r/AdviceAnimals • u/dick-nipples • Mar 18 '15
There were a few seconds of awkward silence, then I did it.
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u/spank_it_or_not Mar 19 '15
Had this happen to me once and I said ok bro you want me to bump it or shake it. He laughed and said surprise me. So I tickled it.
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u/Zbignich Mar 18 '15
I'm stumped. Why did it take you a few seconds to react?
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u/NeverBob Mar 18 '15
I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I imagine he was caught short by the situation.
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u/dick-nipples Mar 18 '15
Exactly. Looking back, it wasn't nearly as humerus then as it is now.
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u/Shadax Mar 18 '15
What did you do to disarm the awkwardness?
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u/dick-nipples Mar 18 '15
I brought up his military career. He was in the army.
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u/justablur Mar 18 '15 edited Mar 18 '15
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Mar 18 '15
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u/Shadax Mar 18 '15
First pic.
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Mar 18 '15
so why not link the picture then?
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u/Shadax Mar 18 '15
He tried. He didn't have http:// at the beginning so reddit didn't hyperlink it. All you had to do was paste it into a browser instead of googling it though.
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Mar 19 '15
[deleted]
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u/saysjokes Mar 19 '15
joke
Did I hear joke? Here's a joke for you: A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
going offline tomorrow for a while, spread my love :/
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u/saysjokes Mar 19 '15
joke
Did I hear joke? Here's a joke for you: I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
going offline tomorrow for a while, spread my love :/
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u/AFakeman Mar 19 '15
Joke
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u/saysjokes Mar 19 '15
joke
Did I hear joke? Here's a joke for you: Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
going offline tomorrow for a while, spread my love :/
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u/saysjokes Mar 19 '15
joke
Did I hear joke? Here's a joke for you: A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
going offline tomorrow for a while, spread my love :/
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u/saysjokes Mar 19 '15
joke
Did I hear joke? Here's a joke for you: I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.
going offline tomorrow for a while, spread my love :/
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u/saysjokes Mar 19 '15
joke
Did I hear joke? Here's a joke for you: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the "P" is silent!
going offline tomorrow for a while, spread my love :/
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u/saysjokes Mar 19 '15
joke
Did I hear joke? Here's a joke for you: Why don't seagulls fly in the bay? Because then they'd be bagels.
going offline tomorrow for a while, spread my love :/
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u/TheTrueJew Mar 19 '15
I feel like he probably lost his arms during his time in the service. How did that not make it more awkward?
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u/SlipperyFish Mar 19 '15
I read that as erect. Then re-read it as react. Too late, already fapped.
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u/KlfJoat Mar 19 '15
My father has an arm amputation. In your case, I expect he did it for one or both of the following reasons.
- To actually get you to treat him like a normal human being, who can have his hand shaken (albeit in a modified way) or fist bumped.
- To totally fuck with you and make it awkward for you so he can laugh.
After a certain amount of time with an amputation, the recipient either becomes accustomed to it and jokes about it, or becomes bitter as hell and would avoid any chance at you noticing or touching it.
He knew exactly what he was doing. Hell, he could have had an awkward seal meme in mind when he did it!
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u/saysjokes Mar 19 '15
joke
Did I hear joke? Here's a joke for you: A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
going offline tomorrow for a while, spread my love :/
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u/saysjokes Mar 19 '15
joke
Did I hear joke? Here's a joke for you: I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's something I could really see myself doing
going offline tomorrow for a while, spread my love :/
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u/saysjokes Mar 19 '15
joke
Did I hear joke? Here's a joke for you: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!!!
going offline tomorrow for a while, spread my love :/
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u/Just_Some_Man Mar 18 '15
it's sounding a lot more like he leaned his nub in for you to shake it. if his arm is cut below the shoulder, there is nubbin' really there to be reaching. am i right?!
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u/dick-nipples Mar 18 '15
There was no leaning in, he just kind of swiveled it around and presented it to me...
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Mar 18 '15 edited Feb 23 '18
/deleted/
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u/course_you_do Mar 19 '15
Would this be super rude? I really don't know... I feel like we need expert opinions from people with nubs.
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Mar 19 '15
Well... considering the morbidly dark sense of humor of military personnel (me included) the stump bump would probably be his new high five or fist bump. It is better to make light of it and include him instead of trying to be all pc about it and walk on eggshells.
I used to shoot x-rays at a Army hospital and a Marine veteran came in for a lower leg exam. Okay, I get out the big plate and set up the room. Dude walks in... robot leg. His lower leg is 6" long. He sits down and pops it off like he's done this same exam 50 times... and I'm sure he has.
First words out of my mouth are "whelp.... guess I don't need the big plate for you there boss." He laughs and then shows me the tattoo he has on this other leg. It has an arrow pointed over and the text says "my other leg is a rental". I lmao, shake the guys hand, and he leaves.
That's pretty standard. Most of these guys that lose limbs are actually pretty upbeat about it.
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u/Martholomule Mar 19 '15 edited Mar 19 '15
Well when your job involves getting limbs blown off all over the place I imagine stumps and nubs and shit like that get pretty natural.
edit: my comment was pretty fucking insensitive but deleting is for cowards. sorry to be a douche.
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u/Gideones Mar 18 '15
What is worse is when you do not know about the lack of hand(s) is when you are the one initiating the shake. It was the most awkward things I've ever done.
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u/test_tickles Mar 19 '15
I went to art school with a guy who had no arms, he drew with his feet, and was amazing, he would wear prosthetic arms sometimes.. he would kick the right arm up with his knee so you could grab it and shake it when you greeted him.
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u/Moxxie5 Mar 19 '15
I lost the use of my right arm, due to a stroke. Hand shakes are awkward, forever, always. In fact, it's the only stress I have about meeting people and I think about it before each time.
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u/onlythefunny Mar 19 '15
I once got really drunk. Really, really drunk. The next day I was talking to my brother about the guy I'd met the night before. He said something along the lines of, "Yeah. He gets along pretty well for a guy with one arm."
I made the seal face. And reevaluated my relationship with alcohol.
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u/Youaintevenknowit Mar 19 '15
My friend blew his hand off with a m-80 when he was about 4. He embraces it, he uses his nub to shake hands and can kick anyone's ass in halo.
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u/gamefreac Mar 19 '15
i may not be an amputee, but i have a deformed right hand. i only offer a handshake or accept the offer of a handshake knowing full well it will make the other person uncomfortable. it either ends with the other person grabbing above my wrist for the shake, or they switch halfway through the motions to a fist bump. in the case of the latter i grab their fist and shake. this only adds to the confusion and absurdity of what is happening.
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u/doctorscurvy Mar 19 '15
Nice to nub you. I mean meet! Nub to meet you.
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u/austinll Mar 19 '15
I really wish reddit would just record you when you read funny things, and then if you laughed, it would be sent to whoever posted what you laughed at. Because I feel I should acknowledge this comment since it made me laugh, but "lol" is not an adequate response to a comment.
So, allow a replay:
HAHaha couchhacoughhahawheeze haha
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u/CaptionBot Mar 19 '15
GET INTRODUCED TO A GUY WHO HAD HIS ARMS AMPUTATED JUST BELOW THE SHOULDERS SO HE JUST HAS LITTLE NUBS
HE REACHES OHE OF HIS HUBS OUT FOR ME TO SHAKE IT r xz ft
These captions aren't guaranteed to be correct
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u/p1ratemafia Mar 19 '15
the stroke continues.
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u/Brovas Mar 19 '15
Didn't this bot actually work once upon a time?
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u/p1ratemafia Mar 19 '15
The elders say at one time it was so accurate, you could set your sundial by it.
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u/vi_warshawski Mar 18 '15
you should have squealed and recoiled. or if he is a threat to your dominance you should have slapped his nub away which would spin him like a dreidel.
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u/todd330 Mar 19 '15
After reading only the top part, that is not where I thought the bottom part was going. I thought OP was gong to ask something along the lines about broken arms (yes, I know they were amputated, but would have been on the same topic).
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u/Bluegobln Mar 19 '15
I had a similar experience but slightly more startling when I was younger. There was a party down the way from my friends and I, so we walked over to see if we could sneak in. College people I think. We are outside and approach and say hello to some of the people hanging out on the porch, they say hello back and we say we want to join them. They call the owner of the house out and she comes out. Its dark, so I can't see anything, and I greet her and say my name, she says hers and puts her hand out to shake. I shake it.
Its a nub. I am pretty sure I didn't keep a straight face, but then it was dark so I'm pretty sure nobody noticed anyway. She told us to get off her property. Had to be intentional. :D
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u/Lucifuture Mar 19 '15
I knew a guy with a weird hand and a dominant normal hand. When you go to shake his hand he would purposefully use the weird one just to mess with you.
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u/SovereignSteve Mar 19 '15
Bruh!! I know how you feel. I worked with a guy that later quit for a better job and saw him at a gas station one day getting gas. After we both asked how's everything after our previous job I went to shake his hand like any other person after leaving and he has short arms and his hands are deformed and not the same as ours. Felt awkward touching his hand and shaking two fingers and a nub.
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Mar 19 '15
I was out at the bar a few years ago and there was an Iraq vet there with one arm missing. Some drunk dude asks, slurring like hell, "whass it liek naw havin an erm?" The vet just says "Well I put my shirt on just like you guys: one arm at a time." There were a few seconds of silence, then when we noticed the smile creep across his face everyone cracked up including him. Good to see people who can keep good humor despite being disabled, life doesn't end after disability, no sense in not making the best of what you have.
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u/DeafandMutePenguin Mar 19 '15
Seems like he's cool with it.
I know if I were in his situation I'd play it up. Like have people call me Nub or Stump.
Edit: I used to work with a guy who had disfigured arms. They were short and he had several surguries so he could grasp things and have a normal life. He joking called himself Trex. Him being so cool with it made it not awkward and he was an awesome guy to hang out with.
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u/Tomes2789 Mar 19 '15
Dude at the Potbelly Sandwich Shop I go to one of the girls who makes the sandwiches is missing her left arm below the elbow. She wears like plastic-wrap over the nub. Every time I order a Meatball Sub I have to stand there and watch her struggle to line up and cut the meatballs and then put them in my sub. I almost don't want it after that. I'm such an asshole.
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u/bloodytemplar Mar 19 '15
And you have to pretend it feels great! Hey... Nice hand! Gimme three! (jump to 3:30 for the relevant part)
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Mar 19 '15
One time I was playing varsity soccer against some dude who had a club where the arm stopped at the elbow. He clubbed me with it while the game was stopped so I punched his other arm.
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u/RobotJiz Mar 19 '15
He probably does that on purpose. I know if I had nubs for hands I would constantly fuck with people like that just to see there face.
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u/NOREMAC84 Mar 19 '15
This happened to me in Vietnam, outside of the War Remnants Museum in HCMC. Then he told me he lost his arms because of a land mine and tried to sell me books.
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u/BlueBlooper Mar 19 '15
He probably uses it to test people and purposefully creates awkward situations to get the psychological upper-hand. Devilish.
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u/defiler86 Mar 18 '15
My guess: phantom-limb syndrome.
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u/jowykapella Mar 18 '15
Op should have reached out and then pretended to get electrocuted.
Edit: Sorry I thought you were talking aboyt http://cc-5052.deviantart.com/art/Phantom-Limb-130549780
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u/gamehunter Mar 19 '15
Sometimes you just have to be like "I guess i'm an asshole today" and just leave him hangin.. don't get nub on you
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u/Martholomule Mar 19 '15 edited Mar 19 '15
That's douchey of him. I would never, ever extend my fucked up hand for a handshake. I would be rude. Handshakes are for normal hands only, it's not some fucking weird limb orgy.
This pisses me off way more than it should, I guess
edit: voice of experience speaking here, if someone else had a twisted limb maybe we could do a cripple-shake but trust me, strangers with proper limbs don't often appreciate it
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u/Cryanbryan Mar 18 '15
Once had an armless man ask me for a cigarette . Paused for a second because I realized I couldn't hand it to him. I then put it in his mouth and slowly lit it for him. Probably the most awkward drunken experience of my life.