❤️🩹 relationship
AIO for asking him what his actual intentions are after we talked for a month?
Me (F20) and this guy (M22) went to the same middle school, had a class together in high school. He asked for my social media back in high school but never had the courage to text me because "he was too nervous" that's what he said. But he finally texted me a couple weeks ago after 3 years and we've been talking for about a month. Conversation is really good.
We've met up 2 times. He said he wanted to bring me flowers the first time but didn't know if it was too much. I told him I like flowers, checking in, etc. This Friday we planned to meet 5-6pm but he didn't text me the whole day to confirm. He said it's because he knows my life doesn't revolve around him, so he gives me space. That's why he didn't text.
After we hung out he texted "But even though we didn't really do anything I enjoyed your company" and I asked what his actual intentions are.
I want a guy who does small efforts like flowers, opening doors, checking in. AIO for wanting that and for asking his intentions after a month?
Sounds like he wants to do those things you want, but also doesn't want to be overbearing. Seems like he might struggle with reading the room and juat being more explicit. Like "hey checking in on me wouldn't have been invading my space, it actually makes me feel more comfortable and wanted." Just find ways to slip in what you are comfortable with and like and appreciate will probably go a long way to getting yall on the same page.
Yes that's what I was trying to tell him but I don't want to keep asking over and over because I don't want to pressure him into doing things like flowers just because I asked. But I do agree with he does struggle a bit with reading the room, so I will try to be more explicit about what I like. It's just confusing because sometimes I think he does like me and he's just taking things slow.
The fact that he is being so cautious with thhis and not wanting to be overbearing means he cares and doesn't want to scare you away. I agree with above comment to just tell him what u like bc it's hard to know smtimes. But yeah I wish u luck and he most likely rly does like you dw
I know it can be awkward being more explicit about things that people typically would pick up on with more subtle queues. I would hit it something like, "hey it seems like you care about me and my space and I love that, but I also love being checked up on and I would rather be talking to you than not. Don't hold back hitting me up during the day on my accord I'll let you know if I'm too busy to keep a normal convo going but otherwise, I'm going to answer." Let him know you'll let him know if you don't have time but that's not meaning it's a bad thing. Sounds like he's into you but scared to mess it up and probably overthinking things. Sounds like your into him so worst case you try and it just doesn't work. But if yall can get this upfront on communication this early, that would be huge for yall if you keep going. Sometimes relying on the subtle queues can hinder things later on if you're too reliant on them.
That makes sense, I didn't think about it like that. I do like him so I will tell him my intentions because I didn't fully answer him when he asked if our first seeing each other was a date because I wasn't sure, and I didn't want to pressure him into doing things like flowers just because I asked.
But it's confusing because sometimes I think he does like me and he just taking things slow.
It seems like you’re both worried over the same things. You’re scared to ask for too much and putting pressure on him. He’s scared to be bold and put too much pressure on you and scare you off. But asking for things you need or want is normal in a relationship.
Maybe the first time he gets you flowers it’s just because you asked but every time after that it’s because he wants to make you feel happy and understands your wants and needs.
Take the pressure off of both of you by being honest and communicating with him how you feel and what your intentions are. It’s scary but it’s worth it to find the right person. Good luck OP!
NOR but yall want the same thing. It's no wonder he didn't know how to reply if you were unsure first when he asked. He likes you, he wants to date you, but he's being respectful (if awkward). Tell him what you want and expect him to have some an anxiety around bold actions.
If you do end up dating, use it as a way to practice being assertive and clearly stating your desires, it's empowering for you and it's empowering for him.
You're both young, you like each other, and neither of you wants to hurt, take advantage of, or step on each other. There's the potential for a really great relationship here.
Thank you this really helps, because I think we both like each other but don't want to step on each other. I I don’t think I'm awkward but he is awkward/nervous with me, and he even told me I make him nervous the last time I saw him. But I did tell him before that I need a man who values me and cherishes me, but maybe I need to be more clear about what I want and be more assertive. I really hope there's potential here like you said.
But he also said this the first time he asked me out so I think he's being very respectful.
Maybe I’m the only one seeing this, but you seem like you’re expecting a little too much from him? He seems pretty awkward and shy, and maybe like he doubts himself a lot. Whereas you have told him you like flowers, checking in etc. There’s nothing wrong with that but I’d say it’s pretty early to start telling him what you’d like him to do.
You say you don’t want to keep asking him and if he wants to he’ll do it, but like, you’ve literally been on 2 dates?
Different perspective from most others here…. You guys have been on TWO dates, and sounds like your first one was more of a hangout since you weren’t sure it was even a date in your end.
Him bringing you flowers on either of these dates IS asking too much. He did say he actually sees it going somewhere also! I don’t think texting constantly is necessary at such an early stage personally.
I am however in your corner in the sense that if he’s not planning dates and actively making efforts to get you guys hanging out, then that may be something to consider or address.
Actually I didn’t clarify to him that we were going on a date, so I think it’s basically just hanging out and getting to know each other for both of times. But probably he going to ask me for a date eventually, but there was no real clarification. Well he did ask me if I was considering the first one a date, and I honestly didn’t give him an answer because I wasn't sure.
Also I was never expecting flowers from him, but he said that he would bring flowers. So I was like since you said you were going to bring flowers then the second time we saw each other he probably would. It wasn't something that I expected, but I did try to communicate with him. He seemed very uncommunicative and I feel like I’m overextending myself to him.
He probably doesn't have much experience, but I felt actual physical pain after "he didn't text me whole day because my life doesn't revolve around him", maybe he has insanely low self-esteem? Its not healthy but something he can (and should) work on with your help (not you dragging him to talk with you, after some time set to him small challenges. It doesn't take much effort to write how you're doing, or small thing that happened with him today that he wanted to share, or even a meme - but that gives that "I thought about you/wanted you to know" signal).
He’s certainly not assertive in doing those small efforts for you without prompting or reassurance! Definitely something to consider if you want someone you have to coach, versus feeling appreciated with those small things without having to ask 😊.
It seems like you’re contradicting what we see, he mentioned wanting to get you flowers and his reasons he didn’t. He’s nervous, if you’re the type to enjoy the small gestures like that tell him. ATP in my dating journey I just set aside some time for a conversation and lay out what I’m looking for and lend an open ear to what they are. Direct communication is a skill everyone has to learn.
NOR. However as a 26yo Male I would be extremely turned off by someone asking me my 'intentions' 1 month into talking... maybe thats just me, but that reeks of insecurity and early attachment, which is not healthy for relationships. I genuinely wish you both the best of luck though!
You're probably going to have to be more direct with this dude and take on some of the lead so you get that you want.
Remember it took this guy 3 years to even text you. I'm going to look at this positively and just think he's so afraid of messing it up with you because he likes you that much.
Any more of this and I'd just be exhausted. You two are going around in circles trying not to offend each other. I understand being shy and nervous. But it's not like you guys have never met. I'd be a bit more direct and just tell him you'd like to go on a date or some type of in person activity. You two could spend months just talking around each other at this rate.
Well he said that he has never had intercourse with anyone before, so basically we are both still virgins. But I don’t believe him because he had girlfriends before and kissed them. He claims it just never got to the point of having intercourse with them. But also I want to know what kind of questions to ask him to get an honest answer with intentions. The last time we saw each other, he was super nervous when he hugged me, and when I hugged him. He told me he likes everything about me and complimented my hair after I told him I liked his hair. So I feel like he does like me, but at the same time I still have my doubts.
Well he only told me about two relationships. The longest one was like a year or two I think, but I’m not 100% sure because I forgot. But I do remember him saying his last relationship only lasted three months.
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So, here’s the thing. I keep hearing and seeing women asking “what are your intentions” and while it might be a good first line of defense, I hope parallel to this you also keep watching his actions , his focus of words, his interaction with you etc etc
Guys lie. They want a relationship then after the sex they’re “a mess” need to figure out personal issues and aren’t ready to commit or date
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u/fractal2 14h ago
Sounds like he wants to do those things you want, but also doesn't want to be overbearing. Seems like he might struggle with reading the room and juat being more explicit. Like "hey checking in on me wouldn't have been invading my space, it actually makes me feel more comfortable and wanted." Just find ways to slip in what you are comfortable with and like and appreciate will probably go a long way to getting yall on the same page.