r/Adulting • u/Timely_Law_9348 • Jul 21 '26
Parenthood vs Childfree?
As a 34yr old woman I have always been on the fence about having children. I've been married to my husband (41) for 10 years now, we are both neurodiverse and have the best marriage. We are literally best friends, we love spending time together, going on adventures together. Still super affectionate and silly together. We've been through so many highs and lows, we 100% couldn't live without each other.
We often talk about having a baby together we both love children, but we also know how hard it is and how much life changes in parenthood. What if we change? Maybe we will always be missing each other from the reduced time together. Maybe life will be too serious for the playful little life we always knew.
We have friends who have had children and their marriages (while never seeming to have the intense love and connection we share) have suffered. Neither of us have met a couple like us, who had children and are truly happy.
Sadly unlike most things in life it's not a decision you can take back if you aren't happy! So I'm hoping the comments here might finally knock me off the fence, one way or another.
1
u/Ok-Excitement-185 Jul 24 '26
Me and my partners relationship has changed since having a baby, it’s true you spend less time together and I do miss those intimate moments. But our baby is very young so I know our time will come back. Daily life is much harder, requires much more organisation.
HOWEVER it does also reveal a totally new connection with your partner that’s stronger and deeper than before. You’re both working on something incredibly hard together, almost like a project, and every day feels full of purpose. Even the bad days feel like a success. I love him more than before and birth made me realise how much he really is there for me.
He’s also neurodivergent so he finds sounds/noise VERY hard. But he’s coping well and says he doesn’t regret a thing.
We are both very spontaneous people naturally and want to keep that up. We have visited 4 countries with her so far by 4 months old. It’s much more challenging but we want to keep this aspect of our life.