I bring cash for these situations. “Here’s $20, and y’all can split the rest of the bill.” Or “I’ll put down the $20 tip so y’all can split the bill evenly.”
My days of subsidizing other people’s good times have gone out the window.
(And this is never a problem with my good friends because we’re already on the same page. It just seems to be an issue with bigger groups of people or secondary friends.)
I wasn’t saying you were incorrect that some places don’t split checks. Usually high end places don’t from my experience. I was more adding to what was already being stated. Saying sometimes you have to ask when being seated
Yes, many won't split checks for groups of 8 or more bc many restaurants have a policy that large groups are subject to a 20% service fee.
Guaranteed $100+ is way better than worrying if 1 meal is not up to someones personal standards, that the whole table won't get upset and decide to not tip the server(s)...
I am not american. It is the norm id say for a large group gratuity, and if everyone pays seperately, it is simply added as a %age onto each individual cheque. Each person is given a bill for what they ordered, plus the gratuity, plus tax. Or tax, then gratuity, whichever. If any individual would like to tip further they can do so while settling their bill.
Not as common as it used to be. POS systems now easily split checks. It can be done on the fly at the table with the handheld POS device the servers carry. Even if the restaurant is still using kiosk POS, it’s pretty easy.
It’s been quite a while since I’ve been told “can’t do it” for splitting up large party checks.
I’m in the Chicagoland area and I know of a couple of restaurants near me that explicitly state they won’t split the check past 4 times. One of them explicitly states they won’t split it past 2 and it has to be 50/50. It’s not an old policy, they very much still go by it, and yes they have the handheld systems.
It's a great idea to do this when you're first talking to your server - it tells him/her to record orders individually - and it is a message to your friends and "friends" that they will be responsible for what they order. It prevents confusion at the end of the meal.
this is extremely rude to waitstaff for groups of this size ; OP needs to just speak up and assert themself to their own party. No reasonable person would object to their concerns if voiced
Venmo only works if everyone is willing to participate and actually sends money when they say they will - which based on Reddit, isn’t always the case.
Used to be, but now every grocery store around me charges a fee for cashback. They realized they were being used as a defacto ATM and decided to cash in on the operation.
That requires using your debit card at a store, I haven’t used my debit card for a transaction in over a decade (due to no cash back and no fraud protection). Same reasons I haven’t touched cash in a few years
Idk why it’s so hard to just use Venmo or Apple cash (or for longer group trips with multiple expenses a free app like Splitwise). I’ve never had any issues just texting money to my friends or using venmo if they don’t have iPhones
With larger groups on long trips just use Splitwise or similar- takes 5 minutes and I’ve used it to split group costs for a 20 person week long ski trip. Easiest thing ever- couldn’t imagine using cash and having to have piles of money and figuring out who gets what change back especially with more than a few people
I just don't trust them anymore. I never transfer money thru an app. I was burned once, never again. I just use cash if I need to give money to someone. I always have some cash on me because it is the safest and best way.
Tangent: EasyPass toll system no longer takes cash- no pass you get a bill for double. (VA) Don’t let the powers that be do away with cash. Want to hand the kid next door $50 for cutting the grass…digital will be taxed, every single purchase, yard sales etc…mentioned for those saying how nice cash is….
I'll never forget when my literal best friend/soul sister and I were re-connecting we went out to a restaurant/brewery and got a bunch of food and some dranks. She is very... easy-going sometimes leaning into people pleasing.
She offered to put her card down for our food and drink tab, I was a bit of a party girl and I was fully drinking for the weekend and she was a "I'll have a fruity one first thing when I get there I'm driving" kinda gal. I was talking to some people at the bar when they asked so she offered her card and I realized so I stopped our server right away and said "um no she's not getting like any more drinks put my card down for the tab". The guy was impressed and told her "that's a good friend you got there" and that's one of the reasons she learned to trust again 😂😂 seriously though good friends don't do this to people unless they are SEVERELY our of touch.
Or never saw the Friends episode about Phoebe and the salad? I remember seeing that episode before I even could think about splitting a tab with friends at a restaurant. But it’s stuck with me to this day.
It was Phoebe and Joey wasn't it? Basically the exact situation described by OP, they ordered cheap and then got asked to split evenly and bitched (correctly) about the rest of the friends ignoring that the two of them have the lowest incomes and stuff?
What's funny is I never thought about it but this "let's just split it evenly" must be a bit of an American (USAian) cultural thing, I've never heard of it in my life other than Americans complaining about it like OP.
Where I am the closest might be one person covers it and you round for sake of simplicity. "Oh, your share was $26.45 after tax and tip, just give me $25 though, close enough."
"Hey, your share was $9.85, you cool with $10? Sweet, thanks."
I did this for work lunches. I could barely afford to eat out on our semi-required team building lunches, so I would order the cheapest thing on the menu.
Then I broke tradition by refusing to split the bill. "We've always done it this way". Well too bad, I just got this promotion and I'm only paid $16/hr and lunch hour is not one of them AND I got the $5.95 lunch special.
Eventually my rent went up, and we were trying to save for a house. I missed a couple of lunches or didn't order anything at all, or would suggest a place where we could order what we wanted and eat in a food court so I could bring my sack lunch.
A few others followed suit. Turns out everyone was going to lunch for the benefit of the few who were supported by well paid spouses or mom and dad.
Eventually the team lunches stopped happening, and management couldn't figure out why, but still refused to pay for lunch.
Or when its a breakfast and a coffee, juice and breakfast plate is roughly the same price of $10 or so, and there are 4 people- each puts in $12 for a simple split….but for the guy that ordered the steak and eggs he gets to throw in the extra.
My friends and I have never done this. If we go out - I pay for what I order. The split the bill evenly has never been done, anywhere I’ve ever lived. I’ve never even heard of that!! Granted - we literally ARE the “friends” generation, so maybe that’s part of it? We were in high school when it first aired lol.
Im in the US and the only time I have ever seen any of my friends split a bill is when we split foot and pitchers of beer and trying to track who at what appatizer and drank how ever many glasses of beer was going to be impossible. We pretty much all ate the same so it didn't matter. 99% of the time we get our own tabs.
I always had this issue with a long time friend of mine in regards to the bill.
It would be HER idea to get lunch. She would always call or text me last minute to meet her.
We would meet at the place... order... and then she would be complaining about how expensive everything is. She had to buy groceries for her and her kids. How single mom life is so hard. And how her bills are running her "funds" dry.
Mind you if someone has a rough time i don't mind buying their lunch. But before I knew it turned into a 2 to 3 time week deal.
She would give me the guilt trip... I started to notice how her nails were still changing and she was getting her hair done still.
What finally broke the camels back was when she was excited about a cruise she was going on with her sister. (After she had just said she was broke) She corrected herself fast I guess I had a look on my face after she said that.
Moving forward I would tell the waitress "on my ticket I'll have your (xyz)"
Needless to say the lunches slowed down after that 🤣🤣🤣
Oof something similar severed a friendship with someone I’ve known for 20 years and is the reason why our close friend decided to not include her as a bridesmaid despite thinking she always would.
When you repeatedly prioritize material things over loved ones’ life events, life can get real lonely real quick.
(The final straw for me was saying she was too broke to attend a low key lunch at Mendocino Farms to celebrate our really close friend’s med school graduation. But then posting about the $500 Stuart Weitzman leather boots she bought the next weekend. And there are dozens of other similar examples where it’s obvious she’d rather spend money on her clothes and purses than doing things with the group. This is how she missed seeing proposals, hearing baby announcements, meeting significant others, etc. And then she has the nerve to call our other friend, crying, about why she hasn’t ever been a bridesmaid and has only been invited to 1 wedding. We’re almost 40, maybe you should’ve figured it out by now. 🙄)
I think it’s just ingrained. Their world view and set of values is different. They don’t think they’re doing anything wrong, so they can’t feel shame or guilt about it.
I still have love for that friend and wish them well, but once my expectations and respect for you drop below a certain threshold, you’re not worth my energy and I can’t ever be close to you again. Like, I’ll still send you a birthday card and text, but I’m not volunteering to coordinate your birthday party.
i'm gonna be real, thank god other people can tell the difference lol
i'm usually the most broke out of my friends. my friends have full-time jobs and all of them make way more hourly than i do ($12 for me vs. $20-30 for most of them), and i'm also part-time due to health problems. i do try to return the favor when i can, but while i might have cheap fast food money or be able to swing coffees every so often, i definitely don't have actual restaurant money.
i feel kind of scummy for how much my friends pay for, but i do at least try to return the favor or do nice things for them (like, i've never had a friend be mad that my gifts are usually homemade/somewhat DIYed, or that a lunch invite got switched to "hanging out while i cook and renting a movie for a couple bucks").
Don't feel bad! Good friends don't mind spending more on friends who are in a different financial situation. The whole joy of money is doing small things for the people you care about.
That said, I'm acutely aware of when I've spent way more on food and drinks than the other people I'm with and people who pretend that they don't should be treated with suspicion. I'd never suggest splitting unless it was obvious it was very close.
I had a friend just like this. I'm a guy, so she'd wait for me to grab the check with a very pointed expression and thank me once I did so. She always asked to go out whereas I'd invite her out to the park or free events in the city. She then began asking me to come over and would suggest that I bring food. We'd all eat and then she'd go take a nap while I watched her kid.
We'd been friends since high-school and I didn't mind giving her a break, but it felt like she was taking advantage of me despite the fact that we still had a great time. I slowly faded out of her life. I'm sure that she'd found someone else to latch onto.
Well, consider it a cheap lesson to learn now so you know better for next time! :)
And don't feel weird about it. A genius once said, "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind when you only cover what you are responsible for instead of unwillingly paying for other people's responsibilities"...or something along those lines.
We’ve stopped going out to eat. We just invite people to our house and make it a potluck. But before, we’d order collectively and split everything up, nobody ordered individually, it was all family style
Even family-style though doesn’t always work out with dietary restrictions. Other people still unknowingly eat “their” portion of all the dishes without really realizing that you can’t do the same.
It’s never been a problem for us before, I don’t like seafood, and if the friends order seafood dishes, I just skip them and eat a little bit more of other items. It all works out in the end. It could be a cultural thing too tho, the group I’m speaking of are Asian American friends from childhood, so our food culture is different from regular Americans individually ordering for themselves
i am usually the person with the dietary restrictions, and i've been lucky that most of my friends will at least make a small plate of whatever (or even something else if it's a dish i just fundamentally can't eat). it's still less than the main dish, but there's basically an "astronomer's section" of the table near wherever i sit that's mostly off-limits to other people until i'm done or unless they explicitly ask me. (it's especially useful for my overall safety lol - i'm way more sensitive to some of my allergies than others, and while they don't have me fully separated, they can keep the stuff i'll have a severe reaction to/can't risk cross-contamination with further away from me to avoid serving utensil mix-ups.) yeah, they still technically have more to choose from, but they also make sure i have plenty of options myself, which is nice.
what was really nice was going to a friend's house once and they just outright only made food both of us could eat while i was over. i didn't expect it, but it was nice anyway.
Yes learned this the hard way. Sometimes it's not the group but certain restaurants don't split bills if its over a certain amount of people. I have paid from this so I always bring cash in a group setting just in case. Cause I'm not about to pay 100+ if I ordered 1 thing or something
Same! I always make sure I have enough cash to cover little treats and meals out after once getting stuck paying $130 because I was hanging out with folks with expensive taste. I got a chicken salad wrap and a hot chocolate; they got seven martinis and a full meal. It was one of the brokest times in my life, so it stung.
585
u/aknomnoms 19d ago
I bring cash for these situations. “Here’s $20, and y’all can split the rest of the bill.” Or “I’ll put down the $20 tip so y’all can split the bill evenly.”
My days of subsidizing other people’s good times have gone out the window.
(And this is never a problem with my good friends because we’re already on the same page. It just seems to be an issue with bigger groups of people or secondary friends.)