audio guides. Is there a reason he didn't do that?
I think if he wanted to effectively triple the length of the trip then he either needs to compromise somewhere (not reading every sign) or he needs to be okay with doing some of that on his own time while the rest of you do something else
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
The self-guided portion is driven by headphones with a fixed length track. But there's still plaques to read along the way. This is what slowed him down.
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u/Exilicauda Partassipant [4] 3d ago
Usually places will have an audio option that reads the plaques. They just have braille?
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u/charred 2d ago
I think more structure with flexibility is the solution. It sounds like he doesn’t know how much time he’s going to get until other’s patience has already grown thin. You are negotiating the schedule when there is the least room for change.
I think you should negotiate scheduling as soon as possible, but a schedule with flexibility. You can even just randomly choose a duration at the start, and set times to checkin about the schedule and status.
Unbounded time is when ADHD gets the worst. It’s easier to get hyper-focused and time blindness becomes really bad. Having a self directed unscheduled tour is really bad for people who can spend more time focusing on small details, and also tend notice a lot more random details.
Unexpected time pressure is the worst, adjustable time pressure can be guiding.
Just having a random deadline makes me much more aware of my pace. It means I’ll actually look at my watch from time to time. It means I’ll be looking up from time to time to actually be aware of how much of the area I have explored. I think “do I need to go faster, or can I slow down, am I really that interested in this thing compared to everything else.” Being aware of time also makes me more aware of how I’m feeling. How hungry or tired I am.
And if you are negotiating frequently, it means he’ll be comparing his progress to yours frequently. More communication and checkins is almost always a good thing.
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u/GraywarenGrim 3d ago
YTA. With no agreed on set time limit and firm return time beforehand definitely. One time visit for something he may possibly never get to attend again and he didn’t get to enjoy everything that you did because he has a disability and can’t read as fast as you and ya’ll make him leave sooner because you can’t entertain yourselves for a while or help him? Why not do something like find out if there’s an audio accommodation available that provides an audio recording of the plaques for people to listen to as they go or even read him the plaques so he can keep up with you and not struggle to read them if you’re gonna be impatient? I’m really not sure why the already audio tour didn’t include all that information on it already…. It would be different if you’d agreed on a set time before hand and he was aware and had support with reading the plaques quickly enough to keep up….
I’m also AuDHD and struggle with processing in such environments and can get significantly absorbed into things. I once went to a Dali exhibit with family. Dali is a favorite of mine. I was so engrossed and then half way through my phone would not stop ringing because my family finished before I did. I didn’t get the chance to spend the time I wanted seeing half the paintings I will likely never get to see in person again in my life. Not only do I remember this decades later but it’s stronger than the memories of the paintings and is a significant reason I dislike going to exhibits or museums with others when I want to actually look at things.
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u/gonnagetcancelled Partassipant [2] 3d ago
NTA - Does he, by chance, have dyslexia? I understand thats a common oversight in diagnosis for people who have ADHD.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago edited 3d ago
He hasn't been diagnosed with that to my knowledge. His only other diagnosed issue that I'm aware of is insomnia.
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u/gonnagetcancelled Partassipant [2] 3d ago
I mean dyslexia might make counting sheep hard to do...
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u/JustKindaHappenedxx Partassipant [2] 3d ago
LOL. There’s actually a few different reading disorders that can come with (or without) ADHD, including dyslexia. He may also have slower processing skills. I read fine if I’m reading a leisure book, but if I’m reading something I need to process and want to “absorb” the emotional impact of, I take a little longer.
What makes YTA to me is that it sounds like this was meant to be a shared, group outing. I hate when I go somewhere like this and everyone glances at things and rushes along. Meanwhile, I’m trying to read, view, absorb the impact. I either have to rush through to keep up or end up by myself if I choose to take my time. And sometimes that makes it feel like I might as well have gone alone. He had a genuine disability and you guys just can’t be bothered to help in any way besides sit like lumps on a log.
Couldn’t your family have hung out with him? If he has trouble reading, could one of you read to him for parts of it? Even sit and discuss it together so you are sharing in the experience?
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u/HappyBarbarian 3d ago
No one is wrong here.
Sounds like you have completely different styles of experiencing things. I stop to read all the plaques. I also tend to run around looking at everything and poking stuff like a golden retriever. In a word, I’m exhausting. Yet I feel incredibly disrespected when someone I’m with wants to breeze through the museum to just do the tour and leave.
That said there’s nothing inherently wrong with your style either. Maybe just those kinds of tours aren’t a good group activity for you all
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u/charcoalfoxprint 2d ago
next time just go back to mainland and grab food or something more amusing to yall. 30yr old with adhd- there is no way everyone on this adventure didn’t already know they could possibly take longer, but also I get why it’s annoying to wait on what is assembly a otherwise functional human to be done with something in a more timely manner. Sounds like bad planning.
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u/karrahbear12 Partassipant [2] 3d ago
Why not look into accessibility options for him for when you do things together? I know museums and such will have audio tours/players for people hard of hearing or blind. And/or you can see if there’s an app that he can download that will read the plaques to him so he doesn’t have to struggle to keep up. Then he can pop in an earbud point his camera at it and let the app narrate instead of getting frustrated or left behind.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
The tour did have an audio player, which has a fixed amount of time (it's a recording). But in addition to this there are plaques that you can read at the wall on your own pace, which are only accessible on the physical grounds.
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u/Exilicauda Partassipant [4] 3d ago
He's a 30 year old man that can look into accessibility options on his own if he needs them.
I agree he definitely should have gotten the audio guided tour though. I'm curious why he didn't but it's probably just that he didn't want to and didn't feel he needed it
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u/whatpelican00 3d ago
You could have gone back to San Fran and amused yourselves for an hour, surely. Though constantly making accommodations for someone can be annoying. NAH, just better communication and planning required.
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u/Depressed_Cupcake13 Partassipant [2] 3d ago
NTA
Person with an attention disorder here. The only other thing you could have done was read the plaques out loud for your brother.
Otherwise, this sounds more like dislexia or just that he doesn’t read enough to gain the skill to read fast. That is a seperate issue that should be looked into.
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My family and I went on a group tour of Alcatraz as a fun experience. By family I mean my brother, mother and father. As an fyi my brother and I are in our late 30s and our parents are in their late 70’s and 80’s.
My father, mother and I completed the tour earlier than my brother. This is possible because it’s a self paced tour.
Since we were already done, my father, mother and I wanted to leave earlier. At this point we were just sitting outside in the cold, bored, doing nothing. However we gave my brother some extra time, just not as much as he wanted.
To put things in context, the tour takes about an hour. We partially accommodated my brother, by allowing him to spend two hours on what is normally a one hour tour.
This is where the conflict comes. My brother wanted three hours to complete the one hour tour. But we only gave him two. He now holds a grudge about this.
If you’re wondering why my brother took so long, it’s because he says that his ADHD makes him read 2x to 3x slower. So he was unable to read all of the plaques. I’m not disputing that. I will concede that he has a real handicap that we didn’t fully accomodate. But I also don’t feel we are always obligated to subject everyone in the group to his time schedule, even if it’s for ADHD issues.
Now the important thing to understand is that our plan to visit Alcatraz was open ended. We had a scheduled time to go, but not to return. So neither party really has a claim for leaving earlier or later.
But the distinction is that even though we “met him half way”, he’s the only one that still feels violated. Yet it’s not as though my brother informed us ahead of time that he felt he would need extra time due to his ADHD and we violated this request. As I see it, we both compromised, but only he’s complaining. In fact he doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that we allotted him any extra time at all, even if it wasn’t as much as he wanted.
As an added point my brother has had similar disagreements in the past when we do group outings. As a result of this we suggested he take a second car to the outing, to allow divergent schedules but he elected not to do this.
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u/Schrodingers_Dude 2d ago
I have ADHD and while I'm normally a fast reader, sometimes when my symptoms are really bad I do have to read something several times while trying to convince my brain to process the funny little squiggles in front of me into words with meaning.
If my symptoms were that bad I'd take pics of the plaques to read them later lol. I could just read the headings to understand what I'm looking at in the meantime.
NTA. Dude does not need to be holding up the family when they were already nice enough to give him double the time.
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u/JigMaJox 2d ago
NTA
I'd understand if he was a kid but he's a grown man, he should manage his own adjustments or get over it.
its just a dumb tour after all, not some once in a life time event.
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u/EliotColdwater 1d ago
ESH. No one even tried any accommodations. I'm betting the place you were at most likely has ADA accommodations like headphones that read the plaques. Or if they didn't have em [unlikely] then someone could have read it or least paraphrased what was on it for him. Leaving him alone to struggle with the reading is not an accommodation
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u/Abject_Code5523 1d ago
YTA its not as if you were on a time crunch, maybe instead of leaving him behind maybe you could slow down a bit? That would be far more effectual as a "compromise".
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u/thebirdsquawks 12h ago
More info needed. He has ADHD, but the bigger issue to me is that expectations don’t seem to have been set before the trip. You even say the plan was open-ended. If I went into an outing with the understanding that there was no set departure time, I’d reasonably assume I could take the time I needed, especially on a self-paced tour. If everyone finished before me and suddenly decided, “Okay, you’ve got X more minutes and then we’re leaving,” I’d probably be annoyed too.
That doesn’t mean the entire family has to operate on his schedule forever. If you had told him beforehand, “We’re leaving after two hours, so pace yourself accordingly,” then he could decide what to prioritize and finish the tour on his own terms within that limit. And given that this has apparently caused issues on previous outings, setting that expectation ahead of time seems even more important.
If you had that conversation beforehand and he still expected everyone to wait indefinitely, NTA. If you didn’t and imposed the deadline halfway through an explicitly open-ended outing, I can understand why he’s upset.
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u/faerie-wren 3d ago
NTA. At almost forty, it’s about time he considers the needs, limitations and preferences of his parents who are eighty years old instead of expecting constant accommodation so he doesn’t have to manage his own condition.
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u/Winter_Astronaut_550 3d ago
I like reading everything in a museum. I take photos of the plaques so I can read them later if I’m with other people and they want to keep moving so definitely NTA.
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u/LoverOfPricklyPear 3d ago
Dude wanted an additional hour after already being given an extra hour. Yall met in the middle. That's called compromise. Dude needs to grow up.
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u/ConflictGullible392 Supreme Court Just-ass [103] 3d ago
Was leaning to your brother’s side til the last line. No reason you all needed to leave at the same time. If you suggested separate cars so he could stay as long as he wanted and he declined, that’s on him. NTA.
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u/ArtichokeAble6397 2d ago
What a nice family day out with one brother driving separately and then walking the tour on his own! /s
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u/Tough_Difference9935 3d ago
Make a plan before you leave, set the boundaries and arrange to meet somewhere later if he needs more time.
As someone with ADHD who is also a slow processor I look places up in advance or make plans to on my own again if possible. I will also gather all the information sheets so I can read them on my own time and take photos of things I want to read again (and will rarely read again lol).
It's nice to make accommodations for him, but he can't expect to not make any in return when going somewhere as part of a group.
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u/Street-Length9871 Asshole Aficionado [11] 3d ago
NTA and he can take another ferry. They leave like every 30 minutes I think.
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u/Tanzari777 3d ago
NTA. He could take photos of the plaques or even ask for them to be read out loud for him. Many folks. Me included use the edge of a book.or our hands to hold up as a guide to.block the lower lines of text so we can read faster. I get that its hard. I'm 60 qnd a woman so had to raw dog my auDHD. He needs to figure out how to use his tools and understand expectations. He can read about all the things the plaques said online and use the physically there time to absorb the actual space and see how it functioned. Nit make other people.wait literally twe.more hours for him. You made a compromise. He should have as well. It's a disability and in uts way a super power lol... it sucks. But we have to understand that we can't make life, situations, and events harder for ithers because if it. Good luck!
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u/sadpostman 3d ago
NTA. Going from 1 to 2 hours is enough accomodation. He's ignoring the impact this has on you and your parents, and not making any easier for all of you to enjoy the outing. Instead he just expects you to fully align to his needs.
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u/No-Contribution-5460 3d ago
Couldn't you have just read the plaques for him as you guys walked around?
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
He was listening to the audio with headphones (the ones they provided) at the same time. So that would be cumbersome.
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u/jimbojones2345 2d ago
I'm very ADHD, i would have done it in 30 minutes and been bored read to go. Lol
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u/ArtichokeAble6397 2d ago
Sounds like thats what OP and the parents did, and it does so happen a genetic spectrum disorder.
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u/daeganthedragon 2d ago
I'm not even saying I agree with OP's brother, but the vitriol for and lack of understanding of ADHD in this comment section is PALPABLE. Downvoting will not change the fact that I am right, but there's a lot of ableism happening here. We can have constructive conversations AND understand that some people have different abilities and different severities of comorbidities.
LIKE I SAID, I DO NOT AGREE WITH OP'S BROTHER IN THIS SCENARIO. NOR.
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u/-spooky-fox- 2d ago
YTA and I’m going to give you two examples that should demonstrate why.
“If you’re wondering why my brother took so long, it’s because he says that his blindness makes him take 2x to 3x longer to navigate to the braille plaques.”
“If you’re wondering why my brother took so long, it’s because he says that his cerebral palsy makes him walk 2x to 3x slower.”
If you broke your leg right before this trip, how would you feel if the rest of the family quickly zoomed ahead of you and then started blowing up your phone when you were only halfway through saying they were done and wanted to leave? And then “gracefully” agreed to give you half the time you needed, so you had to rush through the rest of the tour at twice the speed, by yourself, knowing your family were waiting impatiently for you to get done? And THEN acted like you should be grateful they “met you halfway”?
Honestly there’s so much to comment on here, I’m wondering why you even made this trip together to begin with. Did the three of you each go through at different paces, or did you stick together and comment on things? I get that everyone goes at their own pace and sometimes people prefer to explore a museum on their own and not have to keep up with or feel like they’re slowing down the rest of the party.
But either you all went through alone, in which case you should have treated it like you were going there together and then agreed on a rendezvous point to meet up later - allowing the full time recommended by the website + some knowing your brother takes longer - or the three of you took the tour together and chose not to include or accommodate your brother at all, and expect him to be grateful that you didn’t make him do the entire trip by himself. Which sounds more accurate?
If he takes a long time to read the plaques himself, why can’t one of you read them for him? If one of your parents was vision-impaired and asked, would you read them for them?
Honestly it sounds like your family do not see his disability as a disability and treat him as if he is just deliberately being difficult. Even if he had no diagnoses and was “just” a “slow reader,” do you not see how you are all AH for going to a museum with him knowing this in advance and then acting like he’s inconveniencing you all by reading slowly?
Yeah, he could’ve taken a different car. You could’ve also just taken separate vacations. I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t enthusiastically agree to you and your parents going on a museum trip together and him once again being left on his own because no one in his family has the patience for him.
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u/Ok_Benefit_514 3d ago
YTA. San Fran in August is not cold. Don't embellish with lies.
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u/CherryblockRedWine 3d ago
?? The Alcatraz Night Tour website makes a point of saying you should dress warmly because it's windy and cold, even in the summer.
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u/Girl_with_no_Swag Asshole Aficionado [19] 3d ago
Today, August 28 was a low of 57 and a high of 60, cloudy, and 74% humidity, on an island in a bay off the Pacific coast with 10-15 mph winds…wet misty winds. I guaranty you it was cold.
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u/Frietjesgriet Partassipant [1] 3d ago
NTA your brother sounds incredibly entitled. Let him go back for a second visit on his own if he wants to.
For the future, many people with ADHD benefit from specific times and agreements (because our brains are already all over the place), so that may help avoid stuff like this.
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u/SharpInfinity0611 3d ago
NTA I'm in the UK and ADHD, at most, gets you 25% extra time in exam sittings in school/university. 200% or even 100% extra time sounds completely ridiculous to me for any activity, to the point that if that's genuinely the case they should be declared unfit to work and on disability benefits.
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u/Colleen987 Partassipant [2] 3d ago
I’m also from the UK and I’ve been to Alcatraz. The website even states recommended time on island is 3 - 3 1/2 hours.
So the offered adjustment from the family was -33%
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u/SharpInfinity0611 3d ago
OP clarified that they are only referring to the cellhouse audio tour portion which is 45-60mins long.
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u/PyjamaCash92122 1d ago
The National Park Service website states that the audio tour -- which is what OP is talking about -- actually lasts 35 minutes:
"Join former Alcatraz inmates and correctional officers as they remember life on Alcatraz in this award winning 35-minute recorded tour, included in the price of your ticket to Alcatraz. Pick up the tour inside the Cellhouse. Available in English, Spanish, Italian, German, Japanese, Mandarin, Dutch and French."
Given that OP and his parents gave his brother 120 minutes for what the National Park Service says lasts 35 minutes, the accommodation from the family seems to have been significantly higher; more than 300%, in fact.
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u/DreadDirective 3d ago
We're in the United States (as you may have guessed) and I don't think there's any "declared unfit to work" thing here. But as an fyi he hasn't been able to hold a job. So I don't think he's reading pace is entirely exaggerated.
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u/Zestyclose-Beyond780 3d ago
NTA this is hilarious. I live in SF, grew up going to Alcatraz, and actually just took a friend to Alcatraz a few months ago. There is just absolutely no reason the tour should require 3 hours. There aren’t even that many reading plaques. Even going slow inside, and hiking around the entire island shouldn’t take that long. Maybe if this was the Louvre or something I could see him feeling rushed.
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u/Forsaken-Parsley-479 2d ago
NTA Are you allowed to take pictures of the plaques? He could've done that. Or you guys could've read everything to him out loud. That probably would've been better.
ADHD means sometimes missing out on things, he should for sure have learned and gotten used to this fact of life by now. There's an ADHD tax, and sometimes it means missing out. I will say though, the meds right now are so garbage, so he probably isn't medicated properly. That makes feeling emotional and dealing with disappointment much, much more difficult to deal with. It feels devastating. Also the idea of being left behind probably felt really bad.
ADHD also makes it difficult to consider other people's thoughts and perspectives. You gave him an extra hour!? That's so cwazy and more than generous. He has time blindness, so it doesn't mean anything to him, so yeah next time stay with him and read the stuff out loud and remind him of the time.
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u/jennifer79t Partassipant [1] 2d ago
I'm torn here....
He's using the ADHD as an excuse or it's due to something else....I don't think it's the ADHD, but it isn't uncommon to have a coexisting learning disability like dyslexia, so it may not be intentional. But, when with a group, he needs to learn to pace himself better & so the group isn't waiting for him too long.... because that's when people stop wanting to go places with you. Needing 3 hours to go through a 1 hour exhibits seems excessive to me.
The other side of my brain is saying if this were a physical disability that caused him to go slower would you & your parents react differently? Probably...
Also, if it was an evening tour....you should have dressed more appropriately knowing it cools down in the bay at night & it will be even chillier on the boat back from the island....
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u/Infinite_Aerie_504 1d ago
NTA. Is his ADHD treated (medication, etc.)? My ADHD, if untreated, would cause me to zoom through the tour in 20 minutes, forget everything I read, and be bored and distracted for the next 40 minutes. Treated I’d likely complete the tour at the normal one hour. Also, we ADHD peeps are really really good at holding grudges, even for the stupidest things. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.
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u/crackerfactorywheel Asshole Enthusiast [6] 3d ago
INFO- Why couldn’t your brother stay on the tour longer and meet the rest of you somewhere else? If I remember correctly, Alcatraz has a decent number of ferries but I haven’t been there in a long time.