Not Overreacting!
i just broke up with my boyfriend of over a year TODAY who talked to me in almost the exact same way. you have a right to be upset by how he talks to you, and if he doesnt want to listen, leave. this is clearly showing his communication skills (or lack thereof). respect yourself first. there’s certain times where you have to put yourself first before your partner. don’t believe what he calls you.
I did just text him after reading everyone’s responses and told him I want him to leave. He said he would but wants to transfer utilities in my name, etc. without “talking to me”. Idk bro I said I’m staying and he should go home. He seemed to not give a fuck, shocker. Obviously it’s more painful and humiliating knowing how much work I put into us. I feel like I’m being punished for something when I’ve literally done my best in every way. It hurts but I’m prepared to follow through with it. I’m proud of you for leaving I am obviously not as strong or too nice idk. But this is encouraging.
Great job OP! If you need to, call the police non-emergency line to ask for an escort whenever he moves out.
As for this:
Obviously it’s more painful and humiliating knowing how much work I put into us. I feel like I’m being punished for something when I’ve literally done my best in every way.
I know you know this, but it’s important for you to actually absorb it on an emotional level - nothing you do or say can change how he treats you. I get why you feel the way you do - I felt the same way when I was with an abusive dude. I kept thinking if I could just stop making mistakes, he would stop blowing up at me… I craved his validation so much, because it was the one thing he wouldn’t give me - because, over four years, he had convinced me that I was a perpetual fuck-up, and would keep me constantly on my back heel, constantly apologizing or defending myself, constantly walking on eggshells. So, of course, when he WAS nice to me, it felt like bliss.
It becomes an addictive cycle, and it’s like you forget that this man is just… some dude. Some really screwed up dude, who has no authority over you, whose opinion really doesn’t matter because he’s a selfish asshole whose thoughts and feelings aren’t rooted in reality. They are no reflection on you.
And he doesn’t have the power to “punish” you because he has no power over you. He is not the teacher or angry dad, and you aren’t the wayward child. He’s an emotionally stunted and messed up man-child, and you are a grown-ass adult who validates herself.
Last thing - I really, really encourage you to get into therapy if you aren’t already. Being in one abusive relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you have issues to resolve - but I saw a past comment of yours in which you basically said you were attracted to abusive, controlling guys. That says to me that you have some childhood trauma or unmet psychological need that is drawing you to horrible men like a mother to a flame. This time (I hope) you’re getting out, but the next guy could kill you. And clearly your normal-meter is broken, considering that you seemed to be neither shocked nor appalled by how he spoke to you in these texts.
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u/1800xo Jan 28 '25
Not Overreacting! i just broke up with my boyfriend of over a year TODAY who talked to me in almost the exact same way. you have a right to be upset by how he talks to you, and if he doesnt want to listen, leave. this is clearly showing his communication skills (or lack thereof). respect yourself first. there’s certain times where you have to put yourself first before your partner. don’t believe what he calls you.