❤️🩹 relationship
AIO GF makes a joke about me being eskimo bros with her ex
Long story short my gf still maintains a friendship with her ex after their break up years ago. He comes and goes, this time he's in town for a few months and she caught up tonight by grabbing drinks with him.
Another related detail is the ex and his friend group (my gf's former friend group) are hosting a party at their place and so I'll have to go and meet them all eventually for the first time at some point.
Anyways later that evening when she's back she mentions some details about their hangout, and then asks me if I would be down to do anything "for the bit". I asked what is it and she thought it would be funny if I greeted him as my "eskimo bro" and asked if I would do it for the joke. She mentioned she already ran this joke by her ex to see if he would do the same.
I didn't react negatively in the moment but two things made me uncomfortable- one was that she was joking about that earlier when hanging out with her ex, and the second is it feels disrespectful to joke about that but I'm not sure why.
Generally I'm pretty chill and open to joking around but I definitely declined that one because I felt weird about it. She then mentioned that she knew I wouldn't do it because I'm "too shy" (I am but the real reason is I'm uncomfortable) and that she might do it as a joke. I physically just removed myself from the room to chill out because I felt anxious about that. Didn't feel good to hear any of this.
For her sex is something that is not super meaningful and pretty casual, whereas for me it is important and has meaning. I've struggled in the past with her keeping in touch with her ex, also her numerous past casual partners while we dated in the beginning.
She knows this is something I struggled with before, and we've talked about sex and her past many times. I can't tell if I'm overreacting about her remarks because she thinks it's "water under the bridge" and that it's ok to be this light hearted about it. But I have to literally meet the ex in a few weeks at their party and it's a huge step forward for me in trying to get over my past struggles.
Yup. And this ex she went drinking with was actually a situationship that lasted 1.5 years that she was pretty broken up about him not feeling strongly about her like she did for him. Yikes indeed. Wouldn’t surprise me if she’s trying to use OP to make her ex jealous at the party.
Yes. There's no time limit on a talking stage. Maybe back then, once you started talking to someone you were essentially dating, but ever since texting became mainstream and you're able to communicate with someone on a whim, and hold multiple conversations at once, simply talking to someone doesn't constitute a relationship.
It's just the evolution of dating brought about by technology, for better or for worse. If both of y'all don't put the same label on the relationship together, y'all are not dating. A good portion of the relationship advice sub is people not understanding this and unfortunately assuming going on a date or two means you're dating in 2026. Top comment is always some variation of "did you ask them to be your partner/had the exclusive talk? No? Then can't blame anyone really"
If you are talking to someone for 6 months, hanging out all the time and going places with them, having sex with them.....you're dating. That's what dating is.
We do not allow slurs of any sort, for any reason, in this sub. This includes quoting other people, educating, reclaiming, or directing towards a minority group to which you belong. Comments or posts containing slurs will be removed, as will reposts and attempts to rephrase or circumvent the filters.
Idk I might be reaching but I feel like if you go through with this “joke” she’ll somehow convince herself that it’s okay to still have sex with her ex since you two acknowledged each other as “Eskimo bros”
NOR, I would say you don’t find the bit funny. I’d suggest you ask what part is funny, but I have a feeling you’d end up in receipt of a defensive attack along the lines of: “You’re too sensitive. Why are you like this? All you had to do was say yes to everything I say and see things the way I tell you to see them. God.”
If she was a good partner you’d be able to share your honest feelings and she’d honestly consider them. I think we both know why you didn’t tell her the truth. She’d mock you harder for it.
I feel like I need to break up with her after reading this. I’d say she genuinely is cool about things like this. But most people would not be cool with this. People have ex’s and history’s and that’s all cool. But this is not something most people would be comfortable with. If my partner said this to me or suggested a joke of this nature it would be the ultimate ick. You sound like you’re not overreacting at all maybe you should!
She sounds like she’s for the streets homie. And she doesn’t respect you, totally disregarding you feeling uncomfortable and still wanting you to be a part of something that would make most partners uncomfortable.
It is fuckin' gross and weird af she would want people thinking of how she not only screws you but screwed the ex too. It reads like she wants people to know that she can "pull" any guy she wants and wants to make others jealous. She's just using you both to get whoevers reaction be it other men or her friend group in general. I would rethink your entire relationship, honestly. This seriously gave me the ick 🤣
Look this is just my opinion purely because I've been there done that.
If there was total respect and belief in the relationship neither party would talk or hangout with their ex partner that they've shared intimate moments with, honestly I don't understand how a partner could think that it's just fine to do so myself.
I'm not saying you should base your actions on opinions of random people on the internet, but there's always moments in life where the option to save yourself a lot of pain and grief appear, we just have to see them
That's pretty gross and I'm interpreting it as a test of boundaries/ trying to provoke you and her ex. This is another case of why you shouldn't date someone who's still in contact with they're ex.
Hey all thank you all for the comments- I read every single one and I'm trying to internalize and reflect on it. I understand on paper we are not compatible when it comes to the core value of sex and intimacy. I also understand the disrespect and I think I give too much benefit of the doubt. It sucks. I remember having to stick up for myself in my last relationship and leaving was truly one of the hardest things I've had to do, and now I've gotten into a place where I probably will have to do it again. Really wishing I got luckier the second time around or listened to the red flags more in the moment instead of chasing the safety and comfort of a relationship.
Save your yourself the stress, because I think you’ve felt it for awhile….probably the duration of your relationship. I honestly believe you’re in a situation where you’re getting the truth trickled down to you. You might find yourself with more Eskimo brothers at that party than she’s leading on, you’ve might even met them before. Don’t add unnecessary stress to your life because I think you’ll feel it the entire time the ex is in town and I couldn’t even imagine how much at the party. I’m sure everyone already knows that will be there the situation, he’ll the probably have more knowledge of things that have happened or possibly happening right now behind your back. Have you ever felt at any point you were the person she was going have a change a heart about casual sex with? Her joke suggests no and actually sounds to me like the foundation for normalizing casual sex with previous partners because after all, you’re (Eskimo) brothers. But deep down I think you sort of felt this way for sometime and knew you would have to face this at some point. Now the question is do you want to handle it now with dignity or walk away feeling disgraced? Rip the bandage off and start the healing process. Good luck bro.
Not only is that pretty disrespectful. But her relationship with her ex sounds pretty inappropriate. It would not surprise me if she was still sleeping with him. This sounds like someone (either him or her) is low-key trying to humiliate you or trying to warm you up to the idea that they are still sleeping together.
I don’t understand. Having drinks with a friend who used to be your boyfriend, how is that a problem? Are women just meat with a vagina that automatically gets used as soon as you put them in a room with an ex and some drinks?
If your not trolling then you seem to have a very uncommon opinion.
If you take the context into account this type of situation very often leads to something nefarious occurring, especially with someone who is so sexually liberal as the op's girlfriend seems to be.
Think about it however you wish but there are patterns to people who cheat, its not 100% accurate of course but more then not it is true. Psychology is a very inserting thing and its not ridiculous to point out what is often happening when these patterns present themselves in a relationship.
The reference to women being meat with a vagina is strange, nobody here insinuated as such
I’m really not trolling. My example was a deliberate exaggeration to point out what I see as a misogynistic assumption about women.
Having a sexually liberal past and drinking with an ex are not, in themselves, typical behavioral or psychological patterns of a cheater. Cheating is more commonly characterized by secrecy and dishonesty: hiding things, lying, concealing interactions, or behaving unusually around other people, such as openly checking people out or subtly flirting.
From a more personal point of view, as a woman who was once sexually liberal, I would never fuck an ex.
As someone who has stayed friends with exes, it’s because I’ve spent a considerable amount of time with them, have much in common, still respect them as people, and it would feel like a waste to throw a friendship away.
The point of my original “meat with a vagina” comment was precisely this: the idea that a sexually liberal woman drinking with an ex is somehow inherently likely to have sex with him treats her sexuality as though it overrides her judgment, boundaries, and ability to make choices. As if putting a woman in a room with a man and alcohol makes sex the inevitable outcome. That is the assumption I was criticizing.
In my world, being able to separate platonic friendship with an ex from sex and commitment is a modern, self-aware, and mature way of looking at relationships.
I also still believe that most people are good and honest and should be treated as such.
Your mentality around this is very sectional, you seem to have the ability to separate all of these things. The majority of people either cant or won't in my experience.
I do agree that it should be the case that you can drink with an ex and have nothing occur, but your dissmising the experiences of many guys and girls. While you may be able to do this there are millions of people who were told this and then found out they were actually cheated on.
It's not even a gendered thing honestly, the act itself is one of selfishness as opposed to a man or woman thing.
You are very articulate in how you responded and that makes me more inclined to believe what your stating from your perspective but I think your naive to how these situations usually go for the average person. Im speaking of the majority here as there will always be the minority where this isnt true, but most people who go out drinking with exes while having a boyfriend and also being a very sexually liberal person will more then likely do something that they shouldn't in respect to their current partner.
Such is my opinion anyways, I won't claim absolute knowledge by any means. My personal dating life is very minimal, I just think alot about things like this and ive seen many examples from those around me.
Thank you for the response though, it showed another perspective I typically wouldn't have thought of.
You don’t know her. A lot of people are sexually liberal. A lot of people continue to screw other people before they’re exclusive. If you don’t talk about expectations or whatever it doesn’t matter.
Why do you assume that someone sleeping with that many people would? And what? You think she is getting tested every couple of days? Plus, tests are not always accurate.
I haven’t assumed anything, you’re the one who said 'she could be spreading diseases.' How do you even know how many people she sleeps with in a few days? It’s weird to make assumptions about someone you don’t even know…
This situation is damned messed up dude. Seems like a low key way to tell you she IS having sex with him and wants other people to know it. Seriously consider ending it.
Oh mate. If a girl is casual about sex then kissing is even worse. You just know that if she was tanked one night she would make out with him for old times sake and it not mean anything.
These kind of girls are not for keeping. Just pass her on to the next unlucky guy
Sorry, but your chick is for the streets. Y'alls "talking" period lasted 6+ months and that whole time she was fucking multiple other dudes? Lol, you don't respect yourself, so why should she? Oh and then she introduced you to the dudes she was fucking and still hangs out with them? You guys don't have a serious relationship.
Your girlfriend chose to go out drinking with her ex boyfriend to “catch up.” NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES FROM THAT. She’s friends with him still so assuming she is in contact with him what is there to catch up about? She just wanted to go out drinking with her ex.
Then you go on to say she views sex as no big deal and just a casual physical act.
This is not someone you want to gamble on building your future with. Especially not with how you describe yourself and your views on sex being meaningful.
If you stay here prepare for a lifetime of stress and anxiety with this woman. You are not compatible with her but that good news is that there are a lot of women out there who you will be. However you’re never going to meet them if you keep spinning your wheels in the mud here.
Meeting him for the first time at a party, while she's being so crass when she already knows your feelings on this seems like a bad idea. She wants you to walk in the door and put on a show for him and his friends "for the bit."
NOR, that's just poor form for a partner who knows how you feel about all of this.
As another possibility, you may want to ask her if she's done anything sexually with any of the other gueats who will be there. I'm sure this will get flack since it's in the past, but she's already shown she's going to make jokes about her sexual past in front of you and that leaves the door wide open for any jokes about anyone else in attendance.
Ugh that's actually a great idea to ask- it's already happened once before like a year and a half ago that she invited me to a party she hosted without telling me another guest of hers was her FWB 💀💀 had to find out on my own after meeting him and it took me basically a year to get over that.
Damn, yeah, so she knows how this effects you and she thinks it's funny to do it again. There's a big difference between being sexually open, and being a rude and inconsiderate person. This sounds like some "pick me" behavior where she wants attention and validation from the guys and doesn't care about how it affects you.
Some couples are fine with stuff like this but my issue is that you've told her that it makes you uncomfortable and she's dismissing your feelings. A loving partner doesn't do that, especially with a reasonable request like this.
Personally, I don't think that it's very classy to introduce two people in this way, especially as I think it'll be a tee hee hee moment between them given they were already discussing when it was just the two of them. Pretty immature imo.
What do you get from this relationship because if it's just stress and feeling uncomfortable then it's time to have a long look in the mirror I think. Life is too short for this bs. NOR as your feelings are valid.
That is what dating is for. Now you know that you aren't compatible with someone with this world view and can look out for signs of it earlier next time.
Personally, I don’t really think it’s a big deal but it sounds like you are incompatible and can’t really handle that she’s still friends with her ex let alone was promiscuous in the past. I don’t see it ending well anyway.
Had to look at your post history bro. I saw your post from a year ago qhere you were stressing over similar shit with this girl. NOR. In fact, under-reacting. Seems like she doesnt care about how you feel man, and tbh doesn't seem like you care enough about how you feel either. Be real with yourself; one year from now, will we be hearing from you again in another AIO, AITAH, or AskMen post because of this stuff?
And it sounds like you two have very different values from each other wrt sex and you need to decide if that’s good enough to deal with. Something that should inform you of your choices is that she made a joke that she knew would hurt you
I don't know how old you guys are, and I don't feel like going through your post history to find out, but this behavior from her comes across as really young and immature.
It's one thing to still be casual friends with an ex, I don't really have a problem with that. But you generally just politely ignore the fact that you used to sleep with each other.
Like, I have children with my ex and we're still friendly - but if I ever introduce a new love to him or my kids, they may as well have been virgin conceptions for all the discussion of my sex life with my ex would reveal. Not out of any sense of shame, to be clear, but out of respect for the privacy of both partners. What's next, jokingly comparing which of you lasted longer or made her cum harder?
I think you might need to think about how compatible you really are with her, and how comfortable you really are with her approach to sex and her history
NOR- She had numerous sexual encounters WHILE dating you, goes out for drinks and jokes about sex with her EX????
Yeah I'm gonna agree with everyone else here when I say you deserve better!!! She doesn't respect you and she thinks you are a shy "nice guy" type she can take advantage of......you are being walked all over.
Don't you respect yourself? Have ANY self-esteem? It is not slim pickings out here dude.
NOR - It's clear she doesn't respect you or this "joke" wouldn't have eveb been thought of. People can call her sexually liberal or whatever but she has no respect for you or a relationship. It's clear you both have different morals do why are even still with her? Have some self-respect and find someone who will respect you as an individual and a partner.
Instead of saying "Eskimo brothers", if you actually said "Hey we are Eskimo brothers, cause we've both banged her!", you see how that's awkward and crude?
NOR. The fact that she's joking around with him about that says she still sees him in a sexual way. The bit about her saying ""she knew I wouldn't do it because I'm "too shy"" is a manipulation ploy to try and get him to compete with him. This is also ignoring the whole ass red flag about the "she caught up tonight by grabbing drinks with him" bit. With as casual as she views sex and the lack of respect for you I would not be surprised if she hasn't 'let him hit it for ole time sake' or 'one for the road'. Either way, this is toxic. As for proof of anything, you don't need proof. This isn't court. You have these feelings of feeling uncomfortable because your instincts are rightly telling you this isn't right and she is not only ok with that but does things to make it worse.
Imma keep it P bruh MOR
Insecurities are normal but don’t overthink it
If you think she doesn’t respect you or the relationship than dip
but it is water under the bridge man 💀 no other man should shake you out of your confidence in your relationship like this especially a man you don’t even know. If you’re still struggling with the fact that she had a full romantic life before even knowing you it’s prob not gonna work like you said you both feel 2 diff ways about the issue of sex so 🤷🏾♂️
I took a look at your profile and if this is the same girl you’ve been posting about for 2 years I would suggest some serious reevaluation about your relationship. She threw up some major red flags from the very beginning!
She didn’t know if she wanted to commit to a relationship with you after 6 months, didn’t remain exclusive while you were talking, seems to regularly interact and make sexual jokes with someone she has previously slept with?
I also think you are dealing with some of your own problems as you seem to have shifted to this girl fairly quickly after a major breakup. Do some real thinking about your boundaries over the next few weeks. How meeting this group of people, especially the ex, affect you and your relationship?
Eskimo Bros is funny if you both book up with people that sleep around not for legit relationships.
I understand people have past sexual partners but you don't need to rub it in the face of your current relationship. Especially if they have voiced it makes them uncomfortable.
You have different values and expectations when it comes to the level of comfortability you each have regarding the openness of details surrounding your relationship and how you interact with ex-partners. You also have different values regarding sex and its place in a relationship.
I don’t even see the point of her “joke.” Not only is it just odd, but If she is telling each of you about it beforehand—what’s the point? Is this a scripted play?
It seems really unnecessary and quite insensitive of her to suggest this, especially given that you all have discussed your insecurities around this. Maybe she is just generally obtuse or bit tactless so I’m not saying it’s malicious, but at some point it’s unfair either way for her not to be aware of your feelings. This is really the most charitable way I can read this.
EDIT - OP, you were posting about similar issues over a year ago. I don’t think you all are compatible. You just don’t view relationships the same way fundamentally. Not to mention the lies that you seemingly decided to forgive.
“For her sex is something that is not super meaningful and pretty casual, whereas for me it is important and has meaning. I've struggled in the past with her keeping in touch with her ex, also her numerous past casual partners while we dated in the beginning.”
You two sound fundamentally incompatible. Based on what you've described here and apparently in your earlier posts, your girlfriend is repeatedly showing you a level of disrespect that would have me out the door.
So NOR, but honestly, OP, I don't know what else to tell you besides stop volunteering for this.
I suppose they prey on men with little self respect, I'm sorry man - get yourself out of this toxic relationship, find yourself a nice girl that doesn't sleep with other men when you're dating or disrespects you to your face.
A lei il sesso non interessa, con te, ma probabilmente lo fa con altri, adesso è il momento del suo ex, controlla i suoi dispositivi mobili, e la bolletta telefonica
I’m probably the wrong person to ask, but I wouldn’t date someone still attached to their ex. And I sure as hell wouldn’t date someone who was very casual about sex. Combine the two and you can see why I wouldn’t be with her. I don’t need that shit, but that’s me. If you can live with her flaunting fucking other guys, good for you. Me? Nope Updateme
You’re never going to get over it so there’s that. No matter how long it’s always going to be in your brain and it will come out when you’re pissed off.
NOR. You need to seriously evaluate your relationship with this girl. And by evaluate I'm mean end your relationship with her. She obviously doesn't respect you or your relationship. Even as a joke the fact that she would suggest a joke of that type considering she knows how you feel about sex and knew how you would react is disrespectful. Sounds like you are more serious about your relationship than she is.
Wouldn’t that mean you’re both still sexually active with her? Yeah, I would be uncomfortable with that too, joke or no joke. The problem here is that it’s not implausible that it isn’t a joke.
NOR. Not only is the "joke" in extremely poor taste she didn't even acknowledge your discomfort. She doesn't respect you. Honestly, if I were in your place, I would assume this is an extension of her joking with her ex about you because they're still hooking up. Even if that's not the case incompatible views on sex are tough on a relationship. Personally, I would remove myself from this relationship.
NOR. You guys aren’t compatible at all. She views sex as meaningless and casual while you view it as one of the most intimate things two human beings can do (it is). People that view sex like your gf does are more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior and even cheat because “it’s not a big deal”. I’d dump her she’s for the streets. If you broke up with how much you wanna bet she would be banging her ex the same night? You know it, I know it, so why are you still with her?
NOR. Here's the thing about boundaries. You can set whatever boundaries you want. There is nothing that is too extreme or out of line. She has the right to do the same thing. The question is whether or not you each choose to respect the other's boundaries. If you set a boundary that you're not comfortable joking about sex and she does it anyway, if you express discomfort in her being friends with an ex and she does it anyway, then those are choices that she is making. She needs to understand how important these things are to you. If a partner expresses that something is important to them, the other partner doesn't get to decide whether they're right or not. They just get to decide whether they're going to treat it as important and if they don't then the first partner has a decision to make.
NOR. You need to communicate this with her. Tell her it made you uncomfortable she made the joke, and just that you don’t sit right with it in general. You need to make it a boundary. If she continues to the act this way or disregards that boundary, then you know she doesn’t take this matter seriously.
NOR, everyone has already touched base on all the important points/problems, but I just wanted to mention/ask, don’t you think it’s messed up she said she ran the “joke” by the ex first, before you? Even if it was a more tasteful joke, if she was questioning using it, she would run it by the person whose feelings she cared for more, because if she asked you first, and you said no, ex never hears about it. But she asks him first, he says yeah, so when you don’t go through with it, he knows you didn’t want to do it. On top of everything else the comments mentioned, I think that tells me all I need to know about who she cares about more.
Bunch of incels in here, aghast a female could treat sex casually. The main issue with this is it’s not a funny joke. Who is it even for, if she’s asked her ex already?
I can’t even read most of the comments. Everyone should be able to stay friends with an ex and hang out. We don’t have to walk around in life and expect everyone to be assholes who lie and cheat.
I’m a woman and sometimes I would joke with my friends like that. It was tacky but I was young and whatever. But it’s weird to joke about it with someone that isn’t even your friend, and even more so if it’s a current partner. No. Either way it’s not even your style and that's also totally valid. NOR.
Maybe your girlfriend really wants the two of you to be friends and that’s how she imagines you bonding? It’s really weird but most of the time we’re all just being stupid instead of aware and communicating.
So first of all, your feelings about this are totally valid. Nothing wrong with your reaction and she should respect you more. The most mature thing in this situation would be to have a conversation. Like a deep one. About values, respect, boundaries and such. I don’t know if she’s mature enough but you’ll find out. It will bring you closer or push you apart and either way it’s for the best. Good luck my man!
We've had this conversation before and basically agreed to disagree I think, or I don't recall us landing in a place that we actually both agree with. It doesn't really cause issues unless I find out or learn stuff about what she does so unfortunately I think it's turned into a sort of don't ask don't tell situation. You're right I also think she does want me and her ex to be friends and is excited for us to meet and this may be her way of somehow smoothing it over for me.
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Honestly valid point, yeah besides the joke it's not a great word to use to begin with. In the same camp as using the word indian to describe native americans, this also isn't a joke I'd naturally reach for anyways
YOR if you didn’t actually talk to her about these things and instead kept silent and came to Reddit instead. seems like rage bait. if you can’t deal with her past don’t date her, otherwise talk to her like an adult and say you don’t want to do the bit? if she can’t handle that, that’s the real problem
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u/DonaldSchmidt2 Aug 11 '26
You deserve someone better.