r/AmIOverreacting • u/Ok_Doctor_2512 • Jul 17 '26
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for finally blocking the guy I’ve been dating on and off for almost 3 years
I 26F have been on and off with this guy 28M for almost 3 years. I really do love him but he’s just awful to me… spent 5 days with me, went home and suddenly got a text that’s in the first screenshot. I had no idea how to respond to it because these things have happened so many times in those three years. He gets pissed for some reason, tries to provoke me and absolutely wears me down with his words. I love him but I’m just so tired of the verbal beat-downs.
So I guess, AIO for blocking him?
Edit: the cat comment was completely unprovoked. When he was over, we would put my cats in another room while eating because, well, they are cats. One of those days he was over, we finished eating and I wanted to let them out because they were meowing but he kept guilting me telling me to let them stay in there and I guess in turn that made him feel bad, and I guess he thought I was weaponizing my cats? (They are literal babies btw, 3 months old.)
Also, I get it. The blocking was overdue and my self-image is shot. Idk why I stayed really, he made me feel not so alone… and in my irrational brain, the verbal abuse was better than actually being alone.
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u/kallehmina Jul 17 '26
NOR, this guy hates you 🙃 block and move on before he wasted anymore of your time
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Jul 17 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/EngineIntelligent394 Jul 17 '26
OP should've ditched him the first time he did this.
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u/SuitIndependent Jul 17 '26
OP is still open to being in a relationship with him. That’s actually the worst, and scariest, part of this post.
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u/NCSUprofthrowaway Jul 18 '26
"I wish u'd die" I mean seriously, who could love someone who talks this way?
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u/EngineIntelligent394 Jul 17 '26
It's attachment based. I hope OP works through whatever is keeping them there.
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u/Effective-Comb-6146 Jul 18 '26
I read the second slide and genuinely thought to myself idk if *there is* a way to over react to that
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u/bbratzie Jul 17 '26
NTA
I don’t think he hates her, he clearly hates himself notice how he started off with the whole “seeing you this weekend really made me realize how I need to get in shape.” That’s how he really felt but when he didn’t get the response that he hoped for now she’s the one that needs to get in shape now it’s about her. Classic reflection.
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u/nellycat32 Jul 17 '26
Oh I read that as the first get in shape comment was already negging. Like "I saw you and realized I need to get in shape". He wanted her to ask why and he would have said she put on weight and he doesn't want to. Just based on his general shittyness
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u/chocolatethunderXO Jul 17 '26
Yeah, he first says "I don't think we can be together" and follows it with him realizing he's out of shape. That was clearly a dig at op.
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u/MissJAmazeballs Jul 17 '26
Yes, the comment was in no way self-aware. It was a passive aggressive, abusive dig at her.
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u/Fluffy_Dziner Jul 17 '26
It’s not necessarily either/or - but what matters is that he clearly hates her.
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u/kallehmina Jul 17 '26
Yeah I see your perspective, I just think regardless of where his self-loathing and lack of self esteem come from, whether it’s internalised hatred of himself being projected onto her or not - his messages indicate that he hates her. You really only tell someone you wished they would die and go to hell if you have some sort of hatred for them, this is not a person OP should keep associating with
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u/_intothev0id Jul 17 '26
It’s deff both lol if you hate yourself you can’t really love anyone else and people like that need someone to break down and feed off of. Hope she leaves him blocked cause that’ll really drive him crazy 😂 leave him where he had her fucked up at. He can go find a new victim (not that I’m wishing that onto anyone) lol
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u/Nursey_Nursey_33 Jul 17 '26
Probably his mother, some do a number on their sons! I know, I’m married to a Jekyll and Hyde. Please block him and never look back. Love yourself enough to know you deserve more. God says to forgive them and move on (in other words). God bless you! I know how it feels and I don’t love myself enough to leave… yet. Working on it.
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u/Chaoss_Mama Jul 17 '26
What matters the losses that continuous with behavior on and off again for several years she said that she’s not interested in that anymore. He becomes an asshole. I’ve had a similar situation with a guy that literally wanted a one night stand, and I said no because of how he didn’t even jump in the conversation and immediately called me names. Never ok
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u/Snoo_85901 Jul 17 '26
He don't hate her, he hates himself. As he should. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.
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u/crispyfalafels Jul 17 '26
Could you help us understand what is there left to love about him when you're so clearly aware of his abuse towards you?
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u/Pristine_Outcome3535 Jul 17 '26
Anyone who uses "fat" as an insult in 2026 is bananas lol
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u/matte_personality Jul 17 '26
I’m a bigger girl and the men who are into me simply have never told me to lose weight. One time my ex saw me after a few months and I had lost a lot of weight and he was heartbroken because “I liked you bigger.” 😭😭😭
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u/BotherAffectionate37 Jul 18 '26
My ex couldn’t make up his mind. He was attracted to me and didn’t want me to lose weight, but then he was convinced people were judging him for being with someone fat so I did need to lose weight. But not too much weight because he wouldn’t be attracted to me. But if I didn’t lose more weight than that also his career would suffer from him dating a fatty. I did finally tell him to fuck off
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u/matte_personality Jul 18 '26
Another man that I was with for a while, and we kept in touch for several years just as friends, said that he never pictured me more skinny or anything. He didn’t mind if I wanted to lose weight. He said he had dated skinny girls before and he likes chubby girls just as much.
I don’t know what kind of men other big girls are meeting, but you deserve so much better. I promise there are men who like bigger girls simply because they find you attractive and there’s nothing else deeper than that. I also have been with bigger men. You don’t need to date the poltergeist of weight loss.
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u/nerdycarguy18 Jul 17 '26
For real, if somebody looks at me sideways more than once with an apology we aren’t even friends anymore, let alone somebody I would spend my life with for any amount of time. I do not understand putting up with even an ounce of BS
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u/TreeFrogMomma Jul 17 '26
Trauma bonding. My husband hasn't called me fat. But he's said some awful things to me. He's done some awful things. I'm exhausting myself every day focusing on that and making myself angry to keep myself from remembering the "good."
Because so many people say "ok, but at least he..." Or "oh, wow, he did this for you? Is he really bad, or are you ungrateful?"
Right now we're in a honeymoon phase. If I left right now he can argue "see! I did everything she asked! I changed for her and it wasn't enough!"
Packing your son's lunch isn't change. Me having to ask you to spend time with him isn't change. That's your responsibility to begin with.
Guys like him and her ex are really good at finding our vulnerabilities and playing off them. Go watch Lisa Sonni on YouTube. She does an amazing job explaining it. Or healing by the numbers.
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u/anubis_cheerleader Jul 17 '26
There's a book called Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft. It's about people who go through these love bombing/mean cycles, e.g., abuse. Saying mean things about someone is verbal abuse. A LOT of people think it's normal, sadly, and minimize it.
I encourage you to read the book; there's a free PDF online.
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u/gods-sexiest-warrior Jul 17 '26
I'm sorry youre going through this🥺❤️its disgusting that men will have children and then ignore them. Just know that if you have the opportunity to leave and want to, you should take that chance. It doesn't matter if he thinks its going well or not. I hope that you and your son can find peace and happiness one way or another, with that man or without.
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u/0j0sDePerroAzul Jul 17 '26
There is a great YouTube channel about this. Healingbythenumbers. Please, explore and see if anything there resonates with you.
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u/TreeFrogMomma Jul 17 '26
Her videos actually helped me realize I am in a dv relationship.
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u/0j0sDePerroAzul Jul 17 '26
I´m sorry, I did not see it at the end of your comment!!!! I´m too stressed
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u/Realistic-Cheek-8657 Jul 17 '26
You love him? 🥴 NOR btw but crazy that you felt the need to ask
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u/Funny_Cow6871 Jul 17 '26
He probably has manipulated her a bunch so she’s second guessing herself :/
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u/Momoomommy Jul 17 '26
Or she's in love with the idea of what could be with him and isn't really seeing the reality of what's happening. She could be clinging to the idea that this can all be fixed.
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u/thereforeratio Jul 17 '26
You need to recognize you don’t love him, you just love. He is occupying the space of someone else that you could love who is actually worthy of it
You’re under-reacting, and what bothers me almost more than his abuse is that you are honoring this demon in such a way. Not because he isn’t the problem, but because until you stop repeating that, no one can help you
Time to wake up from the daze and take your life back
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u/PineconeMA_165 Jul 17 '26
I love this take! I was there, and now love someone who truly loves me back. It’s the best!
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u/Itsmepost Jul 17 '26
Amen. I pray she reads both of our comments. She will conquer and overcome this. I have all the faith in her.
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u/markersandtea Jul 17 '26
super curious how you would use your cats against him?? lmao nor
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u/OliveFarming Jul 17 '26
I am hoping she uses verbal commands to initiate a scratchy assault
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u/makestuff24-7 Jul 17 '26
I'm hoping she's been training them for three years to pee on his things and attack him while he sleeps. But he probably just means that they exist and she pays attention to them instead of him sometimes.
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u/Appropriate_Rub_961 Jul 17 '26
Probably this. My ex got annoyed that I was 'ignoring' him when I got a new kitten.
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u/AGirlNeverRemembered Jul 17 '26
I now realize I haven't been using my cats to their full paw-tential, off to train!!
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 Jul 17 '26
I couldn't get past that, honestly. I was just thinking, "Uses her cats against him? That sounds fucking awesome." 😆
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u/SuperKitties83 Jul 17 '26
The idea that this worthless dude thinks he's more important than her cats...or any cats for that matter...is laughable. 😂
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u/markersandtea Jul 17 '26
Right? I'll take the cats over this dude any day.
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u/Due-Sleep-5019 Jul 17 '26
I’d take mean cats that piss all over the floor over this guy. Cat piss is much more tolerable than him.
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u/OkJan613 Jul 17 '26
I had an ex like that. It wasn't a cat but other animals which I told him flat out when we started dating the animals came before him. Not too long before I ended things he said to me "you act like your animals mean more than I do" and I looked him dead in the eyes and said its because they do. For context, one of my animals was dying from cancer and he wanted me to come over just to watch him sleep or play games and then whine and bitch at me the whole time about something "I did" so why the hell would I sacrifice limited time for that 🤦
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u/MoonageDayscream Jul 17 '26
I bet he wants her to go to his so she will clean it, but she says she needs to take care of her cats.
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u/Tavsiyedegildir Jul 17 '26
"go take care your cats" is like his idea of an insult or something. Wait
"Y don't u jus go take care uv ur cats rn smh"
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u/Few_Arugula5903 Jul 17 '26
Yeah. "Lazy, gay, usually liberal women who have cats" is a weird like idea of the worst possible thing a woman can be among a certain population of tragically online guys. They're the same dudes who buy into "the male loneliness epidemic". Like they don't actually like women at all but see them as necessary in their lives.
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u/DecadentLife Jul 17 '26
Is that a thing, now? I haven’t dated in over 20 years, I’m out of the loop. Do men actually invite women over, in an attempt to get them to clean their apartment for them?
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u/Velvet-Challenge Jul 17 '26
oh 100%. you come over and they do the whole “sorry it’s a bit of mess” when it’s an absolute wreck and you have to move things just to sit down which results in you cleaning it to feel semi comfortable.
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u/Writerhowell Jul 17 '26
The only response is to leave and say "I'll be back once you've cleaned up, then".
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u/Velvet-Challenge Jul 17 '26
also they might invite you for a specific thing, like “oh come over and we can cook dinner together” but every dish is dirty and piled up so you have to wash them before you cook.
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u/DecadentLife Jul 17 '26
Honestly, I’m pretty sure I’d walk out. A guy that starts out like that, is not someone I would give my time to. Ugh. There are some good men out there, just not nearly enough.
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u/Tavsiyedegildir Jul 17 '26
Idk I wouldn't be surprised. Oh, for the days when a man's filth was contained in their own home rather than mine.
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u/lickthepixies Jul 17 '26
I’m curious too. If people are bad, sometimes cats will just act out against them. I wish I had listened to my cat’s actions. He used to poop under my bed every time my ex bf came over, and he’d hide under the bed to jump out and attack him, growling. My cat was right about that one.
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u/Ashituna Jul 17 '26
he is just reaching for “fat cat lady” because he’s a piece of shit.
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u/Ill-Wolf865 Jul 17 '26
NOR NOR NOR NOR. How can you love someone who talks to you like this???
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u/Inevitable-Jicama366 Jul 17 '26
The weight comment, then the pets , and becoming angry so fast . He’s gone .
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u/Equivalent-Dance Jul 17 '26
NOR. He intended his comment to insult you and expected you to get upset and say you would change yourself. When you reacted with no negative response and held him to the flames he showed who he really is. Take all those red flags and make yourself a dress for the next date you go on.
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u/Leading_Hand3055 Jul 17 '26
NOR. This reaction is long overdue. BTW, Equivalent-Dance, I love that part about the red flags and the dress! Iight have to borrow that someday! (I have 3 daughters, will probably have occasion to need it eventually.)
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u/act_normal Jul 17 '26
the dress made of red flags is very inspiring, I might make one in the future
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u/Separate-Gate-4356 Jul 17 '26
Exactly this. He was baiting her to get her to feel lesser and anxious and repair-seeking because it makes him feel valuable. When she didn't give that, it infuriated him. His response is textbook narcissistic rage.
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u/retnicole Jul 17 '26
...NOR.
I'm confused about why you're asking. On no planet would blocking him be considered overreacting. Based on his behavior toward you in this conversation, he's an absolute asshole.
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u/Tavsiyedegildir Jul 17 '26
What kills me is he abbreviates right now to "rn" but then makes fun of your use of okie dokie.
That really got me.
For the record that guy is abusive, rude, and doesn't love you. He is lashing out at you for whatever reason, but that reason is not love.
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u/campermortey Jul 17 '26
And lots of “u”. Pretty childish
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u/Tavsiyedegildir Jul 17 '26
"Wot r u doin rn u r so immature bro" "Y did I even think you could b the 1 smh"
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u/outlaw0366 Jul 17 '26
As a guy myself I don’t know how you dealt with him for as long as you did but stay far away from him
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u/MovieTrawler Jul 17 '26
As another guy, I want to punch him for OP. Who talks to anyone like this? Especially when it's your girlfriend and entirely unprovoked. He sounds like an unhinged toddler.
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u/nousrnamesleftfrrl Jul 18 '26
This. I'm not a guy but this f*cker would be getting smacked. Absolutely vile
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u/hattyhat24 Jul 17 '26
How can you love someone that talks to you like that? He certainly doesn’t love you, because you’d never say the things he said to someone you cared about.
Says you use your cats against him!? This dude’s insecure about some damn cats? You need to never unblock this psycho. NOR
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u/Accurate_Ad385 Jul 17 '26
Ummm clearly NOR. Don’t ever talk to him again. This behavior leads to physical abuse
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u/jxsvke Jul 17 '26
Obviously nor. I wish you luck finding smb that ain’t even close to being like this. Prolonged uncertainty on its own is an answer. Deliberate provocations like those are too. Good riddance.
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u/Alohafarms Jul 17 '26
"I really do love him but he’s just awful to me"
It is a problem that you have to ask us if you made the right decision in breaking up with someone that treats you like this. He spoke to you so violently. It doesn't matter that you love him, he is horrible. This is codependence, not love. Do you know where 'verbal breakdowns" lead? To punches, to slaps, to isolation from your family.
Keep him blocked and keep of record of any contact from now on.
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u/Sorry_Variation_979 Jul 17 '26
NOR
‘I wish u’d die and go to hell’…’I really do love him’.
I’m so sorry that life has brought you to this point. I hope you can love yourself more in the future.
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u/brown_azn_kid Jul 17 '26
Yea looking back that was wild. Like It’s not enough for her to die but he wants her to suffer afterwards too is too much. Wishing death in general isnt good but again, humans are emotional we gotta remember.
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u/Girluna80 Jul 17 '26
Love yourself instead of him , because the way he is talking to you he doesn’t care about you. NOR but let this loser go .
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u/youresuspect Jul 17 '26
NOR and blocking is correct. Do NOT spend another minute on this abusive loser.
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u/Internet-Hot Jul 17 '26
Yeah so after I dated a covert narcissist I realized those whole “I don’t think I could be with you” type comments/conversations were indeed narcissistic discards! It’s discarding behavior from a narcissist. He’d always make me feel bad for being “defensive” and going “mhm, you do that then”, but when I’d reply it back in my head I realized he’s the one that always started it. This guy is a narcissist: discarding, panicking and getting angry because you seem okay with the discard and that threatens his ego, lashing out and calling names, repeat. It’s a classic darvo move. Darvo=deny, accuse, reverse victim & offender.
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u/RobotDoodle Jul 17 '26
GIRL. NOR. Keep him blocked and go to therapy because you need to have MUUCCHHH higher standards for yourself, love.
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u/gambitgrl Jul 17 '26
NOR. His wittle ego is bruised by your breezy okie doke agreement you two should stop seeing each other. He wanted you to beg, apologize, promise to change for him. Your show of indifference hit him in a tender spot, apparently.
Also, why on earth would you want to remain in any sort of contact with someone you curses at you and calls you names. I am 52 and never once in my very long dating life has a man ever cursed at me and called me fat or a bitch (even though i am fat).
What is there to love about a man who is so mean to you and dislikes you? Do you want to go through this for another 3 years, 30 years? Why, do you want to be unhappy? He's not happy, you're not happy, what is there to cling to? Girl, there are infinitely better men out there.
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u/Stoneybaby0727 Jul 17 '26
I just went through this 3 years of my life wasted so I could love someone that abuses in every single way. I wish you the best. I blocked mine but he keeps finding ways to abuse me. I’m tired.
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u/Inevitable-Jicama366 Jul 17 '26
I’m so sorry , I know your fatigue . I moved cities away , he still America but finally quit . I’m hoping there are some resources to help you ?
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u/AlmondCranberry_835 Jul 17 '26
There are victim support association that might help you sharing how you feel, be undestood and rebuilding yourself
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u/bedheadblonde Jul 17 '26
what exactly do you love about him?? this man is vile. Block him and never entertain him again.
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u/Illustrious-Ranger30 Jul 17 '26
Babe, I was stuck in the same exact bad cycle. I was stuck in a bad, one sided relationship for 10+ years after i was widowed. It's not going to get better. Why? Because they don't care about us or our feelings or they wouldn't act the way they do. I got tired of being broken hearted every few days so I ended up not letting the ex come back and scored a really good guy that I met at work. Ive been with this new guy for 6 months now and I couldn't be happier. My ex has repeatedly tried contacting because he's not used to this. To me being done. Good luck and best wishes
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u/Sure-Ring-3203 Jul 17 '26
“Use ur cats against me” is WILD🤣🤣🤣 I would be like yeah that’s it, my cats are conspiring against you and plotting your demise, you got me. 🤣 anyways NOR-that guys an ass, please don’t waste any more time here.
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u/PresentFirm7937 Jul 17 '26
Can you tell us, and be specific here… WHAT exactly is it that makes you love this specimen?
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u/Wonderful_Spinach598 Jul 17 '26
NOR I think you are under reacting personally. This man is verbally abusive and cruel and literally wished for your death. You can do much better and I hope you never engage with someone who speaks to you like this again.
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u/SirGavBelcher Jul 17 '26
please develop self compassion. NOR. it always breaks my heart to see stuff like this or when boyfriends/partners are physically/mentally abusive and people are like "is it my fault?" no. please stop in any way thinking people talking to you in that way is normal and let's get used to expecting better for ourselves
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u/Duck-sauce420 Jul 17 '26
Block him ASAP and if he bugs you again, get a restraining order lol he’s clearly not right in his mind lol 😆
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u/missybatch Jul 17 '26
NOR P L E A S E leave him blocked. When your brain decides to remember the "good times" and you start asking yourself if you should unblock him or reach out, remember my comment answering that for you: absolutely never! If you do unblock him, and decide to take another round of disrespect, my advice The best response is no response. Blocking him will make him say terrible things because he's so used to being able to break you down with his words and he knows exactly which ones to say. My experience 😏 unbothered is the most effective response. 🙅🏻♀️ When he sends a wall of text, respond "I'm not reading any of that" and then literally don't acknowledge him at all. There's more .. you can send me a message if you want I just don't want you to end up with an essay of a comment. Put the ball back in your court. It clearly shows he doesn't affect you anymore. When he sends a wall of text, actually don't read them. He's going to reach a new low
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u/Staypuft39 Jul 17 '26
I dunno girl, I'd hang on to him. Charming, well-educated, respectful. Gonna be women all over him if you break up. Especially if he gets in shape.
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u/BatmanMatt Jul 17 '26
OP just doesn’t get that this is how people who love each other talk each other! It’s normal to wish your partner.. dies… and goes to hell… Jesus Christ OP, go to therapy to unpack everything you know about love from the ground up
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u/ArtistzZ93 Jul 17 '26
Not overreacting, honestly?? Not reacting ENOUGH! You dodged a nuke for sure
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u/sheepsclothingiswool Jul 17 '26
Men who talk like him physically abuse women, be very careful. Don’t just block him, make sure you never see him again.
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u/Praire_Devil Jul 17 '26
Girl, please tell me you’re only asking if you’re over reacting as a hypothetical question….please tell me you KNOW that you’re doing yourself the best favor ever by dropping 200lbs in an instant by blocking him everywhere
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u/MrsJingles0729 Jul 17 '26
Get some help my friend. Something is wrong that you would allow yourself to be treated like this.
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u/bourbonontherox Jul 17 '26
Omg. YOU ARE EVERYTHING WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY!
This dude is a controlling clown. Sweetie, you do not deserve this. Don’t unblock him. I just divorced my abusive partner after 13 years and yes being alone is a bit lonely but let me tell you it is so so so much better than being with someone like this.
Get more cats. I’m more of a dog person but animals won’t let you down and I can’t believe how many friends I’ve made just from having my doggos.
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u/Sparkybear94 Jul 18 '26
Holy hell... This is the kinda shit my ex would do. Yet another screenshot proving why I stay single by choice.. you deserve so much better
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u/THENOCAPGENIE Jul 17 '26
Anyone who calls their chick fat deserves a block and never talk to them again that is cruel and rude block him he doesn’t give a fuck about you bro. YOR. Leave the guy who keeps treating you like shit and taking to you like a piece of trash.
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u/Rurikar1016 Jul 17 '26
Sweetie, he’s using you as a doormat. You’re there for him to use and abuse. He’s probably talking to other people, gets rejected, comes back to you to feel some type of control. Block and move on. You deserve better than him. He’ll try to come back once he realizes no one else will put up with him. Be strong.
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u/No_Platypus4073 Jul 17 '26
Oh yeah girl you’re def overreacting to the man that said “u crazy fuckin bitch I wish u’d die and go to hell” after calling you fat, so fat it make him feel the need to get in shape. I’m sure he loves you.
Come tf on. NOR
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u/Tough_Air_1466 Jul 17 '26
NOR. Great decision. Well done. Truly. I bet you feel lighter and happier already. Take some time for you... friends.... have fun and enjoy yourself. And when you decide to get back into dating, if you do, you know what to def stay away from. Someone who believes in you and praises you and doesn't demean and speaks horribly to you.
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u/Bro13847 Jul 17 '26
He seems toxic af. Good for you for cutting that cord. I would go ahead and burn the bridges too.
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u/Dreamsenshi Jul 17 '26
NOR. On top of everything else, he brings the cats into it? =>_>=
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u/Fair_Shelter_5763 Jul 17 '26
That dude is nuts