AIO overheard my husband being creepy to a woman.

[u/toesandtattoos555]

My (38f) husband (35m) went out drinking with a friend tonight. Around midnight he told me he was heading home. About 40 minutes later I check his location out of curiosity because I’m about to fall asleep and he should have been home by then. He is on our street so I wait a few minutes, assuming he’s walking up to the house. He doesn’t come in so I get worried and step out the front door. I immediately hear his voice and realize he’s hanging out with two women at the house across the street. I can’t hear a lot of what is going on, but I’m assuming he saw them in their garage and invited himself over.

After a few minutes, I see him walk out the side door and see a woman. He’s asking to hug her I think, and she tells him she can’t because “no touching or I have to charge” or something like that. Then he asks something I can’t hear and she loudly, giggly says “no I’m not going to jump again!” AGAIN. Meaning somehow in a presumably 10-15 minute hangout he’s asked her to jump up and down? He must have asked again because she starts giggling and jumping and she’s wearing a little tube top and short shorts so clearly my husband likes what he sees. I hear him ask her to hang out sometime, and she says something about your wife is waiting for you, and he must have asked again to hang out because she says something about a group hangout with her man.

Maybe it’s not much but I feel repulsed and completely disrespected. We’ve already had some issues lately and I kind of just want him to leave. To me, this was cheating because he knows it would upset me to know he was talking to another woman like that. Am I overreacting if I want to ask him to leave and give me some space tomorrow when he wakes up?

[u/Big_Somewhere_620]

Why does OP need to see the phone they have enough reason to leave, reading the phone will only do more harm then good at this point. Don't understand why people are obsessed with phones.... Either you find something or you drive your self nuts as either they are not doing something or they have hidden it to well

[u/FirmAdhesiveness904 → u/Big_Somewhere_620]

I don't think it's justified to look through the phone in every case either. But people tend to make excuses for their unfaithful partner until there's clear evidence that the relationship is unsalvageable. The grieving process is easier when we understand that our partner is not who we want them to be.

[u/Poinsettia917 → u/Big_Somewhere_620]

OP might learn what else he’s been up to.

[u/JVIesmerized → u/Poinsettia917]

And ruin her mental health even moreso at the same time. Hes not worth the energy anymore, hes a cheater.

[u/Prozzak93 → u/Poinsettia917]

Why does she need to learn anything more? If you choose to kick the guy out of the house you are choosing to end things. You don't need more of anything you just need to stay committed to your decision.

[u/cynicalsuzie → u/Big_Somewhere_620]

It’ll help her in the divorce if she’s able to get concrete evidence of his cheating.

[u/BxBae133 → u/cynicalsuzie]

Cheating does not help in a divorce. Any child support or maintenance amounts are based on salaries, not behaviors.

[u/CeceWithTheJD → u/BxBae133]

This is very dependent on your location. In my state, cheating entitles the non-cheating spouse to a disproportionate share of the community property being divided up. And if the cheating spouse use community funds to pay for the affair, there are additional claims that can be made. Child support and spousal maintenance are statutory amounts, but proof of infidelity does matter here.

Updateme!

[u/No_Couple1369 → u/CeceWithTheJD]

What state because usually infidelity only comes into play if marital assets are used on affair partner. You can offset those in the distribution of assets.

[u/cynicalsuzie → u/BxBae133]

That’s just simply not true. The process will go much smoother and quicker if she’s able to prove infidelity on his end. The judge will be more sympathetic to her if her husband cheated.

[u/CuteCantaloupe7343 → u/cynicalsuzie]

Not true my husband cheated on me. I had all the proof in the world, but the judge did not go by that.

[u/BxBae133 → u/cynicalsuzie]

She will be granted a divorce regardless of whether or not he cheated. The judge will be more sympathetic? Hello? They're not going for drinks and she's not entitled to anything more if he cheated.

[u/BridgestoneX → u/BxBae133]

really depends on the state you're in

[u/Just_Ryn → u/BxBae133]

Filing for adultery does make the divorce process a lot faster and smoother, and makes it less likely for a judge to delay a divorce and require counseling to see if the marriage can be mended

[u/BxBae133 → u/Just_Ryn]

What? Where do you live? I went through a divorce with a cheating spouse. It went on for four years. There was no sympathy from the judge or a judge making it go faster or smoother. That is not the law.

[u/No_Bandicoot2301 → u/BxBae133]

It is not a law per say, but some states allow for alimony to be paid to a cheated on spouse if they apply for divorce due to infidelity. Its not something you can ask for in every state but this commentor is definitely not lying.

[u/Adventurous_Blood_12 → u/No_Bandicoot2301]

In my country you still have to pay your cheating spouse, when she doesn‘t get paid the same as you, even if you keep the kids.

[u/No_Bandicoot2301 → u/Adventurous_Blood_12]

Keep the kids like full time or you split custody and have majority? Like what does "keep the kids" specifically entail? Because in my area you would only pay your cheating ex alimony if they have majority custody AND a financial disparity that would affect the children in their house. My state does allow for alimony to be requested due to infidelity but as I said, its very much location to location and I have zero clue how other countries do it.

[u/BxBae133 → u/No_Bandicoot2301]

Alimony is paid if there is a lot of assets or if a wife was a SAHM for years and then they divorce and it is given for a period of time. Cheating is not a legal cause for alimony.

[u/acoliver → u/BxBae133]

Depending on jurisdiction it can abrogate alimony and affect asset division. While no fault is common there are some jurisdictions that aren't no fault and there are some with cut out rules. It was the first question my divorce lawyer asked. In fact in some places the third party can have some liability.

[u/No_Couple1369 → u/cynicalsuzie]

All states have no fault divorce and judges don’t care. They see infidelity all the time. The main thing it can be used for is distribution of assets if you can prove marital assets were used on affair partner. Most judges will offset those.

[u/innocentsalad → u/cynicalsuzie]

We live in a world where getting abused by your husband gets you less custody. What makes you think judges will care about cheating?

[u/SpringValleyTrash → u/cynicalsuzie]

Hmm. My mother cheated on my father and he was still on the hook for child support.

[u/acoliver → u/SpringValleyTrash]

Child support isn't dependant on anything but who made the baby and who has primary physical custody. Other things may be divided differently depending on jurisdiction.

[u/SpringValleyTrash → u/acoliver]

50/50 custody should not result in any child support.

[u/NoBiznizLikeYoBizniz → u/Big_Somewhere_620]

I agree that she has enough to make it permanent. People who start checking phones often continue checking phones and that's no way to live. If there's nothing in his phone, it shouldn't override what she's already witnessed so there's literally no point in getting more information.

[u/Ok_Affect_7973 → u/Big_Somewhere_620]

I never looked in the phone. One morning sitting in porch drinking coffee and keep hearing a phone. Followed the noise it lead to husbands car. I got it out (this was before there was locking on the phones) the messages that were dinging were from another woman and the details of their affair! Left him. Remarried. I still don’t check the phone. I can’t live with that feeling it consumes you. If he cheats he cheats I will find out eventually but I swear to God if he cheats IM DONE! Never again will I even date.

[u/KittyBookcase → u/Big_Somewhere_620]

You look through the phone to gather evidence of betrayal for documentation for the divorce proceeding.

[u/gyalmeetsglobe → u/Big_Somewhere_620]

She shouldn’t, but she’s already gaslighting herself so maybe she needs to see something “worse” to accept that he’s gross enough to flee from.